Hello everyone! This is my first fanfic ever so I hope its good and you enjoy it!
Full Sumary: Haunted from dreadful memories of his past life, present day Ciel tries to figure out who this man cloaked in darkness is. Unfortunately, dealing with a demon won't be easy. Using his choppy memories, Ciel comes across Sebastian and together they must take on trials from both Heaven and Hell, with a little help from some faces of the past. Not only that, but what has happened in the past 122 years since Ciel last saw Sebastian, and how will this affect his confusing feelings for the demon? S/C, mostly one-sided Alois/Ciel, one-sided Grell/Sebastian
*Warnings*Mature language, sexual scenes (but no lemons, srry ^^;), Yaoi, a couple OCs (nothing major though cause I hate them too so I hope they don't bother you), gore
Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji
More shadows here. More red: blood red. Another line. Sharpen the eyes. Smudge the hair, then highlights. Define the eyes: the blood red eyes, so piercing that they could rip out your very soul. Now more black, so much black. And those bloody red piercing eyes.
I have never met this man in my life, and yet it feels like I've known him forever. Always dressed in black, he haunts my dreams, my life, my thoughts. My parents believe I have a wild imagination and that I should become an author. They might be right and I might just have bizarre dreams full of death, cake, tea and crimson eyed men cloaked in darkness.
However, I do not believe this. I have had dreams before where your innermost feelings are let loose and childish wants roam free, but these nightmares are full of pain and sin. The visions I have are too vivid to be made up 'fantasies' and they are full of people whom I have never met in my short fourteen years of life. While dreams change setting and details every second, my horrors are so detailed that I could paint perfect copies of them. And I have, many, many times.
That brings me back to the present. This sinfully beautiful man…
"Who are you?" I murmur, staring at the grinning face while setting my pencils aside. "And what were you to me, Sebastian Michealis, that I am forced to see your face almost every time I sleep?"
I finally place my sketch next to my pencils on my wooden desk and get up to do my morning routine. Take a shower, get dressed, brush my teeth: the same monotonous thing every day. It's so frustrating that I sometimes wish I lived the lives of those from the novels I'm forced to read in the prisons they call high school. Or my dreams (memories?) for that matter, just to get away from this life that seems to drone on.
"Caelum! Get up! Mom's made breakfast today instead of your shit cooking," Mare shouts through my bedroom door. I roll my eyes at his excitement. So what if my cooking isn't that great? He can make his own goddamn breakfast from now on if he's going to be picky.
Mare is my older brother, but I'm not sure how since we're polar opposites. Mare is a very loud and popular kid who argues with every little thing I say even though I'm much smarter than him and an infinite amount more mature. Where I have dark gray hair, almost blue, Mare has black wavy locks of hair like my mother's. My eyes that reflect an imaginary ocean contrast to his emerald green eyes, not to mention that he towers over me by at least two feet! He's only three years older than me, how can there be that big of a difference?
I pick up the last thing I always pick up in my everyday routine: my pitch black eye patch. Another peculiar thing besides my unusually colored hair and bizarre visions is that I was born with an eye bearing an odd purple form. However, it's only visible if you really look closely. Standing a comfortable distance away from me, my right eye only looks slightly discolored, thankfully. That didn't stop the bullying and all the pestering, though, creating the need for the eye patch. I have often wondered about the origin of my occidental eye, but the doctors could never explain anything to me or my family.
Opening my plain door, I walk out of the hallway and down the stairs, heading towards the kitchen. When I reach my destination, I see my brother sitting at our petite table, devouring runny eggs and sausages. Staring in slight disgust at his horrible mannerisms, I carefully scoop a plate of food for myself and grab a cup of premade tea, thanks to mother. I sit calmly in my chair and start eating my eggs by carefully slicing them up and making sure not to spill any, my napkin lying on my lap.
"What are you? Some sort of prince?" my brother mocks.
"Shut up! At least I don't look like a starving pig," I snap back.
"Yeah, well, at least this starving pig has friends!" Mare sneers at me.
"Who needs friends when they are just going to stab you in the back? Like that one kid you thought was your best friend who was actually cheating with your girlfriend." I know that was pretty low, but I just can't stand Mare sometimes. We aren't on the greatest terms right now since he drew that moustache on one of my drawings of Sebastian and I punched him in the face. He deserved it, so I wasn't in much trouble, as if I could care.
"Screw off, dickhead." I ignore his last comment because I've become bored of his presence and no longer wish to see his face anymore.
I walk to school today alone, my brother deciding to skip first block with a few friends to smoke a joint. It is very moody today, the sky painted a dull gray, rain clouds taunting everyone. The sun isn't even visible behind the thick masses. There is no wind today, though, and I find it oddly quiet. Autumn leaves sit motionlessly on the side walk, trash lying quietly in the middle of our ugly routes. I frown. What horrid weather we have today, it's not very inspiring at all. My thoughts wander to my paintings.
I believe it has been five years since I started painting larger canvases, filling them with the images I see while I'm asleep. At first they contained pictures mostly of Sebastian and myself, because sometimes I actually see myself in my dreams and instead of acting them out, I am merely an observer. It is a very unsettling feeling, to see a mirror image of yourself walking around and speaking things using your voice. At first I believed it to be someone else, but we were just too similar. That, and when I started writing my name as "Ciel" by accident like the boy, it felt too familiar, like I had just found a missing piece of myself.
When I was young I―
"Ciel~!" An overly excited voice cried out. I almost jumped when a pair of arms wrapped around my torso.
"Alois! Please refrain from doing that. Or touching me in general, if you don't mind," I say, frustrated at the blonde's antics. He's just too touchy for my liking.
"No, I don't believe I want to do that, Ciel," Alois ponders. "I do enjoy touching you."
"Don't say things like that!" I snap and try to shove him off. Unfortunately, Alois is a year older than me, so I didn't get very far. "Get off, or else I'm going to avoid you for the rest of the week again."
My threat seemed to work for now, because Alois let go of me and started walking, skipping really, beside me to school. I stare in slight annoyance at my friend. "Alois, why must you insist on wearing short shorts everyday? You're going to get dress coded and you're a guy!"
Alois flashes me a sexy smile. "Because, they show off my fabulous body, of course!" He strikes a pose to prove a point, but I walk past him and proceed into the school. I hear him make a noise of annoyance and smirk to myself.
First block I have Social Studies, then French, Math and Art. In general, I find Socials interesting. Right now, however, we're studying geography, the most excruciatingly boring subject ever. Do you think I give a damn how to draw a topographic map and transform it into a diagram? Hell no. On the upside, I do have Art today…
Wait, what was that? I look to my left. Oh, just Alois babbling again. Damn, I seem to have forgotten what I was thinking about. I might as well listen to the idiot.
"… isn't it a good idea?" Alois looks pretty excited. That said, I have learnt from years of experience that 'Alois' and 'good ideas' are two things that do not go together.
"No."
"But I thought you wanted me to stop wearing short shorts?" Alois asks, confused.
"Oh. My mistake. Congratulations, you've actually come up with a good idea," I drone.
"Aha! I knew you weren't listening! I was saying that I should host a party this weekend, since my grandparent's won't be home!" Alois looks torn between feeling hurt from my ignoring him, and super wound up for his party.
"Alois, the last time you tried to host a party, it didn't end to well," I remind him. It was all too fresh in my mind: the alcohol, the sick idiots everywhere, the ambulance, a certain blond being taken away for jumping out a window because he thought he was a cloud and was trapped.
"It wasn't that bad. I only broke, what, two bones? Besides, I've learned my lesson," Alois defends. I stare at him with dull eyes. Him, actually learning from his mistakes? That's about as likely as him having a good idea; next to none.
"I highly doubt that. But do whatever you want to, I suppose. I've got to go, though. I need to print off my essay from the library," I say and nod when he yells that he'll see me in art and promptly leaves. Let's just say, Alois isn't aloud in the library anymore either, and it's only been a month in high school.
I don't always like to admit it, but that blond idiot is actually my best friend. I've known him ever since I skipped the third grade and proceeded straight to the fourth. It wasn't surprising that I was the misfit of the class. 'The boy genius who dresses like a pirate' was what they called me, all except for one. Alois Hallington, dressed in shorts and a purple t-shirt, ran up and introduced himself immediately. I can still remember the first words he said to me.
"Hey, you're kinda cute. My name's Alois," said the small boy while winking, holding his hand out to shake. I blinked and cautiously shook his hand, wondering if this eccentric boy was planning on tricking me somehow.
It turns out, he was just very outgoing and tended to flirt openly with many people, usually cute girls. Unfortunately, I was one of the few boys back then he also flirted with, and he hasn't stopped after all these years and threats I've said. Sometimes I wonder if Alois was ever innocent, thinking back on some of the things he'd say that I'd never understood being only nine. I let out an annoyed, but slightly amused sigh for my friend's sake. I can't believe I still hang around with that kid, especially after that cloud incident...
"Je déteste cette classe-ci avec ces idiots, " I mutter to myself. Honestly, these kids were so dumb they couldn't even say how nice of weather there was, or lack of therefore. It was such a relief when the bell finally rang.
"Au revoir, mes amis ! Vous me manquerez ! À vendredi !" Mme. Langley says enthusiastically, waving her hand as everyone rapidly left her class. I should introduce Alois to her; I think they would get along nicely. Actually, on second thought, they might over run the school with gayness. As in happy.
As I walk through the hallway, I pass groups of friends laughing, shouting and screaming. I've never understood that feeling. How can someone be so happy with all the things going around them? Everyday, kids are kidnapped, raped, women beat and slaves are sold. And yet, they laugh as they see kids getting into fights and the weaker of the two falling to the ground in a bloody mess. Sometimes I hate humanity. How is it we can invent 3-D television and yet are still barbaric enough to beat the shit out of someone over two dollars? All the drugs, as well, are ridiculous. Who in their right mind would take a pill to get high just for a little while, before coming back down into a deep depression, killing your brain in the process?
My eyebrows twitch as I stare at a green form spinning down the hallway. I quickly dodged to the side of the hall before it crashes into me. However, Alois comes right to a stop beside me and claps his hands together, his momentum seeming to disappear into thin air.
"Its official, this Friday is going to be the best Friday EVER! Come, come, let's go plan everything!" I stumble as Alois grabs my hand and practically drags me outside. Once the energized child comes to a stop, I pull my hand away from his clutches and we walk past the gymnasium. Alois starts to speak rapidly, when a group of kids come around the corner.
"Well, if it isn't that prick Alois? Where's my invitation," Bruce sneers, staring down at the blonde. Bruce is a tall, chubby boy, whose face looks like a baboon's ass. He and his two henchmen are the stereotypic bullies, who steal money, beat up weak kids and smoke.
"Yeah, where's our invitations?" demanded Ross, one of Bruce's partners in crime. Ross was the muscle of the group, so to say. That said, he was mostly for looks since he was too slow to do proper damage unless he happened to get a good first hit.
"Well unfortunately, I'm only allowed a certain amount of people, so~," Alois pauses. "all four hundred and sixty-three grade tens are allowed to come, with the exception of you three. You'd just ruin the mood with your ugly faces."
I stare at Alois as he giggles at his last statement, slightly jaw slack at his rudeness in front of these goons. One of these days his words are really going to backfire on him…
"Why you―" Ross starts, but Bruce stops him.
"It's fine. It's probably just going to be him and his faggot girlfriend there at the party anyway. Laaame," Bruce mocks while the other two snigger.
Frankly, I couldn't care less what they say about me, but Alois' whole demeanor seems to have changed. He freezes and his eyes darken as he slowly looks the leader of the trio in the eyes. I can practically feel the contempt rolling off of him.
"Shut the fuck up, you cunts. If you ever insult Ciel like that again you will regret it," Alois practically snarls.
Bruce's eyes darken at the insult. "You little bitch. Was that a death threat?"
"No, I wouldn't kill you. I'd just rip your eyes out of their sockets and make those two eat them." His eyes were so vicious Bruce almost believed him. Almost.
"Alois," I hiss and step in front of him to pull him away from the other three. "Let's―"
I freeze as Alois' hand shot out and grabbed the other, much larger hand that was about to hit me from behind. In one second flat, Alois was able to twist Ross' hand and bring it back down and behind him in such a painful angle that he was forced to hunch over. With a sadistic smile on his face, Alois twists harder and Ross falls to the ground, letting a pained noise escape from his lips.
"Alois!" Like I did a moment ago, Alois freezes and hesitates before releasing the older boy from his hold. He sneers one last time at the shocked trio, before walking up to me and taking me by the arm.
"C'mon Ciel! Let's ditch this trash and start planning the party like before we were so rudely interrupted!" Alois smiles brilliantly and pulls me along to the far end of the field, under a giant deciduous tree. There, we sit quietly. I pull out my sketchbook from my shoulder bag and start sketching. I feel Alois leaning against the trunk of the large tree.
I've never seen Alois act that savagely before. Sure, he's always been protective of me for some unknown reason and defended me, but never has he threatened to rip someone's eyes out of their sockets! I think…it scares me a little. I've always wondered about Alois' mental health, but I've never thought that he could be a threat. It was Alois, the flamboyant blonde I've known for seven years. But the way he acted back there, that cruel look in his eyes as he smiled at the boy's pain… It makes me wonder where that hatred has suddenly surfaced from.
"She's beautiful," Alois murmurs, his voice much closer than it used to be. I look down and stare at my sketch. It was of a woman's face, her bangs gradually becoming longer as they descend to her nose. Alois was right; she was beautiful, with full lips and long eyelashes, surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of roses. "Who is it?"
"Aunt Ann," I say before I can stop myself.
Alois looks curiously. "I didn't know you had an aunt."
"I don't." Alois raises an eyebrow and tilts his head sideways. I, myself, try to remember where I've seen this face. It was in one of my dreams, visions, whatever. I was at a funeral, Sebastian standing behind me with rose petals bellowing around the church.
"Oh, is she another one of your memories?" Alois asks, intrigued. "Tell me 'bout her too!"
Another reason I keep Alois around is because he actually believes me that my dreams are real, that they actually happened. He's the only one I can talk to about these occurrences.
"I don't remember much about Aunt Ann. She was called 'Madam Red' because of her love for the color, that's why I brought roses for her funeral. That said, I can't recall the cause of her death…" I murmur, frowning, trying to remember the Madam. There were feelings of great angst attached to this particular memory so she must've been particularly important to me.
Alois hums. "She was very young so I wonder if it was natural... Anyhow, about the party in two days, what drinks should we get? Cause everyone has different tastes… Oh this is sooo hard! And music! I need to make a new playlist! And…"
I groan, listening to him rattle off about the things he needs to do. "Why don't you plan the party for a latter date? Besides, is anyone going to show up with two days notice only?"
"Of course! I've already got fifteen people coming and it's only been two hours! We're gonna have a full house," Alois smirks excitedly. I eye him warily. Parties weren't really my thing, but if Alois was hosting it I'd be forced to go. Still, I can't shake this weary feeling.
The bow glides gracefully against the strings, playing rapidly, the melody flowing throughout the room. Ever since I've been young, I've had an inexplicable talent at playing the violin. I wonder if it has something to do with my past life? This beautiful instrument that sings so hauntingly… The only thing I love more than playing it is painting.
"Caelum! Get up here, right now!" I flinch at the hated name my family calls me. With that tone of voice, my mother sounds pretty angry. Reluctantly, I place my violin back in its case and jog up the stairs to my bedroom.
"What is it?" I ask as I pass my threshold and calmly look her in the eyes.
"What do you mean what? This painting! What are you thinking, Caelum?" Lucis, a.k.a. mother, picks up a canvas covered in red. The main image is of a man with flowing red hair, red glasses, dressed in a red coat. Not only that, but there was crimson blood dripping down his smirking face and all over the chainsaw he was holding. Ah. I see what the problem might be. "This is horrible! Disgusting! Do we need to take you to the shrink again?"
I glower at her words. Never again am I seeing that psychiatrist! They thought that I was delusional and tried to get me to take medication because sometimes I couldn't pick apart my dreams from reality since I was so young. It was then that I realized that I would have to keep my dreams to myself because these people couldn't help me, just make me so jacked up on meds that nothing really mattered anyway. I had decided that I would have to rely on only myself to solve these visions and act mature; it was surprisingly easy. Being mature and acting much older than my age was something I picked up from my past life, along with my well mannerisms and being able to play the violin.
Also, I'm pretty peeved at they way she insulted my painting. Sure, the theme was pretty gruesome, but I did do a pretty good job. The only reason I painted it was to help figure out parts of my memory. Whenever I see a new person, I paint a picture of them so I remember where and what situation I saw them in. For this man-gone-woman's case, it was a very brief, choppy memory of him fighting Sebastian. Unfortunately, there wasn't any audio either, just small soundless skits so I have no clue who he is.
"No, it'd be a waste of time and money. It's just a painting, mother, please leave it alone." I walk over to take back my canvas but she holds it away. I frown.
"I found this hidden behind your bed," she curtly says.
My eyes widen. "You've been searching my room? That's a breach of privacy! How dare you!"
"No, how dare you! I am your mother, I may do as I please. You have no right to speak to me that way, Caelum Jay Shanin!" Lucis snaps, fire burning in her eyes.
"That's not my name," I mutter under my breath, shaking from anger.
"Don't mumble under your breath either! You know, I think these horrible paintings hanging all over your walls are having a bad influence on you. I'm going to throw them out." She then proceeds to take another canvas from my wall, this time one of my favorites. It was a picture of Sebastian holding a tray of sweets. Oh how I wish I could taste those delectable pastries again…
By now, I'm furious. "If you take those away from me, I will never forgive you."
"Fine. Keep your paintings, but next time you wake up screaming from nightmares, don't expect any sympathy from me." Lucis finally chucks the paintings on the bed and storms out of the room, slamming the door behind her.
Immediately after, I collapse onto my bed, emotionally drained. I turn slightly and run my fingers over my beloved paintings, the only keys to my hidden memories. Enjoying the rough feeling of the dried acrylics, I close my eyes and fall into a sleepless sleep.
I ran through the hallways, looking for mother and father. Where were they? It was supposed to be my birthday! I had found their bedroom, but it was so hot. Nevertheless, I turned the knob, bursting into the room. There was fire, everywhere. Murals were melting, furniture turning to ashes and in the middle of it on the ground lay mother. Get up Mommy! There's no time to take a nap! Then, I saw father in his usual chair. Maybe he could help me carry Mommy away. Father― no! Oh, god no! Please, somebody help them! Mother, Father! Don't worry, I'll find help.
I ran back to the hallways, looking desperately for someone to help me. Mr. Tanaka! Please you've got to― What was that? Run away? But―! You're bleeding… A pair of arms clasped me from behind and it all went black.
I opened my eyes again and it's a different scene. Everything aches and I was all dirty. I had cuts and bruises everywhere that were filled with dirt and infection. There were others in this cage but I paid no attention to them, wallowing in my own misery. Then I was out of the cage and they were hurting me again. They hurt me until my throat was so raw from screaming that I could barely utter a noise, and then they would rape me again and again. So much blood... I was going to die. There was no God.
I wake up choking back screams, covered in sweat. I lie there in bed, next to my beloved canvases, shaking as shadows cover me. The protective light from the moon is non existent behind the thick clouds. All I could see was the everlasting darkness, waiting to devour me. Forever, I shall be haunted by these horrifying memories cloaked in black and red.
A/N: Hopefully this intrigued you. Don't worry, Sebastian will come soon, i just have to get through the intro. Next chapter, Alois' party and a problem arises ;)
