Edited October 6th, 2008.
Harry Potter, Ronald Weasley, Hermione Granger, and Ginny Weasley were in Hermione's bedroom, looking through her books. It was the end of their sixth year at Hogwarts and they were now out searching for Horcruxes. Before beginning their long, and sure-to-be tedious journey, however, they were at Hermione's house, getting ready. The Grangers had agreed to let them stay for a few weeks.
"You have three copies of Hogwarts, A History?" Ron asked incredulously, thumbing through the pages of a particularly thick volume. "Three copies? Are you mad?"
"No," Hermione sniffed. She had powered up the computer in her room and was now checking the Internet connection. "I happen to—"
"No really," Ron cut in, shaking his head in disbelief. "Three copies?!"
"Yes, three copies," Hermione snapped back.
Harry shook his head too. "I have to agree with Ron on this one," he said.
"Ditto," Ginny agreed. She was looking over Hermione's shoulder at the window on the computer that Hermione had just opened up. "What is this thing?"
"It's the Internet," Hermione explained excitedly, clearly eager to give a lecture about something Ron and Ginny didn't know of. She typed something in the address bar at the top and the page blanked out for a moment before reappearing again, this time different.
"Wow," Ginny mused. "Muggles think up really complicated things. No wonder Dad's obsessed with them."
Hermione smiled like a proud parent whose child had just been praised highly. She typed something else in, and the page whirred a bit before stopping again.
"What are you looking at?" Harry asked, leaving Ron to continue gaping at the three identical volumes of Hogwarts, A History splayed out on Hermione's bedspread.
Hermione frowned and ignored him, staring at the computer screen. In a moment, Harry realized why.
"Why is my name there?" Harry demanded, pointing to three words displayed proudly across the top of the screen. HARRY POTTER FANFICTION, it read.
"I don't know," Hermione muttered. "One of my Muggle classmates I just met again today in a long time told me to look at this website."
" 'Categories,'" Harry read off from the side of the page in a random order. " 'Search,' 'Authors,' 'Home,' 'FAQ,' 'Rules,' 'Submissions'… What is all this?"
"I don't know," Hermione responded. She glanced at the top of the page again. "Harry Potter fanfiction…" she murmured. "Fiction being made-up stories, and a fan can mean several things… such as people who adore something and…" She trailed off before turning to Harry, her eyes wide. "I think these are all stories about you, Harry!"
"Oh, the joy," Harry said sarcastically. "I'm famous in the Muggle world, too."
"They seem to think you're a made-up character," Hermione concluded. She clicked on "Categories." "Well, want to read some of the stories?"
Ginny smirked evilly, clearly eager for blackmail material.
"What stories?" Ron asked. He had shoved the three copies of Hogwarts, A History back onto Hermione's bookshelves and had now joined his friends at the computer screen.
"There are stories about Harry in the Muggle world," Hermione explained.
"Really?" Ron looked shocked.
"Really," Hermione confirmed. "Want to read one? Let's see if they can write well… and if they write real events."
"No thank you," Harry groaned.
"I want to read," Ginny declared.
"Of course you do," Hermione said, still smiling. She clicked on one of the sub-categories that read "Romance." "Let's see…" She trailed off, staring in disgust at the screen.
Harry leaned in to look. And he doubled over in laughter.
Ginny glanced at the computer screen and choked.
"What is it?" Ron asked. He gaped in horror at some of the pairings.
"Hermione's with Snape??" he asked incredulously. "And… ugh!" He gagged. "I'm with Malfoy??"
Harry laughed even harder. Hermione still seemed incapable of speaking.
"Shut up laughing, scarhead," Ron growled. He jabbed his finger at the computer screen. "Here's one where they paired you off with Lupin." He stopped speaking and seemed to have suddenly realized what he said. An evil grin spread over his face.
Harry shook his head. "That's disgusting."
Hermione seemed to have finally recovered. "Yes, it is."
"Any stories about me?" Ginny asked.
"Here's one where… OK, I'm not sure you want to know," Hermione mumbled.
"Yes I do… EW!! McGonagall?!"
"Yes… they paired you off with McGonagall!"
"I need therapy," Harry groaned.
"Let's not read any of these stories," Hermione offered, still looking sick at the prospect of Harry with Lupin, Ron with Malfoy, Ginny with McGonagall, or herself with Snape.
"Ooh, look! Here's a Lupin and Tonks one!" Ginny pointed.
"I don't want to read any of these," Hermione repeated firmly. She clicked on "Categories" again. "Here… what about 'Marauders era?'"
"Stories about Sirius, my dad, Pro—er, Remus, and Wormtail? Go ahead." Harry nodded his agreement.
"Sure." Ron seemed to have finally gotten over his disgust at being paired with Malfoy, of all people…
" 'A Tale of Four Marauders,'" Hermione read out loud from the computer screen. " 'Set during the Marauders' seventh year. Watch as they face girls, full moons, pranks, friendship hurdles, and more… No Slash. JPLE SBOC RLOC Please read and review! Chapter 15 finally up!'"
"What's slash? And what do they mean by JPLE SBOC RLOC?" Ginny asked, squinting at the writing on the screen.
"No idea. Want to look at the story?" Hermione paused, the arrow hovering over the title of the story.
"OK," Harry agreed. "It doesn't seem that bad."
Hermione clicked on the title of the story.
The page whirred a bit before settling on the chapters page.
" 'Chapter One: I Can't Believe YOU'RE Head Boy!' 'Chapter Two: The First Day Back.' 'Chapter Three: You're a Bad Head Boy, Potter.' 'Chapter Four: Ashley's Anger.' 'Chapter Five: Severus Sodding Snape.' 'Chapter Six: The Patronus Charm.' 'Chapter Seven: You Stole My Diary!' 'Chapter Eight: What's a Microwave?' 'Chapter Nine: How Many O.W.L.s Did You Get Anyway?' 'Chapter Ten: A Life Without Quidditch is Like a Life Without Ice Cream'…"
Hermione had trailed off there. Harry and Ron were both staring at the screen in horror, while Ginny was trying—and failing—to hide her snickers.
"No Quidditch?" Ron asked in disbelief. "There's no Quidditch in this story?"
Harry seemed to be at a loss for words.
Ginny burst out laughing.
Hermione rolled her eyes. "It doesn't say that. It says no Quidditch would be like no ice cream. Get a grip, you two!"
"Right. Sorry…" Ron seemed sheepish now.
Hermione rolled her eyes again and resumed reading the chapter titles of the story. " 'Chapter Eleven: The First Full Moon.' 'Chapter Twelve: Detentions and Mayhem.' 'Chapter Thirteen: Snape Seriously Sucks.' 'Chapter Fourteen: Slytherins' Revenge.' 'Chapter Fifteen: The First Hogsmeade Weekend.'"
"Sounds interesting," Harry commented.
"Want to read it?" Hermione asked.
Harry shrugged. "Sure."
Hermione clicked on the first chapter of the story: "I Can't Believe YOU'RE Head Boy!" Then, when the page finally loaded, the Golden Trio… er, quartet?… all leaned in to see the first chapter.
It'll get funnier later :D … hopefully. -shifty eyes-
