So. I found this a week or so ago. It's a fic (with foreword and everything) that I started almost a year ago, before my muse lost interest in Faking It. It's really only about half of what it was planned to be (like, I got exactly 50% through it), but even if it's not the ending I wanted, it's still not the worst ending ever.

I figured that unfinished one-shot though it is, I might as well put it up.

Just a second reminder, this was planned and written after episode six, without any knowledge of the rest of Season 1 and before we even knew there would be a season 2. It hasn't been edited since it was first written either, so it's pretty much all AU at this point.


Foreword:

So... I've had this idea floating in my head for a while now, and after episode 6 and reading more fanfiction than I'm proud of (for the love of god, people, basic high-school level grammar isn't that hard*) enough of it finally came together for me to write something.

(*High School students in grade 10 [or equivalent] or under get off scot-free from that)

I suppose this is what a plot bunny is, then? When a cute little idea just hops on into your head, running around in circles, making a mess of things and generally ruining your garden until you finally get up off your ass to load up the shotgun and blow its brains out?

(Don't look at me like that, I'm Australian, although at times it's more obvious than others. Hair-Raising Hare on TV Tropes, Real Life section. Look it up.)

This is inspired by fanfiction more than anything else; all the little bits and pieces that caught my attention in other people's work—a plot point here, a turn of phrase there—and somehow molded themselves into this right here, although I will admit a review on Moments may have gotten the ball rolling in the back of my head.

As for Karma angsting out, there are two sides to every story and her problem is that she cares about what other people think of her more than what she thinks of herself; an unfortunately common problem. She even hung a great big lampshade on it in the very first episode ("I'm not as strong as you Amy. I care way too much about what people down there think"). She wants people to like her, to love her, to think well of her and when they don't she relies on Amy's unconditional love and support to keep her going. Attention whores usually want all that attention for a reason, and while a lot of those reasons are petty and shallow, there can be surprisingly deep and logical explanations behind the urge, at least at first. The worst possible thing to a person who wants/needs attention is to be ignored by everyone, because they associate being the center of (someone's) attention as being worth that attention, of being liked and loved, while a lack of that attention is perceived as the opposite; that they're worthless, unloved and uncared for.

Amy, on the other hand, has suddenly been thrust into a strange new world she doesn't quite understand where not only can her best friend not help her—indeed, actually makes everything worse—but her choice of replacement (Shane) isn't exactly the best of influences when he gets his way. Oh he's a great character who may have his friends' best interests at heart, but he's also an unrepentant playboy who checks every box for being a textbook Alpha Bitch (except, of course, that he's male, but playing with tropes is pretty much what this show is all about, isn't it) who has already proven adept at talking Amy into things she doesn't particularly want to do.

Finally, something to remember, not just in relation to this fanfic, but to other stories and the series itself: platonic love may be platonic, but it is still love, with everything that goes along with that.

Enjoy.


Summary:

An AU one-shot set three months after Shane's outing of Amy and Karma, where Amy didn't bomb out or back out the first time she went to the Twain.

Reflections from Karma's point-of-view on how much difference a few months can make.

One-shot

[Post Episode 6]


Amy had changed.

It wasn't sudden or obvious or extreme, but then she had been Karma's best-friend-forever for almost fourteen years now. So it was sudden and obvious and extreme to her.

There was no one thing that she could point to to demonstrate; it was a host of small, subtle things that collectively weren't so small or subtle. The way she talked, the way she moved, the way she interacted with people; she had a degree of confidence that Karma had never seen her show so often or for so long. Oh, Amy had a back bone, she knew that, and hell hath no fury like a pissed off Raudenfeld with a head to tear off. But Amy was an introvert, always had been, and her confidence usually came in short bursts of action in between long periods of trying to fade into the background.

Now there was an easy confidence about her, an assurance that she knew exactly who and what she was and was proud of it. She didn't shy away from conversations with strangers, she was willing to involve herself in groups more and she socialised. The Amy that Karma had known for over a decade didn't willingly socialise with anyone—except her, of course.

Although there hadn't been an awful lot of that lately...

Her clothes were another thing. Once upon a time Amy hadn't really cared what she was wearing; she threw on some kind of shirt, some kind of jacket, and some kind of pants or tights and walked out of the house, no matter what her mother's disapproving voice might have said about it.

Now there was deliberate effort put into how she looked. She wasn't wearing different clothes or changing her style, but she was wearing outfits that went together, as opposed to a random collection of clothing. Without wanting to stereotype, it seemed like she'd been dressing more... not butch, exactly—tomboy would be closer—but definitely differently than she had been before. The flannel was showing up every other day and her few skirts seemed to have vanished completely, just as boots, jeans and jackets became the norm. It had been more noticeable lately too, almost as if the blonde was showing off, dressing up without changing the clothes themselves and people had been taking notice. Even though they hadn't known her name a few months ago, most of the guys at the school now agreed she was one of the hotter girls to grace Hester's halls and more than a few had said, in one form or another, "it's a fucking shame she's gay." (That was a direct quote from the soccer captain, overheard in the cafeteria.)

It was more than just clothes and confidence, though. Amy was more expressive as well, she didn't hide her thoughts or feelings as much as she used to. She was still far from an open book, but smiles, jokes and emotional displays were no longer reserved solely for Karma's company. She had been coming out of her shell more and more every day, and by all rights it should have been a wonderful and beautiful thing; hell, Karma had been hoping and praying that Amy would open up a bit more for years.

Except... Amy wasn't sharing it with her.

Ever since the first 'Homecoming Queens' incident, Amy had been keeping her at arm's length. She knew that the blonde had been uncomfortable with playing the part of her lesbian lover but it had hurt, that; that her best friend didn't know how to act around her anymore. They'd been fighting more often as well—fights, not just playful arguments. It was like that kiss in front of the school had driven a wedge between them, and as her relationship with the girl she considered a sister in all but blood had changed into an uneasy thing where Amy tried to act couple-y for Karma's benefit and Karma tried to pretend that there was nothing wrong to make Amy feel better, she had become more and more afraid that she was slowly losing her best friend.

All the times she had walked up to the blonde, only for Amy to turn away from her, ever so slightly. All the times that Amy had stopped talking in the middle of a conversation with Shane as Karma had come around the corner. All the little hints that Amy wasn't happy around her anymore.

That was what cut deepest, she thought, that her best friend in the whole, wide world didn't like spending time with her; that she had gone from being the one that Amy shared all her problems with to the problem that was talked about.

And the worst part of it all was that she had no idea why any of it was happening.

She had tried to think of everything—of anything—that could have pulled her friend from out of herself but she had drawn a total blank. Even asking Amy point-blank hadn't given her an answer as the girl had just laughed it off, insisted that everything was fine and changed the subject with the grace and skill only a master manipulator or your best friend could manage. Karma didn't like being lied to, especially not when it was Amy doing the lying. That was so out of character and unexpected that it made her feel ill inside, almost like she wasn't trusted anymore; wasn't worth the truth. It was a feeling that she had become disturbing familiar with, and over time Karma had come to realise just how little they used to keep from each other when Amy had started lying so often that she had started getting good at it.

Amy wasn't supposed to be dishonest, wasn't supposed to lie with a straight face, an even tone and as naturally as she might comment on the weather. She was supposed to stutter, to blush, to be more... innocent than that.

No secrets between friends, that had been their promise.

Speaking of... Amy had friends now. Friends, plural. For the longest time it had only been the two of them, Amy and Karma against the world, huddled together on their little island of sanity as the world went on around them. Now? Now Amy had Shane and Ivy and Alex and Daniel and the brunette she couldn't name, and the redheaded hanger-on and half a dozen others that Karma only recognised by sight. She was popular. Even Liam hung around her, although they seemed to make a point out of ignoring each other.

That particular development had been as shocking as any other. It had always been Karma that had wanted to be part of the in-crowd while Amy was perfectly fine off by herself, as long as Karma had been there. She was ashamed to admit that after she had realised what was happening, she'd been jealous of her friend for getting what she had wanted. She had spent years trying to get to the top and planning what she would do when she got there, with Amy smiling that long-suffering smile and helping her out, even as the blonde pointed out every flaw in her barely-thought-out plans. Then, out of the blue, Shane was inviting Amy to eat lunch with him or a couple of the more popular girls would engage her in conversation or a stranger would compliment her on something and with each event she could feel the two of them growing further and further apart. Because every time, without fail, they singled out Amy, even if Karma was right next to her.

They had spent a few weeks in the spotlight, riding high on the combined waves of being Hester's first (out) lesbian couple and being this year's homecoming queens. Over time, however, that had started to die down; they were no longer the hot topic and went from what everyone was talking about to what everybody already knew. "The Queens" to "those lesbians" to "those girls." Personally, Karma thought that she had become the sidekick of the story, the lesser of the two halves; that they saw Amy as Amy, but Karma as Amy's girlfriend. It was like once they had reached the top of the mountain, Amy had dug in and just stood, watching, as Karma started to slide back down the slippery slope of High School popularity.

It bothered and confused her; she didn't understand why it was happening or why Amy was letting it happen. Amy had always treated Karma like a princess, like she was the only thing in the world that mattered to her. When she was sad Amy wouldn't leave her side until she was smiling again, when she was angry it was Amy that weathered the anger to talk her down and comfort her and when she was happy it was Amy that smiled right alongside her, sharing the joy and pleasure of Karma's happiness.

And now that partnership was gone. It made her feel empty inside, and she fought back tears as she rolled over yet again to stare at the half of her bed that was Amy's. Amy always slept on the left side of her bed, and insisted on having the same pillow every time. Karma was hugging that pillow to her chest right now, burrowing her face into it to try and forget—for a moment—just how long it had been since they had spent the night together, just the two of them. Thirty-seven days.

Old habits died hard, it seemed; the moment she had had to switch from counting the hours since she and her best friend had been alone together just to spend time with each other, to counting days had been one of the worst moments in Karma's entire life. She was dreading the time when she would have to start counting the weeks instead.

It certainly wasn't for lack of trying on her part.

Since that disaster of a bridal shower, Karma had tried to have a "Girl's Night" on no less than seven different occasions. Only the first time had been a success, and even then only a limited one. Amy had been distracted, twitchy and restless. She would get up and leave the room frequently, often giving obviously made-up excuses and whenever she returned she would lay down away from Karma, leaving an unnatural amount of space between them, no matter how often Karma moved to close the gap. Stranger still, it had been Amy who needed to turn her phone off, and the brunette suspected that more than a few of Amy's so-called bathroom breaks had been to have a conversation that she didn't want Karma to overhear.

The second time she had barged into the blonde's room with a bag full of chick-flicks and comfort food, she had caught Amy getting dressed up—and the pile of clothes laying on the bed combined with what Amy was actually wearing left no doubt in her mind that that was what was happening—and had only managed to worm the word, "date," out of her before Amy was out the door and getting into Shane's car.

Later, that had caused one of their biggest fights yet, as Amy had flatly refused to tell her anything about what had happened apart from that it was a date and that it had gone, "well enough." It had been the first time she could remember that Amy had straight up refused to share something with her simply because she didn't want to. Having had time to think the incident over, Karma was willing to concede she may have taken a bit more offense at that then she really should have, but...

No secrets between friends, that was the promise.

And if Amy's behaviour was any indication of how the blonde truly felt, then... Amy wasn't breaking that promise.

Because Amy was no longer her friend.


Walking the school halls, Karma felt like a ghost. Not too long ago, barely any of her fellow students had known who she was; now they all knew and just didn't care.

She honestly wasn't sure which was worse.

To say that Karma hated to be ignored would be an understatement of the highest order, but she had always had Amy beside her to remind her that there was at least one person who knew, who cared, who loved her. Her (former) friend's company had been her sole source of light and comfort when the world seemed a dark and evil place, and much as she had loved Amy she had also taken her for granted. Amy was always there, always happy to be with her; that was how it was and that was how it always would be, it was just how the world worked.

Apparently not.

Looking up from her food, she glanced across the cafeteria—another change, they used to eat outside all the time but… there wasn't a they now, was there—at Amy. The blonde was laughing at something Shane had said and talking animatedly with a brown-haired girl who was sitting next to them. As she gazed sadly at the scene in front of her, she noticed Liam making his way over to the same table that she was looking at, his typical smirk firmly in place as he flirted shamelessly with every girl he passed.

That had been another disappointment, one of many, and of all of them the one that she really should have seen coming. Liam had said straight-up that he wasn't interested in a relationship, and Karma had agreed to it, naively believing that she could convince him otherwise. Amy had tried to tell her so many times, practically begged her to let it go, but Karma had made up her mind and to her, that was that. With the benefit of hindsight, the blonde had been right about everything, and in retrospect some of Shane's offhand comments seemed a lot more meaningful now, but when it was all said and done Liam had done what Liam always did and what he had actually said he would do: kiss her, fuck her, then leave her as they went their separate ways.

It had been infuriating and devastating. She had believed that she was making progress, that he genuinely cared for her, maybe even loved her. Looking back at the time they had spent together, stolen moments of passion kept well below the radar, she couldn't even blame him. That she couldn't hate him for using her like he had was the worst part of the whole ordeal; she had agreed to his terms, knowing full well what they meant, and he had given her every opportunity to back out before they did something she would regret.

It had been little consolation when he had given her the "friends who occasionally have sex" speech after she had caught him at a party with a half-naked girl in his arms and his tongue down her throat. The bastard hadn't even had the decency to attempt a "this isn't what it looks like."

That had been the first time she had really noticed just how far she had drifted from Amy. When she had shown up at Amy's home looking for a shoulder to cry on she had found nothing but an empty house and a spiteful Lauren who had taken a perverse pleasure in informing her that her 'girlfriend' had left for a party hours ago and, "Didn't you know? You dykes tell each other everything, after all."

Loathe as she was to admit it, the blonde bitch had been right. She hadn't known that Amy would be going out that night. Her friend had probably been at the very same party she had just left and she hadn't known. That realisation had been the straw that broke the camel's back and she had broken down into tears as she ran back to her own house and locked herself in her room. In the morning, her parents had tried to coax her out, but when the world was ending, your hippy parents offering "soothing tea" and "positive energy" wasn't the kind of reassurance you needed.

She had wanted nothing more than to wrap herself around her best and cry her eyes out as Amy hugged her, comforted her and cursed Liam Booker to the grave and back. But she hadn't. Amy hadn't answered her texts or her calls and a short phone call to Amy's mother had yielded only that Amy was, "out with friends." Friends which didn't include her. Friends she didn't know about. Friends that Amy clearly felt were more important than her.

The fight from that had been the last time that Amy and Karma had talked as friends—if you could call it that; they had been screaming at the top of their lungs—and ever since then she had been missing her best-friend-forever more and more as the days went by.

Breaking up with your best-friend-forever-since-forever for real wasn't pleasant to say the least. In many ways it was worse than breaking up with a boyfriend since they were such an integral part of your daily life. She had to go to a different bus stop to get to school and on the bus itself she sat by herself as Amy took her new place at the very back. In class a quiet request to their teachers from the blonde had put them on opposite sides of the room, Karma surrounded by strangers while Amy enjoyed the company of her new friends.

At first, it seemed that Amy had taken the split just as badly as Karma had, the girl's sad and withdrawn appearance everything that Karma would have expected had she ever considered the impossibility that was them "breaking up" as friends. But the next day Amy was back to her new, happy self, albeit spending the day with Shane rather than the brunette that had been beside her since kindergarten.

That had set the tone that would continue to define their new relationship: Amy would spend time with new people, new friends, and Karma would spend the day staring and living in the past.

What happened to us?