Hey! I'm going to say those words that no one likes to hear- this is my first fanfic... Yeah, hopefully it's not terrible, and feel free to review and tell me how I can improve? That would be much appreciated. Hope you like it, please read&review.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Characters belong to Cassandra Clare.
Chapter One: Pain
Alec stared at the ground as he walked, his whole body numb. He didn't realise he had been going to the Institute until he nearly thumped straight into the doors.
He slowly trudged into the building that he supposed he should now call home again.
'And you've got no one to blame but yourself for that' he thought bitterly, as he forced himself up the stairs and towards his room.
He reached his door, only to be intercepted by a confused looking Isabelle.
"Alec... What are you doing here? Why aren't you at Magnus'?"
At the mention of his name, Alec felt a stab of pain cut through the numbness, and quickly tried to hide it from Izzy.
Obviously, it didn't work.
"Alec! Whats wrong?" Isabelle looked right into his eyes, like she could see into his soul.
"Nothing, Izzy, I'm fine... Just... Tired, yeah... Tired." He lied in a monotone. 'A+ for acting skills there, Alec' he thought grudgingly.
"Don't lie to me Alec," Isabelle replied, scrutinising his face and narrowing her eyes, "it's Magnus isn't it?"
Alec winced, and this time he had to bite down hard on his bottom lip to hold back the broken sob that threatened to come out.
"Alec. Tell me what happened." Izzy ordered, then her eyes softened, "please, Alec. I want to help you."
Alec stared into Isabelle's eyes, finally letting the pain brew over and cloud his expression. Within a second, Izzy had dragged him into his room and shut the door, pushing Alec gently down on the bed. She took his hand soothingly.
"Alec. Tell me," she said simply, though the curiosity was clear in her eyes.
"I-it's Magnus," Alec began, "h-he b-broke up with m-me, and I-I-" He broke off with a choked sob, then glanced up to see Isabelle's face a blaze of fury.
"That bastard, that absolute asshole, I swear-" She started but Alec cut her off, his eyes pleading.
"No, no, no. Izzy, it's... It wasn't his fault... It was me. All me. I-I betrayed him, I-it is all my fault. It always is... Please, don't blame h-him, it was all me... It was m-my-" he stuttered, until Isabelle squeezed his hand and yanked his chin up to look at his face.
"Alexander Gideon Lightwood. Stop, slow down. Stop blaming yourself... Now, tell me exactly why happened,"
Alec told Isabelle the whole story, and by the end he had broken down in tears, his knees drawn up to his chest and Izzy's arms wrapped tightly around him.
"Sh.. Alec shh, calm down... It'll be okay... Shh... Your alright... Your okay... You've got me, it's okay..."
They sat there, like that, for a long time, before Alec told Isabelle that he needed sleep. Reluctantly, Izzy left, kissing him on the forehead and silently promising herself only one thing.
She was going to kill Magnus Bane.
Isabelle awoke slowly, peacefully... Until she remembered the night before, and her blissful ignorance was stained with red.
Alec.
Alec, her brother. Her brother who was now broken hearted and ripped apart because of one warlock who decided one mistake is enough to condemn a person.
One warlock who was going to pay.
But, revenge could wait. First, she had to go and see Alec. Grabbing her slippers and pulling on a dressing gown, Isabelle yanked her door open and started down the hall.
She reached Alec's door and called his name softly. She could hear the quiet but defined sound of somebody crying, and that pierced her heart. Alec was in so much pain.
"Alec, let me in, please." She begged, praying that he would.
Nothing. No reply-though the sobbing had stopped.
She tried opening the door, only to find that it was locked. Dammit Alec.
"Alec, come on, unlock the door... Please," she tried again, but to no avail. She sighed in despair, before an idea struck, and she made er way to Jace's bed room. If anyone could get Alec to listen, it would be Jace
POV: Alec
Alec heard his sister outside his door, however could not bring himself to let her in.
He could feel nothing but the burning numbness that spread from his head to his toes and drained him of energy. He didn't complain though. The numb feeling was better than the excruciating pain that he knew lay in wait beyond it.
All he could think was 'my fault, my fault, my fault, my fault' and those two words seemed engraved into his brain. He felt nothing. He saw nothing. He heard nothing. He was nothing.
POV: Jace
Jace awoke to the sound of Isabelle's voice. The joys.
"Jace. Jace! JACE, wake UP!" Isabelle shook him hard but Jace ignored her, turning to bury his face in the pillows.
"Jace. It's Alec. Please, it's important,"
It was then he realised that he probably shouldn't ignore her anymore. "What are you talking about Isabelle?" He murmured almost unintelligibly.
"It's Alec. Magnus broke up with him. He's not letting me in his room. I'm worried Jace..."
At that Jace snapped his head up, eyes blazing. "What? How dare he? How dare he dump Alec like that? I'm going to find him. By the Angel I'm going to kill that warlock-"
"No. Jace, stop. Think about Alec first. Alec, then revenge. Don't get me wrong, I will sincerely enjoy helping you gouge that warlocks eyes out and tear him apart limb by limb, but right now, Alec is more important." Isabelle argued firmly, her hand grasping his wrist.
Jace sighed, "Of course... I'll try and talk to him."
POV: Alec
The pain hit him like a blow to the stomach, knocking the air out of his lungs and constricting his throat of air.
Magnus. Magnus. Magnus.
My fault. My fault. My fault.
He gripped the edge of his bed, his breathing laboured and fast. His heart was beating in his ears, and the room seemed to be tilting sideways, the pain swarming his head and making him dizzy. How he longed for the numbness to come back. But no; agony was all that remained.
I was stupid. I was an idiot. I betrayed his trust. His love.
I am a fool. I am useless. I am worthless. I am nothing.
That's all he could think as he pulled his knees up to his chest and sobbed frantically, his breathing now out of control.
His throat felt tight and his lungs burned for air, which refused to come.
He was having a panic attack.
He was hyperventilating.
He didn't care.
No, He thought. He couldn't do that, he couldn't give up. What about Izzy? What about Jace? What about his parents? What about them? The selfish part of his brain asked. The part that begged for an end to the pain and emptiness, an escape.
I am stupid.
I am worthless.
Stupid. Worthless. Foolish. Cowardly. Unwanted. Unloved.
Okay, first chapter done! The second one should be up soon, its already written and done.
Please review and tell me what you thought? Thanks.
~Dreams Of Oblivion
