Naruto: That Never Happened!

Synopsis: Naruto and classmates travel back in time. Before it's too late, they must against all odds unite the ninja world.

Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, I would be writing something I could get paid for…so, since I'm writing this, I probably don't own Naruto.


Once upon a time in Konohagakure…

"Brat! Get back here!" Mizuki shouted as he chased Naruto through the dark forest. Suddenly, he tripped and fell on his face.

"So, that's the real Mizuki, huh?" Nara Shikamaru stepped out of the shadows, hands in his pockets.

Mizuki scrambled to his feet…and froze. Realization dawned as he saw a shadow stretch from him to Shikamaru. "Let me go!" he snarled.

Kiba appeared with Akamaru on his head. "I've never seen him so…lively."

"Pity," Tenten said as she leaped from her branch to the ground. "He would have been SO much more interesting in class."

Mizuki's eyes widened as a group of his students entered the clearing. "What the hell?"

"You…you…you! Ugh! I had a crush on you once!" Ino spat at Mizuki.

There was a pause as everyone stared at Ino.

"Umm, guys?" Shino asked. "Remember what we're here to do?"

"You had a crush on Mizuki?" Sakura asked.

Ino shrugged. "I was going through a bishounen phase."

Chouji cocked his head. "Isn't Mizuki…I don't know…a little old for that?"

Shino waved his hands. "Hello? Mission? Remember?"

"It's not like I had options. I was already into Sas-."

"Don't remind me." Sasuke said. "Please."

Neji deliberately stroked his long hair. "What do you mean, you didn't have options?"

Shino waved wildly. "Focus! Mission! Life or death! Hellooo?"

Ino covered her eyes with her hands. "Neji. Hyuuga hair is bishounen, but you need pupils and irises to pull it off."

"I had those once," Neji replied.

"That was a trick!" Ino screamed at him. "Those were contact lenses!"

Hinata snorted. "You should have known it was a trick."

Lee appeared out of the shadows. "Naruto is ready! We must hurry."

Sakura and the others approached Mizuki, cracking their knuckles. "I'd like to say this is for every test you made harder."

"Every time you made one of us fail," Neji added.

"Every time you sneered." Kiba said.

Hinata smiled sweetly. "But really, we just need your beaten, unconscious body in another clearing."

Mizuki gulped.

Shikamaru released his kagemane no jutsu as the first punch landed.

And there was much rejoicing. And violence.

"He's out!" Neji held up Mizuki's unconscious body.

"Lee! I need a little head trauma!" Ino said.

Lee brought his fists up on either side of Mizuki's head and batted it around.

"Okay, thanks!" Ino put her had on Mizuki's forehead. "Okay. Recent memories…there we go. Nice and jumbled." She concentrated momentarily, then stood back. "Done. Last 5 minutes of his memory is shot."

"Good." Shikamaru said. "Lee, help Neji carry Mizuki and let's go watch Naruto's showdown."


At a clearing

"So that is how Naruto graduated originally." Lee observed from the group's hiding place as they watched Iruka give his headband to Naruto.

Sakura and Hinata sniffed. "That's so sweet."

Kiba gave them a disgusted look. "Can we go? I'm losing manliness here."

"Huh-uh." Sasuke shook his head. "This is the only time I'll get to see him cry. I'm committing everything to memory."

Sakura froze at Sasuke's comment. Only Hinata noticed her bite her hip and hug herself.

"Men." Tenten said disgustedly. "Er…I mean, boys."

"Shh." Shikamaru said. "Shino? Black chakra shield, please."

Shino raised his arms to shoulder level. Kikai bugs swarmed out of his sleeves and rose like a small tent above the group. "Shield in place. Our chakra won't be sensed unless it spikes."

Neji had his Byakugan activated. "Incoming!" he hissed. "Chuunin...jounin…wow, ANBU even."

Naruto's future teammates watched as the ninja of Konoha swarmed the small clearing and Iruka briefly summarized the events of the night. Two of the ninja picked up Mizuki's body while two more stood close by just in case.

"Chouji?" Shikamaru whispered. "Stop chewing."

Chouji sighed and quietly put away his bag of twizzlers.

Medic-nins arrived with a stretcher, and helped Iruka onto it before running off with him to the hospital. The rest of the gathered ninja escorted Naruto to the Hokage.

Five minutes after they were all gone, Shikamaru took a deep breath. "All right, let's go. Lee, got the copy?"

Lee held up a large scroll. Yup.


Later, at Sasuke's apartment

"Drinks, anyone?" Sasuke asked as the group (minus Naruto who was telling the Tale of Mizuki to the Hokage) entered his apartment. From the roof. Through the window.

"Not if it's water!" Kiba replied, yawning. Yawns are like chocolate chip cookies, you can't have just one. Sakura yawned next, Shikamaru did it out of habit, but Ino caught it next and it went through the whole group.

Sasuke looked hurt. "Kiba, have I ever offered you water before?"

All of a sudden, everyone was VERY interested in what Sasuke had. He smirked. "The Leaf's finest barley product."

"You have Leaf Lager?" Hinata asked. Sasuke grinned, nodding.

"Awesome, man." Kiba said. "I'll have one."

Shino raised his hand, "Can I have some?"

"How did you buy it?" Ino asked suspiciously.

"No, Kakashi bought it." Sasuke replied as he began handing out the bottles, "Sure, Shino."

"Really?" Tenten asked.

Sasuke grinned. "Well, that's what the grocer says…or will say. I think he's honest, so I believe him."

Sakura took her bottle to the couch and began examining the copy of the Forbidden Scroll.

Hm. Kage Bunshin no Jutsu, that's where Naruto learned it from. Next? Slippery no Jutsu. Could be useful when fighting a grappler or in a trap. Lizard Energy no Jutsu? Geez, take a soldier pill. Modified Baika no Jutsu, Coconuts. What? Modified Baika no Jutsu, Beef Whistle. What the hell? Sakura's face went pinker than her hair. Viagra no Jutsu…

Sakura shrieked and dropped the Forbidden Scroll like it was toxic.

"Sakura?" Everyone looked at her. "Are you ok?" Ino asked.

"It's…they're….they're all…."

Ino and Hinata hugged Sakura. "It's okay. You can tell us."

"Maybe we should not read it if it is that bad." Neji said thoughtfully.

"It's all…pervert jutsu!" Sakura spat.

"What?"

Ino spun around and grabbed the scroll.

"Ooh! I wanna see!" Hinata grabbed the other end to open it.

"Hey, don't hog it!" Kiba protested.

Tenten squeezed in closer. "Really? This is amazing! Who would have thought?"

Shikamaru stared at her.

Sasuke looked over at the scroll and frowned. "Hey, I know that one. And that one. Learned the one on the right in Rock. Cloud has a different version of the one second from left; it's pretty interesting."

Naruto came in the window at that moment. "We don't need to hear those…adventure stories, Sasuke."

Ino, Tenten, and Hinata looked at Naruto, then back at Sasuke. "Dish."

Sasuke shrugged at Naruto. "Three-to-one. Sorry, man, gotta dish."

"Naruto," Shikamaru interrupted, "we're back, we're set, we've got the most horrible future in the world to avoid. What's the plan?"

The room went quiet.

Naruto grabbed a beer from the fridge. "The plan is we conquer the world." He opened the bottle and grinned. "The first step will be in Wave."


NOTES FROM THE FUTURE:

Kiba: In the future, Inuzuka Kiba rose to the rank of Jounin Commander/Attack. He prefers blitzkrieg/swift attacks. He developed the Inuzuka clan dogs to the level of boss summons thanks to help from the Akimichi clan. The bingo book mysteriously recorded Akamaru as the first nonhuman to master not only one, but two elements with his Dynamic Air Marking somehow listed as an S-rank acidic attack. This sparked an incident with Kirigakure due to the fact that even Mizukage Mei Terumi's acid mist was not S-ranked.

Author's Note: Thanks for reading. I appreciate any comments for improving.