A/N: HI! I was bored, and decided to make another crackfic. Because, I was in crackfic parody mode and didn't feel like updating Sparkly. So, yay! New oneshot!

"Yes, it is enough," he answered, smiling. "Enough for forever."

And he leaned down to press his cold lips once more to my throat. Heeheehee.

"Eddiekins, stop that, it tickles!"

Then I heard a polite cough from behind us. Oh God. Jacob was back. Edward and I exchanged a broodingly tense glance and turned to see a complete stranger. He was tall, blond, and had what looked like bird wings on his back. The dork had on a white dress, too. SOO out of season.

"Hello Bella, I am you guardian angel," the weirdo said.

Oh! That would explain the wings. I exchanged a gleefully confused look with Eddie. He didn't look very happy.

"Don't worry Bella, I will save you from him," he whispered into my ear. I immediately felt more safe.

"I have some advice for you, about the decisions you will make in the future," the angel said n a chocolaty voice. Ooooh. Chocolate. I felt my insides go all warm and fuzzy. I like chocolate. But the fuzzy feeling made me think of Jacob, for some odd reason, and that made me unhappily depressed because of all the trauma I had associated with him. Being the most popular girl at school is HARD work, y'know!

"So I just have a little subtle prod in the right direction," he said inclining his head towards me.

YAY! FORTUNE TELLING TIME! I waited to be enlightened.

"And here it is!" he said, pulling out a gun. That was weird. But then… HE SHOT Edward! NOOOOOOO!

"Noooo!" But then I felt stupid. Edward wouldn't die, he was IMMORTAL! How silly of me.

There was a poof sound, and Edward exploded into a pile of sparkles. "Noooo!" I was in shock. How could they do this to me? As if my life wasn't hard enough as it was!

"How could you?" I sobbed lamentingly.

"Iron. Gets fairies every time. Oh, and another subtle prod…" He pointed the gun at me and fired. OH NOES! Now I would never be a vampire! I felt a sudden pain beneath my ribs and fell to my knees.

"Hahaha… my work here is almost complete. You don't happen to know where that Jacob fellow is, do you?" he asked. There was the sound of Velcro tearing and one of his wings fell off. "Ooopsie."

I bent over, coughing, and felt blood slide between my lips. I couldn't believe that I was about to die in the most ugly dress EVAR. I shuddered and waited for the light to take me.

A/N: So, how'd you like it? TELL ME! PLEASE!

Review, or you will piss off your guardian angel