tw: character death, tw: car crash, tw: severe/internal injuries, tw: angst
run, run, run and hide
i. throw over your man, i say, and come.
Quinn stands at the edge of the road, a suitcase in her hand. Houses line the street, but she only focuses on one: Rachel Berry's. Deep breath, she tells herself. She moves towards it and knocks quickly, hoping the girl would be home.
"Quinn, what are you doing here?" Rachel steps aside, allowing the girl into her house. "Why do you have a suitcase?"
"I'm leaving, Rachel."
"For Yale? I know, I helped you with your application."
"No, I'm not leaving for Yale. I'm just going. I want you to come with me."
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"Leave with me. You don't belong here. I know you didn't get into NYADA, we can leave this ridiculous town together and start over. We'll be like Galinda and Elphaba in Wicked. They left together, journeyed together."
"Leave? What, just pack a bag and walk away? With not even a glance over my shoulder? Quinn, I can't- I don't-" Rachel puts a hand to her forehead, she can't begin to grasp what Quinn was suggesting.
"Yes, exactly that. We both know you're talented enough to work anywhere, to get into NYADA, or any acting course. But you will never do that if you never leave this town. I can wait for you."
Rachel bites her lip. She knew that she'd be in Lima for the next year, at least, performing in roles in amateur theatre if possible, preparing for auditioning to NYADA again, to whatever other programs she could find. Another year wasted in Lima. A year that she could spend travelling and searching. She didn't need to go to an acting school, she could make it without that kind of training. Others had, she could do it, too.
"Tell me all the things in your head, Rachel. What do you want? I'm not going to make you leave everything here, your fathers, Finn, but I'm not going to waste my life and I would hate to see you waste yours."
Rachel sighs. She'd been wanting to leave Lima for years, she just needed a kick-start, motivation to start. Quinn was always good at inspiring that.
"Quinn."
"Rachel."
"I don't know, Quinn. I don't want to waste my life in Lima, but you just turned up on my doorstep with a suitcase and asked me to run away with you! This is insane." She folds her arms, looks away from the blonde's piercing eyes.
"I didn't think you'd come right away. I told you, I'll wait." She hands Rachel a card. "This is where I'll be staying for a few days. Come find me when you're ready."
Rachel nods and Quinn walks out the door, her suitcase still in her hand.
ii. i chose to feel it and you couldn't choose. i'll write you a postcard, i'll send you the news.
"Quinn. Quinn, can you hear me? I'm on my way. I'll be there really soon, darling." Quinn could feel weight on the bed beside her, a soft voice in her ear, pulling her out of her sleep.
"Hey, sleepyhead, are you listening? I'm on my way. You waited and I'm coming." Quinn could feel a hand brushing her hair out of her eyes, a light kiss placed on her forehead. She couldn't open her eyes. Everything felt so real and she couldn't even see any of it.
"Rachel? Is that you? I can't see. Rachel, are you there?" she tried calling out, but no sound left her lips.
"Quinn, I'll be here. I promise. We're Galinda and Elphaba."
She thinks she hears Rachel singing 'together we're unlimited, together we're the greatest team there's ever been, dreams the way we planned them, if we work in tandem'.
Quinn wakes with a start, the view of the room flooding her eyes. She'd heard Rachel's voice, felt the weight of her body beside her, only to wake alone. She checks her phone, there were no messages from Rachel. Or anyone else for that matter. Either no one had noticed she'd left town or they didn't care. It was stupid to just run to Rachel and ask her to run away with her, it was insane. This isn't some Norah Jones song, she tells herself. She tried to sweep Rachel Berry off her feet, what did she expect to happen? Rachel jumping for joy, run upstairs to pack, and elope with her? She steps outside to gather her thoughts and allow fresh air to flow into her lungs.
She tries calling Rachel. It's been a few days, she must have come to some kind of decision by now. There's no answer. Quinn listens to the familiar voice mail message Rachel recorded and then hangs up. Quinn was patient before, she could remain patient still. Wait for Rachel, you've got a few days left here. Keep waiting.
It's been a week without word from Rachel. No visits, no phone calls, no text messages, not even a letter, so Quinn sits down to pen one to Rachel. When Quinn left Lima the only person she gave a forwarding address or number to was Rachel. No one else in the town had cared about her, really cared, so she didn't see the point in keeping in touch with anyone.
Quinn taps her pen against the desk, carefully choosing the words in her mind. She's sure Rachel won't come with her now, but she doesn't want to leave without a final goodbye.
Quinn finishes writing, seals the envelope and fixes a stamp onto it. She checks out of the tiny motel, places the envelope in a street posting box and begins walking towards the nearest train station. It doesn't feel right without Rachel by her side.
iii. i'm on my way, on my way.
Rachel sits on her bedroom floor after Quinn leaves. She thinks over what the girl said to her. Inviting her to leave. Thoughts reel in her head, about Quinn, about Lima, about how she should have said yes when Quinn asked her to go with her, how she'll never truly shine in Lima.
Rachel pulls a suitcase out from under her bed, fills it with basic clothes, enough to survive with. She makes her way to her car, placing the suitcase in the back seat.
Rachel drives towards the motel Quinn is staying at, and slows to a stop at the stop sign. It's a tiny, quiet intersection, she can't see any cars coming, but she stops anyway. The sounds of On My Way by Boyce Avenue fill the space of her car, and she continues driving.
She never saw the truck coming.
It slams into the driver's side, crushing the door. The driver was drunk and speeding, but Rachel doesn't know this. She does know that she doesn't have a chance of surviving. Not in her little VW beetle. The window is smashed in, glass littering the inside of the car.
Rachel can feel her entire body ache. She's sure bones are broken, ribs are cracked. She knows this isn't good. She coughs up blood. It's definitely not good.
She isn't sure if the CD player is still working, but she can hear the lines "And when you feel no saving grace, well I'm on my way, I'm on my way" playing. The whole song repeats over and over. Everything is dark, and her mouth tastes metallic, she's sure it's filled with blood. She can't breathe properly anymore.
"I'm coming, Quinn. I'm on my way."
An ambulance is called by a passing driver. The driver of the truck was long gone, and Rachel was dying in a mess of twisted metal.
She's rushed to hospital, with broken ribs, a broken arm and leg, a punctured lung, head trauma. The list of injuries is long. She isn't conscious when she's found or when she arrives at the hospital. She's placed in surgery and then ICU, a ventilator breathes for her. She never regains consciousness again.
The funeral is held a week later. Her fathers and members of the glee club gather around her gravesite, everyone says their final goodbyes with tears in their eyes. No one notices Quinn isn't there. On her tombstone reads: Rachel Berry. A star who went out too soon.
iv. and i'm not sleeping now, the dark is too hard to beat. and i'm not keeping now the strength i need to push me.
It's been weeks since Quinn last saw or heard from Rachel. She's in New York now, where Rachel always belonged. Rachel is the reason Quinn is there, really. It feels bittersweet, it makes Quinn think of Rachel and most of the time it just makes her sad.
Sometimes she imagines she sees Rachel's name on a marque or a playbill but realises her mistake. Or she sees a short, brunette girl and calls out to her, only to find that it's not Rachel at all. Everything feels wrong without Rachel by her side. She wonders if Rachel ever got her calls or letters. She's had no reply, so she assumes Rachel has ignored all the messages and thrown every letter away and stayed in a mediocre, comfortable life with Finn in Lima. All these thoughts of Rachel hurt Quinn, so she pushes them away but it doesn't matter because Rachel haunts her in her dreams telling her she's 'on her way'. Quinn wakes up in tears most nights. Usually Rachel just talks to Quinn in her dreams, but sometimes she sings, and it breaks Quinn's heart.
"Quinn. I'm going to sing to you again. 'Don't you fret, my dear. It'll all be over soon. I'll be waiting here for you. Run fast as you can. No one has to understand. Fly high across the sky from here to kingdom come. Fall back down to where you're from. Don't you fret, my dear. It'll all be over soon. I'll be waiting here for you. For you, for you.'"
Rachel's voice sounds as perfect as always.
references:
title. kingdom come by the civil wars.
i. a love letter from virgina woolf to vita sackville
ii. your ex lover is dead by stars
iii. on my way by boyce avenue
iv. lights by ellie goulding
(song within iv. kingdom come by the civil wars)
