The story of Peeves

Chapter 1 -

I don't know how I came into existence. Hogwarts was founded by the 4 founding fathers/mothers in the 10th century and I just appeared with it. I'm no real ghost (like Nearly Headless Nick likes to say it) but I look like one (although I have a better taste for fashion). I can fly, move through objects like normal ghosts but I can also make myself invisible if I want to and I can move objects. Ever since I dwelled through the halls of Hogwarts, I felt like I should make this place more fun for myself. Hogwarts was too serious with its dull uniforms, strict lesson schedules, boring classes and teachers,… I knew I could change that. I could be the master of chaos. I could reign this school for centuries, making every kid in here learn to fear my name. I am a poltergeist. I am Peeves.

In the very beginning I was the only ghost Hogwarts possessed. Those were my glory days. Nobody to tell me how to behave so I was completely free in my actions. I raced through the hallways while dropping mice, I threw over chalk boxes, I wrote dirty things on the walls, I slipped love potions in random goblets with pumpkin juice, I let laughing gas escape in the toilets, I gave sleeping potions to the owls and threw the mail of the towers,… I loved Hogwarts.

Because of the old fashioned way of teaching I was often able to prank the whole school at once. The founders were the only teachers in those days and Hogwarts counted not that much students as it does nowadays. One of the four founders gathered the whole school at once in the Great Hall for a lesson. Ravenclaw learned them how to cast spells and how to change stuff into other stuff. These lessons would later become 'Charms' and 'Transfiguration'. Hufflepuff learned those little idiots how to keep hidden from the muggle world and how to interact with muggles. Gryffindor learned them theoretically how to play Quidditch , the practical lessons were only in the weekends, and how to behave in the presence of magical creatures, how to take care of them etc. And Slytherin at last, he learned them how to make potions and to defend themselves against other wizards.

Back to the pranking: since the whole school was at the same place for lessons, I had plenty of opportunities to prank. I had a lot of cool stuff in my arsenal: spiders, bats, louse, … I even had a boggart put under the head table.

That last joke was not appreciated by the 4 founders, they tried to keep me in line but they all failed. But I must admit that some of them were almost successful. Almost.

The first one who tried to stop my rule of terror was Helga Hufflepuff. I drove her crazy with my pranks, she was an easy victim. Those Hufflepuffs always are, they are too kind and never dared to stand up against me. So I took advantage of that weak spot. The most fun thing I did in the early days was putting dead badgers into the beds of the first and second years. You should have seen their faces! As badgers are their house mascots I knew they would be very upset. And in the Middle Ages the only thing I had to do to get those badgers was threatening a (only the Slytherins would be vile enough to cooperate with me) to go to Hogsmead for me and find some angry farmer. Badgers ate chickens you know? So Helga heard about my whereabouts and she set up a plan to get back at me.

Unfortunately for her, Hufflepuffs aren't the smartest wizards to walk the school grounds so I knew immediately what she was up to: she was going to send a poltergeist snatcher. I didn't have any experience with those kind of wizards but I was sure I would win this. Although I knew I had to be careful because this wizard ought to know how to handle poltergeists. I heard the rumours amongst the students when he arrived in the castle. Apparently it was a filthy guy with an unpleasant smile around his lips and a preference for raw meat . I could tell the students didn't like him so that they wouldn't stand in my way. I think they don't always hate me, that they can appreciate my humour sometimes (especially when their teachers were the victims). I got a lot of ideas to get rid of this snatcher. And the most of them involved his cat. Yes, he brought a cat to Hogwarts, I hated cats. It was an ugly beast with red eyes. Whenever I saw her, I locked her up in the nearest decorative armour. The snatcher wasn't quite happy when he had to rescue his precious beast, he was always screaming how he would get back at me but he didn't bust a move. I bet he never met a poltergeist like me, I was awesome. Wherever I went, chaos and disaster went with me.

After a few weeks and some lame attempts to catch me when I was taking a bath in the boys toilets on the 2nd floor, he gave up. After he left , I heard that he didn't get paid to catch me. I wouldn't tried very hard myself if I didn't get paid. He turned out to be a smart guy after all. His cat, unfortunately, never went with him out of the castle: she liked Hogwarts too much and to my great pleasure she slept in the kitchens. I made it a habit to throw rotten fruit at her when she was sleeping and to get back at me, she became the companion of the concierge. So, the concierge became victim of my pranks too, it was his own fault: he shouldn't be hanging around with that cat.

After the failure with the snatcher, Helga asked for help from Goderic Gryffindor. This might have caused a problem for me: you see, Gryffindor was smarter than Hufflepuff (he would have paid the snatcher) and he wasn't really afraid of me either. Which disturbed me. He only found me amusing and sometimes annoying, according to him I wasn't even funny. A sincere insult I say. I was hilarious. So before mister lion and miss badger could come into action, I had planned some mischief myself to make sure they knew there was no messing with me…