A/N: Changes to cannon. I killed Jim's mother when he was four. He was raised in various foster families until he finally left when he was almost seventeen. As the 2009 movie made no mention of Jim having a brother I made him an only child. I ended the Spock and Uhura relationship (on fairly good terms) early on. Plz R&R
*Spock POV*
He should be happy, he told himself. They had saved Earth, rescued Pike and come out of everything relatively unscathed all things considered. The Enterprise would be repaired, Pike would heal and life would carry on. Eventually things would get back to normal. Spock took another drink and carefully set his glass down. With everything that happened, he should be happy. Only he wasn't.
His mother was dead, Vulcan was gone and its race had been decimated. His relationship with Nyota was over as well. And then there was Jim. Despite everything Spock found himself intrigued by the man more and more. He had started out disliking him but somehow Jim had wormed his way into Spock's thoughts more than Spock would have liked. Jim was smart, confident and charismatic.
Under any other circumstances Spock might have made an effort to find out if Jim would be opposed to a more 'imtimate' relationship. Serving on the same ship made that probability unlikely. Just as well, he thought. Jim's reputation for being good with the ladies and bad with relationships also made it highly unlikely that Jim would ever want anything stable, let alone with him. Spock would just have to be content to day dream, he supposed. He was getting ready to refill his drink when his comm. beeped.
*McCoy POV*
"I said get him out of here!"
"We're leaving. Just let us wait for our ride to get here."
"Now!"
The man pointed to the door and McCoy rolled his eyes. "Fine."
"Oh come on. All I did was-"
"Shut up Jim. Not another word. Now move."
"You're cute when you're mad. You know that?"
McCoy rolled his eyes again. "Go."
Jim flashed a bright smile that wasn't the least bit marred by the split lip. He shook his head and followed Jim out the door. Jim turned and started to say some thing but McCoy grabbed him by the shoulders, turned the kid back around and all but shoved him the rest of the way out of the door.
"We should hit another bar," Jim said the instant they were outside.
"You've had too much already kid."
"Loosen up Bones. It wasn't that bad."
"Not that bad? Are you serious?"
"There were only three of them. I could have handled that easily."
He shook his head again as he noticed their ride.
"About time you showed up," McCoy snapped.
"Apologies doctor, I came as fast as I could."
"Spock! What brings you to the party?"
"The doctor 'inferred' you might be able to use a lift."
Jim walked between them and put one arm over each of their shoulders.
"So where are we headed next?"
"You're going home," McCoy snapped without thinking.
Jim stopped moving and his face blanked. McCoy cursed himself for the poor choice of words. 'Home.' Fuck. If I ever get my hands on those people...
"My home," he corrected. "We are going to my home. Then you are going to bed."
There was a slight hesitation before the mask firmly slid back into place. Jim flashed another bright, if blatently forced, grin. "Damn Bones, if you wanted me and Spock to go home with you why didn't you just say so?"
McCoy rolled his eyes. "Get in the car."
As Jim was getting into the vehicle Spock shot him a questioning look. McCoy shook his head slightly at the Vulcan and got in as well.
*Back at McCoy's apt. / technically Spock*
"Honey, I'm home," Jim called out as the three of them entered McCoy's apartment.
The doctor rolled his eyes. Jim walked over to the couch and flopped down on it. He leaned his head backward over the arm rest and looked up at them.
"Got anything to drink around here?"
"How can you even do that after how much you've already had to drink?"
Still upside down Jim shrugged. "Talented?" Finally Jim sat up and propped his feet on the coffee table. "So, how about it? Do you have anything to drink?"
"Haven't you had enough?"
"Come on Bones, we're in your apartment . What's the worst that could happen?"
"You really want me to answer that?"
Jim flashed him an innocent look.
"Damn it. Fine but you're staying here if you drink more."
"Deal!"
"And get your feet off my coffee table!"
The doctor made his way into the kitchen and Spock inspected the appartment. Typical one bedroom appartment. The kitchen was just right of the door and straight ahead was the living room. The living room and kitchen were seperated by a half-wall. Besides the couch Jim sat on there was one end table with a lamp, a recliner and a coffee table. The appartment was mostly done in white and beige.
*Jim POV*
Several drinks later there was finally a lull in the conversation. Jim was leaning back on the couch surreptitiously watching the Spock out of the corner of his eyes. Bones was leaning back in his recliner with his eyes closed. He'll pass out soon, James noted. Then, what? Would Spock leave? Would he stay? If he stayed then maybe... nope. Don't go there he reminded himself. Like Spock would ever want him. You don't stand a chance with someone like him.
"Who needs another drink," he asked, suddenly sitting forward.
"Jim..."
"Come on doc. We don't have anywhere to be tomorrow. What's the harm?"
"It is late. Perhaps I should go," Spock stated as he started to stand.
"No! I mean... One more. Come on, just one?"
*McCoy POV*
McCoy narrowed his eyes at Jim.
"It's late, Jim. We really should-"
"Come on it's only one drink."
"I believe I have had enough for tonight. Thank you, though."
Spock headed for the door and Jim moved to stand in front of him. This was really not good. Warning bells began going off in McCoy's mind. He felt like he should do some thing but didn't know what.
"Come on, just stay a little longer."
"I'm sure Dr. McCoy would like to get a little sleep."
"So stay the night."
McCoy eyed Jim suspiciously as he tried to figure out what was going on.
"You are very persistant," Spock noted.
Yes, Bones thought. The question is why?
"So is that a yes?"
"Jim," Spock began.
"Damn it Spock." Jim turned away and stared at the door briefly. Finally he turned back. "I want you to stay."
"You... want... me to stay?"
"I just said that didn't I?"
"I am pleased you... enjoy my company. Still, I must be leaving."
Jim ran a hand through his hair and looked to Bones.
There was an odd look on Jim's face. No, Bones thought. Just... no. It finally dawned on the doctor; Jim liked Spock. He wasn't sure how Spock would react but he didn't think the Vulcan was going to be pleased by this revelation. McCoy knew Jim didn't care what gender he hooked up with. It was Jim's life so generally McCoy wouldn't have cared either. This, however, was Spock. There's no telling how he would take the information. If he took it bad and they had to serve on the same ship...
"Jim," Bones started as he stood.
"Because. I want you to sit down. I want you to have another drink. I want you to stay. I want... Damn it, I just want you."
McCoy winced.
"You," Spock began. He paused and tried again. "You want... what?"
"You, damn it."
Bones tried to diffuse the situation. "I think we should-"
"In what way," Spock asked cautiously.
"Geez Spock. What do I have to do, spell it out? You. I want you. I want you and me together. I mean, I know, I know. You don't want me like that. Yeah yeah, whatever. I do want you like that, though. I can't help it and I'm not sorry you know."
Jim crossed his arms and glared at Spock defiantly.
So not good, Bones thought as he shook his head trying to figure out what to do. He opened his mouth trying to come with something, anything, to say. His mind blanked.
"Indeed. Then I feel as though I should inform you of something. I would greatly appreciate the chance to get to know you better as well."
Bones' mouth snapped shut. That, he hadn't been expecting. Jim's expression changed.
"You what," Jim asked, his voice dangerously low.
Warning bells went off in McCoys's mind again. He knew that tone.
"I would appreciate an opportunity to get to know you better."
Jim's eyebrow's lowered as his gaze focused intently on Spock.
"You're lying."
Bones shook his head furiously trying to stop Spock from answering even though Spock couldn't see him. His mind was not capable of forming the words into coherent sentences just yet.
"I am not."
'Not good, not good, not good', his mind chanted over and over. That was when Jim threw the first punch and all hell broke loose. Do some thing, McCoy mentally yelled to himself. I have to stop this, he thought. Well move, then, his mind commanded. Oh yeah. Finally McCoy moved to pry them apart. It wasn't easy, and Jim took a few shots at him too, but he finally got them seperated.
"You're lying!"
Spock said nothing. Probably better that way, McCoy thought as he struggled to keep his hold on Jim.
"I already knew I didn't have a chance! There's no reason to rub it in or make me feel any more stupid!"
"It was never my intention to make you feel... less than adequate. I was being honest," Spock stated quietly.
Jim stilled but McCoy didn't let go of him.
"Just go," Jim said quietly.
"I cannot."
Jim looked away but didn't respond.
"I meant it, Jim. I was not trying to insult you."
Jim shook his head.
"Jim..."
"Just go!"
"Why do you not believe me?"
"Whatever. Stay, I don't care. I'm leaving. Bones, let go of me."
"I told you, we drink more and you're staying."
"Let. Me. Go."
"I'm not letting you leave Jim."
"Doctor."
Bones turned to Spock.
"I will go."
Jim snorted derisively. "I bet."
"It is not my wish to go. I only wish to keep from upsetting you further."
"Whatever."
"Why do you not believe me?"
"Because."
"Because why?"
McCoy shook his head at Spock. Spock raised one eyebrow but didn't speak.
"Jim," McCoy said quietly.
Jim ignored him.
"That was then, Jim. Let it go."
"I can't."
"You have to."
Jim shook his head again.
"You like him and for whatever reason he likes you back."
"He can't. Not the same way."
"Have you given him a chance explain whether or not he does?"
"It wouldn't matter, Bones."
"If it wouldn't matter then why not give him a chance to say something?"
Jim was silent for a moment before looking up. He met McCoy's eyes and finally gave a sharp nod.
"So we're good if I let go?"
"Yeah."
"You sure?"
"Damn it, Bones, let go."
McCoy finally released him. "Just checking."
Jim glared at him then stalked passed them to the recliner and dropped into it.
Spock glanced at McCoy and McCoy shook his head again. He nodded toward the couch. As Spock began to move to the couch McCoy made his way over as well.
"Well," Jim asked with an impatient wave of one hand.
"I did not like you overly much when I first met you."
"This is supposed to convince me I'm wrong?"
"Allow me to continue."
Jim waved a hand indifferently again.
"I must admit it is because of Dr. McCoy I decided perhaps my initial evaluation was inacurate. His unwavering faith in you caused me to re-examine my assessment. In doing so I have found myself more... 'interested' than I would have thought possible."
"Interested," Jim repeated flatly.
"Indeed. I will not lie. I cannot claim I am 'in love'. I don't know enough about you, yet. I do find myself intrigued and I was being honest when I said that I would like to get to know you better."
"Yeah, whatever," Jim said sullenly, crossing his arms and glaring down at them.
"Jim," McCoy stated flatly, unimpressed with the attitude.
Jim ignored him. McCoy leaned forward and smacked Jim on the back of the head.
"What the hell, Bones," Jim yelled.
"Get over yourself and participate in this conversation. Now," McCoy ordered.
"If you ever do that again-"
"Well actually participate in this conversation and I won't have to."
"Doctor."
McCoy turned to look at Spock. What did Spock think was going on? There was no way McCoy could or would share what he knew, and no way Spock would ever guess. If I ever, ever, get my hands on those..."people"... Stop, McCoy ordered himself.
"It is clear there is more going on that I do not understand. Although I would appreciate the knowledge I will not ask either of you for that which you cannot share." Spock turned and faced Jim. "Even if you do not
understand why, I would ask that you accept that I am being truthful when I state my desire to get to know you better."
"Why?"
"I told you. I am... interested. You... You're... I don't know. I find myself interested for reasons I don't fully understand, but I am interested. Can you not accept that?"
"I don't understand why you would be."
"If it helps, I do not understand it either," Spock said with a small smile.
McCoy shook his head. This had to be the strangest thing he'd ever witnessed. Spock and Jim... liking each other... Nope his head still coudn't wrap his head around that thought. This couldn't end well. Jim couldn't handle a stable relationship and Spock... He shook his head again.
"I don't deserve you," Jim said quietly.
"Damn it, Jim-"
Spock cut him off. "Doctor."
Reluctantly McCoy shut his mouth and Spock turned back to Jim.
"I am not asking for more than you are willing to give. I only want time to analyze things and better understand how I feel. Is that not acceptable?"
"Time," Jim said hesitantly."
"Time," Spock repeated.
"Okay," Jim said sitting forward. "So... where exactly does that put us?"
Exactly as we were. The only difference is that we spend more time with each other."
Jim still didn't look like he believed anything Spock was saying. McCoy resisted the urge to growl at the people that had done this to the kid. No one deserved to go through what he had. Those people weren't here and the anger he felt at them wasn't helping things. Focus damn it, he ordered himself.
"I think I can accept that," Jim said slowly.
Thank God, Bones thought.
"So..."
"So now I think we should all get some sleep," Bones said as he stood. "Spock, you're staying too. No way in hell I'm letting either of you leave after how much we've all had. You're stuck with the recliner. No one gets to sleep in my bed but me and the couch is always Jim's when he stays over."
Spock nodded.
"No one sleeps in your bed but you," Jim asked with a smirk.
"You don't want to go," McCoy told him, raising an eyebrow.
The smirk faded and Jim looked away.
It wasn't often, but on occasion McCoy had woken up to the creak of his bedroom door opening. Jim would always hesitate for several moments before he finally crawled into the bed carefully. After a few more moments Jim would carefully scoot closer and snuggle against McCoy. He didn't ever let on that he was awake when it happened. He would wait until Jim fell asleep and spend the rest of the night envisioning things he wanted to do to the people that had hurt the boy. After a while he wouldn't be able to lay there anymore and would cautiously get out of the bed and bury himself in something to take his mind off of things.
"You know where everything is," he told Jim as he headed into his room. He shut the door carefully and leaned back against it. Damn, damn, damn, he thought to himself. He had to think about some thing else.
*Spock*
"Come on," Jim said standing up. "Bunking supplies are this way."
"Do you 'bunk' here often," Spock asked curious.
Jim shrugged. "Beats getting my own place. It's not like we're going to spend a lot of time on Earth anymore anyway."
"What about staying with family?"
Jim froze and Spock realized that had been the wrong thing to suggest. Finally Jim resumed his trek.
"Naw, I don't really have family left. I had my own apartment before I joined Starfleet but I didn't think I was going to need it again. It's just easier to bunk here when I need to."
They entered the bathroom. Simple, yet tasteful, Spock noted. Very 'home-y'. 'Bones' had added a few personal touches. Very understated, Spock thought to himself, but the overall effect was nice.
"So, yeah, pillows and blankets are here," Jim said indicating the bathroom closet.
"You do not believe that I am interested. Why?"
Jim fidgeted.
"You did not answer my question," Spock noted.
"Just let it go... for now?"
The look Jim gave him decided it. He would let it go for now. Later, he pacified himself, later.
"So anything else," Jim asked him.
"Not that I know of," he replied.
"Help yourself." Jim exited leaving Spock alone. It was then Spock realized he would have to make a much more concentrated effort to break down the walls Jim had erected. Why, Spock wonered. What was with the walls and why had Jim built them? The bathroom offered no answers.
*Jim*
Damn, damn, damn, Jim thought. Fuck. What the hell? Why did he even say anything? Couldn't you have kept your mouth shut for once? He shook his head. Fuck. At least his faith in McCoy had been rewarded. The doctor hadn't spilled anything Jim wouldn't have wanted shared. He shook his head again.
*McCoy*
Damn him, McCoy thought. Who am I, to have to keep his secrets? The doctor sighed again. He was his friend, that's who he was. Fuck, he thought to himself.
"Hey! Doc?"
McCoy turned and faced the door. "Yeah?"
"... night."
He sighed again, "Night, Jim."
God he hoped Jim wouldn't have a nightmare. How would you even explain that, he wondered. Not. My. Problem, he told himself. Yes it is, his mind told him. Someone has to make it right. He shook his head again.
Damn, damn, damn.
.
Opening his eyes he blinked trying to clear his vision. What the hell, he wondered. Slowly McCoy stood and walked to his bedroom door. He stood, listening for a moment trying to figure out what had woken him. Through the door he could hear soft noises. Please, not a nightmare, McCoy pleaded silently. Not with Spock here. Slowly he opened the door and stared. Nope. Definitely not a nightmare. I so don't need to see this. Well, shut the door his mind told him. Yeah, that. He shut the door and stared at it. Nope, not going there, he told himself and went back to bed.
*Spock*
Spock opened his eyes and tried to figure out where he was. Nothing looked familiar. He started to turn to inspect his surroundings when a hand dropped onto his side. Spock froze instantly. There was a sleepy murmur that sounded vaguely familiar. Suddenly everything hit him all at once. Jim.
"Too far," Jim murmured sleepily.
Spock froze as Jim scooted closer and wrapped an arm around him.
"Mmm... better."
Spock didn't move. Why, he asked himself. He shouldn't have stayed. At the very least he should have stayed in the recliner. This was not good. Where exactly did this put them? Would Jim even remember what they'd done? Had it meant anything to him? Jim murmured a few more things. The only thing Spock was able to understand was his name. So, Jim was thinking about him at least. That was good. Wasn't it?
*McCoy*
"So, no shit, there I was when... Hey! Morning doc," Jim greeted him.
Bones grunted and sat at the kitchen table.
"Breakfast?"
The doctor glared at him.
Jim shrugged. "Suit yourself." Jim turned back to Spock. "He never does eat breakfast. You'd think he would, though, being all concerned about everyone's health and all."
McCoy resisted the urge to bang his head into the table.
"So," Jim asked, "Sleep well?"
McCoy stared at the kid. Jim watched him for a second and then shrugged. God, how could Jim be this upbeat after everything they'd had to drink?
"So what's on the agenda for today?"
"You being less annoying," McCoy muttered.
Jim put an arm around his shoulders and grinned at him. "You know you love me."
McCoy shoved the arm off and reached for the pitcher of juice.
.
After several hours Spock finally left. He would return later but there were a few things he wanted to get done before then. McCoy sat in the recliner watching Jim flip through channels on the television. Eventually they were going to have to talk about things. First and foremost they were going to have to revisit the discussion about not having sex in the apartment.
"Jim, television off please."
Jim shrugged and turned it off.
"What's up?"
"There are a few things we really need to talk about."
"Hey I got the bunking supplies put up this time."
"That's not what I meant and you know it."
"If you're talking about the dishes, I'll get to them."
"What happened to no sex in my apartment?"
Jim winced. "Uh, about that…"
"Never mind that it was Spock." McCoy held up a hand to stop Jim from responding. "I don't even want to know how it happened but I don't want it to happen again."
"Sorry."
"I bet. Don't apologize for something you're not sorry for. Just don't do it again."
"Got it."
"Jim, about that."
"Won't happen again, Bones. Promise."
"Not in my apartment it won't. But that's not what I was going to say. Are you sure this is a good idea?"
"I thought you didn't care who I slept with?"
"I don't. This isn't about that. It's about you two having to work together. In my experience it's never a good thing for coworkers to get involved with each other."
"It was one night. I'm not sure that qualifies as 'involved'."
"You want it to be more than one night though."
"I don't know what I want."
"That I believe."
"I like him Bones."
"I know."
"I want this."
"I know."
"You still don't like it."
"What happens if it doesn't work out and you two have to work together?"
Jim shrugged. "I'll transfer."
"The hell you will. You're not leaving me stranded in space with your ex. Not to mention no other doctor will know how to cope with you. You don't take care of yourself and you're allergic to everything, and, oh yea, you're the captain."
Jim shrugged. "Then I'll stay. Damn it Bones, I want this. Can't you just let me have this? I'll screw it up soon enough."
"That's part of your problem. You need to let the past go."
"Don't go there Bones."
"None of it was your fault."
"Stop."
"No. You need someone to beat this into your thick skull."
"What I need is for you to stop bringing up my past. Nothing's going to change it. It wasn't the best but it wasn't the worst and half of the shit I got, I brought down on myself."
"That's not true and you know it."
"None of it matters."
"The hell it doesn't."
"It's the past, Bones. It doesn't matter anymore."
"Oh yeah? How useful is that excuse when you're having a nightmare?"
Jim glared at him.
"You want this to work with Spock? You need to deal with the past so it doesn't screw this up. For whatever reason he likes you; you need to accept that."
"Who says I don't?"
McCoy folded his arms across his chest. "You did. Last night."
"Last night I was drunk. Who knows what I said?"
"I do and I'm willing to bet you do too."
"Damn it Bones, I just want to forget it and move on."
"You can't move on if you don't deal with it Jim."
"What do you want from me?"
"For starters I want you to accept none of what they did was your fault."
Jim pressed his lips together and looked away. God damn them, Bones thought.
Being Jim's doctor he had access to Jim's medical records. The sheer number of injuries, not to mention the various different types was troubling. At first he accepted most of the convenient excuses the kid had given. When he got to know Jim better he could realize when the kid was lying to him. How many other people had bought those lies? How many other people didn't bother to question any of it? How did he manage to fall through the cracks his whole life? How did not one single person realize how badly he was being abused in that home?
"Bones," Jim said tentatively.
McCoy turned and looked back at Jim. Jim was looking at him apprehensively and seemed ready to bolt. Damn it, McCoy thought. How the hell am I supposed to get him to deal with his past if I can't even deal with it?
"Get shoes on kid," McCoy ordered as he stood.
*Jim*
Shoes? Um, okay, that was unexpected. James grabbed his shoes and started putting them on. For a while Bones had an odd expression on his face. James hadn't known what to make of it. When he heard the low growl he got a little scared Bones was really pissed at him. He didn't know what he had done this time or how to fix it. Then Bones ordered him to put his shoes on? Why? What if he was pissed but didn't want to do anything about it here? What if... James froze with only one of his shoes on.
"Shoes kid. Now."
"Um. Where are we going? I mean. If you don't mind telling me. Um… I mean…"
Annnnd Bones was staring at him. James tensed and fought the urge to flee.
"Where are you right now Jimmy," Bones asked quietly.
He tried but he couldn't get the words out. James finally just dropped his head and stared at the shoe he had yet to put on.
*McCoy*
McCoy ran a hand through his hair and sat down on the couch.
"You're safe here. You know that."
Jim looked away. "But we're not staying here. We're leaving," he whispered.
McCoy closed his eyes and shook his head. Damn it!
"We're leaving to get lunch. That's it. Just lunch Jimmy."
"Lunch," Jim asked, without looking at him.
Oh yeah, if he ever found those people he was definitely going to let them know what he thought about their 'parenting skills'.
"Yes. Lunch. Just lunch. Okay?"
Jim nodded.
"Alright then. Shoes," he ordered as he stood again.
"Wait."
McCoy stopped. Turning back he waited for Jim to continue.
"Can we just... Can we just order something and eat here? I mean, if you don't mind."
McCoy sighed. "Sure kid."
"Sorry," Jim said quietly as he looked away.
McCoy sat on the couch. "Jim. Look at me please." Jim shook his head and refused to turn around. "Please?" Jim shook his head again. Okay, fine. He wasn't going to force Jim to do anything. "You don't have to be sorry for wanting to feel safe. Okay?" No response. "If I have to sit here and talk to your back the least you can do is acknowledge me."
"It just feels stupid."
"It's not stupid."
"It feels like it."
"I can't help with how it feels, but it's not stupid. Everyone wants to feel safe."
"It's stupid I can't leave here when I feel like this."
"No, it's not. Don't push yourself Jimmy. Okay?"
"You're the only one that calls me that."
McCoy smiled softly. "I know."
"If you really want to go out to lunch I can try, or I could stay here while you go," Jim offered.
"I'll order take out and we're both staying." Like hell he was leaving Jim alone right now.
Jim finally looked over at him and gave a small smile. "Thanks."
McCoy shook his head and went to order lunch.
*Spock*
Spock knocked on the door to the apartment and waited. McCoy answered the door with a book in his hand and waved him in. The doctor shut the door quietly and led him over to the couch. Spock glanced around but didn't see Jim anywhere. He sat down and waited for McCoy to speak.
"How serious is this for you," McCoy asked quietly. "And keep your voice down, Jim's sleeping."
Spock blinked at the man. "Are you referring to my interest in Jim?"
"Yeah, how serious is it for you?"
"I don't know," Spock answered truthfully.
"You better figure it out pretty quick. Jim's an ass at times but there's always a reason for everything. If you aren't interested in anything serious you need to tell him; the earlier, the better."
"Understood."
"And if I find out you did something to hurt him on purpose you're not going to like the results. Am I extremely clear?"
"Yes doctor."
"Good." McCoy leaned back against the couch and checked the clock on the wall. "Jim will probably wake up in an hour or so. Since he always wakes up hungry we're going to have to feed him or we're going to hear about how we're starving him."
Spock nodded. "Understood. Might I ask you a question?"
"That was a question Spock," McCoy replied with a smirk.
"Indeed. Another question then?"
"Yeah, go for it."
"Where is Jim sleeping?"
McCoy eyed him for a long moment. "In my bed," the doctor answered, his face unreadable.
"I was under the impression that no one else was allowed to sleep in your bed."
McCoy glanced back at the bedroom door. "Jim's… a special case."
"I see."
"No, you don't."
"Could you enlighten me then?"
"No."
"I see."
"Damn it Spock. Look, all I can say is this. There are reasons I make special allowances for him. I can't explain those reasons to you, that's not my place."
"I understand; another question then. Can I ask if any of those reasons are because," Spock paused trying to find a delicate way to ask this. "Was there ever something 'more personal' between you both?"
"More… personal?" McCoy stared at him. "Are you asking if Jim and I ever hooked up?"
"I would not have phrased it quite that way."
"Well don't phrase it any way. Never happened, never going to happen. Not ever. My relationship with Jim is not, has not been, will never be that kind of relationship. Is that clear enough?"
Spock nodded. He was about to ask another question when he heard something.
"Damn it," McCoy growled. "Stay. Here."
As McCoy opened the door to the bedroom Spock caught sight of Jim tossing in McCoy's bed before the doctor shut the door.
*McCoy*
Figures, McCoy thought to himself. Jim hadn't had a nightmare in a few days but with everything they'd discussed earlier this wasn't exactly unexpected. Hopefully Spock kept his ass out of this and didn't say anything about it. McCoy moved to the edge of the bed and watched. He waited until Jim turned and the kid's back was to him. Quickly he reached down and pinned the kid's arms to keep from being hit accidentally. Jim's arms jerked trying to break out of his grip.
"Don't!"
"It's okay Jimmy. Wake up, it's just a nightmare. Come on Jimmy, wake up."
"I didn't mean to… please…"
The begging tore at McCoy's heart. He had to get Jim to wake up.
"Hey, kid. Come on, wake up. You gotta wake up now. It's a dream. It's not real." Damn it! "Jimmy!"
Jim's eyes shot open. He flinched away as soon as he saw McCoy.
"Hey. You're okay kid. It's just a dream. You're awake now. You're not there anymore. You're here. You're safe. You're always safe here. You know that."
And nothing…
"Come on Jimmy, talk to me please."
"Bones," Jim asked skeptically.
McCoy finally let go of Jim's arms. "Yeah kid. It's me."
"Your apartment?"
"Yeah, kid. My apartment and safe. Okay?"
Jim nodded quietly.
*Spock*
Spock didn't eavesdrop on purpose; his hearing was really just that good. It was hard not to pay attention to what he was hearing. Some of it was too quiet for him to hear well, but he caught enough. It was obvious Jim was having a nightmare from the time McCoy had opened the door. It was now equally obvious the doctor was used to these nightmares. Did that mean Jim had them often? What was most disturbing was the fact that McCoy seemed to have to constantly remind Jim he was safe. What happened in the past that he hadn't been safe from? Was that part of what the doctor wouldn't talk about? It was almost twenty minutes before McCoy finally exited the bedroom.
"Give him a minute," McCoy said dropping into the recliner.
Spock nodded. "Doctor…"
"No. And don't ask."
They sat in silence for another five minutes before the bedroom door finally opened. Jim walked out closing the door behind himself and yawned. When Jim looked over and met his eyes Spock saw a smile starting to form before Jim ducked his head. Finally Jim walked over and sat down next to him.
"So what's for dinner?"
McCoy shook his head and turned to Spock. "Told you," he said before turning back to Jim. "I figured we'd order some pizza or some thing and eat here."
"No." Jim hesitated. "I want to go out, Bones" Jim said staring intently at the doctor.
Spock knew there was more going on here even if he didn't understand what it was.
*McCoy*
McCoy hesitated. Jim definitely did not want to go out. He was pushing himself, damned fool. Should he give in? "I don't know," he said cautiously. "You're sure?"
"Yes."
"Damn it. Fine."
Jim made it almost impossible to help him. Why did he even bother? Yep, that's right. You shouldn't bother. Just give up on him like everyone else. He growled at the thought and stood. "Since you're so adamant we go out I get to pick the place."
"But I know this really great restaurant you haven't been to yet. It's not far-"
"No."
"Please?" Jim batted his eyelashes at McCoy.
"No. And stop flirting at me."
"Aw, are you saying you don't care about me?"
McCoy threw his hands up. "Okay, fine. If I don't cave I'll have to deal with this all night. It's not worth it."
Jim turned to Spock. "See, I knew he cared," he said with a wink.
Spock shook his head and smiled.
*Jim*
James breathed a silent sigh of relief when McCoy agreed to go out for dinner. He couldn't spend the rest of his life hiding from memories. He had to push himself past them. When Bones said he wanted to pick the place James couldn't stop from playing with him. It wasn't that he didn't want to try the new restaurant, exactly. It was just fun to fuck with Bones sometimes.
As they got ready to leave James felt the apprehension build. This was all still fairly new. Growing up he had never had a place where he felt truly safe. When he met Bones he analyzed the doctor and came up with the best plan to explain away his medical record as he always did when he had to see a doctor. For a while, it worked. Somewhere along the way Bones began questioning his explanations until one day Bones flat out called him on his lies. The doctor had cornered him in his office and refused to let him leave. James patiently tried to explain he hadn't precisely lied because of this reason or that reason and Bones called bullshit.
James supposed that's where it all began. In the beginning it started with the doctor guessing based on the medical records. He hadn't got some it exactly right but his guesses were so close it was uncanny. James finally gave in and told the doctor about of some of the small injuries; the 'less traumatic' ones. There was still a lot he hadn't told Bones, but it had been enough for Bones to put two and two together with the medical records. Bones' concern for him became stifling.
James hadn't really experienced it before and didn't know what to do about it. He did everything he could to push Bones away, including a last ditch effort of flirting with the man. Bones just stared at him and then demanded he 'quit stalling and answer the damned question'. James smiled at the thought. Actually Bones was kind of cute when he was mad. Not his type, but still cute; Spock, on the other hand... James glanced over to the Vulcan. God, what the hell is wrong with me? You couldn't wait one fucking night? Who knows what he thinks about me now…
"Jimmy, hurry it up!"
James rolled his eyes. "Hey, don't rush me. I have to make sure I look my best," he countered.
As they were actually leaving James felt himself hesitating as he approached the door. He pushed himself to pick up the pace and actually managed to walk through the door without slowing down. So far so good, he told himself. He could do this.
*McCoy*
It was rough but Jim seemed to be doing okay, well, okay-ish. McCoy watched Jim the whole time to make sure the boy was doing alright. Strangely McCoy would sometimes catch Spock watching them both carefully as well. Yeah, well let him think what he wants. If Jim wants him to know anything he'll tell him. Until then, Spock was just going to have to be content with guessing. Jim did seem to be doing better. There was a tenseness that Jim didn't usually have but that seemed to be it. So far, so good, McCoy thought.
When they finally made it back to the apartment McCoy almost sighed in relief. Jim's shoulders loosened almost the second they walked through the door. Thank God, McCoy thought. Maybe they had made it through this worst of it this time. Jim flopped down onto the couch and propped his feet up on the coffee table. McCoy rolled his eyes.
"Feet down, Jim!"
"Sorry," Jim said instantly dropping his feet.
McCoy rolled his eyes again. In five minutes the kid would forget and put his feet back on the table. Spock sat on the couch and McCoy moved to sit in his recliner. He was the only one that usually got to sit in it. Once when Bones had come back from some date or another he found Jim sleeping in it. He had tossed a blanket over the kid and gone to bed. He lay awake waiting. Not surprisingly Jim had woken up later and joined him in the bed. If Jim was sleeping in the recliner then it had been a safe bet that he had been upset about something. For the most part they didn't discuss things like that. He was pretty sure they needed to talk about some of it but couldn't bring himself to push Jim too much.
*Spock*
Spock sat watching the doctor and Jim carefully. He had spent most of the night trying to piece things together. There were precious few clues to go on. McCoy was oddly protective of Jim. Something happened to Jim that caused nightmares. McCoy knew something about it if not everything. No one talked about it. Would they if I wasn't here, Spock wondered. Probably not. Neither struck him as the 'sharing' type. And there was the odd reaction when Spock had mentioned him staying with family instead of with McCoy. How did that fit into everything?
"You do not talk about your family," Spock observed.
Jim's face blanked for a moment and McCoy glared at Spock. Interesting reactions.
Jim shrugged. "There's not much to say," Jim told him. "They died. I was raised in a foster family. I left just before I turned seventeen and haven't seen them since." Jim shrugged again.
"Is it not customary to stay until you are eighteen?"
"Spock," McCoy said in an odd tone.
"It's okay Bones," Jim replied. "I've been asked about them before. It's nothing new."
McCoy cast a look at Jim that Spock couldn't read. Jim didn't seem to notice. There was something there, but should he push? It was logical but it didn't seem wise.
"I've always had a problem with staying in one place," Jim continued.
McCoy grunted at the remark.
Spock decided to change tactics.
"I've thought a lot about this relationship."
"Yeah," Jim asked carefully.
"I think I would be okay with it if this were to turn into something more permanent later," Spock said carefully. He didn't want to push Jim too fast but he wanted to let Jim know he wasn't opposed to a more 'solid' relationship. McCoy was eyeing him suspiciously but didn't say anything.
"Permanent…"
"Later, if you feel the same then. I was just stating that I would not be opposed to the idea." Not opposed was putting it mildly, Spock thought.
Jim paused before he responded. "We'll see," he finally said.
*McCoy*
McCoy watched Spock carefully. If Spock ever hurt Jim on purpose… McCoy had a lot of 'displeasure' to take out on people that hurt Jim and no one to confront. On one hand this could be very good for Jim. On the other hand this could be very bad for both Jim and Spock. Jim wasn't good with serious relationships and there was a lot Spock didn't know. The problem was, Bones couldn't tell Spock and Jim wouldn't. That left them all between a rock and a hard place.
Opening the bedroom door McCoy noted the blanket half on and half off the couch. Jim never used a pillow so the lack of one wasn't surprising. What would have been surprising would have been if Jim had actually put the blanket away without being reminded. McCoy glanced at the kitchen table and spotted the note. He ignored it for the time being and went to fold the blanket. Jim was actually pretty good about leaving notes if he was going to be gone for a while.
They were never really informative but it was the thought, right? After putting the blanket away he sat down at the kitchen table and skimmed the note. 'Gone to do stuff. Be back later. Maybe not tonight. See you soon.' McCoy rolled his eyes. As predicted, not really informative. He set the note aside and debated what to do today.
*Later that evening w/ Jim*
"Step off if you know what's good for your health."
"I've never worried about that before."
James shugged and downed his drink.
"There's four of us and one of you."
James rolled his eyes. "So go get more, I'll wait. Tell you what, I'm gonna go to the bathroom. When I get back you get the first shot." James raised an eyebrow at the man before turning and making his way to the head. God, he couldn't do this again. The violence would be good. At least he could hit them back. However it wasn't these idiots he was angry with. 'It's yourself that deser...' STOP! Not going there. This was getting to be too much of a pattern. Sighing, James pulled out his comm. and contacted McCoy.
*McCoy*
"Bones?"
Jim? McCoy narrowed his eyes. He grabbed the communicator and answered.
"Yeah?"
"Hey, I think I need a ride home."
"What did you do now?"
"What makes you think I did anything?"
"Damn it. Where are you?"
*Spock*
Spock turned to the communicator and raised an eyebrow. He kept it with him only because of protocol. He didn't anticipate as much use as it seemed to be getting.
"Spock here."
"I need you grab Jim. I'll be there soon, but you're closer."
*Jim*
"You should have left when you had the chance."
James rolled his eyes and ignored the man.
"Hey!" The man shoved him again.
James' drink sloshed over the side of the glass. He drew back a fist and someone grabbed his arm. James turned to attack the new threat and stopped dead. Spock?
"Excuse my abrupt appearence. Dr. McCoy implied you might be able to use a ride."
Bones called Spock, Kirk thought blearily. Great. Just great...
*Spock*
"Hey!"
The man grabbed Spock and turned him around.
"Please discontinue this," Spock stated as he yanked his arm out of the man's grasp. Spock turned back to Jim and the man grabbed Spock's arm once again.
"Listen here you pointy-eared bastard!"
"Excuse me, my parents where married," Spock told the man with a curt nod of his head. He jerked his arm free once more.
"We really need to be leaving," he told Jim.
"I'm not ready to leave!" Jim declared belligerantly.
"We are leaving," Spock stated as he gently took Jims elbow in hand.
"Neither of you are going anywhere but maybe the hospital," the drunk proclaimed.
Spock stopped and took a deep breath. Humans were illogical. He had to get Jim out of here.
"Jim-"
"Hey, dipshit!"
Spock took another breath and continued trying to ignore the man. "We really need to be going, now."
"Fucking faggots! Fight like men," the drunk cried. Reaching over Spock's shoulder he punched Jim. That was all it took.
*Jim*
Owww. James turned back to take out the threat and Spock already had the man on the ground. James stood stunned watching as Spock methodically beat the drunk. Jesus, Spock was going to kill the guy if he wasn't careful. He had to stop this. He reached forward to try to pry them apart when security showed and roughly shoved him backward. James stumbled trying to keep his footing.
"Jim!" A voice called from the door.
James twisted his head back at the sound of his name. Bones?
"I didn't do it this time," he yelled across the room to the doctor.
"Spock," Bones exclaimed.
*McCoy*
McCoy started toward the struggling combatants when a frustrated security officer just stunned the whole group. James, having just been shoved away, missed being stunned with the rest of the group. McCoy shoved his way through the crowd. "Move!"
Security stopped him from getting any closer. "Stop. Sorry we can't let you through."
"The hell you won't. I'm his doctor," Bones told the man as he shoved his way past.
"Doctor?"
McCoy ignored the man's confusion and dropped down check on Spock.
"I didn't do it this time," Jim reaffirmed
"Shut it," McCoy told him. God he couldn't do this anymore.
"I want to see your security videos," he told the man.
"Now!"
"All I did was-"
"Stop Jim." McCoy turned back to the security personnel. "Surveilence vids. Now."
.
The doctor winced as he watched Spock turn and start beating the man that had just hit Jim. As he continued watching the video something nagged at the edge of his consciousness. The the single minded violence, the ferocity... No, Bones thought. It was almost like Spock thought of Jim as his mate. He can't, Bones thought. They just started... whatever the hell their relationship was. There's no way he thinks that yet.
Jim gave McCoy a self-satisfied smirk. "Told you I didn't start it."
McCoy rolled his eyes before he shook his head. This was definitely not good.
"I should check him over," Bones told the security personel as he nodded to the man Spock had beaten. The least he could do was make sure the man didn't have life-threatening injuries.
*Spock*
His eyes popped open. Where the am I, Spock thought... McCoy's apartment, he suddenly realized and groaned. He could still feel the after effects of having been stunned by the bar's security. The doctor was presumably in his bedroom. Jim was sleeping on the couch. Spock's eyes focused on Jim. No, he told hiself. I do not think of him as my mate. I can't. He had to leave. There was too much to think about before he talked to Jim again. Quietly he made his way to the door and gave Jim one last look before finally leaving.
*McCoy*
McCoy opened his eyes. His first thought was a nightmare; that was usually what woke him up. He checked the living room. Jim was still sleeping fairly soundly and Spock was... missing. If Spock wasn't back by the time Jim woke up... McCoy rubbed his face and headed back to his bedroom.
*Spock*
"I said get back here. Now."
"I am preoccupied at the moment doctor. I will return as soon as I have time."
"Damn it Spock, if you're not here when Jim wakes up-"
"I will talk to you soon. Goodbye doctor."
Spock cut the conversation short. He still hadn't figured out what to do about everything. He still didn't believe he could think of Jim as his mate; not so quickly. These things took longer to happen. Didn't they? He needed to find someone he could ask about these things. Preferably someone not his father.
