A/N: When I was updating Aurora this occured to me and I wanted to include it in that but well there really isn't a place for it. I wasn't going to post it until a couple of friends convinced me that I should. I want to thank Elfinmyth for helping with the ending, it is so much better than the one I originally had and well I hope you enjoy!
DISCLAIMER: Apparently 20p and an apple is not enough to buy the rights to Harry Potter... one day *looks at the sky in cliched way*
I apologise for any spelling and/or grammar mistakes.
Please Review!
READ THIS IT IS IMPORTANT: I just want to point out that almost all of the dialogue has a double meaning (translation of that is innuendo alert) and don't read if this kind of humour offends you!
"Nice snake Tom" remarked Harry as the basilisk sprung out of the statue's mouth.
"Yes you know it killed a girl once" said Tom, smirking.
"Oh that's a pity"
"Yeah she wouldn't stop moaning about it after. I mean there's only so many times something is interesting" groaned Tom, rolling his eyes.
"Was it that bad?" asked Harry raising his eyebrows.
"No it was quite quick."
"She probably wanted something more to brag about then" laughed Harry unable to keep a straight face anymore at the turn their conversation had taken.
"Hey are you insinuating what I think you are insinuating?" asked Tom, Harry could practically see the cogs of his mind slowly working it out.
"You know for a Dark Lord you are pretty dim" said Harry.
"Oh do you want to see how powerful my snake is as a consequence to your cheek?" asked Tom, his eyes narrowed still not fully getting it.
"Oh heaven forbid! Not that, anything but that!" yelled Harry, grabbing his heart dramatically.
"You have tried my patience long enough boy, feel the might of Slytherin!" exclaimed Tom, ordering the basilisk to strike. Looking back at Harry his eyebrows knitted together at the sight of the boy rolling on the floor clutching his sides.
"What the fuck!" asked Tom slowly, staring at the boy incredulously.
"Just give me a minute" choked Harry, scrambling to his feet.
"I'm beginning to see why my future self wants you dead" grumbled Tom as he waited for the boy to calm down.
"Okay, okay I'm ready" assured Harry.
"Soon Ginny Weasley will be dead and I will rise once more… what the hell is it now!" asked the Dark Lord upon seeing Harry crumble once again under the weight of his mirth.
"Sorry, sorry this time I swear" assured Harry, once again composing himself.
"As I was saying Lord Voldemort shall come… for the love of all that is holy I'm trying to do my speech in which foreshadows the rest of the bloody series!" yelled Tom, composure having temporarily left the chamber and flew on a broomstick to Mexico.
"Right okay lets try this again" said Harry, his fragile mask of seriousness contradicting his words and promising more disruptions.
"No its fine, I have a better idea" said Tom, his mouth twisting into a cruel smirk.
"Oh what's that, do you want to go get a coffee and try this later?" asked Harry bewildered.
"No, how would you like to be introduced to my snake?" asked Tom, fully aware of the conclusions that Harry would draw from that statement.
"Er, that's alright Tom I don't swing that way but y'know if you do then that's great and um..."
Tom grinned and hissed "attack".
Revenge was so sweet.
