Authors Note:
This is Star Trek and naturally it belongs to Paramount. The characters belong to them and the epsiodes mentioned too. I took the liberty of borrowing the characters and well, they kind of decided to play a bit.
This one starts right after The Best Of Both Worlds. And it deals with my two favorite characters. It is P/C – so if you want Worf fighting aliens, switch to another channel.
I am not good with titles. Neither for the story nor for chapters. Sorry about that. Unfortunately my mother tongue is not English so be kind.
Anyways. I hope you enjoy. Because that is my intention: to make you have a good time.
But now let's get to the story!
Feel free to comment.
—-/—-The Album—/—-
Nightmares
The dream kept on running in her mind. Or was it a vison? It didn't matter. It kept her on her toes. As soon as she would sit down to rest, it was there before her inner eye. Torturing her, putting rest into a nightmare.
She was in the Borg ship, she could hear him call out her name. His voice sounded desperate and mechanic. She turned around the next corner and looked him straight in the eyes. She called out his name. He stared at her, pain flowing though his body. She could feel his pain. Feel his desperation. Feel his helplessness toward his enemy. Half human, half machine. They had raped his body and soul. He called out her name. She stretched out her hand. He looked at her, longing for rescue, longing for relief. He stretched out his arm, but she couldn't reach him. She tried to move but she couldn't reach him.
It was always the same images running though her. They were so real, because most of it had really happened. The nightmares started, when they had retrieved him from the Borg and she had successfully removed all the implants.
Strange enough not before, not while he was gone, not while he was named a casualty of war. It started, when things were supposed to become better again, when life was supposed to get back to normal. But it didn't. It didn't go back to normal. She couldn't face him. Couldn't look into his hollow eyes. Couldn't face his pain without stirring up her pain and guilt.
Maybe now was the time he needed her the most, but she couldn't just be there. He had sealed his heart and feelings from the rest of the crew and even from her. And she felt too weak to help him. Deanna had asked her to go to him and talk to him, but she couldn't. She hadn't the strength now. She knew he wanted no one, knew he needed someone but she couldn't. She felt ashamed. She wanted to be there for him. She wanted him back. But she didn't know how to tear down the walls he had built around himself.
They stopped having breakfast with each other. They stopped talking to each other. It was as if they didn't know each other. Her heart screamed out for him. Her heart screamed for forgiveness, but she wouldn't bother him with her guilt. She needed to sort out that herself.
She had started to dig into her private little research program. They had won one battle against the Borg, but the Federation would be foolish to say they defeated them. She started to work with the nanites every spare minute. She skipped lunch. Hardly had any real diner. She had lost weight and the dark rings under her eyes were getting deeper by the hour.
She separated herself from her friends. Luckily everybody was busy after the encounter with the Borg so nobody bothered and Deanna was far to concentrated on the Captain. The dream started again. "Beverly" – his voice loud and desperate in her mind. He was crying for relieve. She had fallen asleep on her desk. She turned her head up, shook it and looked around. It was late. Very late. She was tired but didn't want to go to her quarters. She didn't want to be alone. She didn't want to have company either. She wanted to be with him. She wanted to sit with him, share anecdotes, listen to music. Simply go back to normal. But after what had happened there was no space for that kind of lightness.
She got up and rubbed her neck. Her muscles strained form having fallen asleep on her desk again, she decided a hot shower would be in order. She left for her quarters, praying nobody would meet her on the way, seeing what a mess she was. When she entered her quarters she ordered some soft light and went to the replicator to order a sandwich. She was far from being hungry but knew she needed to eat something. Grabbing the sandwich she went to the bathroom to look into the mirror. Looking at her face she started to cry.
Had she been her patient she would have ordered her rest and five meals a day at least, shore leave on a nice beach and counseling. She decided that she needed to eat the whole sandwich, slipped out of her uniform and let the warm water caress her body for a long time, tears mixing with the warm water. Nothing better than a good cry under the shower. When she stepped out, she felt slightly better. She did her hair and found herself to be slightly more presentable, when she looked into the mirror.
She slipped into her favorite nightdress and robe and started to wander around between livingroom and bedroom. She was tired and completely restless. And afraid to lie down to hear him call out for her again, and to not reach him. She heard him call her name again. She sat down on the sofa hugging her knee close to her body. It wouldn't do. She needed him.
Her hand slipped down on her breast and she slowly started to caress herself and think of him. Imagining he would touch her and love her. She knew this would distract her for the time being and she needed some sexual relieve as well. She would feel guilty afterwards, using him in her mind in such a time, but she would do anything to run from those dreams. She didn't manage and that made her even more desperate.
Finally she gave in to her tired body and slipped under her blanket. As soon as she had closed her eyes she shifted to sleep.
She was on the Borg ship again. She was walking though the corridors. She knew he was there. She could sense his presence. He was calling for her. His voice desperate and lonely. When she first saw him, she thought he was still ok. That he was still human but then he turned around and her heart stopped at the sight of him being half human and half Borg. She felt paralyzed. When she was finally grasping what she saw she said his name and reached out for him. He called out her name again stretching out his arm towards him. She wanted to grab his hand, but she couldn't move. She couldn't reach him. She wanted to save him. Then he was gone but she could still hear him calling her name. "Beverly" like sounded like an echo from far away. "Beverly".
