Jace POV

I wished Clary knew how amazing she was.

I loved her so much, and sometimes I wondered if she realized that. I also knew that losing Sebastian had hurt her. Valentine poisoned his mind and she was mourning the person he could have been, the brother she could have had.

I wondered about our lives sometimes, too.

In a perfect world Clary and I would have lived in Idris together, gone to the Academy in Alicante, and met by having classes together. She would have been great at everything, just like she was now. I might not tell her, but she was a great fighter as well as she was great with runes.

In a perfect world this would be impossible.

Valentine, Sebastian, Simon, Luke, Isabelle, and Alec were all holes in this hypothetical life. Sure, we would have other things, but there were definite problems with this plot.

Why couldn't anything be simple.

We had done so much; why couldn't we just have a break for once? I knew that with all the bad that had happened to us in our lives, we had blessings, too, but I wanted a break. Simon was ascending soon and Isabelle was still having trouble adjusting to this. She loved him, and that kind of thing was definitely new to her.

Magnus was trying to get some memories back for Simon and it was hard on him, this upset Alec, which was understandable. And Clary just seemed distant lately. I knew when she had become a Shadowhunter with us, she had stopped drawing more, but she almost never drew anymore. When it got really bad, she wouldn't come over to see me at all, or talk to anybody for days on end.

I wished she would talk to me. I wished Sebastian didn't kill so many people. I wish Valentine didn't tell us we were siblings. Maybe if some of these things had gone right we wouldn't be here, but I had to deal with what we had been given.

Clary would occasionally talk to Simon. I knew she enjoyed having her friend back, but she wanted her old friend. The on who was brave and lost his memories for all of us. The one who was hopelessly in love with Isabelle and loved to hang out with her and do anything.

His memories had been him. They were who he was and now it felt as if half of him was gone.

Life was different. Life was harder than fighter ravenous hordes of demons, but in a completely different way.

Isabelle POV

I wish this wasn't life.

Jace was upset because Clary was depressed. She did lose her brother and she was the one who had killed him. Simon was another sore spot for her. I could understand. Jace would take is mood out in the training room a lot. But on worse days he would go seeking demons. Those were the days that I worried if he would come home alive. I don't think I could lose another sibling.

My parents were still fighting. We thought maybe everything would resolve itself with them. Boy were we wrong. If anything things had gotten worse.

I loved Simon, and if that was hard to say before we went to Edom, it was harder now. I loved him, but he hurt me. He didn't do it on purpose. In fact, I doubt he realized it. He didn't remember me! It tore my heart to pieces. He was different and he didn't know how hard it was for me to adjust to the new person. He looked the same, but he wasn't.

Magnus had managed to get a few of his memories back, but it and been extremely taxing on him. Alec hadn't taken this well and I could understand how hard it was to see someone you love in such a compromising place. I was in that same position.

I didn't know what to do anymore. Life was killing me.

Alec POV

Isabelle wasn't taking everything as well as she pretended to be. SHe wanted to be strong and prove to us that she didn't need anyone. She did. Simon tried to be there for her, but he wasn't the same as before. He didn't know how different he was and he might never realize. She was angry at life for doing this to her.

Normally she took her anger out by leaving the Institute and walking around New York doing God knows what. On her bad days she would go out in short dresses and tons of makeup, probably trying to forget. She wouldn't let anybody see her cry, but I knew she was in pain.

Jace wasn't much better than Isabelle.

Magnus was trying to help everyone, he understood pain, but it was hard for him. I got upset when he put himself out there too much. If this is what love did to the other, I didn't want to let anything happening to Magnus.

I didn't know what to do anymore.

Magnus POV

Clary wouldn't open up to anybody. She refused to draw. Whenever she did talk to someone it was me. I felt bad for her. Sebastian, Simon, Valentine. She even partly blamed herself for Jordan's death. Sometimes she would disappear at her mom and Luke's house for days on end and not talk to anybody.

Isabelle wanted her Simon back. She would walk round the city for hours sometimes. Only coming back when it got so late she was worried that vampires becoming a problem. On the bad days she goes out partying.

Simon was just apologetic. He didn't know why he had to be, but he understood that people were upset with him. He knew he had sacrificed himself, but he didn't remember it. That changed the whole situation. I knew they weren't really mad at him, just the idea of him.

Alec wanted everything to be okay. He felt bad for them and wanted everything to go back to normal, but there wasn't much he could do there.

Jace was mad at everything. He was upset about Clary and he was protective about Isabelle. He wanted to fix everyone's problems and that was putting stress on him. Sometimes I would see his bloodied knuckles from training too hard or cuts from fighting demons when the pain got really bad.

Lately bad days were getting more common. For everyone.