Okay, guys. I'm a HUGE fan of Lordi, the awesome rock band from Finland. In case you haven't heard of them, they dress up in sweet monster costumes, and have won Eurovision 2006 (YEAH GO LORDI)! Anyway, in honor of this, I decided to write this songfic to the lyrics of the song "Shotgun Divorce". Yes, I know… this ISN'T the best Lordi song by a long shot (pardon the pun, lol). That honor goes to "Hard Rock Hallelujah", which rocked Eurovision! But I talk to much! Let's start the story!
28-year-old Priscilla was up early one morning. She and her lover were on the way to a vacation in Vegas. Erk and her had been married for 5 years, ever since her previous husband, her "beloved" Bartre, mysteriously died of the cholera. Or was it really the cholera?
The plants were watered, her bags were packed
Priscilla had finished watering all the plants and packing the bags since Erk was still in bed; just as she had planned. She was euphorically looking forward to spending a week of booze, gambling and regeneration with the man she loved. But was the man she loved really Erk?
Without warning she gave him a slug"Hey Honey." Erk said, waking up and yawning, "You going somewhere?"
"Oh, yes Erk, I am going somewhere. Unfortunately, you're not going with me!"
Before he could do anything, she pulled out her family's shotgun seemingly out of nowhere, and aimed.
Now her husband's slaughtered"What the… Priscilla? Ahhhh, noooooOOOOO!" Erk screamed, scrambling over the bed.
With a 12 gauge whackWithout a word, Priscilla pulled the trigger, sending the slug into his chest. Erk flew back 4 feet, and hit the bedpost.
Stranglehold of fear - It still won't disappear"Ehhghghh.. Pri… scilla… wh.. wh.. why?"
It's growing stronger - And still he's watching her
"He he he! HA HA HA" Priscilla was as giddy as a little girl. From out of the shadows a dark figure emerged. Erk could just barely make the face out, but it looked like….
Again she's leaving home - Again she's all alone"Ra… Ra... Raven?" Erk couldn't believe his clouded eyes.
Priscilla maniacally grinned. "Oh, yes. Isn't my new fiance wonderful? We're getting married! You'd be our man of honor, but it looks to me like you have a previous engagement, isn't that right 'my love'?"
Again she knows exactly what to doRaven smiled at the writhing Erk. "Priscilla dear, we really should be going."
"Oh, yes darling. You run along ahead. I just have one last thing to do to get ready."
Raven put on his sunglasses that matched his $40,000 dollar white suit and got into his stolen Ferrari Enzo. As he waited, Priscilla dragged a bloody, dying Erk by the heels down the stairs into the basement.
"Pri… s… cilla… b… but… why?" Erk croaked. Priscilla just grinned as she took out a crowbar and removed three planks from the floor.
"Welcome to your final resting place, dearest. I hope you find it as suitable as its previous inhabitant. Oh, I almost forgot. Did I mention you have a… roomate?"
Like with the others before"B… Bartre?" Erk was shocked at the sight of his decrepid friend's corpse, only recognizable by the trademark Bartre red shock of hair.
"Oh, pleaasseee, Erk." You didn't really believe that a gold-rush era disease killed you best friend? But then again, you always did get low marks on your magic tests…" At that moment, Erk noticed the empty jug of gasoline in her hands.
This time around, yeah it's kinda final"Priscilla… you… your no… not going to…"
"Make this house your funeral pyre? Oh yes! I can't wait to see the look on your face. Ha ha ha! The finality of it all! I love it!" As she stepped onto the stairs, she pulled out her shotgun, and fired at the propane tanks in the left side of the basement.
"Pris… Pris… no…" Erk moaned, blood spilling out of his eyes.
"Oh, don't worry, darling. I'll let you put it out. Here…" Priscilla threw him his dowry stick landing at his feet. "Go on Erk, put out the fire!"
Unfortunately, Erk could not use his arms.
Ride 'till you fall
"HA HA HA!" Priscilla threw her head up in the air and expressed her feelings of lust, love, and sin. "You can't move your arms because of my…" she grinned, "12- gauge whack…" As Priscilla bounded up the stairs, she stopped, and smiled. "Ta ta, Wiley boy!", leaving him helpless and alone.
Then the shotgun divorcePriscilla noticed that an explosion was about to rock the house. Using her powers, she did a flip out the window and into the passenger seat of the Ferrari Enzo.
"What took you so long?" Raven asked chuckling, as the house exploded in a brilliant array of colors.
"Lets just say I had a… hot date!" Priscilla joked.
The two chuckled at the funny pun, and floored the accelerator at 120 miles per hour, away from the scene of the shotgun divorce.
It's her way out and she can't deny"So tell me, darling, how did you think of that ingenious way of killing your husband?"
"I guess it's my hobby. I can't deny it. I really love to indulge myself in these…. 'affairs'!"
"I know, but… don't do it to me!" Raven said with amusement.
"Oh, Raven, you make me laugh! Ha ha HA!"
She loves to kill and she kills for loveIn a reflective mood, she leaned back and closed her eyes. "Raven, you know I love to… kill." Priscilla snuggled into his shoulder. "But I kill… for love."
"You do it for me. How romantic!"
"I know!" Priscilla dramatized with much laughter and vengence.
Autumn leaves keep falling on the ground(Three months later)
Priscilla had been married to Raven for three months, and their marriage had been a whirlwind affair of intrigue, lust, and redemption. Outside of Raven's $320,000,000 Florida estate, Priscilla stood on the top of a fall foliated high hill that was part of one of Raven's twelve 18-hole golf courses. Priscilla was livin' large off of Raven's corporate empire money.
Someday she knows that they will try to hunt her downThe whole cover story of the "accidential fire" blew over pretty well, but there was some suspect of arson. Raven had paid off the sheriff into believing that a drunken Erk had started the fire, and shot himself after. Even so, Priscilla was still nervous that justice would catch up with her. She couldn't sleep at night, and there was nothing Raven could do to comfort her.
Plain revulsion, no love can be found
Although there was no love between her and Erk, she still was haunted by the image of his broken body burning. Sure she enjoyed it, but it was still revolting.
After all is said and done there is no reboundSometimes, she felt she could not go back to her former life. The murders were a heavy burden, and she knew that karma would catch up with her
Now she's living scared
Even though she cared
Priscilla had killed them for Raven, for his safety and love. And yet, she always thought she made a mistake. But maybe, it was the best decision she ever made. She was torn, like a doll that had been ripped up by a hunting dog.
He is gone
His head blown off
And even the wealth and love could not chase the image of Erk's dead body away from her. A dead body, who's head likely exploded in the inferno. Exploded because of lust…
PLEASE tell me what you think! Read and review, please. I love you all! Listen to Lordi and ROCK OUT!
