A/N Hey I haven't written for this book yet so sorry if it sucks! I don't own TFIOS John Green does. Prepare for angst! Also follow me on tumblr: Raggedy-mangoodbye

It's been almost a month since Gus died. All I seem to do now is sit in my room and cry. I don't know how I even have tears in my body after crying for a month straight. Have you ever been so mad you want to punch a wall even though you know the outcome won't be good on your part?

I have nothing to live for, but something is making me want to fight. I think Gus would be disappointed if I gave up my fight just to be with him, as of now it doesn't seem like a bad idea. I have to be strong for Isaac now, he has been holding up so well for me and now it's my turn. He hasn't let any of his anger or sadness out yet and he needs to. I just have to be strong for him and me.

I am just so mad at the universe that I want it to implode in on its self. I can't grasp the fact that he's really and truly gone. That I will never get to see him smile ever again, or laugh, or just breathe. He will never get to hear how much I love him ever again, and I won't get to hear him say it back. I honestly don't know what I am going to do with my life now. I just want him back. I need him back.