Harrietta Potter chapter 1

Note: this is amusing, not literarily amazing. That means no amazing descriptions, and most of you should be familiar enough with the story/movies not to need one. Also, even though this takes place in the late 80's/early 90's during the first year, there will still be some out of place quotes because I feel like it.

Everyone knows how Voldemort was defeated. A baby reflected back the killing curse and it struck him down. Sadly, James and Lily potter were killed in the fight, orphaning their daughter Harrietta. Hagrid, a half giant, feared that the poor wee thing wouldn't be safe with her brutish uncle and cousin and nasty aunt, but alas Dumbledore felt that it would be for the best.

When Dudley tromped down the stairs on his birthday, Harrietta awoke with a start and shook flakes of ceiling out of her short wild hair. Brushing the pieces out she sighed; wishing her aunt Petunia would let her grow it long. She finished dressing in her cousins ginormous cast off shirt that billowed around her like a muumuu. She liked to wear it as a dress. She went to the kitchen to prepare breakfast as lovely Dudders threw a tantrum about his lack of presents.

Harrietta muttered under hear breath, "oh yes, one present less than last year. You're soooo unloved. You know what I really hate? These clothes. They're so ugly. All I wanted was a cute maid outfit so that I at least look good when I cook and clean. But noooo they won't buy me one, even if it impresses the neighbours." She made a face then finished frying the bacon. "I feel like tacos, not bacon. I think I'm suffering from lack of taco. Bacon is not as good as taco."

"What are you muttering about?" Vernon Dursley asked. "One more word out of you and you're not coming with us to the zoo."
"And that would be such a shame," she muttered and rolled her eyes.
"What was that?"

"I wish I could play a game."

Vernon gave Harrietta a weird look and shuffled his newspaper while she forked some bacon over to his plate.

Later at the zoo, Harietta found herself in the reptile section.

"Hello there, you have such pretty scales, it must be fun to be a snake with pretty scales. Do you ever miss the wilderness?"

"Actually no," said the snake, "I wassss raissssed in captivity."
Harietta thought she was hallucinating.

"Am I hallucinating?" she asked the snake.

"No," it replied.

"Oh. Ok!" she said.

"Daddy look, the snake is moving!" Dudley shoved Harrietta out of the way and she stumbled and fell.

"Asshole," she thought and glared at him. Dudley was pressed up against the glass when it just disappeared. The snake slithered out, winked at Harri and said, "Thanksss and you have a very pretty meat covering. It must be fun to be a human with a pretty meat covering."

Harri was dumbfounded, but couldn't disguise her glee when Dudley got rapped behind the glass. Big mistake.

When Harri got her letter to Hogwarts, Vernon snatched it away and told her it was a joke. Of course, the thousands of letters that arrived later said otherwise. Harri was slightly disgusted with the hovel on a rock they went to live on. She was used to clean spaces (because of her superior cleaning skills) and this was definitely not clean.

On her 11th birthday when Harri was blowing out the candles she had drawn in the dirt floor, a large pounding on the door scared the buhjeezes out of her. Stepping in out of the rain and shadows was the largest and hairiest man she had ever seen.

"Happy birthday Harrietta," Hagrid said, presenting her with a cake.

Harri was touched, and showed the utmost hospitality (despite her relative's rudeness) to the large hairy man.

"You're a witch Harri," he told her.

"A what?"

"A witch."
"Seriously? With the hat? And the cat? And the broomstick? And the cool striped stockings?"
"Umm…" Hagrid proceeded to tell her about the wizarding world.

"Ok, one last question. Can I have a piggy back to the boat?"
Hagrid was happy to oblige the hyper and piggyback-deprived 11-year-old girl. She had just found out her parents were very skilled witches and wizards, and that they were providing an escape to a whole new world, away from the Dursleys.

A few days latter, Harri and Hagrid stepped into the dim Leaky Cauldron.

"Nothing for me today, Tom. I'm taking young Harrietta here to get her new books."

A hush fell over the crowd and a few intakes of breath indicated that a few people were attempting to gasp without seeming to overt about it, although you could tell they all wanted to fangirl squeal.

"Very nice to meet you!" a random stranger said, pumping Harri's hand vigorously.

"V-v-v-very n-n-nice t-to m-m-meet you, M-miss P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-potter."
"This is Professor Quirrell, he'll be teaching you defence against the dark arts at Hogwarts." Hagrid informed the bewildered Harri.

"Hagrid, could you please explain why everyone wants to touch me? It's kind of disturbing."

Harri and Hagrid walked out to the back of the Leaky Cauldron and Hagrid did his special brick-tapping trick and the doors slid open.

Harri's eyes opened in WONDER and SHOCK at the colourful wizarding shopping village she saw, hidden in the midst of London. Her eyes opened even wider in WONDER and SHOCK as Hagrid explained the story of Voldemort (He Who Shall Not Be Named, You Know Who, Moldyworts, and the like) and how she defeated him as a baby.

Harrietta was still processing the lively story when she went into Madame Malkin's shop (after Gringotts and the mysterious package of course) to buy one of her favourite things in the world: clothing. Already in the store getting fitted was a pointy little blond boy, kind of cute in an anime-ish kind of way. He was ordering about some of the seamstress's helpers, making them nervous and screw up even more.

"Could you perhaps stop yelling? It's kinda mean and they're doing their best." Harietta asked the pointy little boy.

"I am a Malfoy, and I deserve the best."

One of the helper's sensing Harri's confusion whispered in her ear they were a rich pureblood family, old money and the like.

"Just because you're rich doesn't make you special. Maybe you'd be special if you were just a tad nicer. With great power comes great responsibility."

By that point, Harri was done being fitted (she also secretly ordered a maids costume with a little of her extra money) and was off to get a wand.

Harri met the creepy Ollivander, got her ultra special wand that was connected to ol' He Who Cannot Be Named's wand, Hagrid gave her the gift of Hedwig (what's with all the H names?) and Harri went home where her purchases were promptly locked up.