Author's Notes: This was written for the drabble tree at the livejournal reddwarfslash community. The summary was snagged from kahvi's drabble, and is also the snippet used in the ficlet. It's loosely placed in the 'Red Dwarf: Better Than Life' (audio)book's 'verse.


Rimmer shook his head as the sack in the back seat squirmed and made irritated noises.

Honestly, it was for the man's - and he used that term very loosely, as primordial ooze had been known to practice better personal hygiene - own good. He told the struggling bundle as much, too.

There was a pause before Lister's unmistakable voice started shouting obscenities. Even muffled, his vigorous protests brought a smile to Rimmer's face. Outside this pocket of reality were actual people with actual bodies and feelings, who might do him some actual smegging good. It wasn't healthy to sing Christmas carols and be jolly every single day.

Rimmer shuddered as their car sped past houses in which Christmas pudding was served probably with every meal, all year round. It was just as well that Rimmer was there to make sure Lister got away from all that forced cheer; it was enough to drive any man insane.

And it wasn't like Rimmer'd been lonely in his big grand mansion with his fabulously expensive wife, with no one's armpit hair to clog up the drains. That was just crazy talk.