The usual disclaimers apply: the character of Bill Compton belongs to Charlaine Harris and Alan Ball. All the others are my own.
The Devil You Know
It had been several months now since Bill and I had returned from the horror of that house and neither of us had escaped unscathed from the experience. I still had occasional nightmares of falling into darkness or of being thrown into a cold, dark cell and left to wait for death.
Bill...well, Bill was somehow both changed and yet also still the same. Most of the time he was the Bill I had always known, gentle and loving, at least with me. I had always felt that I could sense his strength through the blood bond but now I could feel more than that. He carried an aura about him of enormous power somehow held in perfect balance. I had always been able to feel his love for me, but now there was a darker part to him as well, the part I associated with Lilith, a kind of black well of energy, made up of equal parts lust, hunger and self-loathing.
I could tell that his hunger had increased since the arrival of his unwanted guest and I could only guess that it was hers. He was wary now of feeding from me and I knew that he was afraid that he would lose control and that he hated the feeling, the knowledge that he might hurt me. He looked tired and when he took me in his arms there was a kind of desperation in his kisses, as though he were afraid each time we made love that it might be the last.
There had been endless meetings, conferences and seminars with different vampire groups and almost as many with humans. The Authority cosseted him and guarded him constantly, attempting to display him like some kind of trophy. At first his security detail had tried to keep him isolated, away from ordinary people, but Bill refused steadfastly to put up with this. His first appearance on TV with Ulrich, who had calmly told the story of what had happened in the hallway of Darius's house whilst sitting alongside a creature in the shape of a handsome man with skin the colour of blood, had ignited a media frenzy. The house had been surrounded by photographers for days. Then, when they had gone, the vampires began arriving. Like medieval pilgrims, first in ones and twos, then in groups. They brought gifts for him and wanted only to see him, perhaps speak with him for a moment. His security tried to keep them away but Bill insisted on seeing them, speaking with them. He told me that Lilith needed to meet ordinary vampires, those who lived in today's world. She needed to hear their thoughts, to understand how they lived and what they wanted.
He was the best weapon The Authority had in their fight to bring vampires into the real world. They arrived in awe of him, intending only to worship him, but they left having witnessed the strength and power of the Goddess combined with Bill's innate kindness and common sense, inspired to carry away the message of mainstreaming, of peaceful co-existence.
Bill had recruited Gerry as a kind of PA and he and Susie had moved in with us. I hadn't been too sure about this at first but Gerry proved to be a natural manager dealing with everyone who came to see Bill with equal charm and patience. Susie's media experience was a great help to him and her sweet nature soon won me over. I had to admit that I appreciated having another human around.
Then there was Azaria. When we had first returned to the Mill House Azaria was back from her sojourn with Dan and Bill had asked me to leave them alone together for a while to talk. Somewhat reluctantly I had agreed and had sat, patiently in the front room while Bill attempted to explain to Azaria what had happened to him. It was several hours later when the door opened and she came out looking stunned.
"Alex?" she whispered, coming over to me. "Bill told me what happened!" She took my arm and directed me into the lounge. We sat down on the sofa and she sat for a moment staring into the fire, her expression blank and empty. "I've read the Testament" she said suddenly. "Ulrich gave me a copy in Sorrento, I wanted to learn more about our kind, well more that Lazlo had told me, so I read it. We talked about it, Bill and I. I asked him questions and he...he answered me, but...he never seemed as if he believed it! He never told me a word about Berenice, about the shrine or the blood." She turned to me with a questioning expression.
"No, me neither" I said. "I understand that he swore to her that he would never reveal anything about her, and he never did. Not until she came to England." I gave a little smile, "a man of his word, our Bill!"
"Is it really true?" she asked. "The spirit of the Goddess is in him?"
"Oh yes!" I answered quietly. "she is."
Azaria said nothing. She just sat beside me on the sofa staring into the fire. "He told me what had happened to you" she said, without looking at me. "You could have been killed...he could have killed you!" She turned her head slightly. Just enough for her huge, dark eyes to meet mine. "Thank you" she said.
At dusk on that first night after we had returned to the Mill House I climbed wearily out of bed and headed for the bathroom. Alex was already up and I could hear her moving about upstairs. Perhaps a shower would help, I thought. As I opened the bathroom door and walked towards the open shower I felt myself hesitate for a moment. I heard a faint voice in my head. What is this? It's just a shower I thought patiently. It won't hurt you! I stepped into the cubicle and switched on the shower. I had spared no expense on my bathroom at the Mill House and hot water poured out, not only from the shower heads set into the ceiling of the cubicle but also from jets set into the walls. I felt my body flinch in surprise and then relax as Lilith felt the water on my skin. Hmm...this is nice! She thought. It is like being in the rain, but inside...and so hot! I sighed and squeezed shampoo onto my hands. Ah yes, I remember this. The voice slid into my mind as I soaped my hair. You may not recall it as you had not yet been woken by your little pet. I thought she sounded annoyed with Alex, but apparently I was wrong. I may have misjudged her my friend, she said softly. She certainly appears to please you...
Suddenly there was a memory, where before there had been nothing. I was standing in a shower under a spray of hot water. I looked down and Alex was kneeling at my feet washing my legs. I could feel her soft, warm hands rubbing gently at my skin, cleaning off the dried blood. She glanced up at me and, with a shock, I saw the fear in her eyes. She was afraid of me, of course she was, who could blame her? She lowered her head and I felt her wet hair brush across my thigh. You see William, even the memory of her touch brings you pleasure. I looked down at myself and sighed. She gave a little chuckle. You think that I cannot affect this body, that you have control but you see that you are wrong! Ah, but you see, I can do this...I reached for the lever that controlled the temperature, turned it to cold and was immediately drenched in ice cold water. I felt Lilith gasp and disappear, presumably to some warmer area of my subconscious mind. I looked down at myself again and laughed. Well that's sorted that out as well! I thought as I turned off the water and stepped out of the cubicle.
After the first few months her deep feelings of anger, malice and resentment had seemed to ease and since then Lilith and I had come to a kind of accommodation. She had begun to accept that it would take far too much effort and struggle on her part to force me to comply with her will since I would fight her every step of the way. Instead she agreed to allow me control and not to try to influence me as I slept while in return I agreed to do everything I could to help Ulrich and The Authority to put forward their agenda of peaceful co-operation.
It had taken a while but she had come to accept that a takeover by vampires was not only impossible but would only lead to disaster. As I had explained to Berenice, she was the originator of the vampire race and the mother of us all, she truly did not mean us harm. I had tried to imagine how I would feel if I had spent thousands of years brooding over a terrible wrong that had been done to me and came to the conclusion that I might well show the kind of hatred and bitterness towards humans that she had felt. Don't get me wrong, she certainly did not like humans, but she was prepared to tolerate them. Our major difference of opinion was over Alex.
To Lilith, she was food, nothing more. She seemed truly unable to understand how I felt about her. I have no objections to her she said sweetly. By all means, keep her if you wish. She is useful after all. That is not why she is here! I thought. She gives you pleasure does she not...and sustenance? Why else would you keep a human? I love her, I growled. Why is it that someone with your knowledge and experience cannot understand this simple concept! Even if she did not allow me to feed from her and to make love to her, I would still want her to stay with me. I could feel Lilith's surprise at this statement. She allows you to do these things? She has a choice in the matter? she asked incredulously. Yes, she does! But she does not truly understand the danger, does she, the prey never does. Alex is not prey! I snapped. If you continue to feed on her William, that is exactly what she is. Her voice poured into my head like poisoned honey. She enjoys it doesn't she, they always do, and it makes them reckless. When prey has been taken so many times they stop caring about death. There's only the pleasure of being fed apon. They care nothing for the danger. There's no thought involved, no judgement, no hesitation, only need and desire. There was a soft laugh and suddenly I was alone in my head. Lilith appeared to have faded away, leaving me free to consider her words.
I was sitting at the dressing table brushing my hair when Bill finally arrived after one of his interminable meetings. I glanced up into the mirror and watched him walk over to me. He came up behind me and slipped his arms around me with a smile, leaning down to plant a gentle kiss on my cheek. "Mmm...you know the only thing that kept me going through that meeting was the thought of holding you in my arms as soon as we had finished" he murmured into my ear.
I leaned back on the stool, turning my face up to him. "I was beginning to think you'd never get away!"
He smiled down at me. "Ulrich and his team have left and Gerry's gone to bed with a file of paperwork the size of "War and Peace", Susie will probably never forgive me!"
"Oh I'm sure she'll cope" I said. "How about you? You look tired."
"Just a little" he answered, tightening his arms around me and lifting me up off the stool. "But not so tired that I can't give you what you want..."
"And what's that?" I whispered as he carried me over to the bed and laid me down gently on the covers.
"Whatever you like sweetheart" he said softly stepping up to the side of the bed. He was wearing a smart dark grey pinstripe suit and I knelt upright on the bed and reached up to unfasten his tie. He shrugged out of his jacket and turned to place it over the back of a chair. I sat back on my heels on the covers and watched him undress, quickly and neatly, folding the suit trousers over the back of the same chair. He came over to the bed and knelt before me on the covers, reaching forward to slip the silk gown back off my shoulders. The coffee coloured gown slid down over my arms into a silken pool on the bed around my knees. For a moment he simply knelt there before me, gazing at me as if he were trying to memorise every inch of my body. The he reached forward and pulled me closer, close enough to brush his lips gently over mine.
A little tingle run down my spine at his touch and I leaned forward, giving myself up to his kiss. I felt a cool hand run down my spine and brush over the swell of my buttocks as Bill leaned closer and pulled my body tight against his. We knelt on the bed, our bodies moulded together, Bill's tongue gently caressing my lips until I began to sense his rising excitement through the blood bond. As I pressed myself against him I felt further evidence of his arousal and a shiver ran through me as his hard length began to press against my stomach. His lips pulled away from mine and began to trace tiny delicate kisses down my throat to my breasts as he carefully laid me down on the pillows.
As his kisses trailed down my stomach I felt his hand move up my thigh, his long delicate fingers slipping into my already wet folds, gently testing and caressing me. As he did so I felt a surge of lust through the bond and, for a moment I wasn't sure that it was actually his. Then his fingers brushed over the spot which had swollen with my own arousal and I found that I didn't care. I just wanted him. I gave a little moan and pushed myself up towards him, shifting a little on the pillows to give him easier access. He smiled down at me and reached between his own legs for his hardened member, taking it in his hand and rubbing it over my wet slippery flesh. I gave another moan and began to wriggle against him frantically as he positioned himself carefully at my entrance and lay still, allowing me to push myself onto him with a sigh of pleasure.
Afterwards, when I lay in his arms, still panting slightly and feeling little shivers running through me, I realised that, although I had felt his lips nuzzling at my throat, he had not bitten me, had not fed from me. I leaned forward and kissed his bare shoulder, nibbling gently at his skin.
"What's wrong darling?" I asked. "I know you're hungry..."
He stared bleakly up at the ceiling for a moment, trying to put his thoughts into words for me. "I...I can't. Not after everything that's happened..." He turned on his side to face me. "Every time I think of it, when I imagine myself feeding from you, all I can see are those cells...those people, kept there as food." He looked at me, his eyes pink with unshed tears. "I know that everyone who comes here, human and vampire, thinks that is why I keep you with me...for food. I know that Lilith believes that. They think that I advocate peaceful co-existence, that I push forward the mainstreaming agenda, persuade other vampires to drink Tru Blood, and at the same time I keep a human girl in my home to feed from myself. What does that make me Alex? A hypocrite of the worst kind!"
I put my arms around him and held him to me. "Oh come on Bill, if you kept me chained up in the cellar to feed from, then you would be a hypocrite. But you don't, they know that. I could leave at any time. I've not been glamoured and kept here against my will. For heaven's sake you don't even feed from me any more!" I looked up at him, but he wouldn't meet my eyes. "That's not all of it is it?" I asked. "There's something more?"
He sighed and look me in the eyes. "It's Lilith" he admitted with a sigh. "She thinks that, deep down, I regard you as prey, that if I continue to feed on you that it will prove that is all you are to me. She thinks that I have drawn you in, made you addicted to being fed on...and she's right, it's what we do."
"What!" I was shocked. "You believed her!"
"But it's true Alex" he said quietly. "You enjoy it...don't you?"
"Well...yes. But that's not the only reason, you know that. I want to feed you, you need it, you know you do..." I reached out and stroked his pale cheek gently. "You're hungry...and I love you..." I pushed him gently onto his back and climbed astride him, shifting my body carefully to allow him to ease himself back inside me. I felt a little shudder run through him as I moved myself forward, tightening muscles deep inside me to squeeze him, hold him. I felt another surge of lust through the bond and he suddenly reared up holding me firmly by the hips and rolled over so that I lay crushed beneath him in the pillows. His long curved fangs were fully extended and he lowered his head to my neck and began to lick at his favourite spot. He paused and looked down into my eyes. "Are you sure?" he asked.
"Yes Bill, yes I'm sure."
I expected him to strike hard and drink deeply, I could see how hungry he was, but he didn't. Instead he bit gently down and then sealed his lips around the wounds and sucked carefully. After a few mouthfuls he pulled back and looked down at me. His lips and fangs were red with my blood, his tongue deep red as well as it slipped out to lick his lips carefully. "Are you okay?" he whispered to me.
"Yes, yes, I'm fine" I murmured, feeling the shuddering pleasure of his bite deep within me.
He bent his head and drank again, careful not to take too much, but enough to slake his thirst. I lay back on the pillows as he licked tenderly at the little wounds, careful not to waste a drop of my precious blood.
"There..." I murmured to him softly seeing, at last, that slight flush to his skin which showed that he had fed. We had no need to say anything more and we lay wrapped in each other's arms until the dawn came. I looked down at him sleeping peacefully, his dark head on my shoulder and I knew that I would do anything to help him, give him anything he needed from me, whatever the cost. Lilith was right, I knew the risks and I didn't care, but it wasn't because of the pleasure, it was because for the first time I knew what it was to love someone else more than my life.
