Disclaimer: Okay, I don't own any IZ characters. I don't own anything
except the idiotic King and Queen and the fictional land of imbeciles that
they rule over. This is basically a parody of "Sleeping Beauty" and I
don't own that either. Wow! I don't own a lot of stuff! There is some
Red/Purple slash in here, but in this story, Red is a girl so I don't know
if that really counts as slash or not. Oh well, on with the story!
Fairytales of the Crazed Irken Invader
It's nighttime in Zim's base and Gir is running around and going crazy. Naturally, Zim is getting VERY annoyed.
Zim: Gir! Don't you ever sleep?!
Gir: I don't know.
Zim: You seem to be able to eat like those human stinkbeasts, why shouldn't you be able to sleep like them too?
Gir: Read me a bedtime story!
Zim: Fine! Whatever it takes for you to shut up!
Once upon a time.
Gir: When?
Zim: I don't know when!
Gir: You don't know a lot.
Zim: SILENCE! Do you want me to read you a bedtime story or not?!
Gir: I's gonna be quiet now!
Zim: Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there lived a King and a Queen who had everything they ever wanted. (Lucky creeps!) Everything except for a child. But one day, a daughter was born. She had the most beautiful red eyes, so they named her Red. (They weren't very creative, were they?) They invited all of the fairies in the kingdom to a party for Red. But the dunce that mailed out the invitations forgot to send one to one of the fairies.
On the day of the party, the fairies that attended each gave Princess Red a special, magical gift. The first fairy gave her a ball of lint. The second fairy gave her a trash can full of used diapers. But just as the last fairy, Happy Noodle Boy was about to give his gift to Princess Red, an evil looking fairy in a black tutu knocked down the doors and entered. The evil fairy, Dib, was upset at not being invited to the party, so he cast a spell on Princess Red, that on her sixteenth birthday, she would die from an extremely energy-consuming sugar high! Dib then forgot that he had knocked down the doors and flew right through a stained glass window. He got away, but was really scratched up. Some say that at night, when the moon is full, you can still hear him screaming, "There's glass in my tutu!"
This jumble of nonsensical words made Happy Noodle Boy extremely jealous. To spite Dib, he agreed to take Princess Red into the woods and make sure that she never encountered any sugar-high causing substances.
15 years and 364 days later.
HNB: Red! Go pork the granite monkey! (A/N: This is a reference to one of my other stories of insanity, "The Thing".)
Red: Whatever. * leaves the house with one of her boyfriends. Then they go to a cliff and watch the sun rise. Now, this boyfriend was very suicidal. He was also a vampire and hated the sunlight. When he saw the sun rise, he jumped off the cliff. * Red: Boyfriend # -1! I'll miss you! * sniff * * Then she goes to get some flowers for his corpse. While she is walking, she notices that someone with purple eyes was following her. * grabs the stalker by his antennae * Who are you and why are you following me? Purple: I am Prince Purple! I was following you because I am sure that I've met you before in a dream somewhere!
Red: Not in real life.
Purple: So?! Dreams count!
Red: I had a dream once that the sky was green and trees had blue leaves and sang "Lifestyles of the Rich and the Famous" all day. Does that mean it's real? Purple: Ummm. * consults a book entitled "Surefire Fairytale Pickup Lines" * Yes! Dreams where you meet someone are true! Yeah, that's right!
Red: Why am I not convinced?
Purple: Well, it's true!
Red: Is not!
Purple: Is too!
Red: Is not!
Purple: Is too!
Red: Is not!
5 hours later.
Happy Noodle Boy: Red! Get back here!
Red: So long, loser.
Purple: * waits for Red to leave, then cries hysterically *
Back at the cottage.
HNB: Something that translates into: Red, there's a secret that I've been keeping from you for the past 15 years and 364 days. You're a Princess and you're going back to your parents tonight, even though I'm not supposed to bring you back until the day after tomorrow ( Electrocute a Cheerleading Squad Day). But if there isn't any blatant stupidity on someone's part, then there wouldn't be any plot. So let's go now! Red: You're weird, you know that?
HNB: Pigs are green! (Am not!)
Red: Are too!
HNB: Pigs are green!
Red: Are too!
HNB: Pigs are green!
3 A.M. the next morning.
HNB: Something that translates into: Shut up and let's go already!
At the castle of Red's parents.
HNB: Open up! Or I will tickle you with the antennae I ripped off of an Irken that didn't let me out of the closet!
Maid: * opens the door and lets Red and HNB in * My, Princess Red, you do look tired! Here's something that should give you some energy. * gives Red a brainfreezy with extra sugar *
Red: Thanks! * drinks it and then has an extreme sugar high in which she literally bounces off the walls and ceiling before crashing down on the floor as the sugar high wore off. *
Maid: HAHAHA!!! * rips off the costume to reveal that she, umm, he is the evil fairy, Dib! Wow! He still has glass in his tutu. *
Dib: Now for the cheesy, romantic part of the story!
HNB: I despise the wrath of yellow sponges! Translation: Purple! Now is the part of the plot that all of the conscious members of the audience hate! It's the stupid kissing scene!
Purple: Go to hell, I'm not kissing that stuffy princess! I like the girl that I met in the woods and that I was trying to convince I met in a dream!
HNB: Pink is the devil's favorite color! Cheerleaders have no brains! Translation: Thank you! I've been there and it's quite lovely. As for the princess, she is the same girl that you met in the woods, you idiot! Now just cooperate so we can get this story over with! Purple: Oh. But why do I have to do it in front of all these people? * points to person in the audience (A/N: Yes, I know you're there! Bow down to my spooky Authory Powers!) * Red: SHUT UUUUUPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!! Can't I get some sleep after what was supposed to be a fatal sugar high?!
Dib: * suddenly reappears * Yeah! Why didn't it work?
HNB: Because pigs have orange wings! Translation: Because you're stupid!
Dib: Am not!
HNB: Horses are blue! ( Are too! )
Dib: Am not!
HNB: Horses are blue!
Dib: Am not!
HNB: Horses are blue!
3 days later.
Purple: Let's ditch this place, I want snacks.
Red: You like snacks too?
Purple: Wow! We're so compatible! Let's get married!
At the wedding, Happy Noodle Boy and Dib have finally stopped arguing and apologized to each other.
Dib: Isn't that a lovely blue dress Red is wearing?
HNB: Backstreet Boys don't write their own songs! Translation: It would look better if it was green. * turns the dress green *
Dib: Jerk! Blue is better! * tuns it blue again *
HNB: Backstreet Boys don't write their own songs! * green *
Dib: * blue *
HNB: * green *
Dib: * blue *
HNB: * green *
This continues until Dib's powers short-circuit two hours later, putting a curse on all of Red and Purple's descendants. This was especially true for someone by the name of Johnny C.
THE END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A/N: Yayzz! I'm finally done with another insane fanfic! Oh, and I don't own Happy Noodle Boy or Johnny either.
It's nighttime in Zim's base and Gir is running around and going crazy. Naturally, Zim is getting VERY annoyed.
Zim: Gir! Don't you ever sleep?!
Gir: I don't know.
Zim: You seem to be able to eat like those human stinkbeasts, why shouldn't you be able to sleep like them too?
Gir: Read me a bedtime story!
Zim: Fine! Whatever it takes for you to shut up!
Once upon a time.
Gir: When?
Zim: I don't know when!
Gir: You don't know a lot.
Zim: SILENCE! Do you want me to read you a bedtime story or not?!
Gir: I's gonna be quiet now!
Zim: Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there lived a King and a Queen who had everything they ever wanted. (Lucky creeps!) Everything except for a child. But one day, a daughter was born. She had the most beautiful red eyes, so they named her Red. (They weren't very creative, were they?) They invited all of the fairies in the kingdom to a party for Red. But the dunce that mailed out the invitations forgot to send one to one of the fairies.
On the day of the party, the fairies that attended each gave Princess Red a special, magical gift. The first fairy gave her a ball of lint. The second fairy gave her a trash can full of used diapers. But just as the last fairy, Happy Noodle Boy was about to give his gift to Princess Red, an evil looking fairy in a black tutu knocked down the doors and entered. The evil fairy, Dib, was upset at not being invited to the party, so he cast a spell on Princess Red, that on her sixteenth birthday, she would die from an extremely energy-consuming sugar high! Dib then forgot that he had knocked down the doors and flew right through a stained glass window. He got away, but was really scratched up. Some say that at night, when the moon is full, you can still hear him screaming, "There's glass in my tutu!"
This jumble of nonsensical words made Happy Noodle Boy extremely jealous. To spite Dib, he agreed to take Princess Red into the woods and make sure that she never encountered any sugar-high causing substances.
15 years and 364 days later.
HNB: Red! Go pork the granite monkey! (A/N: This is a reference to one of my other stories of insanity, "The Thing".)
Red: Whatever. * leaves the house with one of her boyfriends. Then they go to a cliff and watch the sun rise. Now, this boyfriend was very suicidal. He was also a vampire and hated the sunlight. When he saw the sun rise, he jumped off the cliff. * Red: Boyfriend # -1! I'll miss you! * sniff * * Then she goes to get some flowers for his corpse. While she is walking, she notices that someone with purple eyes was following her. * grabs the stalker by his antennae * Who are you and why are you following me? Purple: I am Prince Purple! I was following you because I am sure that I've met you before in a dream somewhere!
Red: Not in real life.
Purple: So?! Dreams count!
Red: I had a dream once that the sky was green and trees had blue leaves and sang "Lifestyles of the Rich and the Famous" all day. Does that mean it's real? Purple: Ummm. * consults a book entitled "Surefire Fairytale Pickup Lines" * Yes! Dreams where you meet someone are true! Yeah, that's right!
Red: Why am I not convinced?
Purple: Well, it's true!
Red: Is not!
Purple: Is too!
Red: Is not!
Purple: Is too!
Red: Is not!
5 hours later.
Happy Noodle Boy: Red! Get back here!
Red: So long, loser.
Purple: * waits for Red to leave, then cries hysterically *
Back at the cottage.
HNB: Something that translates into: Red, there's a secret that I've been keeping from you for the past 15 years and 364 days. You're a Princess and you're going back to your parents tonight, even though I'm not supposed to bring you back until the day after tomorrow ( Electrocute a Cheerleading Squad Day). But if there isn't any blatant stupidity on someone's part, then there wouldn't be any plot. So let's go now! Red: You're weird, you know that?
HNB: Pigs are green! (Am not!)
Red: Are too!
HNB: Pigs are green!
Red: Are too!
HNB: Pigs are green!
3 A.M. the next morning.
HNB: Something that translates into: Shut up and let's go already!
At the castle of Red's parents.
HNB: Open up! Or I will tickle you with the antennae I ripped off of an Irken that didn't let me out of the closet!
Maid: * opens the door and lets Red and HNB in * My, Princess Red, you do look tired! Here's something that should give you some energy. * gives Red a brainfreezy with extra sugar *
Red: Thanks! * drinks it and then has an extreme sugar high in which she literally bounces off the walls and ceiling before crashing down on the floor as the sugar high wore off. *
Maid: HAHAHA!!! * rips off the costume to reveal that she, umm, he is the evil fairy, Dib! Wow! He still has glass in his tutu. *
Dib: Now for the cheesy, romantic part of the story!
HNB: I despise the wrath of yellow sponges! Translation: Purple! Now is the part of the plot that all of the conscious members of the audience hate! It's the stupid kissing scene!
Purple: Go to hell, I'm not kissing that stuffy princess! I like the girl that I met in the woods and that I was trying to convince I met in a dream!
HNB: Pink is the devil's favorite color! Cheerleaders have no brains! Translation: Thank you! I've been there and it's quite lovely. As for the princess, she is the same girl that you met in the woods, you idiot! Now just cooperate so we can get this story over with! Purple: Oh. But why do I have to do it in front of all these people? * points to person in the audience (A/N: Yes, I know you're there! Bow down to my spooky Authory Powers!) * Red: SHUT UUUUUPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!! Can't I get some sleep after what was supposed to be a fatal sugar high?!
Dib: * suddenly reappears * Yeah! Why didn't it work?
HNB: Because pigs have orange wings! Translation: Because you're stupid!
Dib: Am not!
HNB: Horses are blue! ( Are too! )
Dib: Am not!
HNB: Horses are blue!
Dib: Am not!
HNB: Horses are blue!
3 days later.
Purple: Let's ditch this place, I want snacks.
Red: You like snacks too?
Purple: Wow! We're so compatible! Let's get married!
At the wedding, Happy Noodle Boy and Dib have finally stopped arguing and apologized to each other.
Dib: Isn't that a lovely blue dress Red is wearing?
HNB: Backstreet Boys don't write their own songs! Translation: It would look better if it was green. * turns the dress green *
Dib: Jerk! Blue is better! * tuns it blue again *
HNB: Backstreet Boys don't write their own songs! * green *
Dib: * blue *
HNB: * green *
Dib: * blue *
HNB: * green *
This continues until Dib's powers short-circuit two hours later, putting a curse on all of Red and Purple's descendants. This was especially true for someone by the name of Johnny C.
THE END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A/N: Yayzz! I'm finally done with another insane fanfic! Oh, and I don't own Happy Noodle Boy or Johnny either.
