First Heroes fic. And so, of course, it's Mylar. Please please please review it!!! Reviews are like brainz. o.O Oh, and I don't own Heroes, or the characters, or anything at all


Remember to Forget

Sometimes I forget things. Sometimes I forget who I am, and I need someone to remind me. Sometimes I forget to breathe, and when my lungs are aching and screaming for air I simply admire the sensation, the pain, the feeling, until I remember to breathe again. I need the pain, because sometimes I forget to feel.

But then there are times when I remember. I remember my name and I remember to breathe and I remember to feel. Sometimes I remember too much, and then I am afraid. There are too many things I remember, too many horrible secrets. These memories are not mine; I do not want these memories.

So I lock them away, and I forget again. But I forget too much, until I forget that I do not want to remember. Then I remember again, and I remember to forget.

When I forget too much, he is there to remind me. And when I remember too much, he helps dry my tears and holds me while I forget. Sometimes I am afraid he will leave me if I sleep, but he whispers promises in my ear and then I am not afraid anymore. When I wake he is always there, and his presence comforts me even when I do not remember who he is. It must be hard for him, being my memory, but he never complains and he is never angry.

When I close my eyes in his arms sometimes I hear his voice in my head. At first it is a soothing whisper, a loving murmur, but then sometimes it grows until it is shouting in anger, calling me a name that is not mine. I cover my ears but I cannot block out the sound, and then I cry into his shoulder until the echoes fade and I can sleep.

Sometimes when I sleep I dream. Always horrible dreams, full of blood and screaming and murder and hate. Sometimes I dream of him, but in my dream he is full of anger and fear, and he points his gun at me and calls me that name that is not my name, and sometimes he shoots me and I see the bullet in the air between us, but always I wake before it kills me. Sometimes I am screaming when I wake, sometimes I just tremble in his arms. He soothes me and he tells me that it is only a dream, and this calms me even though I cannot believe him. It cannot be only a dream because sometimes I see it when I am awake, and then I know that I am not dreaming, I am remembering.

These memories are too horrible to be my memories, so I try to lock them away again. I push them to the back of my mind and build a wall around them, a wall with no door. Then I forget them and I am happy until I forget why I built the wall and I tear it down and I remember.

He watches this endless cycle with tears in his eyes, and I know if he could he would help me forget forever, but he cannot, and I cannot, and so always it will continue. I will forget until I remember until I forget, and he will always be there to remind me.