Red.
The only color I could see.
Red…Everywhere.
My vision was blurry but I knew what I was seeing. I know what I was seeing. But my body...didn't know what it was feeling. My body was almost entirely numb and I didn't feel like doing anything to try to wake it up. Despite most of my senses close to gone too, I could feel my inner-world wasn't doing so good either.
"Kurosaki Ichigo, do you finally give up?" a voice taunts.
I gripped what I thought felt like Zangetsu's hilt. I wanted my body to get up and move, but at the same time…I didn't. I thought that maybe I was just being lazy, that maybe I was giving up. but as soon as that thought crossed my mind, I dismissed it just as quick. I couldn't. I knew I couldn't just give up.
I just can't!
At least, not on her. Not on my life and support. Not on my healer. Not on my sunshine, the only thing that made the rain stop falling ever since that damn day! Not on Orihime!
"I will repeat this one more time, Kurosaki Ichigo: do you give up?"
"Give up?" I mutter silently. The words seemed so lifeless, so wrong, and yet it seemed so tempting in this state.
"Yes, give up," his voice drawled. His voice sounded far, yet so close. "I am merely curious, Kurosaki. I wonder, do you give up on living? Do you give up trying so hard to beat me? Do you give up on your friends and family?" His voice quieted for a moment until I heard a chuckle. "Or is it that…you've given up fighting for that woman? Inoue Orihime?
I tensed as he said her name. Orihime's name.
A voice broke through my thoughts. 'I'm curious too, King. I thought you made a promise to that woman.'
A promise?
'Saying that you'd protect her no matter what. Even if you have to die in order for her to be alive.'
I briefly wondered as to why it was any of my hollows' business about anything concerning Orihime.
'Yes, Ichigo. I agree, also.' Old man too? 'Are you going to break your promise to that girl simply because you're being lazy? I must say Ichigo, I am disappointed in you. I honestly thought that you'd stay by your word, but even now I can sense your hesitation. Your hesitation and doubts are having effects on this world.'
Zangetsu words shocked me. Hesitation? Doubts? That can't be; I can't be having doubts on protecting Orihime. No! That can't be right. He must be lying, he'd have too. I grit my teeth, 'What the hell are you two going on about? I'm not having doubts on protecting Orihime, you bastards! I'll protect her no matter what!' But…wasn't just seconds ago, I was considering giving up? None of this makes sense anymore.
'Ha! You will never learn, will ya, King! You feel it, don't ya?! The heaviness, the doubts, all of it. It's practically vibrating through your whole damn body. You do want to give up, you just don't want to admit it.'
I shut my eyes tightly. "No! That can't be true! Dammit, shut up!"
"Huh? Oh, what is this, Kurosaki? I wasn't even talking and yet I'm getting yelled at?" I could practically feel Aizen grin crawling up my spine. "Or is that you're having a debate with your hollow and Zanpakuto about giving up?"
I turned my head to yell at him. "Dammit! I said shut up! I'm not talking to you!" I groaned as I felt pain spread throughout my body as I struggled to kneel on one knee.
'Ha! But hey, wanna know what you're scared to admit most too?'
'No! Didn't I say shut up dammit?! I'm not scared to admit anything, damn hollow!' But, he didn't listen. His evil voice kept creeping in my head.
'You're scared to admit…the fact that you're scared. Of everything. Scared to protect her, scared of getting killed. I don't know how, but you're even scared of this prick, Aizen, aren't ya?' Huh? That couldn't be. The time I would ever be afraid of Aizen would be the time Hell would freeze over. 'You're scared that maybe you can't keep your promise. Scared that you're not strong enough to protect yourself and her. You're slowly losing hope to the point that it seem non-existent inside you.' He paused, then, 'Look up, Kingy.'
I did what I was told, only to see Aizen standing in front of me, grinning. Grinning as if he had the whole world in his hands. But behind him was her. She was on all fours and looking at me with big, beautiful, teary eyes. Her lips was slightly parted and there was a brief thought that I wanted to kiss those lips.
But when I looked back into her eyes, it was then that I'd seen it. Everything, all the emotions, evident in her eyes: the trust, the hopefulness, the confidence and even the faith that was all there from the start, completely gone. I realized, all of it, everything, every damn thing, it was gone. I could see it in her eyes: the guilt. The guilt of not believing in me anymore and that was when something in my chest tightened. She didn't believe in me anymore.
'Do you see it, now, King?'
It was then I realized why Aizen was grinning. He didn't have the whole world in his hand-he had my whole world in his hands. But he didn't crush it, no.
It was I.
I crushed my own damn world, didn't I?
Dammit! Why was I so weak?
He broke through my thoughts. "Ah, so I see you've found out now, Kurosaki?" I watched as he turned around to go to ORihime. "I see you've finally realized."
"No," I whispered, weakly. I stretched out a hand but couldn't even make an attempt to move to her. "Orihime."
Aizen moved closer and closer to Orihime, stopping when he was beside her. He then turned to look at me with cold eyes and I felt the ice freezing over my heart. 'Don't touch her, please,' I begged in my head over and over again.
He kneeled down beside her but didn't touch her. I stared into her eyes, the eyes of a warm-hearted person who stopped believing. Without her saying, she gave me the message through her gray eyes: disappointment.
"Kurosaki." I snapped my eyes to Aizen and felt the anger and sadness boiling inside me. The damn hollow was right, I am losing hope, and I'm losing hope because she stopped believing in me.
"Ah, Orihime, do you see it?" Aizen asked and Orihime stopped looking at me. "Do you see how weak your protector is?"
My eyes widen as she nodded. Her eyes had grown into gray hollows and her voice was just as empty and monotone as they were. She stood up, slowly, beside Aizen. "Yes, Lord Aizen. I see now how weak he is."
The words were enough to bring rain into my inner-world. My heart felt as if it had stopped beating, and maybe it did. I dropped Zangetsu, out of shock. I then fell back to the ground, hard, as if somebody finally impaled their sword in me. My body felt numb and detached. My mind was filled with nothing but fuzzy memories of the one person in this world I wanted to protect more than anything in this world, walking away from me.
'See, you are scared, Ichigo. This is what you were exactly scared of,' my hollow's voice sounded gone yet there.
The voice echoed as I got what he said: scared of… scared of… Ichigo Kurosaki, you are after all, scared.
"Kurosaki," his voice stopped me more. I made a small movement to turn to the side to see him and her ready to walk through a Garganta. "Kurosaki, I want you to listen very carefully to what she says. For this may be the last words you will ever hear."
Orihime spoke and looked at me with empty eyes. "Thank you for everything you've done for me, Kurosaki-kun. This will be the last time we speak, but this will also be the last time we see each. For you will die here in Hueco Mundo, you should die happily." I listen to her words as my heart cried, painfully in my chest.
She turned around and I watched as her burnt-orange hair swish behind her like a beautiful silk curtain. "Maybe, someday, Kurosaki… Maybe, we will someday reunite. You have done good things for your world, the human world. So, I don't expect to really ever see you ever again, Kurosaki." She was almost into the Garganta with Aizen and my heart cried out to her chest. But. I stay silent. "Thank you, Kurosaki Ichigo. And goodbye." And gone she went.
I hopped out from the window and onto the house across from mine. It was raining so hard that I could barely see, but I could care less. I knew where to go.
I stopped, out of breath, from fighting.
Do you know the feeling?
I grit my teeth, almost painfully. 'Dammit, dammit!' I chanted over and over in my head.
It was that nightmare again, that damned nightmare that's been haunting me for the past two months. Ever since we came from Hueco Mundo, it's been haunting me. Of Orihime leaving me.
That damn voice even haunted me as if those events really happened: 'Maybe, someday, Kurosaki… Maybe, we will someday reunite. You have done good things for your world, the human world. So, I don't expect to really ever see you ever again, Kurosaki…'
I can't find the way, on
I can't find the way, on my own.
My pride will kill, if I don't ask for help.
I grinded my teeth together as I continued jumping from house to house until I was just outside Orihime's door. I knocked hard, knowing that I was partially crazy for bothering her in the middle of the night but at the same time not really caring. I need her in my arms right-damn-now!
It was then that I heard a soft pitter patter just inside the apartment and right when she unlocked the door (the door was barely even open yet) I pushed open the door and grabbed her hard in my arms. I held the girl tightly, as if I didn't hold her tight enough she just might disappear. I heard a soft gaps but paid no mind.
I wonder how much time passed? There was no sound other than the pouring rain and the occasional tic toc from a clock that was on a wall somewhere near inside the house. Other than that, there was no sound, no movement. It was as if time was just frozen, and Orihime and I was the only two in the world, under the rain.
The strong bond between our hearts,
Will never melt away.
It wasn't until I felt two small hands grabbing the front of my hakama till the silence broke. Her voice was gentle as she spoke. "Kurosaki-kun…is everything alright?" I could barely respond, only holding her just as I was. Through the ice cold rain, her warmth vibrated from her to me, her voice soothing almost every tense muscle my body held. Though I knew that somewhere in the back of my mind that letting go wouldn't make her disappear, for some odd reason I still wasn't ready to let go yet.
"I-" my voice cracked as I spoke. "Y-you're alive." Something in my chest warmed at that fact. I pushed her head more into my chest and lowered my face to her beautiful orange hair. I took a long inhale and detected a faint strawberry scent. Also somewhere in the back of my head, I knew that I was making us both soaking wet but I could care less. I had her in my arms and that was all that mattered.
We had searched and arrived here,
We will put a period in this place.
"K-Kurosaki-kun, ano…" she gripped my hakama a little tighter. "I am alive, but p-please…I can't breathe."
Surprised at how tight I was holding her, I reluctantly let her go but didn't let her get far. There was only an inch dividing our bodies, and to be honest, I didn't expect even letting her go that far.
She shifted in a semi-comfortable spot in my arm. "Kurosaki-kun…are you going to tell me what's wrong? It's fine if you don't, I just wonder if you're okay considering you ran all the way here in the pouring rain only to get here. Hopefully, the little blue men didn't do anything to hurt your feelings, because that'd be bad, Kurosaki-kun…" She rambled, and I couldn't help but feel a little happy at the concerned rambling.
"I'm fine, Orihime. Just let me continue holding you like this." I paused, "I need reassurance."
"Kurosaki-kun?"
"Yeah?"
"This is fine and all, but we're getting soaking wet staying out here in the rain. We'll catch a cold. Do you mind if we go inside where it's warm?"
I reluctantly complied to her request but didn't let her get fain in the small apartment. As soon as I stepped inside and she closed the door, I tackled her, wrapping my arms around her small frame once more as she stumbled to the back of the door.
If I stop, tell me you will keep going.
But when my vision turns blurry, you were there.
"K-Kurosaki-kun!" she cried.
With her in my arms, we slid down the door together. Starting to feel an odd sensation behind my closed eyes, it felt as if I was releasing so many bottled-up emotions with this small girl in my arms. Old and new. It was then that I noticed that small droplets of water along with the salty taste of my tears welled in my eyes and began falling over her head.
Damn…how long has it been since I cried? 7 years? Maybe 8?
I couldn't even hide it as the sobs began wracking my body. "Kurosaki-kun," I heard a small voice whisper and I knew that I was being weak in front of the one person I was supposed to be strong for. I couldn't help it though, just sitting here with her in my arms, reminding me of all the pain I had to endure throughout these years. No matter how strong I am, even I at some point have a limit.
Did your heart race, looking for me? Mine did.
Close, so close.
I tightened my arms around her waist and switched to a position where I was leaning against the wall with her hugged against my chest. Orihime held onto me tightly and though she tried to push back to get a look at me, I couldn't let her see me breaking down in front of her.
"Kurosaki-kun, please let me see you," her small voice was filled with so much pleading that I couldn't resist her. I loosen my grip on her as she lift her head to look at me with wide stormy eyes. I was surprised when I seen a small smile marring her lips-not really the reaction I was expecting. "Kurosaki-kun."
Her voice broke through and I clenched my teeth to keep from sobbing too loudly, tears sliding down my face and yet feeling the relief of warmness overpowering the sad and coldness I felt during my days of emotional fighting when I was young. It was Orihime, I realized. Only Orihime that could do this to the most powerful man in the world: have them break down their façade, that took almost their whole entire life for them to build. Only to have it torn down within moments.
With the courage to not look away,
And stand and face the truth.
I'll turn sadness and anger into strength.
Destiny is right beside me.
It was her turn to change our position now, with her leaning against the wall and me with my head in her lap. Instantly I wrapped my arms around her body as she ran a gentle hand through my hair. I couldn't help it, I probably looked like a child crying in his mother's' lap after losing a karate fight to a girl.
I gave a bitter grin at the memory. It's been so long, hasn't it? Since I've thought of my mom, yet I could still remember her as if it was only yesterday that I'd seen her. I miss her fair skin and long, wavy brown hair; her beautiful smile that shun just like the sun. Her lullaby voice and warming, loving eyes. For some reason, though I knew I was talking about my mom, one thing that popped in my head was Orihime. I couldn't help but realize how much they were alike, not as much in appearance, but personality-wise. No wonder I love these two girls so much.
Orihime continued running a hand through my hair with a smile adorning her beautiful face. She looked into my eyes as I started to feel some of the tears drying up. "Kurosaki-kun," her soft voice broke through. "It's okay to cry sometimes. You're only 17 and been through so much, it only makes sense that you'll have your breaking point sometime soon. Crying won't make you weak, Kurosaki-kun. In fact, it'll actually make you that much stronger. You don't have to keep your facade up only to protect everyone, because... " she smiled and for a moment, I thought I'd never seen something so breathtakingly-beautiful. "A very important secret to learning to protect everyone else, is also to learn how to protect yourself."
Look at what lies beyond,
A shining world.
I looked, shockingly, at Orihime. I couldn't even try to wrap my brain around that. I wondered how not even that came to mind. I sighed in Orihime's lap as I found out the answer: I was worried about my pride. Orihime giggled, a sound that made my insides tingle.
If I lay down, please come get me.
Be my support.
Orihime voice than had me dozing off into her arms. But, I didn't go to sleep without whispering, "Goodnight Orihime. I... love you." The last thing I heard was a gasp before I was into a deep, peaceful nightmare-free doze.
For a future which we live together,
I'll put a period in this place.
