A/N: This is the first ever fanfiction story I'm writing and I'm incredibly nervous about it. Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoy it! Please let me know how I'm doing and leave me a review. I'm putting my heart into this story and I'm sending you all love. I hope you feel it :) So let's start this adventure together, shall we? :D
Also, I'm looking for a beta, please message me if you're interested :)
signed, your very nervous and excited author
Loulou

Disclaimer: I do, of course, not own Glee or any of the characters. I do not follow Glee's storyline, everything I write comes from my crazy little head, apart from the characters, unless otherwise stated.

poems of the sea and the stars

Rachel sat next to Finn and was telling him about this amazing vegan restaurant she'd been to in New York, which would totally be enough reason for her to move there, yes, it really was that good, especially the pasta, but it was already clear anyway that New York was her future home, considering her career.

Finn was busy trying to place a sneaky kiss on her lips - she always moved when he was really close - so it took him a while to notice Rachel's sudden silence.

She was staring at a point behind him, mouth agape.

"What are you looking at, Rach?"

"Quinn", she responded in a soft tone, before turning around with a short look of horror followed by blushing.

Finn was confused. "So?", he asked.

"It's just she's all sweaty and her hair looks messy, which, you know, with Quinn Fabray, well.."

"Yeah, she's always like, styled perfectly, it's weird if she's like that." He gestured vaguely in Quinn's direction and grinned widely. it hardly happened that he had to finish Rachel's sentences because she lost her words, normally it was the other way around, and he enjoyed how smart it made him feel.

Rachel seemed to have composed herself again, she beamed at him. "That's exactly what I meant to say, thank you Finn, it's just that you never see her looking less than perfect, so it took me by surprise, seeing her in this state, although of course it's understandable, seeing as she did just come from the field, so I'm assuming she had Cheerios practice, however she still is very beautiful, I didn't mean to deny that at all, but I couldn't really see her that well from the distance anyways, so I don't think I'm qualified to judge her looks, which I probably also wouldn't be if I would have seen her better and..."

"You don't have to defend her Rach, It's okay, I'm not offended if you talk about my ex that way, I mean, I'm with you now, she's, like, long forgotten."

"Right!", Rachel laughed feebly and looked at Finn, rubbing her forehead as if she had a headache. "I really need to leave now, bye Finn!" And with that she pressed a light kiss on his cheek and disappeared quickly around the corner.

He scratched his head and tried to collect his thoughts. Was she really still jealous of Quinn? She did always react very strangely when he mentioned the cheerleader and she sent him angry looks whenever he showed her any affection. But then again, she always seemed to defend the girl. He hadn't heard one bad word about Quinn leave her mouth in a long time, which surprised him, considering what Rachel had to endure because of McKinley's Ice Queen and her subjects.

He finally decided to push the thoughts aside and blame the unlimited gentleness and slight naivity of his girlfriend. And maybe she was on her period or something, he heard women acted strangely then. He made a mental note to ask his mother about it.

Rachel was rushing off to her car, clutching her bag tightly to her chest. She struggled to keep back the tears. She had to do something, so she wouldn't start thinking. Because if she did, the sadness she's always running from would catch her and with the sadness would come the guilt and Rachel would break down once again. No, she mustn't think, can't think think about Quinn Fabray right now. She had to get home and do her routine first at least, then she could maybe afford to indulge in her thoughts.

So she mustn't think about Quinn's cold eyes with so much sadness hidden behind them, mustn't think about her blonde hair, which is beautiful when in a perfect ponytail, or her clear skin, her smell that mingles perfectly with the perfume she uses.

But especially she mustn't think about the Quinn she just saw, the Quinn with tousled hair, sweaty skin and a silly smile on her lips, which she sometimes gets when she thinks no one can see. Because Finn was right, she didn't look perfect, but the thought that this was what she'd look like if she'd completely let herself go, if she trusted someone enough to open herself, to give everything. The thought that that's what she might look like after..

And there Rachel's mind went again, wandering off to a farytaleland, where Quinn was hers and she was Quinn's, where she could touch her and love her and most importantely get to know everything about her.

She climbed into her car and wiped at her eyes. There they were, the tears. She almost liked them by now, the way you like your mean neighbour after a holiday, because it's something familiar, something that means home. These tears connected her to Quinn stronger than anything else and anything that linked her to Quinn, she'll take. She'll take the pain and she'll gladly take any attention, as abusive as it is, as long as Quinn is there.

Rachel had tried not to think about Quinn once, in her summer holidays, she had banned everything that could remind her of her hopeless love. She felt it was something she had to do, Quinn wasn't healthy for her, she knew she was losing sleep thinking about her, she cried every day. It was a desolate state she was in, but forgetting about Quinn, burning the picture she had in her diary, made her feel empty.

It was as if in order to stop feeling for Quinn, she had to stop feeling anything at all. She became listless and quiet, she didn't even feel like singing anymore. Most of her songs had been for or about Quinn in a way, so how could she sing with her heart, when there were so many locks that prevented her from seeing her pain and also weighed her down. So she stopped singing.

Her fathers of course noticed and talked to her very seriously, telling her to stop whatever she was doing, because she was clearly breaking herself.

It was what Rachel waited for, a signal to let everything back in. There were cracks immediately in all the chains around her treasured memories of Quinn. She ran to her room, went on Quinn's facebook and looking at a picture of her she remembered.

She thought about her smile, her eyes, the way she crooked one eyebrow, how graceful her walk was, how vulnerable she sometimes seemed, her smell and the perfect moment when she hugged her once. She dug through the happy memories she had of Quinn, even the unhappy ones, every moment where she felt a connection between them, everytime Quinn looked her in the eyes when she was singing. She cried and sobbed, her face was red and swollen and she felt like her heart was going to burst with pain and life and love.

And she welcomed the stings and stabs in her chest when she washed off the paint that covered the traces of Quinn's name in her mind. She was alive again, finally, Rachel Berry was there, she loved Quinn Fabray and the pain would not stop unless Rachel ceased to exist. She wanted to exist, wanted to love Quinn, it didn't even matter that there was no hope for any feelings returned.

The pain meant that Rachel still was. The pain also meant that Quinn still was and Quinn being, that was everything.

The memories of that time still hurt, but Rachel was now calmer again, being reminded of why this pain was there, why it had to be there. Suddenly a quote popped into her head, a quote, she had discovered shortly after giving herself over again to her feelings. It had given her strength then and it did again right now.

The world belongs to those who love. Because only they can see beauty and only through seeing can the world be yours. So I must love, as painful as it is, to claim my piece of existance.

Frantically she began searching her mind so she could find out who wrote it. It must have been an old and beautiful soul and Rachel felt strangely connected to the creator of these words.

She decided to look through her dads' poetry books as soon as she got home, it would give her something to do and maybe she could find the poet she was looking for and read some more of his works. She could explore her feelings vicariously through him, keeping her mind off Quinn and therefore not risking anymore hurt and hysteria this night.

Hiram Berry opened the door to his daughter's room and had to bite back a laugh at seeing her sitting at her desk, brows furrowed and a huge pile of old books in front of her.

"Schoolwork this late, honey?", he asked.

"No, I'm trying to find a quote!" Rachel huffed. "It just popped into my head, but I cannot at all remember where I had it from. It is of utmost importance to me to find it, as I seem to have a strong connection to this poet and he could certainly help me deal with some of the more difficult and complicated emotions I'm going through right now."

"What is the quote? Maybe I can give you a hint as to where you could find it. I know most of these books by heart."

"Thanks daddy!", Rachel beamed and then cited:

The world belongs to those who love. Because only they can see beauty and only through seeing can the world be yours. So I must love, as painful as it is, to claim my piece of existence.

"I'm sorry, hun, I don't think I've ever heard it. It's beautiful though."

He sat on Rachel's bed and gestured to her to join him. Softly he put his arm around her shoulder as if to protect her from the world.

"Now, tell me, are you lovesick, Rachel? Because as true and beautiful this writing might be, there's a lot of pain behind it. Are you connecting to that, too?"

"No, daddy, I'm not lovesick. I don't like this word, lovesick, and I don't think one shall ever use it. Love is never sick, even if unrequited."

Hiram opened his mouth to agree and inquire further, but Rachel interrupted him.

"But yes, daddy, I am in love, very much so. The greatest, purest and most painful love. Now I know that sounds dramatic, but it's quite the opposite really. It's effortless."

"Are you talking about Finn?", Hiram groaned internally, Finn was a nice boy and if Rachel was happy, he was, too, however for his daughter to be so in love with the football player made him think that the blindness and hormones that come with being a teenager didn't leave her as unaffectedly as he had thought (and wished, if he was honest). He just didn't understand how a guy like that, even if he was a nice kid, could trigger such beautiful and complex emotions.

"Doesn't he love you back?"

"No, not Finn."

She curled up in her daddy's lap and he could hear the tears that layered her voice when she spoke next.

"And no, she does not."

"Oh, my little gold star", Hiram smiled sadly. He softly stroke Rachel's head.

"Whoever she is, sweetheart, and I'm sure she's a most beautiful creature, if she manages to captivate you like this, she is so lucky to have you loving her. And even if she doesn't know it and even if she doesn't care, you are giving her the most beautiful thing we can give. And giving love is never a bad thing, because feeling what you do, makes you who you are and you are perfect, baby girl."

Rachel was softly and steadily crying now, but she also felt a quiet and comforting happiness, knowing, that she had two parents, who truly understood and supported her.

"Thank you daddy, I love you very much, you know."

She was mumbling now, feeling more at peace than before she talked to Hiram and she managed a little smile when he bent down to kiss her goodnight.

"Sleep well, honey. I love you. And don't hide from your love, but try to leave some space for other things too, okay? You know you love her and I know it too now, you don't have to prove it to yourself."

With that, Rachel closed her eyes and started falling asleep, and it was the first evening in a long time where she did not torture herself with thoughts of Quinn. But she also didn't push her away completely, she was there, in the back of her mind quiet and intimate, bringing beautiful dreams full of butterflies and broadway theatres.