Author's Note: Heeeey amazing people. I know there are a lot of Merlin retellings, especially on this site (because i read many of them and i'm not ashamed!), but this show means so much to me that i couldn't help but start writing my own version. It's been months since i finished watching the show and i'm still mourning; I don't think i'll ever stop. Netflix was the best and worst thing to happen to me.

Here's a warning, I don't know how many of you will like it, but this will probably be slash in the future. I'm still not sure, but sorry, i can't help it i love Merthur. So, that's it for now! I hope you can enjoy this.

Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin or any of its characters. If I did, Arthur would... you know *crying*.


It all had been quite simple in Merlin's head. You just have to tell Arthur the truth; he'll either accept you or he won't. It's time you tell him.

But when the time to talk actually came, it was much harder than he ever thought it would be. Especially when you were too busy worrying about saving your childhood home and your mother along with it. In the end, worrying didn't help much; just when he was about to tell Arthur that he had magic, Will was killed and everything turned into a mess. It hurt, he'd lost a good friend and now Arthur thought that it hadn't been him using the magic. Because Will, selfless Will had spent his last moments trying to get Merlin out of his problems.

They were watching Will's pyre burn, and there was no good way to react, but Merlin was trying desperately not to cry again because he preferred to mourn his friend in silence; at least right now, while he was in front of Arthur. But Arthur, it seemed, had other plans.

"I'm sorry" he said. "I know he was a close friend."

"He still is" Merlin's voice was serious, numb.

"You knew he was a sorcerer, didn't you?" Ah. There it was. Trust Arthur to ask that question at the funeral. "That's what you were going to tell me?"

He considered his answer for a moment. It would be so easy to say yes and keep his magic a secret. But at what cost? Will's life? Having to live in fear of being discovered? Merlin didn't know if it was worth it. Of course, there was nothing he could do about his friend's death now, and he knew Will would have wanted him to make a smart decision. But Merlin couldn't help but feeling that he owed it to Will in some way, and to Arthur, to be honest with him.

He looked at Arthur, and he must have seen something on his face because he took him away from everyone else and when they stopped walking he stared at him intensely. In that moment, seeing Arthur's expression, Merlin made his choice.

"Merlin, what is it?"

"Sire, there's something I need to talk to you about" he said.

"So, it wasn't your friend's magic what you wanted to tell me about?" Arthur asked.

"No" he took a deep breath. "Because Will wasn't a sorcerer"

A pause. "What are you talking about? He did magic right in front of us"

"He didn't, Arthur" he said softly.

"Come on, Merlin. I know he was your friend, but if he wasn't a sorcerer, then who did it?" Arthur was getting frustrated now.

This is it, Merlin thought, it's now or never. "Me. I did it"

Arthur snorted. "Don't be ridiculous, Merlin. You can barely stay on your feet for five minutes, there's no way you're a sorcerer. If this is you wanting to protect William's honor, you have nothing to worry about. He died a hero, no matter what else he was" he said, starting to walk away.

Now Merlin was frustrated, too. Why was it that nobody listened to him? He wanted Arthur to believe him, because this was the perfect opportunity to make things right.

"Arthur, please" he pleaded, and that made him stop.

"What?" Arthur came towards him slowly.

"It's the truth. I'm a sorcerer, and I produced the whirlwind"

Arthur's face was blank except for something that looked suspiciously like betrayal. "You have magic?" he took a few steps back, his hand going to his sword, but staying there.

Merlin knew there was no going back, but he hadn't wanted to hurt Arthur. "I was born with it" he said. "I'm sorry. I really wanted to tell you"

Arthur scoffed, taking his hand back. "Right. I'm sure"

"You have to trust me. I only try to help Camelot, and I would never do anything to hurt you or the kingdom" Merlin said a little desperately, and trying to get closer.

"Trust you?" he gave a laugh, but it wasn't a happy one. He looked angry now. "You're a sorcerer, and not only that; you're a liar. You had me fooled, Merlin. And you were right there in the castle the whole time. Who would've guessed?" he said drily.

"No. It's not like that, truly. I told you, I would never do anything to hurt the kingdom-"

Arthur cut him off. "Enough! I don't want to hear your lies anymore"

"Arthur…"

He started pacing along the clearing. "You saved my life twice. I owe you, and because of that I will let you live and I won't tell my father about you. But you won't be coming back to Camelot, is that clear?"

"Please, just…" he started.

"I said, is that clear?!" Arthur repeated, louder.

Merlin just stood there, with tears about to come out of his eyes. After a few moments, he nodded. There was nothing else to do, except to watch Arthur walk away.


A while later, Gwen and Morgana came to him to say goodbye. He was sitting on the ground, looking at nothing in particular, trying to make sense of everything that had happened, when they found him. He stood up when he saw them.

"There you are" Morgana said. "We were a little worried about you. Weren't we, Gwen?" she looked at her maid.

"Of course, my lady" she said warmly to Morgana. Then, she looked at Merlin. "Are you okay, Merlin?'

"Yes, you didn't have to worry. I'm alright" he said, with the most cheerful voice he could manage.

"I know I said it before, but I'm really sorry about your friend" Gwen said, hugging him.

"Thank you, Gwen" he put space between them and gave her a small but genuine smile, then sitting in the ground again.

"Arthur told us you wouldn't be coming back with us, but he wouldn't tell us why. Maybe you can enlighten us?" Morgana asked, sitting next to him, with Gwen sitting on his other side.

He didn't know if he should be thankful to Arthur for keeping his secret from them or not, but he said the first thing that came to his mind, which happened to be mostly true in a way. "I'm just… worried about my mother. I don't want to leave her alone after what happened"

"I understand" Gwen said.

Morgana looked at him strangely, and a little longer. Then, she said "Are you sure that's all this is about?"

"Of course, why wouldn't it be?"

"I'm not sure I believe you, Merlin" she said, and when he stayed quiet, she sighed. "Look, I won't force you to talk, but whatever is happening to you is obviously important if you had to talk about it with Arthur. And Gwen and I are your friends, are we not?" she asked.

"Yes, you are. Of course you are" he said, and they smiled a little.

"Then you know that you can trust us" she said and Gwen nodded. "And that's it. It's up to you, but we're here if you need us" Morgana finished.

Merlin didn't say anything for a while. He was conflicted, and he didn't know what to do. He wanted to trust his friends, but a part of him knew that things get much more complicated when more people discovered your secrets. The other part, though, believed that he should trust the people he cared about, and that no matter what happened now, he wouldn't be going back to Camelot, and that there couldn't be much harm in telling Morgana and Gwen.

"It's just… It's complicated" Merlin tried, awkwardly. Gwen took his hand and gave him a smile, trying to offer him as much comfort as she could before letting go.

"We're smarter than you think. Try us" Morgana said.

"It's something really personal. Something about me that only a few people know, something that no one is supposed to know' he went on.

"But… what is it? Why can't people know?" Gwen asked, confused.

"Because they would think it's a bad thing. Something that's dangerous and deserves punishment" he finished, keeping his head down.

"Merlin, are you saying…?" Morgana ask, wide eyed.

"I have magic" he finished for her.

Gwen gasped, obviously taken by surprise. "What?"

"I've had magic since I was born. I'm the one that helped defeat those men. With the wind"

"So, you're saying it was you and not your friend?" Gwen asked, but then got wide eyed as well. "Oh my goodness, Merlin. You were the one who saved my father from that illness weren't you?"

"Yes, I guess that was me" he admitted, a little sheepishly.

She took his hands in hers again, this time with more force. "Thank you. Thank you so much, I'll never be able to repay you"

"You don't have to, really" he said.

"And what happened with Arthur?" Morgana asked, after a moment. "He found out it was you, didn't he?" she didn't look happy.

Merlin sighed. "Yes, he found out. He said he won't tell his father, but I'm not allowed to go back to Camelot"

"How dare he?!" Morgana demanded, getting up.

"My lady, what are you doing?" Gwen asked.

"I'm going to talk to him. Merlin, this is not fair" Morgana kept saying.

"What? Morgana, don't-" he said.

"I'm sure saving Gwen's father is not the only good thing you did for Camelot. You deserve better than this, and Arthur should know that" she interrupted him.

"Morgana. Just leave it, can you?" Merlin tried to make her calm down.

"Why? Why should I leave it? He's not being reasonable!"

"Because you won't be able to change his mind. And I don't want you to make things worse for yourself, okay?" he said, calmly.

"But-"

"I'll be okay here, Morgana. And we'll see each other again someday, I'm sure"

"I- Merlin, are you sure about this? You'll be okay here?" she asked, softly, or as soft as Morgana can be.

"Yes, don't worry about me" he smiled sadly at her and Gwen.

Then they realized how late it was getting, and said their goodbyes. It was all quite dramatic, but he wouldn't have had it any other way. They both hugged him. Gwen cried a little, telling him she would miss him. He said he would miss her a lot, too. And then they were gone.

He came back to the village a few minutes later, in time to see them get on their horses. Arthur didn't look at him once, didn't say goodbye; not that Merlin expected him to. He looked until he couldn't see them anymore, and a feeling of emptiness started surrounding him.

He couldn't believe it was over. He wouldn't be able to fulfill his destiny if Arthur didn't want to see him. His life was just… meaningless. The gods had no other great plans for him now. Arthur had taken all away along with him.

"Merlin?" he turned to see his mother standing there, with a worried look on her face.

"Hello mother" Merlin said.

"What happened? Arthur just came here and took his things. He didn't talk to anyone… He looked upset. Why aren't you going with them?"

"Arthur…" he started. He found it difficult, his mother would probably not be happy about it. "I told him about my magic"

"You did what?" she asked, taking a hand to her mouth.

"I thought it was a good idea to tell him the truth, because he deserved to know. I thought we were friends. But I guess it wasn't the right time. Or maybe there wasn't a right time. I just… I don't know" he said, letting the sadness fill him. "He didn't let me go back to Camelot. I guess I should be glad I'm alive"

"Oh, Merlin" she said, going to hug her son. "I sorry this happened"

"It's my fault. I should've known better. He hates me now" he said, feeling like crying again.

"Don't say that. I'm sure he doesn't"

"At least now I can stay here and take care of you"

"No, my son. Listen, I know things seem hard right now, but I refuse to believe this is the end"

He snorted softly. "How can you say that?"

"I've seen how much he needs you, how much you need him" she said softly. "You're like two sides of the same coin"

Merlin couldn't help but remember the words the Great Dragon had said to him once about them and destiny. "I've heard someone say that about us before" he said, smiling a little.

"I know you'll have to stay here for a while, and things are hard, but don't give up on your destiny yet"

"You're really wise, you know that?" he asked, feeling a little lighter already at her mother's words.

"And don't you forget it" she said, teasing. For the first time in what felt like forever, he laughed. Maybe things would be okay.


Life in Ealdor was easy for him, or as easy as it could be without Will to keep Merlin company. He thought about his friend every day and couldn't help but feeling lonely from time to time. He also missed Camelot, and Gaius, and Gwen and Morgana. He missed Arthur, too.

He had tried writing to Gaius, but letters never travel as fast as one would want them to. Despite that, writing to his mentor helped in the most important ways, and he knew it was better than nothing. It had only been a few weeks, after all. And life, for better or for worse, kept moving forwards.

Time kept going, and there were rumors all around the village. Rumors that were sometimes about Camelot and that Merlin tried not to pay attention to, but was almost never successful. Once, he heard someone say that there was a new villager in Ealdor that came from Camelot, because all food and water was gone from the kingdom. Another time, he heard someone say that there was a sorcerer in Camelot, and that a blacksmith had been executed for treason. Then, he heard a rumor about something called the questing beast, and that one sounded especially terrifying.

Merlin didn't want to believe any of it was actually happening. He was worried about Arthur and felt bad for leaving the kingdom without protection for so long. A part of his brain kept telling him that Camelot wasn't his responsibility anymore, that it never really was, but he knew it was a lie. In the end, he let it go and decided to ask Gaius in a letter. It took longer than needed; but when the answer actually came, while it confirmed the rumors, it also explained some things and made clear that Arthur was alive and none of his friends had been wounded, although Gwen had suffered a great loss.

Whenever he got letters from Gaius (though there had only been two so far) Merlin felt like a fish out of the water. He felt like he wasn't where he belonged and he needed to go to Camelot. He supposed he would stop feeling that way when a little longer had passed, but apparently not yet.

Hunith did everything she could to make her son feel better, but she knew Ealdor wasn't his home anymore, and that he missed everyone he had bonded with on his time away. They tried to make it work, anyway.

And so it happened that a little more than two months after Will's death, Merlin saw a horse approaching not so far away. He didn't have to look closer; he knew exactly who it was. Merlin would recognize him anywhere. Arthur Pendragon in all his blond glory was about to enter the village, closer to Merlin than he had been in more than two months.

It all happened very slowly, but when they were finally in front of each other, Merlin felt like his heart would come out of his body without permission. It was Arthur; and Merlin didn't know how to feel.

They stared at each other for a long while, without saying anything, until Arthur broke the silence.

"Merlin" he said. "How have you been?"

"I can't complain, I guess. And you?" he answered.

"Good, good" Arthur said in an awkward manner.

"What are you doing here, Arthur?" he asked, going to the point.

He sighed. "I came to talk to you. I just wanted to say I'm sorry for what happened. I've had time to think and I realized you've done too much for Camelot for me to treat you unfairly. I shouldn't have banished you" he said looking a little ashamed. Only a little because, well, it was Arthur.

"No, I guess you shouldn't have. I thought we were friends or at least something like that" Merlin said.

Arthur didn't say anything about the friends thing, but he did look down for a second. That was enough. 'You have to understand that I was angry, you lied to me for months. And I've been taught all my life that magic is evil, I've had proof of it, and even though now I'm not so sure about that, I didn't know what to think when you told me. It was hard for me to go against what my father taught me"

"I understand, really. And for the record, I am sorry for not telling you sooner. I was just… afraid. And I didn't think it would be a good idea at first"

"I understand that, too. I'm still sorry, Merlin" he said.

"So… what does this mean for me?"

"We've been having hard times in Camelot, but when the danger's gone everything is just so… quiet."

Merlin smirked. "Are you saying you missed me?"

"Of course not! I'm just, you know, saying Morgana and Gwen do miss you for some reason and Gaius could really use your incessant prattle, he's been a little lonely lately" he said matter-of-factly, but Merlin wasn't fooled.

"So, I can go back to Camelot?" he asked, hesitantly.

"I know you're a good person. Magic is still illegal, but I'm willing to let it slide because of everything you've done for us"

"Aaaand, because you missed me?" Merlin insisted.

"Don't push it, Merlin" Arthur said, almost teasing.

"Okay" he said putting his hands up. "But, thank you, for letting me come back. And if that really was an apology, then… I forgive you. I did miss all of you"

Arthur smiled a little, but then went back to his old self. "Don't be a girl, Merlin. Now come, we have to talk to your mother, and then we have to go back to Camelot."

After that, it took only a few minutes and then they were on their way back to Camelot, with Arthur telling Merlin everything that had been happening, and teasing him endlessly; and Merlin's mother watching proudly from behind as they disappeared from sight.