Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

A/N: This idea just came to me one day, so I'm going to try put it into words. It is rated M for mature themes. Reviews are very much appreciated.


Death is peaceful—easy. Life is harder.
- Twilight

Isabella Swan

This isn't happening.

This isn't happening.

I am not sitting here at my big sister's funeral.

I am not holding her daughter's head to my chest while she sits on my lap quietly.

I am not looking across the room at Emmett hunched over in my father's usual sofa chair.

I am not here.

This isn't happening.

But. . .

It is.

Kate is gone, Lillie is in my care, and Emmett is broken.

I am broken.

Mom is broken.

Dad is broken.

We're all broken.

I looked up and saw Jasper approaching, offering the saddest small smile to try and comfort me. I hung my head again, pressing my lips to Lillie's soft blonde hair. I closed my eyes as the smell of Kate filled my senses. Lavender and something sweet like candy.

Not Kate. Lillie. Emmett and Kate's three year old daughter. The spitting image of both her parents. There was so much of Kate in the little girl. But enough of him to be able to tell she was Emmett's too.

Jasper wrapped an arm around my shoulders, his other hand coming onto Lillie's back to comfort her with his gentle touch. I leaned into him slightly and fought not to cry as my head settled on his shoulder.

Lillie was so scared and confused. She'd been put into my arms the minute I arrived two days ago and all she asked for was her mommy. I didn't know how to answer her. She'd finally stopped asking after the service this morning and only once asked for her daddy.

But Emmett ignored everyone, most of all Lillie.

So I kept her with me and she clung to me the entire time.

"How's she doing?" Jasper asked quietly.

"I don't know how to explain to her. I don't know if it's my place." I told him, moving my head back off his shoulder to look at him.

Lillie wasn't listening to me, sort of in her own world as she played with the bangle around my wrist.

Jasper sighed lightly before leaning over and kissing my temple. I closed my eyes and felt him squeeze me closer to him for a second.

"Lillie, darling, you want to go outside with uncle Jazz and auntie Bella for a bit? I'll push you on the swing," Jasper offered.

She turned to him and pouted, not answering.

Jasper and I stood without her answer. He was better at this than me, he'd know what to do. I held her on my hip and Jasper kept his hand on my shoulder as we exited my father's home, full of people dressed in black. Most of whom I didn't know or just couldn't care to remember.

The sun was out for a change. It had been raining since I arrived, which didn't surprise me in the least. It was an odd occurrence when there was sunshine like this. I suddenly felt a little angry, feeling it was the wrong time for it.

We walked around back silently, coming to the little play set Dad had set up out here for Lillie. Emmett and Kate lived a block down and I knew Dad was their regular babysitter from having heard Kate say it a couple of times when we caught up on the phone or through email.

God, I missed her. My chest ached and I wanted to scream, trying my hardest not to let any of my desperate cries out. I didn't need to scare Lillie anymore than she was already.

I placed Lillie on the swing carefully, watching Jasper kneel before her as I stood beside him. He brushed her hair from her face, kissing her forehead. Jasper was always the most comforting one. He helped me so much when. . .

I couldn't even think about that right now, knowing Edward was just inside the house. With one of the most beautiful women I'd ever seen, no less.

"Listen to me, darling, don't be too sad okay? Your mama loves you so much, even if she's not here to tell you that, you still know that. In here." He placed his large hand over her chest and she looked down at it. "You can always feel her in here. You can always talk to her in your head, and even though she won't answer, she'll still be listening. And maybe if you listen extra hard, you'll feel what she's saying. Feel that you are her everything."

Tears flowed down my cheeks as I watched the two of them.

"Right, auntie Bella?"

I kneeled down beside him and nodded, grateful he'd said those things because I didn't know how to say them to her.

"Yes. He's right, sweetie, she'll always be here, just differently. I'm sorry it's confusing right now, but. . ."

Her big blue eyes filled with tears and her bottom lip trembled as she began crying, reaching her arms out to me. I guess my crying didn't help, but I couldn't hold it back anymore.

I took her into my arms, standing back up and holding onto her as we both cried. Jasper wrapped his arms around the two of us and began hushing us.

I didn't want to go through this. I didn't know how.