Pairing: Eventually House/Wilson
Rating: M for adult themes, language and sex.
Summary: House is forced to confront his addiction head on.
Author's note: Thank you to TashaE for the fabulous beta. This story is definitely darker than anything I've written before. It also assumes the whole Tritter arc never happened.
Cross To Bear
Chapter 1
House slowly emerged from his cocoon of sleep and found himself in a whole new level of agony. His leg throbbed, sending huge pulses of pain through his nerve endings, taking his breath away with their intensity. He turned his head to the side and saw the pill bottle on his bedside table right where he left it. He thrust out his hand, his fingers outstretched and tried to grab the bottle without moving his body. His finger grazed the side of the container, it wobbled and then stilled. He tried again and fumbled. The bottle slid onto it's side and rolled off the table, bouncing on the wooden floor. He tried to stifle a sob of frustration and then exclaimed. "Goddamnit!"
He took a deep breath and moved to sit, He gasped as the pain crashed over him in waves. Slowly he maneuvered himself so he was sitting on the edge of the bed. He looked for his pills, eyes darting frantically for his lifeline. Finally he spotted them, resting against his cane. He bent down to pick up the bottle, opened the lid and popped two, swallowing them dry. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply, knowing that the pain would ease soon.
He walked to the bathroom and took a shower. He turned the water as hot as he could stand, it felt like a thousand needles trying to pierce his skin. House sighed, he was tired of fighting, of being strong. He wished that he could just let it all go, have the shackles removed from him and be free from the daily torture of the pain.
He thought of Wilson. Imagined his face, saw his concern and the worry etched on his features. He felt guilty for putting that expression on his friends face. He imagined trying to apologize but the words wouldn't form in his head. He couldn't say he was sorry because, that meant admitting there was something to be sorry for.
He smiled as the pain began to dissipate, never leaving him but fading into the background, to a manageable hum.
He got out of the shower and ready for work. As much as he would never admit to Cuddy, his work was the one thing that kept him relatively sane. It provided a welcome distraction from the pain as well as giving him the opportunity to annoy as many people as possible.
Walking to his bike, he secured his cane and straddled the machine. Revving the engine he could feel the power between his legs and smiled at how cliched that was. He peeled away from the curb and drove like a maniac. He reveled as the thrill of each near miss made him feel more alive.
By the time he reached the hospital, his skin was tingling and his heart racing, He turned off the bike, dismounted, unclipped his cane and walked into the hospital to begin his day.
He negotiated the lobby and made his way to his office where his subordinates were waiting for him. He greeted them in typically cheery fashion. "What are you lot looking so pleased about?"
"Cameron and Chase have a little wager going on." Foreman answered, shooting a look at his colleagues who were giggling like school children. Foreman rolled his eyes at their immature behaviour.
House tried for a second to appear uninterested and then cracked. "C'mon, share with the group."
Cameron looked as though she wished to be anywhere but in that room. Chase just stared all wide eyed.
"Chase says you and Wilson are having sex. Cameron says you're not." Foreman answered, clearly loving Cameron and Chase's discomfort.
"Hmm and how do you decide who wins?" House inquired. "I mean does one of you have to catch me, fucking a naked, handcuffed Wilson on Cuddys desk while dressed as a prison guard?" House closed his eyes as if savouring the image.
Cameron blushed crimson and Chase stood with his mouth gaping open like a fish, he recovered enough to ask. "Well, so erm... are you and Wilson... involved?"
"Of course we're involved, we're best friends. I'm afraid you'll have to be more specific than that." House sat back and smiled, enjoying the uncomfortable silence and the ambivalent expressions on his underlings faces.
"Are you having a sexual relationship with Dr. James Wilson?" Foreman was the first to articulate what they all were thinking.
House cocked his head to one side and pretended to consider the question. After a few moments he replied. "None of your business."
The whole room seemed to release it's collective breath.
"Now, do we have any patients?" House looked to the ceiling, crossed his fingers and muttered under his breath. "Say no, say no, say no."
"I have a couple of interesting candidates but, no not at the moment." Cameron replied.
Chase smirked and said. "Plenty of time to go visit Dr. Wilson."
House looked surprised. "Do you have a death wish Dr. Chase? Or maybe you're jealous? Perhaps you have a forbidden crush on the ruggedly handsome older doctor? You only had to say." House winked at Chase.
Cuddy appeared in the doorway. "Aw, you guys are having a little chat, sweet. Unfortunately this isn't junior high school. House can tell you all later about the oh-so-hot boy he has a crush on, now though he has to play grown up." She ordered House. "Clinic. now."
House replied. "Yes Dr. Chase. Clinic."
Dr. Cuddy stood with her hands on her hips and sighed deeply. "Dr. House get to the clinic now, or your cane will have to be surgically removed."
House smiled. "I'd love to, but unfortunately we have a patient. Can I just say your blouse bunnies look particularly peachy today."
Cuddy looked around the room, the three young doctors studiously avoided her gaze. "Do you have any patients? Before you answer, let me make myself perfectly clear, anyone who lies to me will do double clinic hours."
Foreman answered first. "No."
Followed quickly by Cameron and Chase in unison. "No."
A brief look of superiority passed over Cuddy's features then she turned on her heels and marched off down the corridor.
House looked over at the three shame faced colleagues. "Children, you betrayed Daddy and I'm afraid you're going to be punished." House pointed his cane at them in a threatening manner and stormed to the door. "Be very afraid."
House made his way reluctantly to the clinic. He opened the door to exam room 3 and walked into the room, reading a chart. "So... Miss. Parker. What entirely inconsequential illness do we have today?"
No answer was forthcoming. House sighed, took the bottle out of his pocket and popped a pill. He looked up at the woman sitting in front of him. She was young looking but House guessed at mid thirties, with long, dark hair and dazzling green eyes. Her skin was flushed and her breathing was noisy and labored. House took a few steps towards her. "I can't treat you if you won't talk to me."
The woman looked at him as though he were from another planet. House started to feel very uneasy. "Well, clearly you need to talk to someone who isn't me, so I'll just go and..."
"I, erm... have back pain. It really hurts." The woman interrupted.
"Well yes, pain tends to cause hurt, as we doctors call it." House wondered how these people functioned through life, with the brain capacity of a carrot. "How did you injure your back?"
"I fell... I was horseriding and I fell." She stammered
"Well, that'll do it." House had a cursory feel of her back. "I think it's just a bruise, just rest and take regular painkillers." House turned to leave.
"I've tried that and they don't work. I need something stronger."
House started to get the picture of this woman's true problem. He recognized the signs of withdrawal and started to feel on edge. He realised he had to handle this situation delicately, hardly his forte. He started. "I think you need..."
House didn't even see her move, just a flash of silver. He tried to turn but she was up against him, knife pressed to his throat, the point resting against the skin directly over his carotid artery. Her breath sounded harsh in his ears.
House felt a spike of adrenaline shoot through him, his legs almost buckled and his hands shook. He tried to speak but couldn't, his cane clattered to the floor, the noise like a thunderclap. The blood rushed in his ears and his senses heightened, he felt pure, unadulterated fear.
The womans voice was low and amazingly steady. "Help me get drugs or I swear I'll kill you."
I'll update as soon as I can, but please, I'd love to know what you guys think.
