ok peeps, this is going to be a minor ficlet using Trapt songs. I'm not sure how far I'm going to take it, it really depends on you guys. So far I have planned two chapters, Bleed Like Me and Skin Deep. You'll see how it's going to go...but let me know if you want more. haha. Sum: Pretty much takes place after I'm 18 part 2. This includes my theories about Hunter, Angie, Darius, and Tommy. I started it thursday night with the intention of posting it friday before I'm 18 aired, but I got sick and that didn't happen. I just finished the little bit I had to do and I changed a piece of my theory to fit 18. I originally thought that maybe Angie was Tom and Portia's daughter; not his girlfriend. Anyway, Lemme know what you think.
Spoiler Warning! Lots of Long Winding Road and some to I'm 18 Part 1. Read with caution if you haven't seen the eps.
Italics - Song
Bold - Flashback
Regular Text - Present
"Bleed Like Me"
"Tommy, don't do this!" She said, tears falling down her face, her voice pleading, begging. I could feel my heart breaking, but for once in my life, I had to stay strong. For her. One day, she'd understand. For now…I needed her to hate me. If anything happened to her…I couldn't even think about it. She's the only thing that keeps me sane. Keeps me going.
"Jude, don't make this harder than it already is." I spat, trying to keep my face blank.
"What happened about how I"
"I don't love you." I spat and her speechless gaze was enough to kill me. I had to keep strong. I had to let her think I hated her. She was breathing hard, trying to keep her emotions in check. God Jude, just do something. Anything.
Her hand moved faster than I could see, slapping me hard across the face so hard my head whipped to the side. I could barely feel the physical pain because of all the emotional pain I felt.
Have your nails scratched the deepest
I turned back to her, trying to say something, anything. She just glared at me, her eyes more broken than I have ever seen.
Her hand connected with my face once again and I let her. I deserved much worst for this.
Have you broken skin this time
"I hate you." She spat, tears running down her face.
Made your mark and took me deeper
Her words stung. Hurt far worst than her physical blow.
"I. Hate. You." She spat again, her eyes burning with fury and I couldn't meet her gaze anymore. I'll never forget that look. It'll forever haunt me like Angie's death and Hunter's revenge. I couldn't let him use her against me. He could take anything and everything but I couldn't let him take her.
As you drown me with your eyes
"Jude," I started, trying to think of something, anything to make this better.
I held my hand over your mouth
"God, Tommy!" She yelled, shaking her head. "How can you just…just…" she stopped, pursing her lips, searching for the right word. "Stand there!"
As you scream at me to feel
"That's the difference between us, Jude." I stated, keeping emotion out of my voice - a sick habit I picked up in juvie - I had to or else I'd break like her. Like I have so many times in the past. I wasn't the man she wanted me to be. Needed me to be. I had to work to that expectation. She just didn't realize how much.
You felt my scars with understanding
She stared at me in confusion, waiting for me to say something, anything. "I don't feel anything." I lied as I left her standing alone. After I passed her, I felt a tear fall down my face.
But I can't promise anything
I left Jude's party, getting out of G Major as fast as I could. Once in the parking lot, I kicked the tire of my car and slammed my hands down on the hood, cursing.
Can you tell
I just lost her. The one person who I needed most in the work and I shoved her away. I should have listened to Darius. I should have listened to my instincts and stayed away.
That I picked my poison well
"Remember T, you're still a mentor. She's only 17, Man."
"She's my co-producer!" I argued back, knowing I was lying through my teeth. I had her 18th counted down in my head for the last year. "And she'll be 18 in less than a week!"
"So, what's that suppose to mean?" Darius asked, challenging my intentions.
That I have no more to sell to you
"That I've done everything you've asked. That I've spent the last five years trying to make up for what happened! But Jude and I…we're none of your business." I spat at my boss. I was grateful for what Darius did for me five years ago. He kept my life even when I thought it was over…still feel like it. Jude was the one good thing that ever happened to me and I wasn't about to let her slip away because of Darius.
"OK. I just don't wanna see anyone get hurt. Like Angie did" I winced. It was a low blow, but I knew it was true. "And Jude is my artist."
"But she's my girl." I stated before leaving Darius alone in the G Major studio, more determined than ever.
I felt emotion well up inside of me and I tried to put it down. I couldn't think about it. I couldn't let myself show weakness. I had to be strong and I had to deal with Hunter on my own. And if that means letting Jude go to save her…than I would do it. I was a natural loner. People get hurt when they get too close to me. I don't need anyone, never have. I could get by without Jude.
Is it really that important that I settle down
I got in my car and turned the key in the ignition, the Porche roaring to life. I took a few deep breathes to calm my nerves and put the car in reverse and backed out of the parking spot and leaving the parking lot of G Major.
Does it really even matter that I have my doubts
Doubts that Jude and I would work. That I wouldn't ruin her life like Kwest so kindly pointed out.
I search for the one who bleeds
I drove home, careful to make sure I wasn't being tailed. Paranoid, but I knew Hunter was watching me. Waiting for a moment to destroy me.
I made it home in record time and went up into my pent house apartment, going straight for the liquor cabinet and poured a glass of Jack and downed it.
I reach for the one who bleeds
"Tom!" Hunter's voice yelled out. I slammed the breaks, praying to a God I didn't believe in. The tires squealed and I lost control of the car, spinning into the opposite lane of traffic.
I forget to dream in color
I tried to get control of the car, but it was too late. I closed my eyes, bracing myself for the inevitable. I heard Hunter's gasp and hand hit the dash as he braced himself. In my mind, I saw Angie's surprised face, frozen on the sidewalk.
I am better off alone
I snapped out of my thoughts and poured myself another glass and downed it, Angie's cries echoing in my mind, and tears stinging my eyes.
I never even saw her previously. I was too wrapped up in telling Hunter about the ideas I had for the band. I wasn't paying attention…and I killed her.
Honest hearts are undercover
"Tom, you let me handle this." Darius told me. I just nodded, I couldn't think of anything. I couldn't feel anything. I couldn't hear anything except for Angie's scream. I killed her. I knew D was angry with me, I know everyone was angry at me, but I couldn't feel. I couldn't think. I could only stare at the pavement where Angie had been before the paramedics took her away to the morgue.
We are shadows on our own
I shook my head. I had to stop thinking about Angie. About the past. About the cover up Darius enacted. About the lie that sent Hunter to jail instead of me. The debt I forever owed Darius; one I thought I could run from. But I couldn't run from the past. I tried. I quite the band, made an attempt to go on my own but Darius locked the attempt. I know he did it because of Angie; to punish me more. It wasn't about artist integrity or any of the bullshit he claims.
Lose ourselves in open waters
My life was done. I was a mess for real and I fell into every counterproductive measure to make myself forget. To try to keep myself from drowning from guilt and pain.
Always swimming back to shore
I took up smoking, drinking, sex, anything to keep myself busy. To keep myself from thinking about Angie and that night.
My addictions have no boundaries
And then I met Jude…God Jude. She saved me from myself and now…now I was back to the sick cycle my life always seems to turn to. I can't be happy. I'm suppose to suffer for my past. I know that now. I was crazy to think that I could ever have a chance to be happy. To even try and go for it.
Now I'm crying out for more
I looked over at Jude and then away, back at the road. She's so beautiful. I hadn't felt this good in a long time. This demo idea…it's great. I noticed Jude looking back at me and couldn't help a smile come to my face.
"OK! Out with it! The suspense is killing me!"
"Well, it's about…"
Can you tell
"Us." I finished, giving her a long look before turning back to the road.
"Us, us?"
"It's funny, when I was your age, I was a mess. Made some mistakes." Big mistakes. Ones I thought would never let me be happy again.
"I make mistakes." I couldn't help but smile at Jude's small statement. Her mistakes were like…mole hills compared to mine.
"Not like this…"
That I picked my poison well
"But when I'm with you, Jude, I almost believe I can be the man I should be." I looked over at her while I was talking, meeting her eyes to let her know that I was serious.
That I have no more to sell to you
I downed another glass of Jack and winced as it burned my throat. Tonight was supposed to be the night. It was supposed to be perfect. I had it planned to a T. We were going to perform "Love to Burn" together. We'd announce our relationship and we were supposed to live happily ever after.
Is it really that important that I settle down
"Have you got love to burn" I felt Jude's head rest on my shoulder next to me and I smiled, not breaking a chord as I sang and played the song I wrote for her, for us. "Kisses for days, don't you wanna grab onto something real, and never let it get away, and if it comes true, I only have love to burn, for you."
Does it really even matter that I have my doubts
"You wrote me a song?!" She said, sounding so shocked I looked away, hoping she didn't hate it.
I search for the one who bleeds
"I love it!"
I smiled and kissed her, loving the fact I could kiss her virtually any time I wanted. That she loved me and I could love her. That we could be happy.
I reach for the one who bleeds
But nothing ever goes to plan. Nothing ever works out the way it's supposed to. And now, Jude thinks I don't love her.
Like me
I should have known better than to believe for a moment that I could be happy. That my life would work out. I guess I'm destined to be a loner. No one gets hurt that way.
I have my doubts
"No. No. this accident? It was a sign, OK? This, it can't happen." I said, breathing hard, desperately trying to get Jude to understand.
"What? What?!"
"NO!" I yelled, making it clear to her that I wouldn't do this. Couldn't do this.
"God!" She yelled, I found it slightly ironic, yelling God in a church, and then she hit me. It didn't hurt, not really. Just enough to be annoying. I looked sharply at her and saw her trying to fight back her tears.
"Ow." She squeaked out and shook her hand. "Ow." She said again, looking like she was going to cry.
I have my doubts
"You never punch with your thumb in your fist." I offered.
"Yeah, thank you!" She said sarcastically.
"Just, let me see it." I said, taking a step closer to her to make sure she didn't damage her hand.
"Don't touch me!" She screamed, flinching away from me. He words cut deep.
"I was just trying to help."
"You wanna help me? Stop hurting me." I sighed.
"I saw her. In the road."
"Who?"
"This was a warning. Darius was right."
And so does everybody else
"OK, can you please speak like a normal person for once?"
"You see, that is just it. I'm not normal."
So help me take this all away
"I'm one of the bad guys."
You gotta help me take this all away
Jude changed me. She gave me hope when I thought my life was near over. Georgia opened the door for me to give me a chance to do something with my life, but Jude…
Please help me take this all away
She made me alive. She…unfroze me.
And bleed like me
I was selfish though. She gave me so much and what do I give her in return? My baggage; my shitty past that no one should ever be exposed to. Kwest was right…Jude getting with me is the worst thing that could ever happen to her.
So help me take this all away
Hunter could, and would, kill her. Because of me, his life was thrown out. He's been rotting in jail for Angie's murder for the last five years because Darius twisted the facts around and made me claim I was too drunk to remember. Jude doesn't deserve to be wrapped up in my world.
You gotta help me take this all away
She deserves better.
Please help me take this all away
I felt my grip tighten on the glass in my hand. The more I thought about this, the more I drank, the more I wanted to forget. I got myself into this mess and I would get out of it. Somehow. Hunter would get his revenge one way or another. He wouldn't get Jude and it'd all be over. We'll be able to move on with our lives…I let out a bitter laugh. That fantasy would be nice. I thought bitterly and stood up, downing the rest of the liquid in the glass and threw it was hard as I could into the wall. The glass shattered into a million little pieces and scattered the floor. I watched it with morbid satisfaction; a perfect illustration of my life.
And bleed like me
I was snapped out of my thoughts by my cell phone ringing through the air. I turned my head back to the coffee table in my living room, seeing the CID screen glowing blue. I stared at it while it rang, mentally debating if I should ignore it or answer it.
Is it really that important
It rang a final time and I knew it went to voice mail. I crossed the room and poured myself another drink and stared at the liquid in the glass a moment before taking a drink.
that I settle down
"You don't know how many times I thought about asking you just…leave with me. But there are things you don't know." I told her, trying to get her to see why she shouldn't be with me.
Does it really even matter that I have my doubts
"I know I love you." She said and I felt every bit of resolve I had melt away. Jude Harrison loves me. "There's my look." She said before I kissed her with everything I had.
I search for the one who bleeds
My phone rang again, alerting me of a voicemail and I ignored it. It was probably Kwest wondering where I ran off to, or more likely, Hunter calling to torment me further.
I reach for the one who bleeds
I finished off the glass and set it down on the table.
I reach for
Why didn't I just tell her the truth? I asked myself for the millionth time this evening.
I reach for
Jude wouldn't hate me…she'd understand. She'd…
I reach for
Probably hate me for what I did in the past. For being a coward and letting Darius pin Angie's death on Hunter.
I reach for
I heard a knock on my door and I looked up sharply at it. I felt my body tense as I stood up, instantly paranoid that Hunter had followed me home. I walked cautiously to the door and paused as whoever beat at it harder. More insistently.
I reach for the one who bleeds
I took a deep breath and flipped the lock and pulled the door open. I felt my jaw drop and my eyes widen.
"Jude?" I managed to say and she looked into my eyes, a look of pure agony in her tear-filled gaze and I felt like a selfish bastard for hurting her.
Like me!
TBC in Skin Deep
