An annoyed expression stuck itself on the Akatsuki's one and only cannibal, Zetsu. As he watched his idiotic partner Tobi, who was freaking out because he was surrounded by three more men ready to attack at any moment now..

''Three on one? No fair! Zetsu, help me!'' Tobi begged, waving to the plant man sitting on a tree.

Zetsu sighed. ''Tobi, you idiot! You don't need my help to take down three weaklings like them! Be a good boy and finish them off quickly.''

After Zetsu finished his sentence, a sparkle lit up in the childish masked man as he nodded eagerly. ''Ok! Tobi is a good boy! I'll take down immediately, Zetsu! Just give me a minute to get ready!''

Suddenly Tobi started to do push ups like he was trying to irritate his enemies as one of the men yelled. ''What the Fuck?! What are you doing, Akatsuki?! Don't fuck with us!'' And with that the man dashed forward Tobi with a kunai at ready. Closing the gap between them, the man swung his kunai at the masked Akatsuki member, but Tobi easily dodged it.

Shouting in the process. ''Ole!''

The man turned around while trying once again to struck Tobi with his kunai, but before the kunai could hit him, Tobi grabbed his hand and brought a knee to his stomach. He kneeled on the ground in pain before Tobi raised his leg and swung it down, kicking the man in the head with his heel. Blood rushed out of the man's mouth as he fell to the ground, unconscious.

''One down! Two to go!'' Tobi exclaimed, rotating the kunai he stole from his previous opponent while his comrades charged at him.

One of them tried to pierce the masked man, but passed right throught him as Tobi turned around and slashed the back of his head. Finishing yet another one, Tobi clapped in joy before looking for the last one.

A shadow appeared above him as he lifted his head and saw the last man falling down towards him with a kunai up in the air.

''Oh no! What am I going to do?! Somebody help me!'' Tobi shouted as the man crashed down on him while the masked man screamed. ''You got me!''

The man smiled, thinking that he won, but a sudden pain on his back proved otherwise. He turned his head, only to see Tobi standing behind him and stucking a kunai in his back. He started to lose consciousness, the pain beggining to be to unbearable.

Tobi snickered after seeing the man faint. ''Ups. Looks like I was just kidding.''

Zetsu grinned. ''Good job, Tobi. Now stand aside so I can devour them!'' His black side yelled while he jumped off the tree and headed towards the three bodies laying on the ground.

''Ewwwwwww!'' The masked man exclaimed, seeing his partner devouring the three unconscious men.

It didn't take long for Zetsu to finish his meal as he licked his lips. ''Now, that we're done here, we should get back to the ba- !'' The plant man's eyes suddenly widened in shock as he bolted off into a patch of trees. ''Tobi follow me!''

The said man scratched his head in confusion, but soon after shrugged it off and followed Zetsu.

''What's wrong, Zetsu? Ahhh, did you sense a candy store?!'' Tobi gasped, his one visible eye sparkling in joy.

Zetsu shook his head. ''No. What I found is a more interesting thing. It's a chakra signature I never felt before. It's rather very unique if I may note.''

Tobi once again gasped. ''Maybe it's a lollipop!''

''How can it be a lollipop, idiot? Lollipops don't have chakra.''

''Okay.'' Then masked man pointed his finger towards someone. ''Look! It's a pretty lady!''

''Ugh. What the fuck are yo-'' Zetsu's widdened in shock, Tobi was pointing to woman laying on the ground – probably unconscious – with what seemed to be purple hair. It was definitely the chakra signature Zetsu felt. ''Shit! That's the chakra we felt!''

''She's not a chakra, she's a girl.'' Tobi said.

''Tobi, it would be best for all of us if you just stay quiet.'' Zetsu said in reply, irritated by his partner's childish behaviour.

''But if I stay quiet there won't be anyone to -'' The masked man began, but was cutted off by Zetsu a second later.

''Don't care!'' Zetsu's dark side lashed out.

Both of the Akatsuki members approached the woman while Zetsu knelt down and picked her up. She had thick eye lashes and make up, but to Zetsu's annoyance she had no headband.

''Wow. She's pretty.'' Tobi stated and got a nod from Zetsu.

''Yeah, this slut is fucking hot! Konan's got nothing on her. Just looking at this kunoichi gives me a boner!''

''But, Zetsu! How do you know that she's a kunoichi? She has no metal symbol thingy!'' Tobi pointed out.

''First of all, it's called a headband not a metal symbol thingy, idiot. And secondly, she could be some stupid ritch bitch who actually gave a damn to become a kunoichi. Tobi was just trying to be a good boy, maybe he's right. It's highly unlikely for nobelty to become shinobi. Like I care.''

''Ritch – bitch! It rhymes! Ritch – bitch, ritch- bitchhhh! Ritchhhhhhhhhhh-bitchhhhhhhhhhh!'' Tobi continued to shout, not getting at all what Zetsu said. ''Wait... That's rude!''

The plant man glared at him for a moment, contemplating to kill him or not. But in the end, fortunately for Tobi he decided to let him live as he began to discuss the situation with himself. ''Let's just rape and eat her. No, wait. Why? I'm not actually against that idea, but I don't think that normal nobelty have this kind of chakra It's strange. So? What's your point? I say we stick to my plan! Well, it would be best to take her back to leader, he can decide what to do with her. Tch. Fine.''

''So, what do we do with the pretty lady?'' The masked man asked.

''We take her back to the base. She's the odd chakra signature I sensed. We could've just done what I said, ya know...'' Zetsu replied.

''Ok! I can't wait to show the pretty lady to the others!'' Tobi said and with that Zetsu putted the kunoichi over his shoulder and dashed off...


After a hour of dashing throught the forest, Zetsu and Tobi finally arrived at the nearest base. Once they undid the seal protecting the entrance and tied the woman, they walked in and saw that everyone just arrived. Both of them jumped onto the last two remaining fingers of the Gedo statue and greeted the others.

''Hello, everyone! Did Tobi and Zetsu keep you waiting?'' Tobi asked worriedly.

''No, fucker! Didn't you fucking see that we just arrived, too?!'' Hidan cussed.

The masked man brought a hand to the back of his head and laughed stupidly. ''Oh, sorry Hidan. I forgot.''

''Forgot?! Are you really that fucking stupid?!'' The silver haired man yelled, but Tobi's stupid expression still remained.

''At least he's smarter than you, idiot.'' Kakuzu growled.

Hidan shot back. ''How the fuck is he smarter than me, you old fart?!''

''Well, he didn't got his head chopped off.'' Kisame sneered.

''Go to hell, fish breath! They tricked me and you know that! Hey blondie, support me here! You fought those Konoha pussies, too!''

''Yeah. They're pretty tough, but the only reason I didn't took care of them right away was because I was low on clay, Hmm.'' Deidara replied.

''And that's the only reason we don't have the Kyuubi jinchuuriki yet. I told you not to push your luck, but you were and are still too stupid to understand it anyways.'' Sasori said, annoyed by his partner's remark.

''Master!''

''Enough, Hidan, Deidara!'' Pein commanded, making the Jashin worshiper and the mad bomber fall quiet quickly. He then shifted his gaze to Zetsu and ordered. ''Zetsu report.''

Zetsu nodded and began. ''The mission was a succes, the three men you told us to assassinate are dead. Tobi took care of them and I ate their bodies, so no one will be able to track them or us down.''

Pein gave a nod of satisfaction towards the plant man. ''Good job you two.''

Tobi clapped his hand together, earning the attention of the rest of the members. ''Leader! Tobi was a good boy and he found a pretty lady! Zetsu, thinks she could be our maid!''

Everyone looked at him dumbfounded while Tobi just bounced up and down.

''What did you find, Tobi?'' Itachi asked, clearly confused and thinking that he heard wrong. It was unlikely for Zetsu to bring a girl with them, he would rather rape or eat her.

''A pretty lady!'' The hyperactive man repeated.

''Tobi, who is this 'pretty lady' ?'' Sasori asked, watching him in confusion.

The masked man was about to reply, but Zetsu caught up to it. ''Yeah, about that... We found a fucking hot slut!''

''Ugh, what?'' Deidara scratched the back of his head, looking at Zetsu like he was retarded.

''Since when do you leave others alive?'' Kisame asked.

''Well, usually I would eat her, but she has this strange chakra signature.'' Zetsu replied.

''Interesting...'' Sasori brought a finger to his chin in thought. ''What kind of strange chakra signature does this kunoichi possess, if I may ask?''

''Who cares! Although, I'm surprised Zetsu didn't eat them yet, since he devours everything he sees, Hmm.'' Deidara taunted, unabling Zetsu to answer Sasori's question.

''Maybe he wants to fuck them!'' Hidan bursted out of nowhere.

''Be quiet, idiot. If he wanted to do that, wouldn't he have done it back where he saw her?' Kakuzu said, seemingly irritated.

''Wait, now. Maybe zealot there is right this time. Maybe Zetsu just wants to get laid.'' Kisame joked.

''Who are you calling a zealot, fucker?!'' Hidan yelled.

''Are you really that stupid. The insult was clearly meant for you, Hidan.'' Sasori replied, he hated to state the obvious. ''Now, be quiet before I kill you.''

''Look, I'm in no mood to talk fairy tales about some bitch I found in the forest! Let's just gather up, so I can shove her up your asses!'' Zetsu roared.

Itachi raised an eyebrow in question. ''A gather? That might not be a bad idea. Leader-sama, what do you think of this?''

''Since there are no more missions for the time being, we might as well gather in the main base.'' Pein said, accepting Itachi's suggestion.

''Once we get there, should I open up my lab?'' Sasori asked, seemingly interested in Zetsu's story.

''Yes, if what Zetsu is telling us is the truth, we'll need your experience in science, Sasori.''

''Pein, are you really considering this?'' Konan – who kept quiet until now – asked and got a nod from Pein in response.

''If this girl proves to be useless to us, may I sell her body parts or as a slave?'' Kakuzu asked, already imagining the profit he would gain from it.

''There you go again!'' Hidan yelled accusingly. ''It's always about money with you!''

''Why would we wanna sell her, yeah? If she's hot as Zetsu says, wouldn't we wanna keep her as our maid? I mean we could definitely use one, Hmm.'' Deidara smirked.

''Enough, as of now this meeting is dismissed. Return to the Akatsuki HQ at once! We'll examine the girl Zetsu found once we gather up!'' Pein ordered.

''But I found them, too!'' Tobi moaned and with that everyone left.


Deidara groaned as he got up from the rock he and Sasori were sitting on, stretching himself. ''Hmph. Sometimes I forget how much I hate these little meetings of ours, yeah. These damn rocks always screw up my back, Hmm.''

''Be quiet, brat. We were ordered to get back to the HQ at once and I don't have time nor the patience for your complaining.'' Sasori growled, also getting up from his sitting position.

''Oh yeah, and you always get grumpy... At least we get to sleep in our own beds when we get back, Hmm.''

''Do I look to you like I care, Deidara?'' Sasori replied and sped off towards where the HQ would be.

''Hey! Wait for me, master!'' The blonde haired man shouted and followed in pursuit. ''How long 'till we get there anyways?''

''Since we're close to the main base anyways, it shouldn't take us more than a hour.'' The red haired puppet master stated. ''Now be quiet or I'll cut off your head, brat.''

''Yeah, yeah of course you will... Seriously, master Sasori, you say that all the time, yeah. You're starting to sound like a broken recorder. Be a little more original, will ya, Hmm?'' Deidara teased. ''Oh, and one more thing... That kunoichi... Use condo-''

Just when Deidara was about to finish Sasori turned around and swung him into a tree by using his Puppet Technique's chakra threads. ''I've had enough of you, brat. Keep your perverted crap to yourself. I have no intention of having a intercourse with some low life slut Zetsu found.'' He then continued his trip towards the base with Deidara coming right after him and yelling.

''Why you! I'll blow you up to little pieces, yeah! Maybe then you will learn what true art is, Hmm!''

''What true art is? I already know that, idiot. True art is long-lasting. It's a enternal display of beauty. Something that never rots or fades away. And puppets are one fine example of that.''

''Sasori no Danna, how many times do I have to tell you this. Look I respect you as a fellow artist, but your views on art are just lame. True art is fleeting!'' Deidara replied, releasing a small clay butterfly from his palm and making a single hand sign. ''True art is an explosion. Katsu!'' On the command word, the butterfly exploded, creating an astonishing firework in the process.

Sasori frowned, he wasn't amused at all. Their views on art clashed completely. One thinking that it's enternal while the other believing that it's fleeting as the red haired puppet master sighed. ''Let's just be on our way. I hate to keep others waiting. And besides, you are to naive to understand the true meaning of art.''

''The hell I am! You're just too stubborn to understand what I'm telling you, Hmm!'' Deidara accused.

''Tch. Whatever.''


After awhile everyone made their appearance at the main base, Zetsu and Tobi being the last ones.

''So where is this kunoichi you wanted to show us?'' Sasori asked impatiently.

''Right here. Tobi bring her out.'' Zetsu gestured to his childish partner.

''Okay, Zetsu buddy!'' Tobi saluted and activated his unique technique Kamui. The air around him started to swirl and a girl came out of Tobi's pocket dimension. ''Here she is!''

''So, that's the girl, Hmm?'' Deidara asked, pointing to the woman laying face to the ground.

Zetsu nodded. ''Yeah. Isn't it obvious, Deidara? Wait 'till you see her from the front!'' The plant man bent to her and picked her up, showing all of her features to his companions. ''Not bad, right?''

After taking a moment to stare at her – some even drool at her - Hidan bursted out. ''Holy shit! She's a fucking babe!''

''Yeah! Where did you find this woman?'' Kisame asked.

''Like I said before we found her laying on the ground back at the forest.'' Zetsu replied.

''I'm gonna agree with zealot over there, yeah. She's hot, heck we may even call her art, Hmm! Right, Sasori?'' Deidara shifted his gaze towards the puppet master.

''No, she's trash.'' The red haired man replied flatly.

''That's what you say to everyone that's not a S-class shinobi.'' Kisame sneered.

''Well, I'll have to agree with him. Everyone that's not a S-class shinobi isn't worth money anyway. And I don't remember seeing her face in the bingo book.'' Kakuzu said.

''Money, money, money! Is that crap the only thing you can think of?!'' Hidan snarled. ''It's just a matter of time before you begin whoring yourself for it!''

''What do we do with her, leader?'' Itachi questioned, ignoring the arguements in the background.

''Well, It'll be best to take her to a bed. Once she wakes up, I'll decide what to do with her. In the meantime, Konan get some spare clothes for her.'' Pein commanded.

Konan gave him a nod. ''Yes, Pein, I will get some spare clothes right away.''

''In whose bed do I put her in, leader?'' Zetsu asked and immediately everyone fell silent so they can hear the answer.

Pein turned around and looked at the rest of the Akatsuki members before answering. ''Sasori's bed will do.''

''Mine?! Why not in Hidan's or Zetsu's since he found her?'' Sasori growled.

''Because you are the most trustful member in the Akatsuki, Sasori. And not only that, but you're the one that leads all the experiments in the organization. So, I expect that your room will be the best to choose.'' Pein answered and motioned Zetsu towards Sasori's room.

The plant man nodded and left for Sasori's room.

*Sasori's room*

Once he entered, Zetsu went to Sasori's bed and was about to lay her there when a voice growled.

''On the floor.''

Zetsu turned towards the source of the voice and saw Sasori standing at the door as he replied. ''No. I believe leader told me to put her on the bed.''

''It's irrelevant. She'll be just fine on the floor.'' Sasori said, pointing to the carpet on his floor.

Zetsu shook his head. ''Look. I don't give a damn for her well-being, I'm just following the orders. So, you'll have to put up with it 'till we make her a bed later on.''

The plant man layed her on the bed and left the room. Leaving an angry Sasori who glared at the unconscious woman for a moment before leaving the room himself.


Sasori came back right after a conversation started between his fellow Akatsuki members as Itachi asked the leader. ''Now, that the girl is taken care of. What do you plan to do with her?''

Before Pein could answer a steel-like voice asked the same. ''Yes, leader. What is it that you're planning to do with this girl?'' All of the members turned around to this new source of voice and saw Sasori entering the room.

''Ah, Sasori, how nice of you to join us.'' Pein said, pointing his finger to a free spot on the couch. ''Come. Sit here. We will discuss the future of the girl right now.''

Sasori nodded and sat at the spot Pein was pointing at.

''Now before I begin, I have to ask. Zetsu, why exactly did you brought this girl with you?'' Pein asked, staring at the said man.

''Well, this girl is pretty unique.'' Zetsu replied.

''What do you mean, Hmm?'' Deidara raised an eyebrow in question.

''Her chakra. It's like something I never felt before, yet it isn't that strong. It's like comparing Tobi and a monkey. They're the same species –''

''But Zetsu! I'm not a monkey!''

''-, but Tobi is stupidier. In other words, this chakra is like it's from a completely another dimension.'' Zetsu finished despite being interrupted by Tobi at a certain moment.

''Wait, Tobi is a monkey? No wonder that fucker is never taking his mask off. He's a fucking monkey for Jashin's sake!'' Hidan shouted, not getting at all what Zetsu was saying.

Kakuzu looked at his partner, seemingly unamused before murmuring to himself. ''Idiot...''

''Wow, Hidan you're stupid, Hmm.'' Deidara said.

''Wasn't it obvious, brat?'' Sasori replied.

''Try being his partner.'' Kakuzu added.

''Try being Kisame's partner.'' Itachi said.

''Hey! What is that supposed to mean, Weasel Boy?'' Kisame sneered.

''Kisame, call me that again and I'll kill you.'' Itachi threatened, activating his Sharingan.

Before Kisame could say anything else, Hidan bursted out, finally caughting up to the conversation. ''What the fuck do you mean 'I'm stupid'?! Heh, blondie?!''

''Just like you heard, Hmm.'' Deidara mocked.

''Why you!''

''Silence!'' All of the members immediately fell silent- like always - , shifting their gazes to Pein. ''There's no time for your useless arguements. We must return to the matter at hand. Konan here will explain everything.''

Konan nodded and stepped forward. ''Since Pein is too irritated to speak right now, I will tell you his decision. Pein decided that we will keep the girl for now. We will see for ourselves how good she is.''

''Where will she sleep?'' Itachi asked.

''We will make her a bed in Sasori's room.'' Pein joined in.

''What?! I'm not going to babysit some girl you found out in the forest! I refuse to!'' Sasori complained, irritated to no end that he was the one given this task.

''No. You will have to be her master. Kakuzu will surely kill her and Itachi is younger than you.''

''Tch. Fine. But if she doesn't listen, I'll make sure to barry her six feet under the ground!''

''No, Sasori! Don't kill the pretty lady!'' Tobi begged.

''Be quiet, Tobi. I'm in no mood for you right now.'' Sasori glared.

''You're always in no mood, Hmm.'' Deidara taunted.

''Especially for you, brat.'' Sasori said, turning around and walking away from the others. Hearing one last sentence coming from Kisame's mouth.

''What a troublesome fella he is.''