Title: Frailty

Author: ZombieJazz

Fandom: Law & Order: SVU

Disclaimer: I don't own them. Law and Order SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The characters of Will (and his family) and Noah have been created and developed for the sake of this AU series.

Summary: As Olivia adjusts to her new squad, her family life is again shaken. She must struggle to find a way to balance her past and questions about her own lineage and her son's paternity while trying to find answers that her child's life are dependant on. Through it she's forced to re-examine the meaning of family, marriage, motherhood, and the significance her job plays in her life. This story takes place about a year after the conclusion of Undeserved in my AU series of stories and is a direct continuation of where Rollercoaster was headed.

Author's Notes: This AU series is for SVU fans and readers who want Olivia to have something that resembles a more normal life outside of work and a family of her own - hopefully somewhat realistically within the canon of SVU. My stories are not EO and never will be. You may want to read some of my other ones for context on the characters in this AU first - though, it's likely fairly self-explanatory on its own too.

WARNING: THIS STORY MIGHT KIND OF BE A SPOILER FOR READERS OF UNDESERVED AND A DEFINITE SPOILER FOR ROLLERCOASTER.

THIS STORY IS A CONTINUATION OF WHERE ROLLERCOASTER WAS HEADED. AS THAT STORY IS CURRENTLY AT A STANDSTILL BUT I GET SEVERAL REGULAR REQUESTS ABOUT THE STATUS OF THE LIV/WILL/NOAH STORIES, I DECIDED TO PROVIDE THIS GLIMPSE OF WHERE IT WAS/IS HEADED. THIS STORY MAY EXIST AS A STANDALONE OR MAY EVENTUALLY BE ABSORBED INTO ROLLERCOASTER AT SOME POINT IN THE FUTURE.

Will let out a sigh as he got to the bottom of the stairs and glanced over toward the kitchen where he heard rattling. The phone was still clutched to his ear while he tried to pay attention – and engage with – the final notes of his conversation. But now, his attention had really shifted to where he could see his wife's silhouette through the serving window – clearly working away at dishes at the sink.

He started to wander over as he listened to his colleague on the other end of the line – making some listening sounds just to try to prove he was actually taking it in. When he got into the dining room, he stood in front of the window and gazed at her. She didn't react immediately. She looked focused on what she was doing – but he knew it was really that she was using it as an excuse to try to focus on nothing at all. When she finally did glance up, he raised an eyebrow at her – questioning what she was doing and why she was bothering to do it, questioning where their son was. But she only raised an eyebrow back at him and then broke the eye contact and looked back to the sink.

Will let out another small sigh but apparently his colleague heard that one and asked if everything was OK with what was being said.

Will shook his head and turned away from Olivia a bit. "No, yeah," he stumbled awkwardly. "That all sounds fine." He nodded into the phone. "Yeah. I appreciate that. … Yeah, I'll definitely be in touch in a couple days. Let you know what's happening. … Yeah. … No, really, let's just started with the rest of this week. … Ah, no, Liv and I haven't really talked about the details yet. … No, no. I don't want to do that just yet. … Yeah. … OK, I'll talk to you soon."

He let out another slow breath as he hung-up and then looked at Olivia again. She apparently wasn't that interested in the end of the conversation she'd heard – and was even less interested in talking to him. Or at least making eye contact with him.

"Where's Noah?" Will asked.

"He fell asleep," she said flatly.

"In the basement?" She nodded. "You want me to move him upstairs?"

She shook her head. "No. Let him sleep. He's tired."

"OK," Will allowed and stood looking at her in silence again for a long moment. "What were you watching?" he asked, trying again. Trying desperately to draw them out of the silence.

But she just shrugged. "Some cartoon. Netflix. I wasn't really watching."

Will gazed at her. He was trying desperately to find words that night but he was struggling. He didn't know what to say. So instead he was trying to figure out what to do.

"Why don't you let me do that," he offered, putting his phone the sill and moving around and through the door of the kitchen. "You can go sit with Noah."

She just shook her head at him again. "It's fine. I'm letting him rest. He doesn't need me sitting with him right now."

He looked at her. Liv rarely gave up the opportunity to sit with her son – even if it was just to stare at one of his TV shows. She near always thought the boy needed her – and the reality was, he did.

"Well, then, let me do it and you go sit down," he said. "You get some rest for a while too."

She looked up at him – her eyes were annoyed. "I'm fine, Will," she said flatly – but firmly.

He knew that was a lie too. She wasn't fine. Far from it. She couldn't be. He wasn't.

"Then, at least, just … rinse them," he blurted. "You don't need to be washing them. Just rinse them and put them in the dishwasher."

"I'm not doing it any differently than you ever do," she muttered at him and went back to the sudsy sink where she was clearly far more than rinsing the dishes that she was then putting in the dishwasher after finishing each.

"And you're always telling me that I wash them," he pressed. It'd tried to make it sound like a tease but he wasn't sure it sounded that way. To her or to him.

But she just shrugged. "Oh well …" she allowed.

He let out another slow breath. "So I called Joe," he provided.

"I heard," she allowed.

"I cancelled my meetings and office hours. Got that deadline pushed back. And, he's going to deal with getting other people to take on my lectures for the rest of the week."

"You didn't have to do that," Olivia said.

He looked at her – again trying to measure what he was supposed to be saying or doing. "I kind of did," he provided. "There's going to be a lot of information over the next few days. I don't want to miss it."

Another shrug. "You missed it last time. I did fine hearing it on my own."

It stung. A lot. He wasn't sure if she meant it to or not. He decided to give her the benefit of the doubt. That even if she meant it to hurt – it was only because she was hurting too. Or it was that she really hadn't thought about what she was saying before she said it. She was distracted. She was focused on other things.

"Well, that was then," Will said flatly. "This is now."

She glanced at him and he let out another sigh, leaning against the counter.

"Are you going to call your Captain?" he asked. She shook her head. "Liv … you've got to tell him."

"I will," she said more quietly. "It's just not a conversation I want to have on the phone." He felt himself shrink as she said that. "I'll go in tomorrow."

"You aren't going to have time," he said quietly, gazing at her hard. He was starting to feel himself losing it. He thought he'd been holding it together fairly well since the afternoon. But now? In the quiet. At home. With Noah sleeping. As they started to set things in motion. As they started to sort things out. As they had to talk to each other – and didn't put up a front for their son. Reality was seeping in and Will felt his heart breaking and his whole being sink into that countertop. He wanted to disappear. To hide. But mostly he wanted to cry.

"I'll go in after," she said.

"Liv … " he said and he felt the faintest crack in his voice. He hoped she hadn't heard it. "You aren't going to want to go in after."

She shrugged again. "I'll manage."

"Noah's going to want you with him," Will pressed instead.

"He'll be fine with you," she said. "I won't be long."

Will just shook his head and examined the floor for far too long. "We need to tell my parents."

"I'm not doing that over the phone either," Olivia said and cast him a sterner look.

He glanced up at her. "I'll do it," he assured.

"You aren't doing it over the phone either," she said firmly. "We'll tell them on the weekend. When we're over for dinner."

Will let out a sound and made himself look up at the ceiling – mostly to try to force tears back into his eyes. "We can't wait until the weekend to tell them," he said at a near whisper.

Olivia shook her head. "Then we'll figure something else out," she said.

"They're going to call tonight wanting to know how things went," Will said. "Or I have to send my mom her daily email and picture."

"So sent her something," Olivia said. "But you aren't telling them by phone or email."

Will let out another breathe and brought his eyes to hers. They looked so tired. So sad. Probably sadder than his. They looked defeated.

"How'd Noah seem?" he asked.

She shrugged and went back to washing the dishes again. "Fine. The same was before. A little tired."

"He say anything," Will asked.

Olivia shook her head. "Not really."

"You think he's absorbing what's going on?" Will asked.

She looked at him again with that comment. "He's not stupid, Will," she said with a tone that clearly said he'd upset her.

But Noah hadn't been in the room when they talked to the doctor. Will wasn't sure that their little boy really knew what the appointment was about. Or maybe that was just his hope.

"What about you?" he asked cautiously. "How are you doing?"

"I'm fine, Will," she put flatly.

He sighed again and shifted against the counter, turning closer to her and edging into her space in front of the sink.

"Really, Liv," he said, "let me do this. You look exhausted."

Her eyes found his again. "I'm fine, Will," she said even more firmly – but he could hear the change in her voice.

"No, you aren't," he pushed back. "Go … sit down. Rest."

"I don't need to sit down. I don't need to rest," she told him. Her eyes burning into him. Or at least they were trying to. They couldn't. Not really. Not when he could see them starting to water.

Will put his hand against her bicep and gave it a small squeeze. "Babe … just go … and try to zone out for a few minutes. Let me handle this."

"Zone out?" she spat at him. It was harsh. "Zone out. You want me to zone out right now?" she shook her head. "You go zone out. I've got to do this. Then I've got to get my son …"

"Our son," Will corrected. She turned and glared at him. But he just rubbed her bicep again. "You're exhausted. Just go … sit … for a few minutes. Figure out how you want to deal with this over the next few days."

She let out a laugh and shook her head. "Deal with this over the next few days?" she muttered and pushed him again. "I don't want to deal with this the next few days. I don't want to deal with this. Period."

"Yea … me neither," Will allowed. "But we'll figure it out. Together."

She turned and looked at him. "Would you fuck off," she spat at him.

He felt himself gape at her. He hadn't expected that. He didn't know what to say. He wasn't even sure how it felt. He knew it should hurt but he thought he might be so numb in that moment that it didn't hurt. It just smacked to the point that the wind was knocked out of him. But then the wind really did get knocked out of him as she pushed at his chest – open hands whapping there with a force that further surprised him.

"Would you just get the fuck away from me," she said. "Give me some fucking space. Go do whatever it is that you think you need to be doing tonight."

"Liv …" he stuttered – but it was the wrong thing to say. Her hands hit at him again and he took a step back before reaching and trying to grab at her wrists that pummeling at his chest and shoulders – striking with a power that he knew was likely leaving marks. That would likely leave bruises.

There was enough force to them that she was almost grunting with the impact but her face was a flurry. He didn't think she could even see where she was hitting. Tears had started to stream and she was in a near blind flurry as she struck him.

"Hey …," he tried to say calmly and he grabbed at her flailing hands. "Stop it," he added more firmly.

But she just let out a roar. A rage and an agony that he'd never quite heard out of her before. But with the force of it her whole body just collapsed onto itself and she crumpled to the floor.

"Liv," he cried out again and scrambled to her himself down next to her – checking to make sure she was OK.

She was. Physically. But she was a mess of tears. She whole body shook with the sobs rattling her. Her face was flushed and red. The tears seemed to have taken over its entire surface. He could hardly disgusting any of her features. It was all just utmost sadness. An agony that had completely overtaken her to the point she was trembling with the ferocity of it.

He slid down next to her, and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close to him as they huddled against the cupboards on their kitchen floor. He rocked her and held her as she tremored. He made shushing sounded and pressed kisses into her temple and the crown of her head, trying to pull back the strands of her hair away from the streaks of tears and snot that had completely taken over her face.

"You're OK," he assured gently.

She just let an even more rattled sob at that. It sounded like a wounded animal being taken to slaughter. Utter defeat, yet there was almost an anger to it too.

"Stop saying that," Olivia managed to sputter out. "Just stop fucking saying that. It's not OK."

"It's going to be OK," Will tried again.

"It's not," Olivia cried. "I can't do this again."

"You can," Will pressed gently and put another kiss against her temple as she writhed under him. The woman he loved melting into a puddle like he'd never seen before. Her tears just sending him over the edge and his own body trembling too.

His tears streamed as he tried to convince them both that it'd be OK. That they'd pull through. But the truth was he didn't know how it could be OK. He didn't feel like it was OK. He felt terrified. He felt so scared that he felt ill to his stomach. Yet he felt completely empty at the same time. He couldn't focus on the reality of it. He couldn't even comprehend that it was happening.

He didn't know what to do.

He was her husband. Noah's father. And he didn't have a clue what to do. What to say. How to fix this.

He was at an utter loss. All he could do was hold her. But he didn't really feel like that was helping.

His wife felt broken.

"We'll figure it out," he tried.

"I can't," Olivia cried. "I can't. Not again. Not my son."

"It's going to be OK," Will whispered. A mantra that he felt was more to convince himself that her at that point. "It's going to be OK."

"It's not," Olivia sobbed. "It's not."