Hello, I'm ProngsKJ, and this is my first Fanfiction in english. The traslate is the work of my friends, Peludo.

If you wanna read the original one in spanish, please take a round in my profile

I hope that everybody enjoy it ^^! With love...Me


SILENCE

Noise, I hated the noise, screams, howls, I hated the singing of the birds above everything else. Did they have to be so loud? My ears were being drilled with those notes that for most were harmonious, but for me they were torture. I couldn't handle the sounds that my heart made when pumping blood nor others. Many times, I just wanted to rip it out to have a minimum of peace and, in that way, bury it feet and feet under the wet and decayed ground and so it wouldn't have the strength to bother me again.

I feel my brain and my soul scream inside me very loudly, hurting myself and pushing it down in an endless storm of incomprehensible emotions to me, where the noise… the irritating noise was there to remind why I hated to hear, because I hated that implant that they put on me even though I didn't want it, life was better when everything was quieter.

I hated my parent's yells when they argued late at night, due to the lack of money and all kinds of shit they kept putting in their bodies, I hated the crying of my younger brother when he argued with his partner or when I heard my parents hitting each other due to the lack of alcohol and drugs they consume. I hated to listen to my neighbor's shrieking who was constantly being hit by his family, who only begged for falling unconscious, silent, and closing his eyes just not to wake up anymore...

But I liked his silence, his green glance on mine, silent, discreet and frightened. I loved that noise deprived look, because everything about him was beautiful when he was in silence, when his red lips of too much biting themselves were tightly sealed so words could not escape… Once, I sent him a letter, I left it in his locker in high school. I knew that my English neighbor loved literature. It was something very common of the English, wasn't it? I wrote him some verses of Pablo Neruda, a former Chilean poet:

"I like you when you are quiet, because it is as though you are absent

And you hear me from far away, and my voice does not touch you.

It looks as though your eyes had flown away

And it looks as if a kiss had sealed your mouth."

I remember him blushing as he read it and his eyes looking for the one who had written those verses, going over me without finding me… my voice hadn't reached him, I disliked my own voice and that's why it had not reached him.

It doesn't matter, he would notice me eventually; I always saw him, always observing, even when I screamed and disliked it, there I was. I loved it when he was at the library. There weren't any awkward noises, so it was perfect to be with him.

In another occasion, I left a different poem on the desk he was at. It was "Silence" by Octavio Paz, I think when he read it, he suspected it was me, because he looked around with his eyes and found me sitting away from him, covering my ears with my hands in a vain attempt to fade all the voices inside me. They made me dizzy. They annoyed me as much as the singing of the birds. If it wasn't for that damn implant, I would still be deaf as before and life would be normal, without that fear of bangs that burst around me annoying me, terrifying me… I hated them.

That day, when classes were over, he came to me and talked, I disliked it, I didn't want him to talk to me, I want him in silence. He told me to go home together. He lived across the street from me. I accepted and asked for an erratic silence that lasted until a block before our street where he burst into tears.

I felt I was collapsing in those moments; my entire body trembled before Arthur Kirkland's worry. And it wasn't as if I didn't know he was suffering, because I did, but it was annoying to hear him. If he had a mute option, like the TV in my room, everything would have been perfect.

He cried and cried about his family and siblings; he cried and cried about his damn boyfriend, that disgusting man of French accent that, to my luck, sang with the High School chorus as the lead soloist. I hated him even more when he opened his mouth and captivated Arthur! How did he feel attracted to Bonnefoy's voice and couldn't understand my silence? I tried to be empathic, I tried to understand his discomfort and distress. I tried to talk, even though the words that came out of my mouth were kind of deep and bound together, since my vocal cords lacked enough practice.

He understood, he thanked me and then stayed quiet giving me the best gift someone could get, his silence. He went to his house, where the yells of his siblings welcomed him like usual, and I went to mine. My father was drunk on the floor (that was his daily task since he lost his job) and my mom… Only the devil knew where she was! But, to be honest, I couldn't care less, one less scream to hear through these ears that I wanted to massacre…

The voices in my brain tell me to do it, to end with the noise and silence everyone so we can all live in mutism that until my Fifteen I was submerged in. Interesting how in only 3 years my life had gone to hell! If only I had known that sound was like this…

Matthew passed by me, he didn't even bother to talk to me, that's good, he just went passed me and locked himself in the room. I clenched my fists tightly as a reflex for facing the discomfort of that. I went to my own personal space full of insulating so no sound wave could enter. You know? I have a moon painted above me in the ceiling. Why? There was no sound there, just eternal silence. Isn't it beautiful? The voices would not follow me there nor the singing of the birds, not even Arthur's crying or my family's yelling. Not even the beat of my heart, since everything would be in total silence.

How was my life before the implant? Silent. For a deaf that is the only possible definition, everything was silent and when I saw that they talked about music, I always wondered what it was like to hear. Major mistake.

The first thing I heard was water falling, it was a waterfall-like sound that was playing in a test recording for me and I also heard what they called "tears of joy" coming from my, still not broken, family. But they only scared me, it was way too different to my 15 year old quiet self, and I didn't like it. But that was not the worst, which came when we got out of the consultation and went to the populated Fifth Avenue and the noise… I remember that I screamed before passing out, it was overwhelming.

It wasn't long until the voices came back to me, a boy from the suburbs, ex deaf that heard things in his head it was not important to the world… and that's why the world took revenge against me, making me believe firmly that the beginning of this frightening reality started the day that my parents signed the document authorizing my auditory implant surgery. I can't anymore.

That's how my days go by…

Today I wrote to Arthur once more, but this time I left a message with his P.E. stuff, I know he likes the poems I write to him because he keeps all of them. I know he likes me silent like I am and that's why I quoted Erasmus of Rotterdam "True friendship comes when the silence between two people is comfortable". I think he blushed, does that mean he loves me more than that singer? Silence swallows everything, including the most "beautiful and tuned" voice that can exist. Arthur came close to me and asked me to come along again. Once more, I agreed only if he kept quiet, to what he agreed, but this time he just nodded and, to my surprise, moved his hands making the sign for "yes". I felt special.

When we left school, Arthur wrote in a notebook he was carrying that he was learning sign language, because he was a volunteer at a care center for handicapped people and he wanted to know if I could help him, I smiled gladly. He was coming into my world of silence… just for me. Yes! He was doing it for me! I never saw Arthur with that kind of compassionate attitude of uninterested altruism. He was too gloomy, but sweet; however, he was more closed to the world… maybe… he didn't like sounds either and that's why he wanted to come into my world and be with me…

When we got to the corner by my house, we agreed to go the next morning to the library and study the signs. It will be our first date, even though the voices say the opposite. I hate them with my soul… I hate them, I hate that they talk… they have adopted Arthur's voice, which infuriates me, since I prefer him silent.

TODAY EVERYTHING WENT PERFECTLY! ARTHUR LOVES ME!

We were together all day, we stayed together the whole time, and we always stayed in silence, well, almost always, because sometimes Arthur would try to go out of our world to enter that disgusting and annoying universe that he belonged to from his birth. The voices suggested me, in those moments, to stab his ears with my pencils that I had on the table to break his eardrums and cut his throat with the scissors so he could not talk… he would be like me, deaf and mute, even though I'm just deaf and nearly blind, but it doesn't matter, it doesn't… nothing matters anymore.

But how did I prove his love? His boyfriend Francis showed up, he wanted to take him away, he talked very loudly and I started to panic. But Arthur sent him away, though he yelled and I had to cover my ears so I couldn't listen to his deeper voice, but he preferred to stay by my side instead of his. For this, I think I have to repay him in some way, I have to do something so Arthur is happy and stays with me forever. I know! He doesn't like Francis' voice either or else he wouldn't have yelled at him in that way. I think the best thing to do would be to silence Francis forever.

The voices tell me what to do and how to do it. I had to buy bleach and fill that Frenchy's bottle with that chemical when he wasn't looking… it was nice to hear his screams, the only noise that I have liked, because it immediately went off when they took him to the hospital with his now scalded vocal cords, to the edge of death… No! They saved him! Dammit, I wanted him dead, but he will not be able to be a singing bird anymore, he will never be able to bother Arthur and me with his voice, because even though he's in our world, he's far away from mine… he longs to speak, I long for him to be quiet.

The voices told me that not everything went as planned. Arthur ran towards Francis and stayed by his side. Why?! He didn't understand my English guy! He didn't see the silence in his words! But Arthur ran to him, took care of him and started to teach him what I zealously transmitted to him. Why was he doing this to me? I don't understand. Our world of silence… and he ruins it by bringing noises. Does he not love me anymore? NO! He loves me! I know it, I feel it in every green glance he gives at me when I show him the signs; I feel it in every word-less moment around us. The voices themselves tell me that he loves me, he desires me, because I am the mutism he needs, the perfect silence, nothingness itself and he wants to be devoured by me , he wants to belong to me. He only feels pity for that French guy. He will get over it once he realizes he's not like us, because he's a singing bird and never will be able to be mute and deaf, which will never allow him to understand us the way we do it.

Arthur wants to help Francis and wants me to teach him, I denied… and he left disappointed, but not as much as I am. What did I do for everything to go so wrong? The voices tell me that I was too gentle, that I should have killed Francis, because now he's the third wheel in a world of two, and I don't like that.

I think they were right, I think it was for the better. Yes, when I cut Bonnefoy's throat in the lockers, the voices applauded me, even though I don't like the sound of hands clapping. I saw him bleeding slowly and I hid the knife. I had to throw it to some place far away where no one could find it. Then, I had to run to the principal's office and pretend to be scared and noisy… I hated the noise so much, but I had to use it.

The ambulance and police sirens soon arrived, no one knew who could have attacked Bonnefoy, no one suspected of me, because no one ever suspects of the silence, it only keeps secrets and this one was my own. My secret was getting rid of that singing bird so he could get out of the small world that I shared with my favorite English of bushy eyebrows (the only English with bushy eyebrows that I know, rather).

No! I-I don't understand! Why is he crying?! He knows I don't like to hear him and he's crying a river, like if it was the end of everything. He run to me sobbing and hugged me while his tears were falling down his face. I wish I could muffle those sounds so my ears wouldn't catch them.

Arthur was lamenting, he wondered how someone could be so cruel. I asked myself how he can be so cruel to me. Does he not see that I do this for the both of us? So we can be always together? In our silent and small world?

This time I offered him to walk along with him and he accepted. He kept quiet, but when we were one block away from his place, it was me who broke the silence.

"No… I don't like… when… you cry" I said with difficulty. Arthur stood still next to me, since it was weird to him for me to talk, actually, even the voices inside my head were surprised of me opening my mouth for other than eating some crap that I found on the fridge or in the trash. My parents were not too good to us lately. "I don't… like… to h-hear you… crying". He was startled, he surely misunderstood. He probably thought that I was referring to his feelings, when I just wanted to muffle the sound that was coming out of his throat so he could be as silent as me. "The s-silence… is the loud-dest n-noise…, maybe… the l-loudest o-f them all"

"Miles Davis", he whispered to recognizing the quote. "You were the one who sent me those poems, weren't you?"

I made the "yes" sign with my tense hands, I didn't want him to talk, it was annoying and I hated when he did that. I preferred him silent like me in our mute world.

He made the sign for "why" when he realized I wouldn't use my voice anymore to talk to him. I simply replied "I love your silence and hate your words, the mute sound of your throat is better than the noise you make when you speak, cry or yell". Arthur opened his emerald eyes and took a few steps backwards. Did he realize that everything I did was for him and none other than him? To have his beautiful and desired silence just for me, away from that dead singing bird that was drowned in his own blood?

"You…?" he said, to my discontent, "you killed Francis?" He was direct, he guessed it, or maybe deduced it? The voices in my head laughed loudly when seeing those tears of fear of whom I loved, those beautiful green eyes looking glassy from the silence of my actions.

"Yes", I replied sharply and Arthur started to cry, pulling his hair, screaming and whining. I DIDN'T LIKE HIS NOISE! HE DOESN'T GET ME ANYMORE!

The voices, screaming, told me to shut him up and I did. I jumped on him and held his legs between mine. I held his throat with my hands, praying so he could stop screaming and stop bothering, stop screaming and stop bothering, stop screaming… He is silent… no more sound is coming from his throat; his lips started to lose their color and his body lost the warmth that marked him as someone who's alive. Isn't it beautiful like that? When he's in silence? A new voice appeared in my head, it had the same annoying voice of Arthur and told me that I finally had what I wanted since the moment I heard Arthur, his perpetual silence. Beautiful, isn't it?

Months went by before the police caught me and I just covered my ears, everyone was yelling and a man who was talking to me told me that I could use my insanity to my favor. Insanity? I wasn't crazy. To love silence and Arthur's mutism make me crazy? They are insane for loving the noise.

During the whole trial, that disgusting buzz was present in my ears. When they asked me if I was innocent or guilty, I didn't reply, I didn't have a reason to do it, let alone the mood to do it, I just wanted them to shut up; I wanted everyone in the court room to be silent. Why didn't they get that?

Short after, I was sent to a big white house. Everyone was screaming all the time, but my room was silent and quiet, although the fact that I had to listen to my heartbeat with my own ears was annoying me. I wanted it to stop, it bothers me. I want to muffle all the noises once and for all.

Today all the sounds are no more, there are no more screams, everything is silent again.

I am in a desert, like the moon with no light, no movement, and no sound. Arthur is sitting there on a rock, he makes signs: "Hello, I was waiting for you, I finally understand the silence".

Death brought us the silence that life insisted on denying us.