If she'd had any sense at all, she would have turned around when the clouds had taken on the ominous dark colors. She would have mage the final turn that would have led her back to the main road when she'd heard the first rumblings of distant thunder. She would have, at the very least, gone somewhere else - somewhere that didn't require traveling down a narrow dirt road road and walking down a cobbled driveway.

And maybe that was the point. Maybe she'd given up completely on making sense, in trying to find the logic in anything because her life was, as he'd told her, garbage. She managed to make it to the end of the driveway finally. Her heart pounded in her chest as the rain still pelted against her body. She was soaked and yet she still tasted the tears. Where did they keep coming from? Her hands finally pushed open the door and quickly pressed the numbers on the alarm keypad. With a quick flip of the switch, the cabin was bathed in soft light and, for the first time in several hours, she was able to close the door behind her and simply breathe.

You never looked so good

As you did last night

Underneath the city lights

There, walking with your friend

Laughing at the moon

I swear you looked right through me

But I'm still living with your goodbye

And you're just going on with your life

Coming here had been something of a reflex after she'd seen him with her. They'd been having dinner at the Top of the Towers - all of them together. Jack was there with Traci, Kyle with Summer, Lauren with Michael, and there was Billy with Victoria by his side. It shouldn't have surprised her and yet somehow it did. In her head, she knew they were over, but in her heart, she still felt something and she'd thought, obviously foolishly that he did as well. For a while, she'd even convinced herself that Victoria had been something of a consolation prize, the woman he defaulted to when the true object of his desires couldn't be had.

But tonight, there was something about the way he laughed with her, the way he smiled, the way he touched her so gently, so easily, so ... familiar. It was the way he'd noticed her sitting there on the outside - for a fraction of a section, but instead of giving her so much as a smile, he'd almost looked through her, disregarded her and turned back to Victoria.

She shook her head to banish the thought. He'd tortured her enough with the things he'd done to her. Why was she now doing it to herself. She took a few steps further into the room and let her hand brush over the soft leather of the sofa before she sat down. There were so many memories here. That was why she'd come.

As she'd sat at the table on the far side of the room tonight and watched them all, it would have been easy to have convinced herself that she'd made the whole thing up, that they'd never been real, that their love had never existed.

But it had. It had existed here. In this place. In this room. She could remember it here. This place held the memories and tonight she needed them. She needed to remember that, at least for a time, she'd been loved.


Billy pawed at the nightstand, still a bit disoriented. "Yeah," he managed as he brought the phone to his ear.

"Billy?"

The sound of his brother's voice sent a jolt of energy through him and the haze from a few glasses of wine chased by a scotch immediately disappeared. "Jack?" He felt his heart begin to race, the anxiety that occurred when an unexpected phone call wakes you was universal. "What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry to call so late," Jack answered quickly, hearing the concern in his younger brother's voice, "but I just got a call from our security company and apparently the silent alarm has been tripped up at the cabin."

Billy ran his hand over his face in a mix of relief and slight annoyance. "Don't they have people they can send to check that stuff out? That's why you're paying them isn't it?"

"Yeah they do. It's just that the person that set off the alarm used the old code and they called to make sure that it wasn't a mistake or someone that we'd forgotten to update."

"The old code. Who would be using the ..."

Jack didn't need to answer, recognizing by Billy's silence that his deductive reasoning had come through again. "I'd take care of it myself, but with Dina, I never know if she might wake up and I'd hate to leave Traci here alone if she were to ..."

"It's no problem, Jack." He was already standing and pulling jeans and a t-shirt from the dresser. "I'll take care of it."

You, I hear you're doing fine

Seems like you're doing well

As far as I can tell

Time is leaving us behind

Another week has passed

And still I haven't laughed yet

She pulled the blanket tighter around herself as she shivered involuntarily. In her mind she cursed Jack again for refusing to switch to gas logs. The rustic charm didn't do a hell of a lot for anyone when it was raining cats and dogs outside and the wood that was cut was soaked through and through. She sighed as she moved into the bedroom in search of dry clothes. A far too large flannel shirt was the best the cabin had to offer and she pulled it on while simultaneously folding the sleeves up and over the cuffs numerous times. It was then that she eyed the navy plush robe.

"Thank God," she muttered. With the sound of the rain and wind, it was entirely possible her mini mental break was going to turn into an over night stay. She wandered back into the living room, her eyes scanning the kitchen counter and falling on the sight of several unopened bottles of wine. Probably leftover from the last family festivities she thought as she reached into the cabinet and grabbed a glass.

She shuffled her feet as she moved back to the sofa and pulled her legs up underneath her. The slight sweetness of the wine as it filled her mouth made her close her eyes. In a different, in a different world, this would be one of those perfect nights. Thinking back now, she could remember a time very similar to this, when she'd felt as if her entire world was crashing around, when she'd wondered if her very sanity was slipping away. She could still remember the way it felt to be in his arms, to be held.

It seemed like a lifetime ago.

She jumped at the sound of the door and, before her brain even had time to process anything, she saw him standing there - as if she'd conjured him. "What are you? How did you," were the only words she could manage.

"Me?" His annoyance was obvious on his face even through the trails of dripping water as he stood in front of her looking like every bit of a drowned dog. "What am I doing here? I should be asking you that question. I'm here because we got a security alert that the place had been compromised. They thought someone was trying to break in."

"I didn't break in," she retorted. "I have a key."

"You won't after this," he assured her. "And you still tripped the alarm."

"I shouldn't have. I entered the code."

"We changed the code,"he said quickly, "so that people that we ..." He paused as she stood up and he noticed her attire. The robe threatened to swallow her whole and fell away from her shoulder revealing tan, bare glistening skin. "We changed the code," he managed again. "We could have just called the police you know."

"So why didn't you?" She was standing in front of him now, his frame bested her by at least a few inches but she made up for it in pure spirit.

"Come on, Phyllis. I knew it had to be you."

"Even more reason, right?" She stared at him for a moment, searching for something, though she wasn't sure quite what. "No, that wouldn't be as much fun, would it?"

"What wouldn't be fun? What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about sending me to prison. You wouldn't want to do that when you can keep me in prison every day like this. You keep me on the outside of everything. You parade your family in front of me. You walk around acting like Im this evil, soulless butch that you never felt anything for and you relish the fact that I have absolutely no one, that I'm totally and completely alone."

So tell me

What your secret is

To letting go, letting go like you did

Silence took over the room for a long moment before he returned to stand beside the sofa where she now sat again.

"Here." He handed her a glass filled with scotch. "This might be a better choice. I'm gonna check the shed out back. There's normally some wood there that the rain couldn't have soaked. I'll be right back."

She took a small sip of the liquid, the slow burn down her throat a grim reminder that all of this was real. She has truly just broken in front of him. She'd been vulnerable and raw and desperate and needy and everything she totally and completely hated about herself. Anger raged inside - for the situation, for herself, for all of it. Suddenly she seemed to be coming unspooled and she needed to keep it together. Pull it together. Tighten up. Tighten up.

"Phyllis!"

His voice startled her and she looked down to the shards of glass covered in blood. It only took a few moments to realize it was her own. "I ..." she stammered.

He tossed the wood to the floor and reached for her arm, guiding her gently towards the bathroom. "What the hell did you do?" This time the words weren't angry. She heard no annoyance, no condemnation, just concern and a touch of true horror.

"I didn't mean to," she said honestly, before locking eyes with him. She could see the concern on his face and she suddenly understood. "I wasn't trying to hurt myself. I was just upset about before... about letting myself get so ..." she hissed as he pulled a shard of glass from her hand.

"Sorry,"he whispered, his touch exceedingly gentle. "So what? So honest?"

"Pathetic. Needy. Desperate."

"You're none of those things," he said earnestly as he patted her hand dry and began to wrap it in gauze. "It's actually not that deep. I think you'll be okay without stitches."

"Thanks." She stepped back, desperate to get away quickly, while any semblance of her dignity remained in tact. "I'm just gonna change and then I'm gonna go. I sorry I came here. I shouldn't have. I'll give Jack the key they next time I see him, okay?"

"Phyllis. Phyllis, wait. You can't go."

"What do you mean I can't go. I thought you said you didn't call anyone. If I need to make a statement or something then I'll ..."

"No. No. It's nothing like that. I just mean, you can't go out there tonight like it is. The storm is a mess and the roads are a disaster and with your hand, I just think ..."

"You just said you didn't even think I'd need stitches."

"Well right, but you never know and I just think it would be best if you stayed here."

"Forget it, Billy. I'll be fine."

"I can't let you go out there. It's crazy. It's not safe. You could really get hurt. There's no reason to put yourself in that kind of danger."

"Do me a favor," she said finally. The moment was becoming too real, too questionable, iffy side. She had to shut it down. Her heart couldn't take anything more. "Stop pretending like you give a damn."

His hand reached for her arm as she moved to leave the room and she suddenly found herself being spun around again to face him.

"Of course I care." The words came out in a rush as he looked at her. His head screamed at him to shut up but his heart overruled. "Don't you think this would all be a hell of a lot easier if I didn't?"

"You care?" Her voice almost broke as she spoke the words. "You honestly want me to believe that? What about tonight? You looked through me. You didn't say a word to me. You acted like I didn't exist, like we never existed and then you just walked on by. You just walked away. Is that how you show me how much you care?

He still held her arm in his hand, his grip gentle but firm. "I'm not walking away now." He stared at her for another long moment before letting his hand fall away. The question is, are you?"