DISCLAIMER!

THE FOLLOWING IS A NON-PROFIT CRAZY FANBOY MADE PARODY OF A NON-PROFIT CRAZY FANBOY MADE FANFIC! "MOONLIGHT SORROW" IS OWNED BY-…! *The rest of the disclaimer gets destroyed as Demon Yuri uses his newly acquired dark powers to blast a hole in this paragraph*

Demon Yuri: I HATE DISCLAIMERS! MOVE ON WITH THE CHAPTER ALREADY!

Moonlight Mood-Swings (One or two or maybe three shot!)

The Professor had had a hectic day, to say the least. Selena had defected from the Lancers, the Lancers had stormed the island in an effort to take back Rin, Ruri, and Yuzu, Sanders had been carded, the Battle Beast had started getting WAY too many moments of character development, Yuri and Selena had apparently been acting weird during each of their respective missions, and through it all, they had only BARELY managed to contain the situation and help Rin, Ruri, and Yuzu back into their respective cells so they could resume their all-important roles as useless peanut-gallery side characters. Still, the Professor needed to know what had gone on during Yuri and Selena's missions, and he needed to know NOW!

Standing before his throne in their respective officer uniforms were Selena and her not-boyfriend, Yuri. Selena was looking just as sadistic and convincingly-turned-to-the-dark-side as ever while Yuri was looking a little conflicted, as if he wanted to ride a motorcycle next minute and commit total universal genocide the next minute. Both of them had their backs turned to each other, Selena keeping a good thirty feet between herself and the massive black stink cloud coming from Yuri's unwashed body. (Yuri always claimed that it was just his usual evil shadowy aura of darkness, but the smell in the Professor's nostrils told him differently.) The two were vehemently arguing with one another, which was really just another way of saying it was Monday.

"For the last time!" Yuri growled. "There is no way in heck you actually beat me in a duel, Miss, 'I'm gonna totally confess my love to Yuri just to get rejected by him because he's a total evil boss!'"

"Oh, like I'd ever confess to you!" Selena hissed, "Mister, 'I need a gallon of cologne a day just to cover up my horrible stench!' Seriously, when's the last time you took a bath!? YESTERDAY!?"

"You're the one who needs to worry about horrible stenches once you let in fifty or so stray cats to live out the rest of your life as a smelly old cat lady!" Yuri countered.

"Oh, yeah!" Selena challenged, "Well, what makes you think I'll be alone?! Maybe I'll just go out with a REALLY fantastic boy whose smart, funny, clean, strong, has GREAT character development, and who wins WAY more duels than you do!"

"Like who!?" Yuri sneered.

"LIKE SHINGO!" Selena bellowed.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Yuri roared, losing his cabbage-colored mind after Selena's insult.

The Professor sighed in exasperation as the two of them both assumed their respective versions of berserk/enlightened mode and began duking it out in the middle of the hallway.

"ENOUGH!" The Professor commanded, causing both of his totally-100%-loyal-and-not-ever-gonna-stab-him-in-the-back-in-any-way-shape-manner-or-form soldiers to stand at attention. "Just…both of you…tell me EXACTLY what happened after I sent you off on your respective missions, and PLEASE make it short and to the point."

Selena stepped forward, before Yuri knocked her out of the way.

"Oh, it's very simple," Yuri began. "So basically, I totally wasted Yugo and got all those other bracelet chicks back onto their cells while Selena flubbed everything up and left me to clean up her mess!"

"NO!" Selena snarled, shoving Yuri out of the way, "Yuri was going completely bonkers and I had to clean up everything!"

"Says the girl who couldn't even confess to the guy she liked!" Yuri sneered.

"I DON'T LOVE YOU!" Selena roared. "You're the one who's always hitting on me while trying to collect the other girls into your personal bracelet girl harem!"

"I already told you!" Yuri retorted. "The only girl I truly love is Rin!"

"What!?" Selena asked, looking stunned, angry, confused, and heartbroken all at the same time.

"SHUT UP, YUGO!" Yuri roared, punching himself in the face and knocking himself flat on the ground.

"SILENCE!" The Professor commanded, quieting down his totally disciplined and loyal soldiers once again. "Selena, you go first."

"But…but…" Yuri protested, getting up off the ground while Selena smirked at him, "…but I'm your favorite, Professor!"

"Quiet, Yuri!" Leo growled. "You're lucky I let you live as long as I have after I found out you were 25% of a world-destroying demon!"

"On second thought…" the Professor thought to himself, "Why have I let Yuri last as long as I have!? This is stupid, I should have carded the fool years ago! Then I wouldn't have had to worry about Yuri potentially…I don't know…absorbing Yugo and becoming the equivalent of Darth Sidious. I should totally stop Yuri before this gets out of hand. Maybe I'll have Jean-Michell Roger/Roget deal with him; that sounds like a good idea. No…that's stupid, Jean's crazy. Maybe if I let Barrett handle him instead. Yeah, that's good. I'll just have Barrett chain Yuri up before quickly carding him, stopping Zarc's resurrection, and using the bracelet girls as literal fuel to resurrect my bratty 18-21-or-so-year-old daughter who is definitely NOT in love with Zarc!"

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…you do realize you said all of that out loud." Yuri commented, blinking at the Professor.

"What was that about using me as literal fuel?" Selena growled, cracking her knuckles.

"DAICHI! FRIEDRICH!" Leo shouted, calling over his two psychotic psychiatrists from "Signs of Renewal."

"You didn't hear anything…" Daichi murmured, quickly hypnotizing Selena with one of his Psychic Ink cards, before rewarding her with a chocolate chip cookie once she had complied with erasing her own memory.

"You didn't hear anything either, Yuri." Friedrich insisted.

"BUT I DID!" Yuri protested, before Friedrich began shocking him with a taser while singing "O Tennenbaum" for no reason.

"No, you didn't." Friedrich insisted, holding up the taser threateningly.

"I thought I carded you in 'Moonlight Sorrow.'" Yuri grumbled.

"That was only a hopeful delusion brought about by your inferior mind, just like your delusion of hearing the Professor planning to betray you." Friedrich calmly explained, administering another electric shock to Yuri. "Are we clear? Or do I have to sing another stanza of 'Die Forelle?'"

"We're clear on the fact that you're totally gonna get carded by me!" Yuri snapped, before Friedrich sent a few more volts through his body.

"Did I say card you?" Yuri gasped, coughing out a puff of smoke, "I meant…'WOW! Friedrich is sure one heck of a psychiatrist! I don't know what I'd do without him! Also, I totally didn't hear the Professor say anything during his internal monologue! Must have been the wind!'"

"That's what I thought you said." Friedrich smirked, before he and Daichi exited the room.

"Why does my mouth taste like Rorschach ink blots and chocolate chip cookies?" Selena asked, blinking in confusion as she tried to remember what had just happened.

"You were gonna tell me what had happened." The Professor explained, leaning back in his chair.

"Oh RIGHT!" Selena agreed, nodding her head, before folding her arms over her chest. "Just sit back in that chair and enjoy, Professor. This is how things REALLY happened!"

Selena/Serena/Celina's Account:

It is done. Sanders has been carded along with all the other minor Lancer characters nobody really cares about, with the exception of Yuya Sakaki.

"Why are you narrating in first person?" Yuri interrupted, looking at Selena with confusion.

"My story, my perspective!" Selena snapped before continuing.

Because Yuzu would probably cry and stain my new uniform, I was probably not gonna card the air-headed tomato-head right away anyway, not unless he started trying to egaoify me again, but I still can't let him escape since I'm a totally 100% loyal Academia soldier who don't need no man!

Being the amazing pragmatist that I am, I recruit the Battle Beast to be my personal minion before sending him off to do my bidding and capture Yuya. No doubt Yuri is screwing everything up with his own mission, so I'll need to move quickly in order to clean up his mess.

Sure enough, leaving the jungle arena, the first thing I notice is Yuri making out with Rin on the Eastern tower before violently punching himself, shoving Rin back into her cell, and then racing over to the Western tower on Yugo's bike while promising to card everyone in the universe after winning the Friendship Cup…whatever that means.

"I DID NOT-…!" Yuri began, turning magma-red with rage before the Professor held up a hand to silence him.

While he fumed in anger, Selena continued.

Naturally, I am totally not jealous of Rin, nor in any way, shape, manner, or form upset that Yuri was secretly cheating on me…not that we ever had any relationship to begin with. Nevertheless, Yuri's level of insanity and incompetence strikes me as odd, even when considering the fact that it IS Yuri we're talking about.

And so, giving my mindless minion, BB, strict orders to…punish Rin for attempting to seduce a soldier of Academia…even if he was an utterly smelly, insensitive, and incompetent one…I run ahead, using my incredible super-woman athletic prowess to catch up to Yuri in order to prevent him from messing up any more of the Professor's all-important plans.

It's a good thing I do.

Yuri has not only failed to prevent Ruri's rescue, but has met up with Yuya, and instead of carding him like a good Academia agent, is having a friendly conversation with the boy like they are best buddies. Sadly, this does not reflect well on Yuri's loyalty.

"I WASN'T BEING HIS FRIEND, I WAS TAUNTING HIM, YOU IDIOT!" Yuri protested, tearing at the purple antennae of his hair. Ignoring him, Selena continued with her account.

That's when it happens. Sadly, I knew it was bound to happen. What with Yuri's stubborn refusal to take a bath, his crippling losing streak, his shameless incompetency, and his immense insecurities about his personal appearance that cause him to put so much of that horrid hair-gel in his totally-not-attractive-at-all two-toned hair, who could blame the boy for going completely insane? Yet going completely insane is what happens to Yuri, and sadly, to Yuya too, what with all the weird stuff he smokes, which makes him go on a fantastic drug trip whenever he plays that "Smile World" card.

Yuri and Yuya are both laughing like demons, ranting insanely about becoming one… and kissing Rin and Ruri for some reason. They're going back and forth. One minute stating in gruesome detail their plans to destroy the world, and the next minute, arguing about which bracelet girl is the hottest one. Such a conversation, I know, cannot end well. (But if anybody must know the answer to the latter question, it is clear that I am the hottest bracelet girl.)

Yuri, sadly, is acting the worst out of the two of them. Not only is he oscillating between talking about Rin and motorcycles, and genocide and Armageddon, he seems to be… fighting himself. He's constantly punching himself in the face, making himself look even uglier than he already does.

Rolling my eyes and sighing at how tragically pathetic Yuri is, Ruri and I advance over to the…well…I'm not sure if I can call what Yuya and Yuri are doing a duel, but at any rate, the pathetic excuse of a conflict that is going on between them.

"Come, Ruri!" I call to my counterpart. "Let us use our superior bracelet girl goddess powers to end this and bring peace to the universe!"

"Yes, my queen!" Ruri agrees, "I see now that there is no way I can hope to compare with you, Selena! Not when you are so much more pretty, strong-willed, intelligent, awesome, charismatic, and powerful than I could ever be! I shall serve you as your servant in taking down both the semi-attractive Yuya, and his utterly insane and incompetent counterpart, Yuri!"

"So wait…" The Professor asked, before Yuri could make another retort, "…you allied with Ruri? The exact same girl you were supposed to be keeping locked up?"

"Oh, uh…did I say we fought them together!?" Selena stammered, eyes darting back and forth as she seemed to realize her mistake. "What I meant to say was…"

At least… that's what Ruri THINKS is going to happen! However, just when the girl turns her back, I quickly whip out my taser and shock the girl in her back! Afterwards, her brother, Shun, cames to avenge her, but I quickly do some karate on his face and taser that fool too!

"I can confirm that everything Selena just said was a lie!" Shun called from outside the castle.

"SHUT UP, SHUN!" Selena snarled. "NOBODY CARES ABOUT WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY! So anyway…" Selena continued.

After taking care of Ruri, I next set my sights on the two idiots who are still raving like lunatics. Clearly unaware of how unbelievably amazing I am, Yuya and Yuri try taking me on in a duel.

"Duh…I challenge you to a duel, Selena!" Yuya challenges, clearly not even sure of what he is doing. "I'll, like, uhhhh…make you smile!"

Yuya is clearly an idiot, but even his stupidity cannot compare with the unbelievable idiocy of Yuri.

"Sewenuh…!" Yuri whines in his usual babyish voice, "…why won't you wuv me?! I can bench-press two pounds and I put LOTS of hair gel in my hair so you would notice me, but you STILL won't go out with me even after I try to act tough and card people! Why can't we be together!?"

I sigh to myself, almost pitying the pathetic man standing in front of me. However, I am duty-bound to be honest with him, even if it will break his poor immature heart.

"Look, Yuri." I calmly explain, "Even though I am flattered by your totally one-sided attraction towards me, you must understand that I only date COMPETENT duelists, and so far, nobody has managed to reach the level of competency I demand in a relationship. You never have nor ever will have the strength needed to be my boyfriend, so I must say 'no' to your proposal and insist that we keep our relationship a professional one."

"NEVAW!" Yuri whines, "I shall now destwoy you in a duel! I summon a wimpy plant monster that can't do anything and end my turn!"

"I Pendulum Summon a bunch of wimpy circus animals that can't do anything and end MY turn!" Says Yuya, who, despite even his utter stupidity, still manages to play MUCH better than Yuri.

I roll my eyes at their wimpy plays before demonstrating to them both why I am truly the greatest female lead character Yu-Gi-Oh has ever known.

"Using a bunch of complex combos that only a true Yu-Gi-Oh expert could master…" I begin, executing a bunch of absolutely fantastic combos flawlessly, "I summon an overpowered Moonlight boss monster that's a reference to a Hindu goddess! Come forth! Moonlight White Tiger Goddess!"

As my totally epic female boss monster of all epic female boss monsters descends to the field in a pillar of light, I quickly make my next move, ordering my White Tiger Goddess to pound both Yuri and Yuya to the ground before taking Yuri over to Academia to be examined by a competent expert and locking Ruri back up in her tower.

"And that's what happened." Selena finished.

"How did Yuya end up escaping?" Leo asked, looking confused.

"Oh! Uhm…uh…" Selena stammered, "I uh…well…"

"You let them go." Yuri smirked.

"NO!" Selena snapped. "I was just about to explain that after I totally wasted you and Yuya, I next was met by Kaito and Edo, who both came at me, but I was like…'BANG! POW! KARATE KICK! TASER! TAKE THAT SUCKAS!' But then there were like…two hundred and fifty more Lancers and they all had…laser guns...and about five hundred other ninjas helping them out, and so, uh…after quickly defeating about half of them, I, uh…warned them that I would spare them this time, but unless they all left the island, I would come after them. So they all left…with Yuya."

"That makes about as much sense as the actual canon!" Yuri sneered.

"It sure as heck makes a lot more sense than whatever lie you're about to tell!" Selena hissed.

"I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, RIN!" Yuri growled, clearly enraged.

"WELL I LOVE YOU TOO…wait…WHAT!?" Selena sputtered.

"I said…I HATE YOU SO MUCH, YOU STUPID CAT LADY!" Yuri clarified. "I swear, once we're done here, I am totally gonna take you home with me to the Synchro Dimension where we will get married, compete in the Friendship Cup every year, have twenty kids, grow old together, and die!"

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…" Selena buzzed, unsure of what to say.

"SHUT UP, YUGO!" Yuri roared at Selena.

"Didn't you kill that guy?" Selena asked, backing away from Yuri as he began foaming at the mouth with rage and lunacy.

"I'M NOT CRAZY!" Yuri insisted, eyes rapidly darting back and forth. "YOU'RE CRAZY! ESPECIALLY YOU, YUGO!"

"Who are you talking to?" The Professor asked, noticing Yuri shake his fists at some invisible person.

Yuri's eyes widened as he looked up at the Professor and noticed how he was looking. Quickly wiping the foam from his mouth, he assumed a more dignified pose before addressing Leo.

"It was nothing, sir." Yuri hastily apologized. "Everything's ship-shape here, not an ounce of truth in Selena's story that I can find."

"Weren't you just…?" the Professor began.

"SO WHO WANT'S TO HEAR MY ACCOUNT OF WHAT HAPPENED!?" Yuri loudly interrupted. "I SURE DO! WHO DOESN'T LOVE A GOOD OLD REPORT FROM ME?! I SURE DON'T, BECAUSE I TOTALLY REPORT THINGS IN A CRITICAL AND UNBIASED FASHION BECAUSE I AM NOT UTTERLY AND COMPLETELY INSANE BECAUSE YUGO IS NOT CURRENTLY LIVING INSIDE ME RIGHT NOW! ALSO, I LOVE RIN VERY MUCH!"

"What!?" Selena and Leo exclaimed in unison.

"ALSO I HATE SELENA VERY MUCH!" Yuri clarified. "OKAY! MOVING ON!"

Yuri/Joeri's Account:

After totally stomping that fool, Yugo, and his ditzy girlfriend, Rin, with my unparalleled evil awesomeness, I totally card Yugo and then burn his card for good measure, thus ensuring that nobody can possibly possess me or get in the way of my mission to woo the heart of my beloved Rin. I MEAN…thus ensuring that nobody could possibly possess me or get in the way of my mission to enact universal genocide before wooing the heart of my beloved Selena.

Selena began blushing.

IGNORE THAT! THUS ENSURING THAT I WOULD KILL EVERYONE BECAUSE I DON'T…LOVE…ANYBODY!

And so, resolved in my quest to prove that I am the most AMAZING villain in all of Yu-Gi-Oh history, I march on to the Western tower in order to take care of that annoying "Dissociative Identity Disorder" pigeon lady, Ruri.
However, I am momentarily blocked by a rather annoying girl who I haven't been able to get rid of yet.

"OH, YURI!" Selena pleads, her shrill girly voice dripping with unrestrained desire. "I just love you SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much! I've completely forgotten all about what I was assigned by the Professor to do and instead only want to grovel before you and lick your feet like a slave girl! PLEASE, YURI! Even though I am just SO PATHETICALLY WEAK, won't you accept ANOTHER one of my confessions so I can live as your inferior companion for the rest of my life!?"

"WHAT!?" Selena roared, lunging at Yuri, who sidestepped her blow before continuing.

This has been her tenth confession this day. Poor pathetic girl. Clearly she desires me, as literally every girl I have ever encountered desires me, despite my unrivaled cruelty and sheer evil might. But who could blame them? Can they help it if they all, one by one, fall for my great manliness? Can I really blame them if all they ever want to do is be with the great and mighty Yuri? Why, I have known entire female wars to have been waged for the winner to obtain just one lock of my simply fabulous hair…which does NOT look like a cabbage!

It's a shame, really. I might have enjoyed giving Rin and Ruri a sporting chance at victory when I hunted them all down, but they were all so engrossed by my uncontrollable seductive prowess, that they couldn't even focus on dueling me. Yet that, I'm afraid, is my curse! To be born with, amongst my other incredibly awesome attributes, such amazing looks, that I must spend half my days pushing aside the throngs of lady admirers in order to more effectively focus all my existence on the great and noble work of universal conquest!

I look down at Selena, considering her words before politely asking, "Who the heck are you?"

Selena looks distraught.

"Don't you remember me!?" Selena weeps, "I've spent all my life secretly taking pictures of you and collecting your discarded chewing gum from the trash cans so I can mold them into a twenty-foot statue in the image of your BEAUTIFUL AND MANLY face!"

I am, of course, disgusted by her groveling. But I suppose it's nothing new for me.

"NONE OF THAT HAPPENED!" Selena protested, before the Professor cut her off with a wave of his hand.

To her annoyance, she could see that Leo seemed to be carefully listening to every detail of Yuri's account instead of looking even remotely like he was about to question anything.

"Go to the jungle arena and do your job like you're supposed to." I growl at her, uninterested in any more of her pathetic attempts to woo my impregnable evil heart.

"But where is it?" Selena stupidly asks, scratching her totally-not-mind-blowingly-attractive-in-any-way stupid blue hair before looking around with a stupid expression on her neither-attractive-nor-mesmerizing stupid face. "I can't seem to find where ANYTHING is! Oh, well," she shrugs. "I guess I'm just stupid that way."

Despite myself, I laugh at her stupidity, before playfully ruffling up her stupid blue hair and causing stupid Selena to drool with stupid pleasure.

"Run along to the center of the island, you stupid fool that I'm not in any way, shape, manner, or form attracted to." I laugh, pointing the stupid girl very clearly to where the Jungle Arena is. As she stumbles away towards the center of the island, I sigh to myself, knowing that in all likelihood she would probably just mess up whatever the Professor, bless his naïve heart, had foolishly assigned her to.

"What was that!?" Leo snapped.

"Oh, uh…" Yuri stammered, as he tried to keep Selena at bay with one of his hands, while she struggled with all her might to strangle him. "…the Professor, who was the greatest supreme leader ever, had wisely assigned her to do…despite knowing that she would totally fowl everything up and leave me to fix everything."

Using my super strength and crazy awesome dark powers I have recently acquired, (which had nothing to do with me somehow absorbing Yugo's stupid soul, by the way!), I leap over to the Western tower in one bound, where I quickly meet the foolish Yuya.

"Duh…I SURRENDER!" Yuya weeps, surrendering to me on the spot. I am just about to card him and move on with my mission, when the same shrill female voice interrupts me once again.

"OH, YURI-KUN!" Selena yowls like a cat in heat. "I TRIED to make it for two minutes without gazing upon your UNBELIEVABLY MANLY AND HANDSOME FACE…and rear end…" she adds lustfully, "but I'm just SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO attracted to you!"

"I'M UNBELIEVABLY AND UNREALISTICALLY ATTRACTED TO YOU TOO!" Says Ruri, who has gotten out of her tower, most likely due to Selena's crippling incompetence. "Yuri is just SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much better than that Xyz scum idiot, Yuto!"

"MMMMMMMMMMHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHMMMMMMMMMMMMM!" Selena agrees in a husky voice. "Yuri is just the best man a girl could ever hope to find!"

"He's SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO clever!" Ruri sings.

"And SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO handsome!" Selena purrs.

"And let's not forget how unbelievably EVIL he is!" Ruri insists, drooling all over herself as she pants with crazed excitement.

"His evilness is the best part!" Selena pants, as both girls crawl towards me on all fours before grasping the hem of my incredible cape in a gesture of shameless groveling.

"Please be our master and evil overlord!" Ruri and Selena beg. "We'll do anything for you! ANYTHING FOR YOU! If we can only get you to as much as GLANCE at us every once in a while, then it will be worth the degradation to ourselves!"

Pleased as I am at their submissiveness, I glance back and notice that their uncontrollable passion towards me has given Yuya the opportunity to slip away. This, naturally, angers me.

"WHY WEREN'T YOU IN THE JUNGLE ARENA LIKE I HAD ORDERED!?" I thunder, blasting both Selena and Ruri away with a super cool dark energy blast from the palm of my hand.

"YOU'VE NEVER HAD THOSE POWERS!" Selena snapped.

"Sure I have!" Yuri protested, veins pulsating on his forehead.

"Oh, yeah!?" Selena challenged. "Well, show me then!"

"Well, I, uh…" Yuri stammered, "I'll do it after I finish my report!"

"Sure you will." Selena sneered. "While you do that, why don't I take notes so I can refute every one of your disgusting lies, person who I am 'oh, so attracted to!'?"

I would like to stress for just a moment how ridiculously stupid Selena is. Like…think of the most stupidest…
"It's either most stupid or stupidest, braniac!" Selena snarled.

Regardless, Selena is stupid. Plain and simple. The other bracelet girls are also stupid, but none are as sweet as my beloved Rin. Her hair is as sweet as apples, her eyes are like golden wheat in a sunny field, her lips are like…LIKE…RIN IS STUPID AND I AM NOT POSSESSED BY YUGO!

ANYWAY! After asking my question, Selena blinks in confusion like she didn't understand a word of what I said.

"Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh…WHAT!?" She asks. "I was distracted by how UNBELIEVABLY CHARMING, EVIL, AND PERFECT YOU ARE!"

"Why weren't you at the jungle arena!?" I repeat, steadily losing patience, but managing to maintain control of the situation Selena nearly utterly ruined thanks to her unbelievable incompetence and stupidity.

"Oh, THAT'S right!" Selena chuckles stupidly. "I was just so stupid that I thought 'center of the island' meant 'come to the Western tower!'"

I sigh, shaking my head slowly at her irredeemable incompetence and stupidity.

"So can I confess my love to you now?" Selena purrs, rubbing her cheek against my leg like a kitty desperate for attention.

Kicking her off me, I proceed to grab Ruri and lock her up in the Western tower, before leaping into the jungle arena in one bound, and carding all the Lancers there.

Sadly, I wasn't there to save Sanders, who had been carded because of his own unbelievable incompetence.

"So why did Selena end up carrying you to the hospital?" Leo asked.

Yuri began blushing red as a tomato.

"I just…uhm…well…I…I eventually took pity on her and let her carry me just because she was being annoying and trying to confess to me again!" Yuri snapped.

"I also have some questions." Selena sneered, holding up a massive stack of papers with the label, "INCONSISTENCIES IN YURI'S STORY."

"Nobody cares about what you think!" Yuri snarled.

"Why do the surveillance towers show footage of you kissing Rin?" Selena interrogated.

"BECAUSE I LOVE HER AND WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH HER!" Yuri insisted before yanking off his Duel Disk and attempting to ride it like a motorcycle.

"Oh, really!?" Selena snickered.

"SHUT UP, YUGO!" Yuri roared, kicking away his imaginary motorcycle. "SHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!"

Leo scratched the side of his metal plate. "I'm…gonna have to ask someone else what's going on. Your two accounts…they're just not lining up."

"Well, who else are you gonna ask!?" Selena snapped.

"Yeah!" Yuri agreed, "We're the best witnesses you've got!"

"BB there." Said Battle Beast, walking up to Yuri and Selena on all fours like a gorilla.

"Professor no interested in what BB say!" Yuri snarled.

"BB tell professor anyway." BB insisted.

"BB stupid and should leave!" Yuri snapped back.

"I think we should listen to BB." Selena suggested, patting the Battle Beast on the head.

"BB like Selena." BB purred, smiling broadly before adding, "And Rin. BB think Rin smell good, like apples and bananas."

"GET YOUR PAWS OFF MY RINY-POO!" Yuri roared, "SHE'S MINE!"

"ENOUGH!" the Professor roared, silencing everyone in the room. "Look, guys. This is getting us nowhere. Clearly, what I need now is a COMPETENT witness. Someone who was not only there throughout the entirety of those events, but can give a completely fair and unbiased account of all of them."

"Who?" Selena asked.

"YEAH, WHO!?" Yuri agreed.

"BB?" BB asked.

"Sorry I'm late, Professor!" A bright and cheerful voice called from the other end of the room.

Yuri looked pale.

"NO! PLEASE! ANYBODY BUT HIM!"

"OH, YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!" Selena agreed.

Starve Venom Fusion Dragon strolled right up to Selena, Yuri, and BB before giving all three fusion duelists a drool-filled hug.

"LET ME GO!" Yuri roared.

"Augh…blaugh! MY HAIR!" Selena agreed, as another waterfall of drool splashed onto her face.

BB didn't seem to mind, and instead picked at some bugs that were sucking on Starve Venom's scales before eating the insects like a chimpanzee.

"I've invited Starve Venom here…" the Professor explained, "in order to FINALLY sort through what really happened. As an impartial and unbiased tangible hologram of a dragon that once took part in destroying the United universe, I can think of nobody better for the task."

"WHAT?!" Selena and Yuri protested in utter confusion.

"You've got nothing to worry about, Professor!" Starve Venom laughed, reaching behind his back and pulling out a television and a VHS. "I've recorded everything that happened right here!"

Yuri and Selena's faces alternated between going ghost white and crimson red.

"No…No!" they protested in unison, "NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" They both screamed, flailing about like they were receiving the worst torture imaginable.

"It's pretty embarrassing," Starve Venom laughed, "But I'm sure we could all use a good laugh! And the readers only need to wait one more week to see it!"

Thank you Nox Descious for making the amazing fanfic "Moonlight Sorrow," and for being such a great friend! And thank you, CorinnetheAnime, for proofreading and editing this nonsense. Yes, I do plan on making Starve Venom's account next week. Heck, if the demand is high enough, I might periodically post more parody chapters to this fic as Nox Descious adds more chapters to "Moonlight Sorrow." Thank you all for reading, reviewing, and supporting this and my other series. Stay tuned for more hilarity and excitement from both this fic and my other fics, and PLEASE support both CorinnetheAnime and Nox Decious! Their stories are AMAZING! To all of you, God bless you, everyone, and this is Donjusticia… amazed that things have heated up so much in my hometown that its RAINING instead of SNOWING!