She turned and
stared, her eyes watered at the sight she beheld. A lone tear inched its way
down her face, following the path of the gentle lines etched there. "Don't cry"
she whispered to herself, "don't give in, not now… not after all this". Cursing
silently under her breath she retreated. "Damn him" she hissed as the door
swished closed behind her. The tears flowed more freely now. Now that she was
alone. Was that to be her fate? Alone forever? She
threw the lone vase on her desk into the wall. The single peach rose, once
sheltered by the vase, was hurled to the ground as the sobs shook her body.
He watched her leave, and barely had time to react as she fled, away from the Astrometrics lab. Another's lips descended upon his, but
they were not warm. "Annika's" cold lips touched his,
how could he accept her? She was a Borg, no, -the
Captain- would say she was human. God- dammit he
couldn't accept that. But yet he was kissing her. Perhaps he was no longer
trapped under Kathryn's spell... His body responded to Annika
as she deepened the kiss, but his thoughts were not with Seven,
they were with her. Always with her, he would be forever hers. Forever Kathryn's.
She knew this was bound to happen. Her double had told her, but she didn't want
to give into the reality. "Bastard!" she yelled not caring who heard. Why had
they grown so distant, why had she gone after Michael and Jaffen,
why had she pined over Mark? Why was she such a coward? There was a connection
the instant she met him. His beautiful black eyes, staring
into her soul. She closed her eyes. If only. If only she told him. It
was too late now. Too late for everything. She drifted
to sleep and dreamed.
******
" So what'll it be Chakotay?
Indulge my feelings, hold fast to protocol… what?"
"Come on Chakotay, we cheated death, that's worth a
celebration, don't you think? A bottle of Chapamgne,
moonlight sail on Lake George…"
" Three years ago I didn't even know your name, today
I can't imagine a day without you."
" Surprise me… you have the bridge"
" Is that really an ancient legend?"
" I won't need the bath tub… I'll have the river…"
******
She awoke, was it too much to say just those three damn words? She'd said a
hell of a lot in the last seven years. A hell of a lot, just
not enough. She stared forlorn at the ceiling and sighed. It was the
end, it was over. She moved toward her desk to access her personal logs. There
it was all of it. Her feelings for him, New Earth, the moonlight sail, Mark's
letter, the Uni. -Matrix, species 8472, the "year from hell", everything. All
she had to do was push the blinking blue button, then
it would all be gone. Kathryn would be gone; she would be "Captain" again, the
automaton, following Starfleet rules to the tee. It'd been that way all along.
She clenched her fists in frustration. Starfleet was everything to her, but it
also ruined her, destroyed her. Made her into a cold ice
queen. Damn them and their protocol. Damn them… the tears began again.
He walked slowly to his quarters. What had he done? He stared at his feet,
ashamed of everything. Ashamed of Kathryn, and his blind
devotion for her. The feeling of bitterness swept over him again, how
many times had he longed to tell her how he felt, how many times had she pushed
him back? Too many? He was with Annika
now; perhaps it was better this way. Better that Kathryn was not there to hurt
him again. He wondered if she meant to hurt him… he knew that it wasn't true,
but he was just so frustrated with her. He went into his quarters and prepared
for bed. He had an early shift on the bridge tomorrow. He needed sleep, but it
didn't come easily…
******
" You're not alone Kathryn"
"You have plenty of time to think about it…"
" He knew the true meaning of peace."
"There are some barriers we never cross"
" You want anything recalibrated while you're gone?
Carpets cleaned?"
" Don't die on me Kathryn!"
*****
He awoke. It was time to be on the bridge, he was going to be late, and she
would be angry. He looked into the mirror, and sighed. Leaving without a sound,
it was over, he needed to move on. Kathryn had died. He had to go face the
captain.
They sat on the bridge, side by side, like always. But today, not a word was
spoken; not a glance was exchanged. Each officer sat and stared out of the viewport. The silence was deadly. Suddenly a noise was
heard. It was a cry, that of a child and it was then that Tom Paris became a
father, and Earth appeared on the screen, just two light years away.
She looked out at the beautiful planet, blue green oceans, and land. They were
home. She was home. A tear slipped down her cheek. It looked so beautiful, so
serene and peaceful. " Mr. Chakotay"
she managed to choke out: " Set a course for home."
"Aye, Captain"
Their eyes met, he smiled his first real smile in weeks. To his delight a
small, crooked smile appeared, teasing her lips to open into a full fledged
grin. For a moment, he saw Kathryn, the woman who possessed his heart.
They landed at Starfleet Headquarters, the reporters swarming the ship, the
debriefings piling up. As they stood face to face, he took her hand in his
thanked her for everything, and they exchanged a chaste kiss, both going their
separate ways, to gather their belongings to start separate lives.
He couldn't accept that.
She couldn't accept that.
"Commander…" she called " Chakotay…"
he turned to face her.
"Yes Captain?" she gave him a look "Kathryn…" he whispered
" I think that we are making a mistake."
"How so?"
" Damn it Chakotay, I'm sick
and tired of fighting this… I just want to give up, but I can't. I love you too
much to leave you alone with Seven, alone to face the
vicious wolves of Starfleet. They'll tare you apart, you and the rest of the Maquis. Please, I can't face them alone, neither can you."
He looked at her, and took her hand in his.
" Kathryn, I've missed you… Spirits how I love you."
"Chakotay." she whispered " Walk
out with me."
Hand in hand they walked into the blazing sunlight, no longer the Captain and
Commander, no longer alone, but together as Kathryn and Chakotay.
They were free, they were home.
"Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something. Even if you
were too small to understand why… folk in those stories had lots of chances at
turning back, only they didn't. Because they were holding onto something…" ~ Sam from JRR Toliken's
Lord of the Rings
