Chapter One
"Pinkie Pie"
"Honk!"
"Hey, Pinkie, what's up?" I watched as she made honking noises while lightly pushing my nose. "I just wanted to say good morning!" She hugged me tightly before heading into Pumpkin Cake and Pound Cake's room. "That Pinkie Pie…" I chuckled a bit and went to go sit down at one of the tables near the reception desk of Sugar Cube Corner.
Well that was her, the love of my life and my soul reason for living. Pinkamina Diane Pie, more commonly known as Pinkie Pie. "Oh, hello deary." Mrs. Cake said in her usually jolly voice. She gave me a warm smile to which I graciously returned. "Waiting on Pinkie Pie?"
"Yes ma'am." I answered politely. "She's just playing with Pumpkin Cake and Pound Cake for a few minutes. "Oh, well make yourself at home, sweety. What's ours is yours and all that jazz." Mrs. Cake had always treated me like her son, at one time she had mentioned to me that I was like the older son she never had and she was sure that Pound Cake and Pumpkin Cake would love to have an older brother such as me. In actuality I was quite flattered. I watched her disappear into the kitchen at the same moment Pinkie Pie came jumping down the stairs. "Oh, this picnic date is going to be so amazing! Well, doing anything with you Almondforth is such a blast!"
I shook my head. I wasn't the most talkative of ponies, yet Pinkie Pie still enjoyed my silent company. I guess she was like the peanut butter to my jelly, in a sense. "Com'on, we don't want to be late!" She forcefully grabbed my arm and dragged me out of my chair. I tried to get my balance, but was left holding onto a prayer that I wouldn't fall while hopping on one hoof. "I'm coming, I'm coming. "I regained my balance and I followed in close pursuit of my girlfriend.
The first stop on our list of errands was Twilight Sparkle's library. We had previously asked her pet dragon assistant Spike if he would make some cupcakes for us, despite Pinkie Pie being able to bake. I didn't want her to do anything to prepare except to show up, leaving me to get things for our picnic date ready. "I watched as Pinkie Pie turned around and was about to "knock" on the door with her hind legs. I quickly stopped her and shook my head. "We want to knock on the door, not kick it down, Pinkie." She gave a nervous smile. "Oh I knew that." Before I could even knock the door to the large library was opened by Spike who must have heard our commotion outside. "Pinkie, Almond, 'sup?" He said opening the door even wider to allow the both of us in. "Your cupcakes will be down in a minute and Twilight's in the back, but she'll be out in a minute. I shook my head agreeing and took a seat on my haunches while Pinkie Pie playfully browsed through the huge selection of books. She all of sudden sped up to me with a huge book in her hoof. The design of it was quite strange there were spikes jutting from its cover and spike as well as the back and despite its sinister look, it was colored a light-hearted g hue of pink. "Ooh ooh! Lookie here, Almond." She held up the page she was talking about and I looked at it, only to see a picture of a banana and a donut. It confused me. Was this some kind of picture book? I shrugged and gave a light sigh, thinking. "That's very…interesting, Pinkie." I said at a loss for words at what I had just seen. "What's the name of that book anyway?" She closed it, making sure to save her page, and showed me the title which read: "All about Metaphorical and Literal Mating Positions and how to perform them." I reeled back and shyly replied. "O-oh…" I blushed a bit. Well…Pinkie Pie really didn't know about that kind of stuff yet. "M-maybe you should find a different book to read, Pinkie."
I shut the book and went to put it back where it belonged. "But, why?" Pinkie asked innocently. Well, I suppose it's only natural that wouldn't understand. We hadn't even though of mating at this stage in our relationship. Although it had been four years since we started dating and we knew each other even far before that, we had made little head way towards the act, mostly due to Pinkie Pie's foalish nature. "You're the banana to my donut!" I flinched and quickly whipped around. She wouldn't dare? There was a silent creaking and Twilight walked into the main part of the library. "Hey, everypony. What's going on?" To make matters worse Pinkie Pie jumped over to Twilight and lay over her back. "Guess what, Twilight! Almondforth is the banana to my dount!" I flinched again and watched as Twilight went wide-eyed, obviously unprepared for Pinkie's mind boggling statement.
She looked down at the ground, then up at me then down again. "That's very…interesting, Pinkie." Hah, déjàvu if I've ever seen it. Twilight regained some composure and sat beside me, trying not to let the overly awkward statement get to her. "I bet you have a whole lot of fun with his…banana." Little did she know, she had set off a fire that would refuse to be put out. "You bet! Sometimes my donut can barely HANDLE all that banana goodness." I wondered how twilight actually believed Pinkie knew what she was talking about. "His banana's so good, I feel like my donut is just taken past the limit sometimes then-BOOM!" Out of the corner of my eye I watched Twilight's eyes slowly gaze down at my lower half, obviously trying to determine the size of my 'goods.' "I didn't now that you were into that kind of stuff yet, pinkie pie. " She continued, rubbing her hooves together and looking down trying to hide her blushing purple face. "I suppose you two are into…uh…kinky things as well?" I jumped up. "KINKY! No, no, no, no, no, no, she doesn't know what she's talking about, twilight!" I yelled as I started blushing myself. "Tell her you don't know what your talking about, Pinkie!" She was silent for a moment, but quickly went back to talking. Sometimes I wondered did she do things like this on purpose, just get a rouse out of me…well it worked. "Oooh! Can I have your banana now?" I slapped my hoof against my forehead and blushed even more to the point I thought steam would start bursting from her ears. "I-I-I-If you w-want to do THAT I have a spare bedroom. It's sound proof so n-nopony will hear."
My mouth dropped. Did anything I say get through to her? "No! Don't believe what she-" "That would be perfect! I'm one heck of a screamer." The next thing she said was practically like a bombshell on us. "Thanks a bunch Twilight, but Almondforth filled me up four times this morning." We both started at her in disbelief as she simply smiled at us. Oh! Are those the cupcakes we need, Spike?" well it was official, my life as of now to Twilight was one huge orgy, and it only took a mater off minutes to do so. I figured there would be no convincing her other wise. "Just don't tell anypony about this…" I said submissively. I turned to her to and she was as white as ash. "You must certainly be kept b-busy with her…huh?"
My face collided with my hoof again. "Why does nopony listen to me…?" I watched as Spike nestled the box filled with goodies on Pinkie Pie's back. "Come on, banana. I want to put YOU to good use." She shoved her head in between my legs and I backed away from her, scrambling to stay balanced. "Hey, not in Twilight's house!" Twilight perked up. "So you do…do THAT!" Twilight shouted out, pointing an accusing hoof at me. "No! I didn't mean it like that!" I looked over to her, my panic level rising and my eyes getting bigger as the little pony inside my head was feverishly pushing and abort button to just get out of there. "Do you think maybe…" Now it was Twilight's turn to drop a bomb. "Maybe, I can watch one day. I would love the chance to study pony mating rituals in person." "Goodbye, Twilight!" I shouted as I hastily shut the door. Twilight looked shocked at our sudden retreat. "I guess there just to busy to allow somepony to join them…" She thought.
"Jeez, Pinkie Pie!" I said scolding her slightly. She gave a lighthearted chuckle, the kind that she knew I couldn't resist and daintily gave me a peck on the lips. "Aw, come on Almondforth. I was just playing. Don't be such a stick in the mud." Me? A stick in the mud? I knew how to have fun, just not the type of fun she was talking about! My mouth fell open, a little to many times today for my taste and I was sure this wouldn't be the last. She flashed me a goofy grin as she trotted off ahead of me. "Always the playful pony." I said smiling. I guess that's why she's the one for me." I gave a reluctant sigh and went to catch up with her.
"Besides! Everypony in PONYVILLE knows how awesome you are with that banana of yours!" My face flushed red as several onlookers began snickering and talking amongst themselves.
"PINKIE PIE!"
THE END
Next up is: Rarity!
