- Oh my, who would have thought something so small would cause such a fuss?
-You're gonna wake her up, granny.
- Step away from the lady or meet your doom, squit of nature!
It was hard to sleep trough this entire racket so I was forced to open my eyes. I have been lying here for some time, hoping that I will go back to sleep, but dreams were always a dying hope.
When my eyelids opened I witnessed a sight most people would find funny, but to me, comedy became tragedy long time ago.
There were They; the old lady with the purple scarf and pink dress, curly hair falling to her shoulders and deep blue eyes, always distant, but somehow calming. She was looking at me, warm smile filling her cheeks and a nod for good evening. Her old skinny hands were tightly holding the purple scarf, even viciously, like she was about to tear it apart.
Next to her, a masculine man in a Superman outfit (not shirt, outfit!) was charmingly smiling at me with his white teeth in a superhero-type of grin. I wasn't sure was he from the TV behind him or was he really standing in front of me, but either way, the guy was creepy. He just stood there, like an action figure, not moving a muscle.
The third was gone now, probably in the kitchen, since that was the only other room in this place.
I sat on the bed and put my head in my hands, massaging my eyes and forehead. I saw nothing but darkness, soon interrupted by a high-pitched female voice.
- Darling, are you okay?
I turned to the old woman and nodded, just to receive another warm, but empty smile. The clock on the ground next to my bed was showing 10pm and I sighed heavily, standing up and heading to the kitchen. I was trying to walk slowly, but the space was small and I was soon standing in front of the kitchen door. I knew who was going to be there and felt pins and needles in my stomach. My hand reached out for the doorknob and as soon it had its grip around, it pushed down and forward.
There she was, standing on the wooden table; eating a cereal I don't remember buying. Her hair had grown even more, now reaching her waist, crimson red as always. A pair of caramel- colored eyes shot me and an eerie grin stretched on her face.
- I think the phone rang. – Her voice was soothing, yet always set me aware.
I headed for the cleanest counter in the room where the phone was. Indeed, it showed one voice message and by then I had already guessed who it was going to be.
- Good day, Miss Thorns, it's Dr. Merchant. I guess you are still sleeping, so I'll just leave you this voice mail. A little reminder to take your pills by 8pm today. Also, don't forget to meet me at Monday. We still have to talk about your…friends, and which of them are you still seeing… - the speech here was getting more phlegmatic, like he was carefully picking his words. – By then I hope you get better and more stable. Goodbye, for now.
While I was listening I had sat next to her and she was grinning at me. This smile always had a hidden message and never was it a pleasant one.
- You shouldn't listen to him. – I was trying to ignore her, but could feel her almost-yellow eyes fall on me. – We are, after all, all you've got.
It was like a thousand knives stabbed my body whenever I heard this. I let the spoon in my hand to slip away and fall in the bowl, after which I stood up.
- Shut up, Ophelia. – I grunted trough my teeth and began approaching my bedroom.
I could feel her standing up. There was strange bound between us and I could always feel what she did when we were in one room. Like I was doing it.
- Well, at least you are now talking to me! That's progress. - She followed me while laughing.
- I'm not talking to you… You…- I angrily started pulling out clothes from my wardrobe. – You… - Tried, but the words just couldn't come.
- Come on, say it! – Ophelia yelled at me mockingly. - I dare you to say it! I dare you to show me what a sick, weak and pitiful wretch you are, my dear.
I bit my lower lip and could feel me eyes getting hot. I wasn't really looking for clothes; I was just avoiding eye contact with Ophelia. Then a sudden feeling of five skinny fingers being pressed by my arm, struck me. She turned me towards her, her face an inch away from mine.
- Say it… - she hissed, not for a moment wiping that creepy smile off her face.
- You… are… n-not real… not real. – I shook under her death glare.
Then she just let me go and shove me to the ground. A hysterical laughter started and she looked towards the two other "people" in the room.
- Hey, Superman, hear that! We are not real! – She laughed and yelled, holding herself by the stomach and bending down. - Can you believe that girl?!
I felt like crying so I just continued browsing trough my clothes for tonight; something provocative with which I could attract more clients. My current job wasn't what I was hoping for when I had quit college, but it was the only way I could pay for a psychiatrist and the rent.
Finally I put on a small red dress with a silver belt going trough my waist. It was sparkly and cheap looking but it was not like I could afford much. My skin could already feel the cold breeze coming from the window and I put on one furry, sleeveless coat, which I stole from some club. The fur was most probably fake, but it kept me warm trough the night.
I went to the little bathroom to put on my make up. The door was facing the mirror and I was soon staring at my lifeless expression. I did my evening ritual, putting on tons of eyeliner, mascara, powder and lipstick. Remembering my childhood I could recall I never thought of myself as beautiful. I remembered staring with envy at my friends' beautiful blonde waves or perfect black curls, lovely white faces with no glimpses of imperfection. They didn't care much about their looks, didn't even put much effort in their beauty, but still they had it all given to them at birth. While I was always the lonely girl at the corner, clinging desperately to any boy who was willing to take me for some time and, most often than not, leave me when he gets bored.
There was nothing striking about my appearance. No "exotic" look, uniqueness at any form or even a simple oddity that can look charming. Ugly wasn't the right word for me. I had a normal nose, normal hair, normal oval and normal lips. I was too normal. I never stood out in a crowd and was always the last one that gets noticed. I hated that and maybe that was the reason why I had avoided any real human contact outside my job.
I stared into my grey eye. From everything else, I hated them most. They were big, always looking tired. The grey really didn't stick out, since my face was rather pale anyway, so they just added to my dead look. Sometimes I really felt like a corpse.
***
I took off, taking my little black bag and putting on some cheap stilettos. Had to walk for some time, since I didn't have enough money for a taxi. I avoided places where other prostitutes were working, since they had the bad habit to start conversations. And I had the bad habit to start conversations with Ophelia, whom they couldn't see, and that always freaked them out.
I finally found a spot near a large highway and stopped there, lighting a cigarette. There wasn't much traffic; almost no cars were driving by. I smoked impatiently, wanting this to be over soon, but it hadn't even begun.
- I pity you. - A familiar voice came from my right. - I really do.
I turned to see caramel eyes locked on me and a hideous grin staring back.
- Go away, Ophelia. – I whispered, hoping no one could hear me.
- Why? I heard Misery loves company. – She chuckled. – As I said, I really pity you, dear. Not because you are so desperate that you are forced to sell your body. You are just so…sooo… pathetic. The way you wait for something that is never coming. Drowning in your own weakness. Pity and shame are the only things one can feel towards you. And it's not their fault, really. – She stopped for a while, carefully examining my expression. Then she continued throwing her words like poison knives at me. – You make me sick. Physically sick. If I were you I would have done myself a favor and ended this. It's not that hard. It doesn't have to be painful either. You can just take one too many pills and it will be all over, dear.
- I'm not killing myself, Ophelia. – I shouted now, feeling warm drops stroking down my cheeks. I wanted to ignore her, to make her go away, but deep down I knew she was right.
- Why? – She yelled herself in turn. – What are you living for, really? Another night doing old guys at gas stations? Or for the upcoming two useless hours where Doctor Merchant is going to explain to you how dysfunctional you are and how you don't really fit in this world? Face it, you have nothing! Family, friends, for goodness sake you even don't know who you are! – Her voice was piercing my ears and making my vision blurry because of all the tears.
- Shut up! – I screamed and turned to face her. – I-I know who I am! I do! I really do!
She laughed and suddenly a warm, but vicious smile appeared on her lips.
- Are you trying to convince me, or yourself, my dear? – She laughed and looked me in the eyes. – So you claim you know who you are? Well the, tell me what do you see when you look into the mirror, huh? – She was talking calmly, which drove me out of balance at that point. – Tell me that you don't want to cry. Not because of what you are, but because of what you have become. Look me into the eyes and swear that when you see an image of yourself you don't wish to crush it to pieces. Tell me that. Illuminate me.
I stood there, shaking, hot tears streaming down my face, while the image of the girl in front of me remained perfectly calm. I wanted to hit her, choke her and kill her, but it was useless. I knew better. She wouldn't shut up no matter what I did until she was bored with tormenting me.
- Hey, look, a car! - She pointed to something behind me with a sly smile.
I looked back and indeed there was a car stopping beside me. It was black, a model from some years back, but still nice-looking. Suddenly I realized it was missing one side mirror and it had some scratches here and there. Looked like that car had taken a beating.
I approached it, trying to wipe the black streams of mascara on my face and wondering what kind of old man will it be this time. I leaned to the open window and tried to recognize the features of the person on the driver seat. It was dark in the car and I could only see a muscular body. Suddenly the figure spoke with a strange tone.
- How much for the gates to open?
I took a few seconds to realize what he had just said and found myself staring in awe. Was this guy for real? It struck me, he was probably on drugs. I thought it would be risky to let someone on drugs drive, but at that time I was desperate to get away from Ophelia.
- Uh… 50 dollars an hour. – I shot out and waited for a response.
- Wonderful. Get in.
***
He stopped in front of some cheap looking motel, but at least I wouldn't be forced to do it on the street and risk somebody catching us. He opened the front door for me and with a gesture invited me to come in. I felt unsure about the guy, but he was acting kind, like he was not about to take advantage of me for the exchange of money. He went to the reception and talked with the guy there, who seemed rushed to give him the keys. The motel didn't have an elevator so we had to walk the stairs up to the third floor. I passed a few windows and realized he had driven me to Santa Monica. I wasn't very familiar to the place and I got worried how I was going to make it home after this was over. Suddenly I realized I still hadn't got a chance to take a look at his face. He was now walking in front of me, whistling some catchy tune to himself and playing with his key. Unknowingly why, I smiled. For the first time that night.
***
The room was nothing special, and it looked like he had inhabited it for a while. There were clothes thrown all over the place, the curtains were pulled down and spots were covering the walls.
- Welcome to the beast's parlor, my dear. – He said cheerfully while looking at me.
This guy was definitely on something. Now I could see his facial features. He was fairly attractive – nicely formed jawbone, long lips and normal sized nose. His hair was cut to his ears, light brown, in beautiful waves. He was wearing a black and purple business suit, which gave him an eccentric look, but also showed off his muscles perfectly.
Then I met his eyes. They were almost white, with a catch of blue in them. They were beautiful and tempting, but also, empty. They didn't express anything. They looked… dead.
- Why have tears of black covered your porcelain, my dear? – I suddenly came out of my trance when his soothing voice reached my ears.
- Wha… Oh, fuck… - I had thought I have wiped the marks off my face, but he noticed them pretty fast.
- But…but… you're pretty with them. – He gazed into my eyes. – Has destiny put its dishonest hand on you again, my dear?
Whatever he had took, it made him sound poetic and in strange kind of way, I was enjoying it.
- Yeah, something like that… - I mumbled, avoiding conversations with him. – Listen, it's 50 dollars an hour, so if you want to get started…
- But, my dear, we'll have all eternity after we start. Why not indulge in your humanity a bit more? – At this point I couldn't understand a thing he was saying, so I just nodded. What the hell, more time, more money. – Your silver is pretty.
I looked down to my silver belt and tried to imitate a laugh.
- Yeah, uh, thanks… - it all felt kind of awkward. – What's your name again?
- Depends on who you're talking with, my dear. - He smiled mysteriously. – And I was talking about the silver on your face.
I suddenly realized two things: he was talking about my eyes and he was calling me "my dear" for some time. It deeply bothered me, since Ophelia calls me that all the time.
- Sure… Uh, can you stop addressing me as "my dear", please? How about you call me by name.
- Of course, Queen of nothing! – He smiled even more.
- Queen of what? – I wasn't being sure at this point was this guy real or was he just another hallucinations.
- You wished to be called at name, Queen. – His eyes dove into mine and I felt shivers run up and down my spine. – Where are your friends?
- What? – I felt surprised by the question.
- I see an old lady… purple… and a super hero. But there is someone more. – He started mumbling, staring at something invisible to me at the ceiling. At this point I got completely freaked out and started backing away and biting myself, hoping this was a dream. – Oh, and chaos… Chaos in a girl's body. Likes caramel.
- Stop it! – I screamed covering my ears. – Get away from me! Just get the fuck away from me! – I tripped over something and fell on the ground, but continued backing away.
- But, Queen, why run from yourself? – He stood calm, like I was not screaming hysterically in front of him. – Why deny your many images?
- Shut up! – I screamed, curling up in a corner, covering my ears. – I hate them! I hate them all! I hate what they made me… What my life is and, and the way that they are… all I've got. – I broke down and cried loudly.
Silence was interrupted only by my cryings. I felt helpless, worthless and… pathetic. I wanted to go out of this room, to run forever and not stop for a moment. Be too tired to think, too tired to even recognize I'm dying.
- Kill me, please… Just end this… End it, cause I can't. – I cried out, still curled up and shaking uncontrollably.
I heard his steps coming my way and felt the wind turn as he crouched in fron. His hand covered my shoulder, while the other reached to my chin and pulled it up. Our eyes met and suddenly I felt calm around him. The terrible feeling of sorrow was not gone, but I felt a bit of solace just being in one room with this mysterious guy.
Suddenly he kissed me, and I realized how cold his lips were, really. The kiss was emotionless, but I didn't fight back. He made his way down my chin and to my neck. For a moment his lips stopped and his eyes again gazed into mine.
- Do you really dream of death? - He asked in a calm voice. I nodded.
He went back to my neck and for a moment I felt something sharp being pressed to my skin. Then only darkness crept in.
***
I woke up on a bed and immediately jumped up. My vision was a little blurry, but I could recognize the hotel room. The first thing I thought was that he fucked me and left me without paying me. Hitting my forehead, I laughed at myself for being so naïve.
- Good evening.
The voice startled me and made me jump. I looked in its direction and realized the man was sitting in front of the bed I was on, on a couch, smirking at me. I didn't notice him a few moments ago.
- Uh, sorry, but did we do it? - I asked, realizing I had a black out. My eyes looked at clock hanging on the wall, which was showing 2am. It really had been a long black out.
- Oh, we did, we Embraced, my childe. – He laughed.
- What? – I felt uneasy around him and wanted to get out of this place faster. – Okay, okay, can you just pay me, so I can go? – He was still grinning at me. I felt in danger. – You know what, it's been a really good time, you don't have to pay me. – I rushed to get up, looking around for my coat, while trying to spot the front door.
He laughed again. Before I know it he was in front of me, pushing me back on the bed and making me sit. He stood in front of me, with crossed arms and a sly smile.
- We need to trade words, childe. – Why did he keep calling me "childe"? – You remember wishing on death? – Yes, indeed the blackness in my head started to clear and I recalled crying in front of him and wanting him to kill me. But for what it seemed, however, I was still alive. – Death was my gift for you. Our bodies now share the same blood essence that once flowed only in me.
I didn't get a thing he was saying, but didn't want to make him angry, so I just sat there, gazing into his eyes. He smiled warmly at me, for the first time tonight.
- Do not despise yourself, childe. – He said it sweetly, like a parent. – Your silver shines exquisitely. They are beautiful.
Realizing he was talking about my eyes, I felt a little surprised, since nobody did like my eyes or had said something nice about them, ever. Maybe if the situation wasn't so strange, I would have even felt flattered.
- Beauty shines in a lot of ways. - He kept gazing into my eyes. - Your friends are now gone, my childe, fear them no more. Just one of them is now in you and she shall stay until you are ashes.
Still I didn't understand what he was saying, but it sounded beautiful. I realized that I was beginning to feel secure around him and even a little eager to please him. Suddenly I saw his face changing into a worried expression as he looked back at the front door. He then turned against me and a haggard face met mine. He was still smiling, though I could see he was tormented by something.
- My apologies, Queen of nothing, but farewell has to come too soon. – He looked a bit of sad, but kept smiling. – The snake has tracked me and will soon crawl in here.
- W-what? – I wasn't sure what he was saying, again, but something definitely wasn't right.
- May the nights be kind to you, childe. – The moment he said this, the front door swung open and two guys rushed in. Before I can even scream, a sharp pain struck my heart and again I drowned in blackness and silence.
