Note: Okay I'm just going to like…leave this here and run away to hide. The second part will be up in a few days! Big thanks to Gabe for the beta read.
Shackled
Sebastian looked tired. Gorgeous, as always, but tired. Dave almost wished Sebastian didn't have such a good webcam; the image was crisp and clear, so he couldn't just pretend it was the camera.
"You need to go to sleep," he said, a little disappointed but mostly worried.
"Not a chance," Sebastian answered, frowning at his screen. "I haven't seen you in nearly three weeks and now we're going to miss this weekend…I don't care if I fall asleep in my breakfast tomorrow, I'm not going to bed until we've talked for at least an hour and gotten off. Twice."
Dave shook his head, trying to hide the smile that was threatening to come out.
"Seb, you look exhausted."
"Your flattery needs some work, Growly. Lucky for you I'm easy."
Dave's stomach flipped the same way it always did when Sebastian looked at him like that, with his lip curled and his eyes teasing. The fact that they were on Skype instead of face to face did nothing to ease his reaction.
"Jesus, you're beautiful," Dave told him quietly. And it was true. Even with the too-bright lighting and the fatigue on Sebastian's face, he was still the best thing Dave had seen all week. He fought down the wave of sadness that he wouldn't – couldn't – let Sebastian feel guilty over, and tried for a bright smile.
He hated that they'd have to go yet another weekend without seeing each other, but Sebastian's musical study sometimes meant weekend commitments, especially so close to finals. He knew Sebastian felt guilty over it, which was silly. It would be nice to see each other more – of course it would – but they were lucky enough to still see each other every few weeks; were only a few hours' drive instead of across the country like a lot of people had to deal with. They were managing. And anyway, Dave had had to cancel a few weekends, himself, it wasn't just Sebastian.
"Now that's more li—" Sebastian's words were cut off in a yawn, and Dave couldn't help but laugh at Sebastian's wide eyes on his screen. "Do not take that as evidence of my so-called tiredness. We are both still unreasonably clothed, this call is not ending."
There was no arguing with Sebastian's tone, and if he were being truthful, Dave didn't want to end the call either. He missed Sebastian terribly. The travel time was about the same as when Sebastian was at Dalton and Dave was still living in Lima, but their schedules were so much busier.
"You're so demanding."
"It's a side effect of the sexual frustration." Sebastian had obviously aimed for joking, but it didn't quite work. Dave knew the feeling.
They aimed to see each other every weekend, but it was pretty close to impossible, since they both wanted to hold a high GPA. They usually managed every second weekend instead, but the last several weeks had been awful – that past Sunday, Sebastian had even missed a dinner with Dave's dad for the first time since they'd started nearly a year and a half earlier.
It was a Thursday night and that weekend would be the fourth in a row they'd had to cancel, plus it had been their last chance before Dave's finals started.
"You know…if I pack my stuff tonight I can still drive up tomorrow right after class."
"And do what?" Sebastian sighed, looking resigned. "You'd be stuck in my room all weekend while I'm all over campus doing things I can't get out of instead of doing you."
"At least we'd get a few hours together," Dave offered, but he knew Sebastian was right. He had his own studies to worry about, and he could take a few books, maybe, but what he really needed was full access to the student library, which he wouldn't have at Oberlin. He needed to ace his finals both that semester and the next to be able to intern with the Buckeye's manager in his junior year.
Sebastian snorted. "Trust me, Growly, those few hours won't be nearly enough for all the things I want us to do to each other. And I can't..." He looked torn. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but our finals are more important than our mutual horniness and pining. Besides, your exams start next week. I know you're worried about them, I don't want you to spend all that time driving when you could be studying."
"You're right. I know you're right. I just…I miss you. I hate this."
"I know. Me too."
It was only going to be another few weeks, Dave reminded himself. And maybe he could sneak up for a day after his finals. Sebastian would be busy cramming for his own, but he had to rest sometimes, and Dave was willing to make the four hour round trip even if he only got to quiz Sebastian on his exam topics and make sure he ate semi-regularly.
They were adults, the separation wouldn't kill them, and they'd have all of Christmas break together. They just had to keep going until then.
"You really must be tired," Dave said with a teasing smile, trying to focus on the fact that for now, at least, Sebastian was in front of him. Sort of. "We've been on this call for twelve minutes and you're still fully dressed."
"I've heard rumors that studying works better when you occasionally turn the page, but I'm assuming you have insider knowledge against that."
Dave glanced over at Tim with a frown. His forehead ached, probably from glaring down at his book for so long. "I keep forgetting what I was reading."
"Probably not the most effective technique, then," he joked. "Man, you haven't moved from that desk since you got back from the library this afternoon."
"So?"
Tim rolled his eyes. "So that was almost six hours ago. And I don't think you've actually absorbed anything in the last few hours."
Dave raised an eyebrow. "Watching me like a weirdo, Foster?"
"Like a concerned bystander, more like. You need a break. C'mon, asshole. Put on a shirt that you can actually wear in public because you're coming to a party with me. The Alpha Gamma Delta girls are throwing a pre-finals stress relief mixer and Kat is gonna be there."
"I can't. I need to study, otherwise I could have just g—"
"—gone to Oberlin and done dirty, dirty things with your boyfriend. I know. But man, you aren't getting any studying done, anyway, and you said he was busy, too."
Tim looked serious, which didn't happen often. It was enough to make Dave think, briefly, about taking his advice.
He sighed. "I can't."
"You can. In fact, you will. I'm putting my foot down. Watch." Tim stamped his foot and Dave rolled his eyes.
"I don't know why you're so desperate for me to watch you embarrass yourself trying to talk to Kat."
"And I don't know why you're so desperate to run yourself into the ground," Tim countered. "Look man, you're useless like this. Just give it two hours, and then if you still want to come back and let your brain melt out of your ears from overuse, I won't stop you."
Dave reconsidered, staring down at his notes and textbooks. Tim was right; he really wasn't getting anything done. But on the other hand, he'd stayed in Columbus to get some more studying done. He'd feel guilty if he went out to a party when he could have spent a little time with Sebastian at Oberlin, instead.
"Stop talking yourself out of it, Karofsky. You look guilty as hell, which is stupid. I get that you're romantically and emotionally tied down and want to spend time with your one true love and all that, I do. But you can't for now. And what do you think he'd tell you to do? Dude's totally a party animal, I'm pretty sure he'd be backing me up, here."
"Fine," Dave sighed. He hated it when Tim made sense. "Two hours. But that's it."
"Wish me luck, bro," Tim said, sounding like he was marching off to war, "I'm going in."
Dave rolled his eyes at the drama in his roommate's words. "Good luck. If you don't survive, I'm keeping your DVD collection."
"Fine. But pass my porn stash down to my younger brother. That kid needs something to make him less of a nerd."
"You once bragged about finding a porno based on Star Trek. I don't think you can judge someone else being a nerd, Foster."
Tim puffed his chest out and stood a little taller. "That's all about to change, my friend. Once Kat falls madly in love with me, my nerdiness will be a thing of the past."
"Uh huh," Dave laughed. "Well, I'll be right over there in case you strike out. Or, you know, in case you freak out and don't talk to her. Again."
He got a punch in the arm for that, but it was worth it since Tim had dragged him out basically against his will and was going to leave him alone five minutes after they walked through the door.
"Don't be a dick. Go be social. Tons of people we know are here. Have some fun."
Dave nodded and Tim grinned, backing away with two thumbs up before he spun around and made a beeline for the group of girls that Kat was talking to.
Tim was right; there were a lot of people around that Dave recognized. Some of them he knew well and others he was only vaguely familiar with from classes. A group of his friends were playing some weird drinking game by the stairs, but Dave wasn't going to join them. He didn't need to get drunk and waste the entire night, and then give up half the next day to a hangover when he should be studying.
He made his way to the kitchen instead, grabbing a beer. He'd have one or two, talk to a few people over the next two hours or so, and then once he'd been there long enough to satisfy his roommate's mother-henning, he'd leave.
Dave was bored. He was also maybe a little drunker than he'd anticipated. He'd only had one beer and one cup of punch so far, but after trying it he was fairly certain that the punch was at least three-quarters hard liquor. It hit him hard and fast, probably because he couldn't remember eating anything since breakfast except a packet of skittles from the library vending machine.
He checked his watch, sighing when he realized he hadn't even been at the party for forty-five minutes. He'd promised Tim two whole hours, and even though he could probably sneak away since Tim had actually managed to start a conversation with the girl he'd been into for months, he'd never hear the end of it.
A loud cheer from the living room grabbed his attention, but whatever had happened was over and done with by the time he got there. He saw a few guys from his Sports Marketing class on the other side of the room and thought about approaching them, but it meant navigating the field of couples – and in some cases, small groups – making out and groping each other to the music. Dave was sexually frustrated enough from not seeing Sebastian, he didn't need to make it worse by wading through a mass of hormones and sexual energy.
Back to the kitchen, he decided. It was boring there, but at least it didn't remind him of how much he missed Sebastian. He ignored the couple that passed him, bumping into things and giggling, to lock themselves in the downstairs bathroom.
He grabbed another drink – the punch again – and leaned against the kitchen counter. He wasn't going to get too drunk, not when he had to study the next morning, but he needed something stronger than beer.
What he needed was Sebastian, but he tried not to dwell on that. The punch would help, he decided, and downed half the cup.
Dave couldn't help but think that being at a party was the last thing he needed. Tim had been right that he couldn't keep studying without a break, at least not effectively, but the worst thing he could be doing was spending time somewhere that left him thinking about Sebastian and how much he hated the distance between them.
"You look way too serious for this party!"
He glanced up from sipping his drink and counting scuff marks on the kitchen floor, startled. There was a guy in front of him who seemed vaguely familiar. They shared a class, Dave figured, although he couldn't remember which. The guy – Jake or Jack, or something like that – was looking at him expectantly.
"Oh, hey…uh…"
"Jett," he said with a teasing grin. "We take Sports and Sexuality together."
"Right! I'm—"
"Dave," Jett cut in. "As if I could forget."
The look on Jett's face, his smile…he was flirting. At least, Dave was pretty sure, unless he was drunker than he'd thought. He glanced down at his cup with a frown; it was nearly empty, but he wasn't that far gone, probably.
It felt weird. Dave wasn't really used to anyone aside from Sebastian flirting with him, at least no one that Dave might actually find attractive. And Jett was, well, he wasn't unattractive. He wasn't Sebastian, but he was fairly good looking. It was...flattering, Dave supposed, but he had no idea what to say. He didn't want to sound like an idiot if he was misreading the situation, but he didn't want to give this guy the wrong idea, either.
"Oh…well, most people call me Karofsky," he said, trying not to sound as awkward or as uncertain as he felt. That wasn't enough, he thought. He needed to mention he was seeing someone, but he didn't want to sound obvious in case the guy wasn't really hitting on him. "Except my dad. And…my boyfriend."
"Your boyfriend?" Jett asked, with a little smile and a raised eyebrow.
Dave had no idea what that meant.
"Yeah…" he replied, slowly. He needed another drink.
"No offence, but you don't sound too certain. New relationship?"
Dave frowned. "What? No. Sebastian and I have been together for nearly two years."
"Ah, rough patch, then."
"I…no! There's no…what are you talking about?"
Jett shrugged. "It's just, well, he's kind of…noticeably absent. Here you are, standing around, looking lonely. Doesn't seem right. I'd never…I mean, if I were him, I'd be more appreciative, that's all."
"That's not—he's not—look, I don't know you, and you don't know the first thing about me, or my relationship!"
Dave edged past Jett, refilling his cup and taking several long swallows, trying to ignore the asshole beside him.
"I guess not, but I do know you're a really good guy. I mean, just because you haven't noticed me, doesn't mean I haven't noticed you." There were fingers on Dave's elbow and he shrugged them off. Jett looked a little disappointed, but he didn't leave. "You deserve someone who— I'm just saying; I'd be spending time with you and telling you just how great that shirt looks on your shoulders, instead of letting you be bored and all alone at a party where anyone could try to make a move on you."
"Like you're doing right now?" Dave asked pointedly. "Even though I've already told you I'm not interested?"
"Well, to be fair, you didn't actually say you weren't interested," Jett told him with a shrug.
Hadn't he? That couldn't be right.
"Yeah, you casually dropped the boyfriend line," Jett continued, "but hey, if he's too much of an asshole to spend time with you, maybe I don't care as much about his feelings as I do about yours."
Dave frowned again, shaking his head. "Well, I'm not. And it's not like that. He's not just ignoring me or whatever you're thinking. He's studying at Oberlin. We spend as much time together as we can."
"Dave—" Jett paused at the sharp look Dave shot him. "Fine, Karofsky. Why would you want to be emotionally chained to a guy who is hours away? I mean, this is college! Isn't half the point meeting new people? There are a lot of guys out there who'd love to be with someone like you. Seems like a waste."
"A waste? Fuck off," Dave growled, refilling his cup one more time. He shoved past Jett a little roughly and grabbed a beer in his free hand, so he wouldn't need to come back into the kitchen for a while. He didn't need to listen to the kind of bullshit Jett was spouting at him.
In fact, maybe Dave should just find Tim and let him know he was done for the night. He wasn't…he wasn't chained, like it was some awful thing to be in a loving relationship. It was a dick thing to say, to make it sound like Dave was trapped, like he should be trying to free himself. It was stupid.
Just because…just because he couldn't see Sebastian all the time, didn't mean his relationship was a waste. It didn't.
And yeah, sometimes it sucked. But…fuck. Whatever. The punch was getting to him – he shouldn't have had so much, so quickly. And he should probably eat something.
"Wait!" A hand grabbed Dave's arm before he could make it very far. He turned fast and maybe a little unsteadily, ready to tell Jett to go to hell, but Jett looked apologetic. "Look, I'm sorry, okay? Maybe I'm making a mess of this, but I guess I'm just a little nervous, since I've been sort of interested in you for a while. Since last year."
"Oh." Dave blinked, feeling less hostile all of a sudden. He could feel his expression soften, but the rest of his body was being uncooperative, completely still from surprise. He hadn't expected that at all, and he had a flash of realization that maybe for this guy, this was like Tim trying to approach Kat. Maybe. His stomach twisted pleasantly, and his cheeks felt warm. It was ridiculous, he shouldn't feel good things in that kind of a situation; not when a guy who wasn't his boyfriend was hitting on him and confessing to some kind of long standing crush.
Besides, Jett had proven himself to be an asshole. A good looking one, maybe, but also kind of smug sometimes. And Jesus, he practically was Dave's boyfriend, Dave realized as he looked Jett over. His attitude was reminiscent of Sebastian, but…he wasn't Sebastian. He wasn't as cutting or sarcastic. He didn't seem as sharp or as funny, and he wasn't as attractive. And if he'd learned anything from Sebastian's love of expensive clothing, he wasn't as stylish, either.
He also wasn't hours away, at Oberlin, the way Sebastian was. The second that thought entered Dave's head, he pushed it away, guiltily. He couldn't think like that.
"I love Sebastian," he blurted out, startled when he realized that Jett was a lot closer than he had been.
"Sure," he replied, easily. "But I wasn't imagining the way you were checking me out ten seconds ago."
He hadn't been. Except, maybe he kind of had? Or at least it might have looked that way. Dave reached up to rub the back of his neck. His fingers were tingling, which meant he should probably stop drinking if he didn't want to edge past tipsy and into drunken territory.
"I, I don't—"
There was a mouth on his and hands gripping his shoulders, and Jesus Dave had missed that. He was frozen, startled, but it felt…it felt good. There were narrow hips pressing against him and he could almost pretend—
His brain clicked back on like a switch had been flipped, and he shoved Jett away from him, spilling his punch everywhere in the process.
"What the fuck? Why did you—?" He wasn't sure why he was asking, because it didn't matter why Jett kissed him; just that he did when he shouldn't have.
"If you try to tell me you didn't enjoy that, I'm not going to believe you," Jett told him, looking meaningfully from Dave's face down to the fly of his jeans.
Dave's brow furrowed because he couldn't deny it, he had enjoyed it a little. And shit…he wasn't going to think about how awful that made him just yet. But it wasn't as if he was hard, not really –not properly, not even half way – even though Jett was acting like Dave had been the one grinding them together, instead of the one in shock, still as a statue and maybe trying to remind his brain that the person touching him wasn't the person who should be.
"It…I wasn't…you shouldn't have kissed me."
Jett sighed, grabbing a magnetized pen and sticky pad from the fridge. Dave just watched, confused. "Maybe I shouldn't have," Jett said as he scrawled something down, "but you kissed me back."
Dave wanted to argue, but he couldn't, because he had. Only for a second, but it was still true.
"I love Sebastian."
"Okay," Jett said, shoving the sticky note into the pocket on Dave's shirt, "but can you honestly say you're happy? Because he's obviously not giving you everything you need. I'm heading back to my dorm. And now you have my hall and room number, so if you decide to join me later, you can."
"My—"
Jett sighed again. "Your boyfriend never has to know. No strings, okay? I'm probably setting myself up for heartbreak here, but hey, I gotta take a risk sometime and I think you're worth it. At least this way I might get a chance with you. And maybe if I'm lucky you'll fall passionately in love with me down the track. It happens in the movies, and the world is a crazy place, so it's probably happened for real to someone, somewhere."
"It has," Dave said softly, because it had happened. It had happened to him and Sebastian. He felt dazed thinking about it – about Sebastian, about how long it had been since they'd been together, and about what Jett was offering. Somehow he was more overwhelmed than he had been, even when Jett was kissing him.
He didn't move for a while, not when Jett pressed a quick kiss to his cheek then left, and not when the couple from earlier finally stumbled out of the bathroom both looking disheveled and pleased.
It wasn't until his phone buzzed in his pocket that he came back to himself.
From: Seb – 11:04pm
Can we have tomorrow's call in the morning? My rehearsal was moved to 3p.m. :(
Fuck. Dave was meant to be at different study groups up until one in the afternoon. He'd planned it that way because he'd known Sebastian would be busy all day and the only time they could call was between two thirty and four in the afternoon. And suddenly Sebastian's schedule had changed, and they no longer fit together.
He didn't want to read too much into that. Not after…no. But not only was he not going to see his boyfriend for ages, they wouldn't even be able to Skype to make up for it. Great.
Instead of replying, he shoved his phone back into his pocket. The paper with Jett's dorm number on it felt like it was burning a hole right through Dave's shirt, like a brand against his chest.
He needed another drink.
It was cold outside. It had to be, because Dave's breath was coming out in puffs of steam, and he wasn't smoking anything, unlike the guys around the side of the house.
So it was definitely cold, but that was okay, because Dave didn't really feel it. It was warmer inside, probably, but Dave had a lot of thinking to do, and besides, his chest and cheeks were really warm and he couldn't even feel his fingers, so they didn't count. Standing up didn't feel great, anyway, so he was…he was good where he was for a while.
Maybe good wasn't the right word.
He couldn't stop thinking about everything he hadn't wanted to think about; about how hard it felt to see Sebastian so rarely, about how lonely he sometimes felt, about how disconnected he was from his boyfriend while they were both focused on college. It was selfish of him, he thought, to be upset when he knew that they could have been further apart…but he couldn't help it. It still felt awful. It wasn't Sebastian's fault, but Dave felt like they never had time for each other anymore, and he hated it.
Jett had said…well, it didn't matter what Jett said, because Jett was an asshole who didn't care that Dave was in a relationship. He thought it was okay to kiss people who were in love with other people, and Dave didn't like that, even though…even though he'd liked the kiss.
But that was normal, wasn't it? It didn't mean anything…
…did it?
What would Sebastian think? What would he say?
Dave didn't know, couldn't focus. He wanted to ignore Jett, but he couldn't, not when Tim had been making jokes for weeks about Dave being tied down and sad and not social enough. Jett was a dick, but Tim was Dave's friend and if he was seeing it, too, then maybe Jett had a point.
Maybe…maybe Dave was doing this all wrong. He loved Sebastian, he did, but was he missing out on something by being committed to someone who wasn't even around? Everyone said college was for figuring out who you were and for…for experimenting. But Dave wasn't doing that, and neither was Sebastian. They were just…missing each other.
Jett wanted Dave. And Dave…he didn't want Jett, not exactly, but he was really, really frustrated and he'd liked the way it felt. He'd liked the way Jett felt.
Dave was a terrible person. He was a terrible person with steamy breath and an empty cup and he didn't know what to do.
What would Sebastian do?
Dave picked up one of the cans he'd brought out with him. At least he had a few beers waiting before he had to go back into the kitchen.
Sebastian wouldn't have let some guy kiss him, would he?
He wouldn't…wouldn't enjoy some guy kissing him, right?
God, Dave felt sick. And confused. What had he done? And more importantly, why had he enjoyed it? Did that mean he wanted to do it again? That…that he wanted to be with someone else?
He chugged the entire can and popped the tab on the next one. Fuck his morning study groups. He was going to Skype with Sebastian, instead. He could study by himself later.
Sebastian was…he was important. So important. Way more important than whatever Jett was offering him.
But Jett…Jett was there. Jett was…he was waiting for Dave. Maybe naked. Probably naked. Is that what people did when they were hoping for a hook up to knock on their door?
Jett thought they were going to hook up. He thought Dave was going to knock on his door. Dave hadn't said he would go, but…he hadn't said no, either.
Why hadn't he said no?
Jett told him Sebastian wouldn't find out, but that wasn't true, because Dave knew he couldn't keep anything from Sebastian, not for long. And if he was even thinking about this, what did that mean?
If Dave went to Jett's room, he knew he'd be thinking about Sebastian. He could do it, he was pretty sure. He could close his eyes and it would be Sebastian kissing him, and touching him, and fuck, under him. Dave groaned, it had only been a few weeks, but it felt like forever…longer than he and Sebastian had gone without sex since they got together properly, and Dave's body was responding just thinking about it.
He felt horny and desperate and Sebastian…Sebastian was probably feeling the same. Fuck, Sebastian was probably feeling worse. He was the one who used to play the field and get off with strangers, and Jesus, what if Sebastian was feeling trapped? What if he was the one feeling like he was missing out on something?
What if Sebastian was slipping away? What if that's why he was busy that weekend?
Dave couldn't think about that, he just couldn't. He didn't want…his vision swam and he felt like he might vomit. The feeling should have put a damper on his libido, but it didn't. He was hard and so fucking frustrated.
He hadn't touched Sebastian, hadn't been touched by Sebastian, in weeks.
The next swig of beer he took emptied the can. It was the last one he had, and Dave sighed. He'd have to go back in the kitchen. But that was where Jett had…
Dave pulled the piece of paper out of his pocket, staring at the writing on it. It looked a little hazy, but when Dave squeezed his eyes shut and opened them back up there was the name of Jett's residence hall and his room number. And a cell number, under that.
If Jett was right, then Dave and Sebastian were just wasting time anyway. They were just…they were shackled to each other for nothing, and Dave wasn't a psych major but he knew people who felt trapped would start to hate each other.
He didn't want to hate Sebastian; didn't want Sebastian to hate him.
Dave's throat felt thick and his eyes hurt. He was tired, so tired, but he knew he wouldn't be able to go back to his dorm and sleep. Not when he thought that…that Jett made sense.
Maybe he and Sebastian would be better off seeing people they could actually see. Sebastian would be happier if he could be with someone that was always around, and Dave…
Jett wasn't Sebastian, but he'd said no strings, and Dave would probably feel guilty about it, but he could pretend. Maybe eventually he wouldn't have to pretend anymore.
If Jett was right, then Dave and Sebastian were just delaying the inevitable, anyway.
Dave wandered down the dormitory hall, checking the numbers as he moved. He was as quiet as he could manage, because he really, really wasn't supposed to be there. The only dormitory he should be in after two o'clock in the morning was his own, which this definitely wasn't. He glanced around, not for the first time, wary of being caught. He hadn't spotted a single person since he'd snuck in after a guy so exceptionally drunk it was a wonder he could even use his keycard, but Dave figured it didn't hurt to stay careful. He didn't want to get caught.
He'd sobered up some, but he wasn't sure if that was for the best or not. It was a good thing, in theory, but maybe a little liquid courage would have made the whole thing easier. On one hand, he could mostly walk, minus a tiny stumble on the way up the last flight of stairs (but he hadn't fallen so it didn't really count). On the other hand, the absolute certainty in his choices that came with being completely wasted had faded away, to be replaced with seeds of doubt.
As he continued, glancing from room number to room number, he couldn't help but wonder whether he was making the right decision or a terrible mistake. Was he being an idiot? Was the whole thing a completely awful idea? He wondered, briefly, what Sebastian would think. Would he understand? Would he be angry?
Who was he kidding? Sebastian was going to kill him.
When Dave finally found the right room he stood for several minutes staring at the door and debating his next move. He could leave. He should leave. It was the middle of the night, and he absolutely shouldn't be there.
He should be in his own dorm. In bed.
His own bed.
Alone.
Dave shouldn't be about to disturb someone in the middle of the night, hoping for—
He wasn't sure what he was hoping for.
But that's what he was doing. He'd given it serious consideration and still made the conscious decision to go there, state of inebriation notwithstanding. It wasn't too late to change his mind, technically, but it felt like it was.
Setting his shoulders and taking a fortifying breath, Dave raised his hand and knocked on the door.
