A/N: Yes... Stupid title is stupid. I couldn't think of anything else. D| But I still hope it's funny!

America/Alfred Jones and England/Arthur Kirkland © to Himaruya Hidekazu's Hetalia: Axis Powers; Story is © to moi~


"The average dog is a nicer person than the average person." – Andrew A. Rooney

Yapyapyapyapyapyapyap!

"What the...? Who the bloody hell...?"

A begrudging England awoke from his supposedly relaxing nap when he heard the sounds of yapping, followed by a series of rapid knocking, just outside his front door. He grumbled to himself as he trudged to the door.

When he opened the door, he muttered out an angry "What do you want?". In front of him was his little brother America...with a new pet. A poodle, to be exact. And it was especially fluffy.

"...Question. What is that...?"

"Hoho~ You like him? I got him from France! I think I'm gonna name him Hamburger~"

"..."

...He can't be serious...

The blonde, British nation glared down at the small, white dog. It growled and jumped as it bit him on the hand. England let out a pained yell as he tried to shake it off.

"Ah! America, get this bloody mutt off me!"

The megane just chuckled, "Aw, but he likes you! He even left a surprise in the yard~"

Looking over America's shoulder, England noticed his yard covered in "surprises".

That…that mutt...!

~ ღ ~

The hatred between England and America's 'Hamburger' grew deeper with each passing day. He was constantly tortured with its presence and its barking at night. He had warned America several times to control his dog, only to get bit in several unpleasant places.

But one particular day was the last straw. England had invited some friends over for tea, only to find his yard completely covered in Hamburger's "surprises".

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…Excuse me for a minute."

England rushed over to America's house. The blue-eyed man was sitting on his couch and reading a comic book…with Hamburger on the floor, chewing on a rawhide bone.

"Oh, hey England! What's up?"

The green-eyed man passed by them and calmly walked into the kitchen, grabbing the nearest butcher knife. America followed himself inside, sweatdropping at his older brother.

"You...okay?"

A wide sneer appeared on England's face as he held the knife in his clenched fist, sharpening it on a conveniently shaped sharpening stone. Definitely a killing aura.

"I'm gonna kill the dog next door… Ain't gonna bark anymore… 'Cause today's Judgement Day and the little runt has got to pay…"

You should already know what happens next~