Standard Disclaimer: Paramount owns Voyager and Characters ,I own the story.

In Whatever House I Enter
By: Anne Rosemary Mc.Sommers

In whatever house I enter it is always the same story, and it always ends the same, in devastation and despair. Others say I did not kill them, did not cause the destruction that it is not my fault. It never is though, though I always can think back and find that thing that one tangible evidence that makes it my fault. Now here I am surrounded by the burning ruins of a ship that was my home. A home in which I was surrounded by people
who I cared about and cared about me. Like all my other homes before it, it didn't last. Once again I have lost my Family.

The first time I lost my birth family, a mother whom I loved as a child should, sisters who even though they teased me taught me how to really care, and a father who though never showed it loved me more than I will ever know. Who needs them, I thought they didn't need me enough to hang on.

Then I entered the academy and fell in love with the most wonderful woman in the world and made what I thought to be the best friends I ever had, but in an instant the woman I loved died and the friends I had made wandered away, away from me the cursed boy. Then when I was kicked out of the academy at 17 I went out on my own young and naïve about the world one day I wandered into a new home.

It was called Sandrine's. There I made another family. I found a new mother Sandrine, and a bunch of bar hounds who taught me more about life than anyone I never knew. But that all ended when I was sent to prison. Those three years I was on my own, just me.

Then an auburn haired woman walked up and asked me if I wanted to go for a ride on her ship. I only accepted because of how much she reminded me of my own mother. Then when her and the ship we were on got stranded on the other side of the galaxy I found a new home. Before this I only had bits and pieces, a mother here, a lover there but here I got it all and more. A captain and first officer who I thought of as parents, a tactical officer who was such a good friend to me, a doctor who was as a older brother still learning about life himself, an ex-Borg like a little sister teaching her about family and love, a half-klingon who became the love of my life and a daughter Naomi who even though she was not really mine looked up to me more than anyone ever had before. I did it too. I piloted that ship, by captains orders all the way home. Then when we were at earth's door step I made that mistake I was waiting for the one that would cost me it all.

Now I am standing in the ruins of my home, the only survivor of holocaust that killed all I loved, and I look back on what devastation I have caused and realize something. That this life is not worth living, if I live will I continue to be a murderer, killing innocents, people whom I love. If this is life than why should I continue on? A few hours from now they will find my body here among the rubble and say it was suicide, the useless result of survivor's guilt, but I will know how useful it was how many people I will save by committing this act.

I Thomas Eugene Paris will die here today for the good of the many, in honor of all those who have died before.

I write this story down before I kill myself to show others what they have, what their homes are worth and to cherish them so they do not have to meet the same cruel end as I……………………