A/N: To anyone that is reading 'Where Duty Lies,' I will continue that soon and I'm very sorry for not updating it in ages; I've just been really busy:/
Anyway, am I the only person who watched the thingy-bob for the next episode and just went 'NOOOO!' I DON'T WANT TO MORDRED TO BETRAY CAMELOT! MERLIN, IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!' No? Okay then, just me...
I actually ship Merdred so much!
I also really don't want Merlin to end :c Ive been really sad about that :(
Anyway, back to the actual fanfiction c:
Disclaimer: As much as I wish I did, I do not own Merlin or any of it's characters.
Sorry for my awful writing and please forgive me if I make spelling and grammar mistakes. Feel free to critique/criticise anything; I really don't mind.
Enjoy c:
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"This time you've gone to far! You'll pay, Merlin!" Mordred shouted angrily, grabbing Merlin by the scruff of his shirt and pushing him up against a nearby wall. "You don't know how much I care about her! I can't watch her die!"
Merlin shifted uncomfortably, refusing to meet Mordred's gaze as the young druid shouted at him. He wanted to use his magic against him, or shout some retort claiming it was for the best, but he couldn't force himself to do it. Even though he felt angry himself, he couldn't help but feel horrible for what he'd done. More than anything though, Merlin felt a gaping hole tearing in his heart, getting bigger and bigger with every passing moment. He knew the cause, but he also knew there was nothing he could do to mend it, especially now.
"Look me in the eyes, Merlin." Mordred hissed, spitting out the warlock's name like it was poisonous. Tears threatened to spill out from his eyes as he became angrier and more distressed.
"No." Merlin whispered, his voice hoarse and dry. He felt like a snake was wrapped around his throat and tightening it's grip with every word he spoke. The pain in his chest was worse than when he'd been stabbed or shot, yet he didn't have any visible wounds.
"You don't even know how much I hate you right now." Mordred spat, loosening his grip on Merlin so he dropped to the floor. The young warlock winced, but not because he'd hit the ground; Mordred's words had hurt him more. "I trusted you and you betrayed me. I thought we were alike. I thought we could be friends. Clearly I was wrong."
And with that, Mordred quickly walked away, leaving a broken Merlin trying to collect himself on the floor. He wanted to burst into tears and die on the floor, but he still had duties. The young warlock had duties to the King and to Camelot. He had duties to himself. And for those reasons, he rose to his feet and hurried eagerly to do his chores. For once he was glad he was so busy; it would help distract him from the excruciating pain he could feel. It would help him forget about everything that had just happened and how he'd once again betrayed one of his kind.
/
Mordred ran his hands through his hair as he paced his room, trying to think of a plan that might work. He still remembered how he'd escaped Camelot as a boy, but that choice of route would be too obvious. Merlin would expect it and stop him in the act. The manservant knew the kingdom much better than he did, which meant he'd know the ones that the knights had to use. That meant he'd know all the ones Mordred knew and he'd probably look there first. Mordred had to think of a plan that could not be foiled. He had to find some way to distract Merlin.
"Mordred." Guinevere's voice said from the opposite side of the door, distracting him from his thoughts. The young knight quickly got rid of his frown and opened the door gently.
"Yes, my lady."
"How are you? You seemed to act horrified when that young girl was arrested." Guinevere said softly, her expression filled with genuine care.
"Fine, my lady. She just reminded me of someone I once knew, nothing more." Mordred replied slowly, trying not to add any emotions to his words, but still sound respectful.
Guinevere nodded her head, said goodbye and walked gracefully down the hall. Mordred slowly closed the door, leaning against it until it clicked, and then sunk to the floor behind it. His expression changed back to a frustrated frown and several tears flooded his eyes once more. A lone tear slid down his cheek as he thought of how she would be feeling. Mordred sighed, unsure of what to do, but knowing he would have to do it tonight before it was too late.
/
Merlin slumped down on the floor beside Arthur's bed, exhausted from all his work. He knew he wouldn't be able to rest for long, but that was better than no rest at all. The only problem with resting was that Merlin had nothing to distract him from all the thoughts swimming inside his head. He knew the thoughts were dangerous because they would lead to him breaking, and it wouldn't be practical for him to be seen crying before the King.
The door creaked and Merlin clumsily clambered to his feet. His balance didn't hold and, as Arthur strode in through the door, Merlin greeted the floor like an old friend. Arthur smirked as he saw the familiar sight of his useless manservant hugging the floor.
"Do you like it down there, Merlin?" The King smiled.
"Yes." Merlin said simply, trying not to seem like too much of a fool.
"Then you can spend more time down there and scrub the floors." Arthur grinned, crossing the room to look out of his window. His smile vanished as he watched the guards training, feeling troubled by the lack of spirit his youngest knight had. He watched them for a few more minutes before he turned to Merlin, who was swiftly scrubbing the floor.
"Do you think Mordred has been acting different lately?" Arthur said solemnly. "Like something has been troubling him. Whenever I see him, he seems angry or like all his hope and happiness has been drained from him."
Merlin swallowed, trying to rid himself of the dry lump choking him. "Maybe you are overworking him." He tried to say jokingly, but his voice sounded strained. His voice had surprised himself and it was definitely no surprise that when he glanced up, Arthur was frowning at him.
"Merlin." The King said slowly, trying to figure out if he'd missed something. "Why are you talking like that?"
"When overworked, your voice sometimes becomes strained. Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot that prats like you are never overworked so you wouldn't know that." Merlin tried to joke, but his voice was thick with tears. His thoughts were started to invade his head and overwhelm him. He didn't want to cry in front of the King, but he knew that soon, he wouldnt have a choice.
Arthur stared at Merlin as he turned his back to the King and lowered his head, concentrating on the floor. His manservant scrubbed the floor pathetically, obviously not thinking about his job. That meant something else was bothering him, and it clearly had something to do with Mordred, otherwise he wouldnt have flinched at the young knight's name.
"Merlin, what happened?" Arthur asked, walking around to the front of his manservant. He could see tears dripping onto the floor as he lowered himself. "Merlin, you are my friend. You can trust me."
Merlin nodded, lifting his head from the ground, but refusing to meet the King's gaze. He could feel tears rapidly pouring down his cheeks like a waterfall and he instantly felt his cheeks heat up. "I'm sorry," He whispered, feeling like it was compulsory to apologise for crying, especially as he was crying before the King.
"You don't need to apologise, Merlin." Arthur said, gently resting his hand on his manservant's shoulder. "Just tell me what's bothering you."
"I betrayed him." Merlin croaked, his voice barely audible above the sound of his soft whimpering. "He asked me to do something and I betrayed him. But it was for the best, even though it doesn't feel like it. It feels like I'm being torn apart. Like I'll never be happy again."
"What do you mean?" Arthur asked patiently, trying to make sense of Merlin's words.
"I never wanted to trust him, not after what I was shown, but some things aren't predicted. You don't know what's going to happen in the future, even if you've had a chance to see it. People never know who they will fall in love with like when you fell in love with Gwen or when I fell in love with a 'monster.' Freya was not a monster to me though, but she got killed for being thought of as one. Betraying him probably hurts me more than it hurts him, because it helped me discover things I didn't want to know."
"Talk sense, Merlin."
"I betrayed Mordred by giving up the position of his love. I discovered that he hates me more than anyone ever could, and that hurts more than you could ever know."
"You betrayed Mordred?" Arthur gasped, his eyes widening. "Why would you betray Mordred?"
"It was for the best, but that's not what it feels like. It feels like I'm dying. It feels like the world around me is burning and like I cannot breathe. Like someone has taken everything good in my life and has destroyed it."
"Why?" Arthur whispered, still trying to make sense of everything and not knowing what else to say.
"I figured it out. I know why it hurts so much but I can't say it. If I say it, then I'll know it's real."
"Merlin..."
"I love Mordred." Merlin whispered, closing his eyes and letting the tears flow.
/
So, what do you think? :)
