Disclaimer: I do not, nor will I ever, own Rurouni Kenshin.
This is an idea that I've wanted to try for a long time. I don't know if its going to be any good or not. It's supposed to be funny, but I'm not really adept at writing humor. Rated for language and adult situations in future chapters (if there are any).
Chapter 1: Homeless
"Faster!" There was a steely clang as two swords clashed together and then a splash as the smaller of the combatants was flung to the ground. The tall muscular man that remained standing flung his long dark hair back over his shoulder. "You're a disgrace to Hiten Mitsurugi-ryu. You've mastered the succession move but you're still no match for me."
"Master, how can I hope to defeat you?" Kenshin asked as he stood and wiped the water out of his eyes.
"You can't. Your smaller body will never be able to harness the strength that mine holds. However you should be able to defend well enough to call it a draw. Was I wrong to expect that much?"
"Can we stop now? We've been out here all day."
"Quit whining!"
"But master, I'm exhausted. I'm not as young as I once was."
"And I am? Attack again!" Hiko could feel his uncontrolled anger boiling beneath the surface of his skin.
Amber eyes sought out a pair of onyx ones. Somewhere in Kenshin's mind it registered that his master's eyes were supposed to be black and he was seeing red, but his Battosai instincts were in control of his body now and paid it no mind. He attacked the larger man with a move that would have finished any other opponent instantly. He was shocked as his master read the attack and charged to counterattack before Kenshin's move could connect. In their anger and exhaustion they both fueled their attacks with their ki and unleashed everything.
There was a harsh metallic crash as if two cannon balls had collided midair. The two fighters lay on their backs in the dirt, still except for the rising and falling of their chests as they breathed heavily. Bright yellow and red eyes were wide open, starring straight up to the sky. Their swords were forgotten feet away from where the impact had occurred.
"Shit, Kenshin, what did you do?"
"Me! I didn't do anything! I thought your 'perfect training' allowed you to fend off all my attacks!"
"It does! What attack were you trying to use?"
"I don't remember, my head hurts."
"Quit complaining. Let's go back to my cottage and nurse these injuries before you go back to the Aoiya. I don't want Kaoru coming up here because I damaged her husband."
"Aw, Master, you do care."
"Shut it!"
"Um, Master?"
"What?"
"Why can I see myself?"
"Huh? You must have hit your head harder than I thought."
"Sit up Master, tell me what you see."
"Guh. I see you and me lying there breathing heavily, what of it?"
"Don't you think it's a bit odd that we can see ourselves?"
"Wait, I can see both our bodies! Kenshin, where are you?"
"I'm right here."
"Right where?"
"By this big rock with the weird flower growing on it. Can't you see me?"
Hiko saw a faint red shimmering by said rock. "Shit!"
"What's wrong, Master?"
"Kenshin, can you see me?"
"Of course I can, you're lying over there."
"No, I mean can you see me. You said you're by that rock but your body is across the clearing. Look for a black shimmer. Almost like smoke."
"Huh? Oh, you mean like the one by the edge of the river?"
"That's the one."
"That's you, Master?"
"Yes, and you are nothing more than a red blur next to that rock."
"How?"
"I'll explain later. We need to hurry and get back to our bodies before they actually awaken."
"Awaken? Who's going to wake up if not us?"
"Kenshin, after all these years are you going to sit, stand, float there and tell me that you are the only being that resides in your body?"
"What? Of course I . . . oh wait, you mean Battosai?"
"Who else would I mean?"
"How am I supposed to know?"
"Just get your ass over here!"
"Fine, I'm coming, I'm coming!" There was now a black shimmer floating above Hiko's resting body and a red one above Kenshin's. "What do we do, Master?"
"We need to find a way to get back into our bodies. Let me think for a moment."
The red shimmer moved over to the black one and looked over his master's physical form. "Um, Master, why are you're eyes red. They're usually black."
"What color are Battosai's eyes?"
"Yellow. So?"
"So why do you think mine are red?"
"Like . . . wait . . . you have a Battosai, too?"
"Yeah, I do, but unlike yours, mine was never in the public eye long enough to earn a name of his own."
"Oh. So what do we do?"
"I have no idea. I don't know how they were even able to force us out, much less how we are to get back in."
"I thought you knew everything, Master."
"I said I know almost everything. There's a difference." He moved across the clearing to his apprentice's body, the red shimmer following the black. "Besides, this has never happened to me. I didn't know that this sort of thing was possible."
"I guess it is. Unless we're having some really odd dream."
"Trust me, my dreams don't include you."
"So what do we—"
"Back up, Kenshin! Quickly, follow me!"
The two shimmers moved away from their bodies and watched in horror as they began to sit up. "Um, Master . . ."
"I know, Kenshin. I see it, too. Now just sit there and be quiet, okay?"
"Okay."
"Ugh, my head," a cold voice said from the body of the redhead.
"Hurts, doesn't it?" a deeper one answered it.
"Yeah." He used his hands to help him to get to his feet shakily. "Do you know how we were able to get complete control of the bodies?"
"No idea." The larger of the two managed to stand as well. "I can sense them, but the ass is not inside here with me as he usually is. He's . . . distant."
"I know. That imbecile I share my body with is gone as well. Oh, well, I'm not complaining."
"Me either." He walked to where their swords were and picked them up. He sheathed Winter Moon before handing the sakabato back to the redhead. "I'll never understand this sword."
"Me either. It's that dumb rurouni's wish that I carry it. So I do." He turned his head and looked down the mountain.
"What's wrong?"
"I have people waiting for me down there. I'm going to need to maintain the rurouni image if I'm to go back to them."
"So don't go back."
"It's not that simple. I've got a wife and son at the Aoiya."
"I only knew about the woman. How old is he?"
"Four."
"Tiny like you were?"
"Of course."
"Well, let's go."
"Go? You're coming, too?"
"I'm not staying up here in seclusion like that ass of a hermit does. Besides one of those ninjas down there thinks I'm irresistible. I don't believe it's right for me to refuse the attentions of a woman that desires me."
"I think it would be selfish of you to do so. Let's go before it gets dark."
The red and black shimmers had watched all this in silence, anger making the colored clouds vibrate vigorously. Both were angry at having been kicked out of their bodies by their alternate personalities.
"Master, we have to follow them!" The black shimmer seemed to swallow the red one for a moment and then floated beside him again. "Ow! Master that hurt! Why does it feel like you just hit me?"
"Because I just did, you idiot!"
"But you don't have a body. How did you do it?"
"It's not my fault if you don't know how to control your spiritual energy. I don't understand how that could be when you finished your training properly, but oh, wait, you didn't!"
"I'm not in the mood for it, Master!"
"I wasn't in the mood for any of this! First, you show up on surprise visit and don't even bring the brat along for me to see! Then, you can't even keep up with me in a sparring match! And finally, I lose my body! Let's see, it's been a great day!"
"Can we please just follow them before they hurt somebody?"
"Yeah, but not in this form. We won't be able to keep up."
"Then what do you suppose we do?"
"We take the shape of an animal that can get us down the mountain, through the town, and into the Aoiya."
"Like what?"
"Like this." The black cloud shivered and shook violently before solidifying and taking on a definite shape. He looked to where the red blur was hovering inches away.
"Aw, Master, you so look cute."
So that's Chapter 1. I'm still not sure about this story so if I get enough interest I'll keep it going.
