Hey y'all, it's me! Just tryin' my hand at a little Shules. I found Juliet a little dry, so I'm trying to add some spice to her character--sorry if she's not totally as she would be in the show. I'm not that into it right now, so forgive me if it doesn't get finished cuz I started this a while ago--I might just make it a oneshot. But anyway, here you go! Read and please please please review!
Juliet O'Hara leaned back in her desk chair, smoothed her hair and heaved a sigh. It was 8 o' clock on a Friday night and people were starting to file out of the police department and begin their weekends. There was an excited energy among the officers, that thrilling buzz everyone got when they'd just wrapped up a big case.
The case, of course, had been mostly solved by the SBPD's goofball psychic detective, Shawn Spencer (with help, of course, from his not-so-divinely-gifted best friend, Burton Guster). It had not been one of Jules's favorite cases, of course, seeing as 1) she got the privilege of doing the paperwork, 2) it involved a lot of screaming children and 3) an orphaned baby who she'd had to care for.
She'd started out a bit wary of the child, frightened by its screaming, sometimes. But Shawn had been a big help--a natural-born kid-charmer--and the two had made quite the adoptive parents. It was just like the time they'd pretended to be parents to squeeze information out of those horrible Red Balloon Nanny Agency people. God, that had been fun. In this case, they'd gone undercover again, posing little Braden as their own to get info from a tight-knit group of suburban country club parents. Turns out, when the head of the group found out Braden's father had left his mother, she didn't want their group getting a bad reputation so she murdered poor Brady's mommy. They'd solved the case with help, of course, from their nanny (no, sorry, manny), Burton Guster.
The only awkward moment during the case had occurred when she, Shawn, Gus, Carlton and the Chief had all been in Karen's office. Chief had wanted to warn them that half of the wives in the Country-Clubbers group were pregnant.
"...and believe me," she'd said, "you do not want to push a pregnant woman's buttons."
"Amen to that!" Jules had said jokingly, recalling her wild college days....Then she noticed the other four staring at her like she'd just announced she had two vaginas. Jules stuttered like a deer caught in headlights, turning to Chief Vick. "I mean, we've all had our scares, right?" she said, laughing nervously. Lassie, who was more protective of her than her father and brother combined, looked like a pug who'd just seen a squirrel and whose eyes were about to pop out of his head.
Jules chuckled in her seat, remembering the uncomfortable exchange.
"Something funny?" Shawn whispered, right over her shoulder. Jules jumped, startled. She put a hand over her chest, feeling her heart pounding.
"Don't do that!" she scolded, but she was smiling widely.
Shawn grinned that goofy little grin of his, scooting some of her stuff over so he could sit on her desk. Always restless, he kicked his legs against her file cabinets. Idly she wondered what hell his teachers must've had to go through in grade school...
"Seriously, whatcha thinkin' about?" he questioned. "Lemme guess...me in a Speedo sailing through clouds in the sky?"
Normally Jules would've just rolled her eyes and sighed, but she was feeling particularly flirty today, so she said,
"Oh, yes. Except you forgot the part where you're carrying me in a bikini in your arms."
Shawn's eyes widened with glee, and he laughed. She did, too.
"Where's Gus?" Jules asked.
"At his parent's house," Shawn answered hastily, then added quickly, "No, but seriously, what is on your mind?" His face was intent, not kidding around.
Jules wrinkled her nose and frowned a little. "College," she finally said.
"Ohoho!" Shawn exclaimed teasingly. "'We all have our scares,' huh?"
"Shut up," Jules said, turning red and poking him in the stomach. Hm. Surprisingly non-mushy. "It's just..." Jules paused. "...my sorority sisters are coming tonight."
Shawn's mouth and eyes opened wide. "Get out!" he yelled, Elaine Benes-style.
"No joke," she said, rocking in her chair.
"So...," Shawn prodded, "are you happy about this?" The expression on his face reminded her of a gossipy housewife at a hair salon.
Jules made a thinking noise. Truth was, she wasn't really sure. "I don't know," she told him. "I mean, they're...fun," she offered.
"I can imagine."
"But very wild. Like, wild enough for me to wake up in Emilio Esteves' bed tomorrow morning without remembering even going to a club."
"Say what?"
Jules ignored the avid '80s-fan. "I mean, they're a bit..."
"Hygogious?"
"No."
"Persnickety?"
"Uh-uh."
"Fartlekish?"
"Definitely not. They're...energetic."
Shawn nodded knowingly. "Ah...energetic. Gotcha."
Lassiter approached the table. Shawn opened his mouth obviously to greet him in some cruelly clever way which Jules would have to stifle a laugh at, but Lassie just stuffed a cough drop in his mouth (he'd had a surplus of those lately seeing as he had a nasty head cold). Shawn looked torn for a second, considering removing the cough drop to proceed with his comment, then shrugged and started sucking loudly.
"Do you have that paperwork done?" Carlton asked her.
"Not yet. Almost."
"You would if Tweedle-Dumbass here hadn't started chatting you up."
Feeling ticked off with her partner for sticking her with all the work, she decided to defend Shawn for once. Or at least, insult Lassiter. "You know," she said, scratching her chin as though thoughtful, "you really do remind me of Red from That '70s Show. You like to use the word dumbass....You, yourself, are an unfeeling hard-ass....And you're both balding!"
Lassiter turned red, looking shocked. He opened his mouth to say something, frantically rubbing his head, but right on time--
"Oh. My. God. Ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod!" Bracing herself, Juliet smoothed her hair, slapped a fake smile on her face, threw her hands in the air and turned around. (A/N: For any of you 30 Rock fans out there, I want you to think Liz when she had to greet her old friend fun Claire played by Jennifer Aniston).
"Aaaaaahhhhh!" she screamed excitedly in a high pitch voice. Just coming up the department steps were four revealingly-dressed girls....
