Behind Semi-Closed Doors
Chapter 1
Natalie smiled as she bounced out of her car, her purse and an application for LU in one hand and results from the LSATs in the other. As she closed the door to her car, she wondered what it was that she couldn't believe more. That it was Evangeline who had suggested it or that she had accomplished what she hadn't even imagined being possible.
Hurrying into the Angle Square Hotel, she couldn't help but wonder if it had been only a month ago when she had left the squad room after a confrontation with Talia over Vincent, annoyed that she couldn't do anything since she had gotten herself kicked out of the forensics program for helping John, and she had literally run into Evangeline, and when the slightly older woman had asked her if she was OK, and she had for some reason burst into tears. Moments later, she had found herself enclosed in Vang's office spilling the whole story, including how her going to Bo alone had caused one more rift with John, and how confused and frustrated she was.
Evangeline had listened attentively, and, when they were interrupted by Marty Sagebrook's arrival promised to keep Natalie's confession to herself as well as to see if she could come up with a solution for her.
The night after she accepted John's interrupted proposal, Vang had surprised her with a phone call. Over breakfast at the Angel Square Diner the next morning, the black woman had calmly laid out a plan of action. She had reminded Natalie that she had the background from her work at the PD and classes in Forensics to give her a bit of a head start, as well as the grades. She had gone on to point out that if she really pushed herself, Natalie could try law school. Evangeline had even promised to help her study and offered her a job as her assistant.
Natalie had taken her up on the first offer, delaying the second till she knew if she'd be able to get into law school. Now, seeing the results of her many study sessions with Evangeline, she knew she would and would have to give her Uncle her notice, but first she wanted to share the good news with John.
Smiling, she stopped at the door, to dig out her key, only to realize it was partially open. Her smile started to drop as she realized who was there and fell completely when she heard what was being discussed . . . .
"I just don't know what to do," John admitted to Marty. "I mean, I had thought about it. I was going to do it. . . but Mikey. . . he and I. . . we talked. And he's probably right. I can't just marry Natalie to solve the problems between us.'
"No," Marty agreed, biting back the small smirk that was trying to spread out on her lips. "Marriage is not the answer to the problems that you two have. In fact, in my opinion, it will only make things worse."
"And me backing out of the engagement won't?" John asked pointedly. "I want to spend my life with Natalie. If the accident didn't happen, we'd probably already be married."
"But it did. And you're not," Marty pointed out.
"Yeah. I know."
"And you have to decide what you're going to do about this," she added. "The longer you wait to do something, the worse it's going to be."
"The longer he waits to do something about what?" Natalie asked as she slid in, a plastered smile on her face, the test results and application folded and put away.
"How long have you been there?" John asked, trying to decide if he had an out in things after all.
"I just got here. Why? Waiting on something for us?" she asked as she moved to put her jacket in the closet so he couldn't see her face.
"No. Just a profile on a case. Marty thinks I need it, I don't."
"Oh," Natalie sighed turning. "Well, you two can keep talking you know. I just came to get changed."
"I thought we were having dinner," John commented.
"We were, but something came up," Natalie lied as she quickly moved to the bedroom, refusing to look at either of the other of the room's occupants. "I figured you wouldn't mind putting off finalizing the menu with Renee till another night. But if you do I can put this off. I mean, if we finalize the menu, then Mom and Dad and everyone else will be pushing us to finalize a date, which if we want Joey to do the ceremony we really have to do soon anyway. . . and. . .I figured, well, it would just make more sense to talk to him about dates first. . ."
"Yeah, you're right. We can put off the menu till you and Joey come up with a list of dates that work," John cut off quickly.
Moving to the closet Natalie bit back tears as she tired to give him an out, a way to admit his true feelings: "you do know that if you want. . . we don't have to give into everything that my family wants. We can wait longer. Give it more time. I'm happy enough with us just being engaged."
"Yeah. Well, the plans are already in motion," John sighed. "No reason to back out of them now. Full speed ahead."
"Yeah. Full speed ahead," Natalie replied as she turned. "I'll talk to Renee about rescheduling for one night next week. And maybe about ideas for venues. We really haven't talked much about that. I was thinking I know how important the church in AC is to your family and if Father doesn't mind Joey being involved with the service, we can have it there and then maybe the reception at the Palace or my Grandfather's?"
"That. . . that sounds like something we can talk about. . ."
"Good," Natalie said simply. "Well, I'm going to get changed and then you and Marty can get back to what you were doing. I. . .. Um . .. I don't know how late I'll be. . . I might just stay at my mom's."
"Oh. OK," John replied surprised. "Are you sure everything's ok?"
"Yeah. Everything's fine. I just. . . It's some work stuff. . . . You know I haven't been happy with things since. . . well. . . I have an interview for something. . . I'm just a little nervous. . . that's all. . ." she replied. "Why? Is there something else I should be concerned about?"
"No. Nothing at all," John answered quickly wanting to soothe her. "I'll let you get ready," he added, closing the door slightly as he went to continue his talk with Marty.
Carefully, Natalie moved towards the door, and eased it open a crack to hear what they were saying as John ushered the older woman out: "You have to be careful, John, she has paranoid tendencies. She could think that you breaking up with her is because of my influence or even that of Michael and Marci, or anyone who you confided your concerns in."
"Marty, Natalie's not unstable."
"She has issues. So do you. That's why this relationship is not going to work. You can't put off calling off the engagement. The longer you wait the worse its going to be."
"I love her."
"But do you want to marry her?"
"I want to be with her."
"That's not what I asked."
"I'm not ready to be anyone's husband. Not right now. If I can just keep postponing things. Keep the engagement long. . ."
Shakily, Natalie closed the door and cursed under her breathe. "Stupid, stupid girl. Did you really think he was going to. . ." Inhaling she threw the clothes across the room, and then stopped herself from doing more.
She had to keep it together.
Had to keep him from knowing that she knew.
Because if he knew she knew than it would be over, and she didn't want that.
She wasn't sure what she wanted.
But that wasn't it.
She needed to figure it out.
But first she needed to get out of there and find someone that she could trust to help her sort this mess out.
Slightly calmer, she grabbed up her clothes and crossed the room intent on getting changed and getting out.
