"Seriously guys, I don't believe it!", Cuddy was really annoyed when she found her two department heads in an exam room again. They were watching TV and enjoyed a huge bag of chips.
"Really, Dr. Wilson. I expect this behavior from House but you? Why do you always follow his evil role model?"
"Shh!", House interrupted her speech. "I can't understand a single word. Come back later!"
"HOUSE!", Cuddy yelled and took away his little TV. "You go back to oncology", she pointed at Wilson, "and you will use the exam rooms to treat patients for a while. Now!"
House and Wilson both sighed and started grumping but they got up and did as they were told. On his way back to the clinic House tried to get his TV back but Cuddy kept it.
"Your mummy can come and get it at the end of the year!", she smirked and vanished into her office.
"I thought you were my mummy!", House yelled after her. He took a file and went into an exam room. This time with a patient.
His work enthusiasm didn't hold long though because 15 minutes later he left the clinic and went back upstairs. He was hungry but out of money again. And attending the ATM to get some money from his bank account was out of the question. No, he had his own private bank up there in oncology. But first he visited his team to get the news about their latest patient. He ordered some more tests and vanished out on his balcony. Wilson was buried in paperwork and so he was not really annoyed when his friend visited him again.
"Cuddy will be very pissed when she finds out", he greeted his buddy.
House shrugged. "So she better doesn't find out. Let's go."
"Where are we going?", Wilson wondered.
"Anywhere Cuddy doesn't find us. I'd prefer a place where they serve beer."
"House, it's half past ten in the morning."
"That's why I said beer and not bourbon."
They had a lucky escape three hours earlier but when they returned to the hospital Cuddy waited for them already.
"This is really beyond funny! You guys can't always work hours for your entertainment. Where have you been?"
"There was this really sick woman and we had to…."
"Oh shut up, House! Tomorrow you guys will work in the clinic the entire day!", she ordered them.
Wilson complained. "You can't do this. I have patients to take care of."
"Yeah, so do I!", House joined the complaint.
"You can do your job everywhere House. You spend your time everywhere but in your office anyway. And you had obviously time for bowling today so you have time for the clinic tomorrow. I'm sure you'll find a way to deal with both. You guys should be glad. This way you can spend the entire day together."
House raised an eyebrow.
"You do realize that we are not a couple, right?"
Cuddy smiled. "Yes, I do. Still you spend too much time together during work hours. I wonder if you will ever get tired of each other."
"You're just jealous!", Wilson smirked.
"Oh right. Being House's best friend. Damn it I really wish it was me!"
Cuddy was challenged now.
"I bet the two of you couldn't spend a week together. You would drive each other nuts after two days."
"Already proved you wrong. He moved in once and stayed longer than a week", House explained.
"But you guys were not stuck with each other 24/7 then", Cuddy objected.
"Well, we'll never know.", House mumbled and was about to leave.
"Oh come on, House. You guys spend half your time playing games. Now I want to join in and you run away?"
House turned around.
"Why is this so important for you?"
"If you have enough of Wilson for a while and vice versa maybe you would do your job a little bit more often."
"So what are you suggesting?", Wilson asked her now.
"The two of you will spend an entire week together. 24 hours a day. If House has to pee you'll accompany him and if you treat your cancer patients House can help. You won't be separated for a single moment."
"And how will you make sure we don't cheat?", House wondered.
Cuddy smiled. "Just come on and follow me into my office."
House and Wilson exchanged skeptical looks but followed her. The dean was already sitting behind her desk and searching in a drawer.
"Ah, there you are", she smirked and brought out a pair of handcuffs.
"No way!", both the men yelled simultaneously.
"Oh come on. It's just a week."
"Are you nuts? I can't treat patients while holding hands with House!", Wilson said.
"And I can't think while listening to his endless discussions and advices."
"Alright, alright. I forgot what a bunch of chickens I have here in front of me. So go back to work and don't forget to show up here 8 am tomorrow for your extra clinic shift."
Cuddy sat down and opened a file lying in front of her.
Wilson and House looked at each other again.
"What's in there for us?", Wilson finally asked.
"What do you want?"
"No clinic hours!", House said immediately.
"For how long?"
"Until my retirement would be great."
Cuddy laughed. "Yeah right. You won't retire here, House. One day I'll have to fire you we both know it."
"One year. No clinic hours for one year."
Cuddy shook her head.
"A month. You won't do any work the next 7 days anyway so I offer a month."
"Two months", House went on bargaining.
"Ok", Cuddy agreed.
Wilson looked confused and interrupted them. "Excuse us for a moment."
He took House aside. "Are you sure about this?"
"Come on, Wilson. It's just a week. And there is always a way to cheat. Don't worry."
Wilson thought it over. He sighed heavily because he already regretted it.
"But no hookers and you won't get drunk!"
House smiled and turned to Cuddy.
"It's a deal."
Cuddy nodded.
"Good. If you guys make it a week you are off clinic duty for two months each. If I win you will clean my entire house every Saturday for 2 months. Don't worry House, I'll get rid of the interesting stuff before I let you in."
They shook hands to settle the deal.
"So, give me your hands!", Cuddy ordered them.
"Why do you have handcuffs in your desk?", House wondered.
Cuddy smirked. "Well, that's for you to find out. Give me your hand."
"I'll be on the left side", House announced.
"No you're not. I'm left-handed and you use your right hand for everything. It would be stupid. Go back on the right side."
House shook his head.
"I have a medical reason. I have to be on the left side."
"Now I'm curious", Wilson mumbled.
"For years now I'm using my cane on the wrong side. If I'm forced to share my life with you during the next week I can also use it for therapy. This way I'm forced to use my left hand for my cane. Maybe I get used to it and my right shoulder will be more than grateful."
"I have to say, Wilson. That makes sense", Cuddy said.
Wilson sighed. "Fine."
So the two of them lost their freedom when the handcuffs closed around House's right and Wilson's left wrist.
"I hate this already!", Wilson announced.
"Me too. At least I get to drive the car."
Wilson looked pissed off. "So that's the reason you wanted to be on the left side? So you can drive?"
House shrugged. "You think I will get bored to death in your passenger seat? Come on, let's go."
"Have fun, boys! See you next Monday with the keys", Cuddy yelled after them.
Monday afternoon, Day 1
They came about ten feet before their new situation got between them for the first time. The staff and the patients in the clinic observed the odd couple suspiciously. Nurse Brenda shook her head. These guys were up to something again.
"Come on, I got work to do", Wilson said and walked over to the elevators but was stopped immediately because House didn't follow him.
"Ouch!", Wilson complained and rubbed his left wrist.
"What's the matter with you?"
"I want a red sucker", House said and pointed at the nurse's counter.
Wilson rolled his eyes.
"Cuddy was right. We won't make it. I'll kill you before the end of the week."
House smirked. "Then it's a good thing you get used to the handcuffs."
After House got his sucker he dragged Wilson into an exam room.
"Seriously, House. I have to work. No time for TV right now", Wilson complained while House went through the medical equipment in the cabinet.
"No TV", he snapped and handed his buddy a bandage.
"What now?", Wilson asked confused.
"You know what your wrist will look like in a week? Put this around your wrist."
"That's pretty smart. Thank God you made your experiences with handcuffs", Wilson smirked.
When they were done House checked his watch.
"It's 5 pm. Let's get out of here", he told his buddy but Wilson shook his head.
"I'm not done for the day. I got paperwork to do I told you."
House rolled his eyes.
"You think I'll sit in your office while you go through your files?"
Wilson shrugged. "Guess you have to. Maybe you could catch up your own work."
House chuckled. "Right. I could also go to your oncology ward and read to the dying cancer kids while I'm at it. Wrap up your papers and let's go home. You can do your secretary's work everywhere."
Wilson regretted this bet already. But discussing with House was useless so he gave in.
They went upstairs to Wilson's office to collect his briefcase and his files. After this they visited House's office as well to get his stuff.
"What's going on now, House?", Foreman asked in an annoyed voice when he saw them.
House shrugged. "Nothing."
"So there's no reason for the chain holding the two of you close to each other?"
"Wilson has issues with relationships. It's therapy. A week like this and he'll be healed", House explained.
"I smell a bet!", Taub announced.
House went through the latest test results in the file.
"I smell a long night for you guys. Knock yourselves out and get a decent history", he ordered them before the two department heads left for the day.
Wilson obviously had a problem since he seemed somehow embarrassed. House detected it immediately.
"What's up?", he asked him while they waited for the elevator.
"Nothing. I'm fine."
House smirked. "Tell me already. I know that look."
"I have to pee", Wilson finally mumbled.
House laughed. "So what? You thought you could make it the entire week without? Here's some shocking news maybe I have to take a dump later."
"This is ridiculous", House announced five minutes later when Wilson was still trying to find some relieve. House was examining the wall tiles because Wilson had forbidden him to look in his direction. "Come on, Jimmy."
"Don't rush me!", Wilson snapped.
"We've been standing here next to each other often enough. What's the sudden feeling of shame?", House wondered.
"Your hand has never been so close to the crime scene so far", Wilson mumbled.
"You are pathetic", House stated. He turned towards the urinal he was standing next to unzipped his pants with his free hand and peed. Half a minute later his pants were zipped again.
"See? That wasn't so hard. Now pee or we're out of here."
Wilson sighed. That would be a very long week and he decided right that moment to drink as less as possible.
Five more minutes and the oncologist was finally done. They washed their hands and were ready to leave.
In the hall outside the clinic they met Cuddy.
"So how have you guys been so far?"
"Wilson is going to wet his pants a few times this week", House told her.
"I don't want to know the reason for that", Cuddy decided. "Have a nice evening, boys."
