we are wonderland
i.
The room was a large circle, and in the middle was an old, grand piano.
She was playing the piano and she liked Rachmaninoff (Waltz in E flat major, Op 18 if she remembered it correctly) and Chopin the most. Sometimes, it was Wagner, sometimes it was the Flight of Bumblebee, seldom she played Fur Elise, rarely it's Beethoven.
He's complicated.
Sometimes, she played her own lullabies, her love songs and sometimes, she sang.
The sky wept every time she did.
She kept playing that simple song, a song she heard many years ago but can't remember anymore. She laughed quietly, soft and true, and hummed with the music, mouthing the words, closing her eyes as her fingers danced with the keys.
The door behind her opened and closed.
The music stopped. She turned on her stool.
"Kurosaki-kun?"
Her room was shrouded with thick red ceiling-to-floor curtains; she had to squint. He was standing in the shadows, and even though she can't see him, she can smell him. It was him.
"Hime-sama." He stepped out of the shadow.
Her smile widened. He still called her Hime-sama. She got up from her wooden stool and ran to him, aided by the thin moonbeams from the narrow spaces between the heavy curtains and threw her arms around his neck. Strong arms caught her and circled around her body, clutching her to his body.
"I missed you…" she whispered, keeping her head bowed.
He grunted.
"How was the meeting?" she murmured against his collar. He effortlessly lifted her off the floor, his other arm around her hip, near her buttocks to keep her comfortable and closer. She shivered at their closeness, her breasts against his hard chest. "Did the Queen of Hearts ask for me? How was March Hare? White Rabbit?" One of his large hands found itself buried in her thick hair. She moved her head around and their lips searched each others.
His lips took hard possession of hers. He slanted her head and his mouth worked on hers; his thumb rubbed her jaw line before pushing her chin down to open her mouth. She closed her eyes as his tongue explored her mouth thoroughly, slanting his mouth over hers again and again.
He broke the kiss and lowered her to the floor. She had to calm herself but before she could do so, his mouth claimed her lips again and she moaned, eyes closing again. He walked her backwards until her back met the piano.
"Kurosaki-kun," she whispered against his lips.
"What? He growled.
"Not here…"
"Why?" He kissed and sucked at her jaw, giving her flesh small love bites. "I want to do it here." He gripped the front of her dress and tugged downwards.
The collar exposed her generous cleavage. "Kurosaki-kun…"
"You love that piano so much."
She palmed the back of his head, orange locks sinking between her fingers. A moan rolled off her mouth as his mouth found her neck, a spot between her neck and shoulder. His teeth sank deeply and she gasped, grasping his hair as he bit and sucked, licked and kissed.
"This… piano… is my prized possession," she mumbled, tugging at his collar, slipping her hand inside his shirt, kneading his shawl muscles. Her hand went back to his hair, grabbed a chunk and pulled him up and away from her neck. He was panting, his lips damp, and she leaned closer to whisper in his ear.
"Just like you."
She felt his aura thicken, she can imagine his hard eyes. Without a warning, he took her mouth and gave her a hard, deep kiss, sinking his tongue between her teeth. He ripped her white dress off her with one yank; the dress tore in the middle, revealing her naked breasts.
She pulled away from his heated kiss, his eyes flashing amber. She smiled at him softly, caressing his cheek.
"I don't want to break my precious possession."
His lashes lowered; his eyes heavy-lidded.
But you want to break me.
"Fine," he growled, his hand was busy with ripping the remains of her dress off her body, shoulders and arms. Pieces of cloth fell on the floor.
He leaned down to breathe on her ear.
"I'll fuck you in your bed."
…
…
ii.
He cradled her afterwards.
Every after sex, he always cradled her in his arms. She didn't want to at first, but he insisted, and she gave in. She always cuddled back, though. He didn't mention it to her in fear that she might stop and pull away.
He took pleasure in pretend comfort.
She always fell asleep first. He always made sure of it. It gave him the liberty to hold her closer without her telling him to stop and say let go.
He was glad his stamina was greater than hers. She always tried to keep up, but he didn't let her. He'd always overpower her, dominate her. Lead the act. Make her come so hard that her body will tremble and break around him.
While watching her sleep, fingering the thick strands of auburn hair, and listening to the small noises she made, he felt a familiar aura. His face didn't change, but he shifted her, pulled his arms away from her slick, warm body and slipped off the bed. He watched her roll in her sleep, settling to rest on her stomach. He made sure she was still sleeping and she was covered with the thick duvet before snatching his trousers off the floor and wore them swiftly.
In seconds, he was outside and standing in the balcony. The full fat moon was huge in the sky. There were no stars.
"What are you doing here?" he asked coldly, not shivering in the frosty breeze. "This complex is off limits. You are trespassing."
"I am a noble," a voice scoffed. It was feminine but firm.
His scowl deepened and darkened.
"Being a fucking noble does not give you a right to intrude."
"You are defensive, Hatter."
His teeth ground together.
"Don't." The air became frostier. "Don't call me by that name," he hissed with fury and angst.
There was a heartbeat of silence. Then, "Why?" the voice sneered. "Does it hurt, Ichigo?"
"Why are you here?" He asked instead in an even voice.
The newcomer stepped out of the shadows.
"To remind you of your mission." Wide, blue-violet eyes were hard like diamonds. Her features were soft but the hardness in those eyes made her face look older than she actually was.
He snorted, turning his face to look out over the old, dark Victorian buildings. "I don't need to be reminded, Rukia. I know what I'm doing."
The woman snorted. "Of course, you do."
He didn't like her tone, he never did. "If you're here to say bullshit, I suggest you leave." He said in an even tone. "You're wasting my time –"
"I'm wasting your time or I'm wasting the time left for you to play house with her?"
"White Rabbit," he began, his voice colder, "I'm warning you."
He rarely called her by that name. "Damn it, Ichigo!" she snapped. "We don't have much time! Do it now!"
"Be quiet."
"Ichigo." Rukia's voice didn't lower or change. "It is your duty. This is for the sake of our home, of our future. Don't go wasting this chance! We can't afford to lose this lifetime. You are not allowed to make mistakes."
"I said, be quiet." His tone lowered. "She's sleeping."
But Rukia could not stop. Not now. She had to say this. She had to help him realize what was important and what to prioritize.
"You are just like the Hatters before you."
"Do not compare me to those fools."
"Ichigo! We have our priorities—"
"I know mine."
"You don't."
He snorted. "Just leave already. You're noisy."
Rukia gritted her teeth and she swelled in anger. "Ichigo," she said in a louder voice but paused abruptly as a blade – pure black – appeared and its tip touched her vein.
"I said, be quiet."
Her throat moved delicately. "I am not afraid of you. You have the power to kill her and only her. You cannot harm me and the rest." He didn't reply nor lower his sword. "You are just like your predecessors, Ichigo. The Hatters before you… they all loved her. They all adored her. They gave up everything for her. They all experienced the pleasure of taking her."
"You're wrong." His voice was colder and thin like ice. "She was a virgin when I took her."
Rukia's eyes widened, but she recovered. "So, does it make you feel special, Ichigo? Of all the 89 Hatters, she chose you to touch her. Only you."
"Do not patronize me," he deadpanned. "I am merely a prized possession." The muscles in his jaw moved, "Nothing more." With that, he dropped the blade from her throat.
Rukia opened her mouth.
"You're an outsider." He turned his back on her. "This story only revolves around her." The muscles of his back lengthened and contracted as he hunched over. "Only around her."
…
…
iii.
He met her when he was twelve. He thought she was the most beautiful. But he also thought his mother was the most beautiful.
In the end, he decided they were the most beautiful in his world.
She always smiled, even though no one looked at her.
When their eyes met, she looked surprised.
They stared at each other.
He only stopped when his mother told him to stop. Her words were the laws, and he obeyed them.
He never looked at her after that.
…
…
iv.
He was crowned as Hatter when he turned twenty one.
The Cheshire Cat said so. The Cheshire Cat said he was the 89th Hatter. If his mother's words were the laws, the Cheshire Cat's were the truth.
His mother was proud of him. You deserved the title, she told him. And you will be our hero. The Hero that will save this world.
She told him his mission.
Do not fail me, Hatter.
…
…
v.
You know, she never called him 'son' after that.
…
…
vi.
She lived in a tower called Looking Glass. The tower was a huge rolled chessboard. The walls outside and inside were black and white, white and black squares. It was a tower fit for a princess. She was alone but she was not lonely. She had her piano and her bed and it was okay.
She sang to break the silence. And the sky wept for her.
She was not lonely. She stopped being lonely a long time ago.
"I am not lonely. I was loved for eighty eight times. I was loved by eighty eight men."
She was loved, but living for a long time, she could not remember their faces, their names. She could not remember if she loved them back. But they loved her. They all loved her…
"Ah. To be loved," she sang.
…
…
vii.
He went to see her. They met. He first saw her back, her hair. She had really long hair, the color of blood and autumn sunset. She was playing the piano, she was playing Pachelbel.
She stopped and turned to look at him.
He remembered her face. She did not remember his.
"Hi," she said with a smile.
It was better this way, he thought.
"You must be…"
"Yes." He pushed off the wall and straightened up to his full height.
She had large eyes, and she was lovelier now, so much lovelier.
"I am the 89th Hatter."
…
…
viii.
"Cheshire Cat once predicted that the 89th would be the Last."
She resumed playing Canon in D major.
"Do not disappoint the Queen of Hearts, Hatter."
"My name is not Hatter."
She tensed up, he could tell. In slow motion, she glanced at him over her shoulder, a lock of hair over her shoulder.
"It's Kurosaki Ichigo."
…
…
ix.
"Your name is the first name I've ever learned," she said two days later. "Nobody told me their names. I have no one. In here, it's just me and my piano and my bed. But I love my piano more. I don't know its name. I am tempted to give it one."
She abruptly stopped from pressing random keys.
"Oh! I shall call my piano… Dinah!" She resumed playing a random melody.
"Hime-sama."
The first time he called her by that name, she was surprised. Hime-sama. A princess. She felt special and happy. At least, she had a name. At least, it was closer to her real name.
"What's your name?"
Her fingers stopped abruptly.
…
…
x.
She kissed him the fifth day.
"Oh, Kurosaki-kun. You are truly special," she whispered between kisses. "You are different."
He ran a hand over her auburn hair. It was softer than he had imagined.
"Do you know why you are special?" she murmured. He didn't reply. He knew the answer, anyway.
She pulled back her arms from his shoulders and took his hands.
"I was loved by eighty eight men before. One for every lifetime. Every Hatter… every one of them, loved me. They loved me because they had to." She was stroking his hand with her thumbs. "They loved me because they were cursed to love me."
She let go of his hands, walked backwards and stopped when she was ten steps away from him. She always wore this white dress, with short puffed out sleeves at the shoulders, square neckline, tight bodice and loose ankle-length skirt. She looked like a child, innocent, except for her generous chest and tired and old but smiling hazel eyes.
"Because of their feelings for me, I continue to live. I continue to play my piano. I continue to lie on my bed. I continue to live and sing inside this tower. I continue to haunt Wonderland." She dropped her gaze and lifted a lock of hair between her fingers. "I don't know how, but my existence in this place is a huge paradox and soon, just because I'm alive." She lifted her gaze to lock with his.
"I will destroy your world."
She dropped her hair.
"The Queen of Hearts placed her hopes on you, Kurosaki-kun. In fact, everyone placed their hopes on you. You are special. Because the 89th Hatter…" She smiled without a hint of any negative emotions. "You, Kurosaki-kun, is not going to fall in love with me."
His face didn't change.
"Right," she asked.
"Yes."
She began to walk closer to him.
"Say it."
"I don't love you."
She smiled serenely.
"And I'm going to kill you."
…
…
xi.
"I know," she murmured against his lips. She kissed him softly. "Promise me, Kurosaki-kun."
He held her tightly.
"Promise me."
Her voice was changing.
"Promise me… You will kill me."
"Hime-sama."
"I'll let you touch me. But promise me."
He put a hand at the back of her head, treading and curling his fingers through her hair. Their bodies clung to each other.
"Kill me."
He sealed his promise with a kiss.
…
…
xii.
When he returned to her room, she was still asleep, lying on her stomach. He leaned against the wall, facing her, watching her. After watching her, he approached the bed and ran a hand over her spine. He felt her shiver; she moved slightly. He watched her sleeping face and waited for her eyes to open.
They did.
"Kurosaki-kun?"
He slid his hand lower, under the duvet that covered her buttocks. The corner of her lips lifted, and she slowly rolled on her back. His hand traced her hips and laid flat on her pelvis. She smiled at him, lifting her small hands to his naked chest.
"Again?" she whispered softly.
He looked deeply into her eyes. One of his hands stroked her hair back and away from her face.
"Yes." And he climbed on top of her.
…
…
xiii.
"Hatter."
He bowed his head. "Queen of Hearts."
"I am waiting," she said softly. "Wonderland is waiting. We need her head on a gold platter."
He kept his gaze on the floor, face neutral.
"Are you going Mad, Hatter?"
He lifted his brown eyes. "No."
"Then, do it." The Queen stood up. "Off with her head."
…
…
xiv.
She tried playing one of Beethoven's classics. It was difficult, but she still tried. Later, she stopped and tried Schubert. It was easier.
She stopped, lifted her hands off the keys and raised her head.
"It's time, isn't it, Kurosaki-kun," she said. She cocked her head to the side as he slid a hand over her shoulder, his palm warm against her bare neck.
"Your time's up," she added, eyes half-lidded. "I can still remember Cheshire Cat's prediction."
"He said: the Hatter will fall in love with me after five days. The seventh day, he'd go Mad. On the fifteenth day, he'd make Wonderland bleed."
His hand rested on the crook between her neck and shoulder.
"Do you still remember your promise?"
"Do you know today's the fifteenth day?"
She laughed softly.
"Yes." She stood up and faced him. The stool stood between them. "Can we say goodbye?"
"Is that your last request?" he asked.
"Yes," she whispered.
"Alright." She smiled and started to undress. His eyes followed her movements, drinking in the sight of her nakedness, her soft skin, and her bright but tired eyes.
He took off his shirt.
"Let's say goodbye."
…
…
xv.
He wanted to be gentle. He wanted to prolong the contact, the pleasure, the touch.
He didn't want to stop.
"Again."
They kept saying. They didn't stop. If they stopped, reality will catch up with them, breaking the dream.
"Again."
Once they stopped, time will move.
"Again."
Again.
Again.
And again.
…
…
xvi.
"Say it."
"Just once."
"Even if it's a lie."
"Say it."
…
"I-I c-can't…" She moaned. "I can't."
She can't stop crying.
…
…
xvii.
It was quiet.
He was hovering above her, holding his black sword with one hand, the other planted beside her head, tangled with her hair. The tip was touching her vein.
"Ichigo."
He looked up and their eyes met. The sword dug deeper until it punctured the bed and the hilt was almost three inches away from her face.
"Don't…"
Crystal liquid drops fell on her serene face.
"…cry. Don't cry, Ichigo."
More drops fell and made wet trails on her pale cheeks. She smiled kindly, stroking his face.
"I…"
Her cheeks were wetter, with scattered round, fat liquid drops that fell on her face with increasing pace.
"I love –"
…
…
xviii.
In one swipe, it was done.
…
…
xix.
Loud, heavy breathing. Going heavier, faster.
Shadows danced across the bare walls.
Blood spread. Blood thickened, spreading, soaking the bed sheet and pillows. The blood soaked his chest and thighs.
Trembling fingers dug deeply into thick, auburn strands of hair. Trembling arms clutched at the precious, bloody red head.
He began to rock back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.
…
…
xx.
The Tower echoed with a broken scream.
…
…
xxi.
Wonderland rejoiced.
…
…
xxii.
"I present you, the gift from the Hatter."
"White Rabbit."
Rukia bowed low. "Yes, your Highness?"
"Where is the Hatter? I want it to be the Hatter to present his gift,"
"He is…"
"There he is." She heard Renji say. Rukia turned. Indeed, Hatter appeared, walking towards the Throne where the Queen sat, where Rukia bowed. However, he looked like a walking corpse, his face was blank, and his eyes were half-lidded. He stopped beside her and took off the white square cloth that covered the golden platter. No one winced as a head with auburn hair appeared. Locks of long hair fell around the decapitated head, the face held a serene expression, a deep calmness.
The Hatter tossed the cloth aside and grabbed the head by its hair. Everyone tensed as Hatter closed the distance between him and the Queen.
He stopped in front of the Queen.
The reigning sovereign looked at him carefully.
He lifted the head between them, at the Queen's eyelevel.
"The head as you have wished."
"Excellent."
"Take it."
Her prudent eyes lifted to gaze at him.
"Put it –"
"Take it."
The Playing Cards, the guards tensed.
"Hush." The Queen of Hearts waved a dainty hand. "Of course, Hatter." She stood up from her red throne and lifted her hand to take the gift.
…
…
xxiii.
The corner of his mouth lifted.
The Queen's eyes widened. She opened her mouth to shout a warning but her head flew off her neck.
There were shouts.
"Queen!"
"Mother!"
"Ichigo!" Rukia screamed. The Queen of Hearts fell on the floor and blood pooled around her severed neck.
Rukia shouted his name again. "What the hell – Oh my… god."
Hatter had turned around to face his audience, standing in front of the empty throne, blood on his feet, and a white sneering mask covering the half of his face.
"It's…"
"Mad Hatter!"
…
…
xxiv.
Wonderland bled.
…
…
xxv.
"He said: the Hatter will fall in love with me after five days. The seventh day, he'd go Mad. On the fifteenth day, he'd make Wonderland bleed."
…
…
xxvi.
She told him once:"I'd like to be a wind." He had asked her why. "Because I want to be free." She had smiled. "And someday, I want it to be you to set me free."
"Kurosaki-kun…
Kurosaki-kun…
Kurosaki-kun!"
He jerked and the black blade stopped a hairbreadth away from Kurosaki Yuzu's neck. He looked up, cocking his head to the side in a peculiar listening gesture.
"Kurosaki-kun…"
"Hime-sama…" His voice was strangled and flat. He turned his head around, searching for her. "Hime… sama…"
She was smiling at him, so beautiful, wearing her favorite dress, hands in front of her, palms up. "Kurosaki-kun…"
He reached out to her but she smiled widely and playfully hopped backwards, giggled and turned around, running out of the Heart Castle. He followed her.
"B-Big… B-Brother…" Yuzu whispered as she helplessly stood up. She looked around the bloody carcasses of her family and friends. More tears fell on her cheeks. She limped after her brother, avoiding torn corpses, away from the body of her sister who protected her, away from her father, mother…
"B-Big… brother…!" she called out, searched for him and found him.
Her eyes widened.
…
…
xxvii.
"Kurosaki-kun…"
"Hime… Orihime."
"I'm glad. This is the first time you called me by name."
"Orihime."
"Do you want to fly with me, Kurosaki-kun?"
"I…"
"Come with me."
She smiled.
"Ichigo."
…
…
xxviii.
Yuzu cried out as he stepped closer to the edge of the platform. Below him was the raging sea with jagged, pointed rocks scattered at the base of the Heart Castle.
He was reaching out to the air – to the sky, grabbing onto the wind.
"Big… Brother… Stop –"
He stepped onto the air.
Yuzu screamed.
…
…
xxix.
He was free.
…
…
xxx.
"…BIG BROTHER!"
