My eyes blink open to sunlight streaming through my window. It takes me a moment to remember where I am and why I'm here. The old hotel, with the bearded man with white hair I'd met yesterday, when I'd asked for a room. The bag I'd carried, with the stolen money in it. The phone I'd had to throw out because Coulson kept calling.
I stand up and walk to the shower, turn the water on, let it try to wash away everything, but it can't. The bruises, the scars, the pain, they'll be there for the rest of my life.
I step out of the shower and dress. Underclothes, S.H.I.E.L.D. suit, H.I.V.E.. Wrap my arms, my team. Clip on my weapons, Lincoln. Take my bone growth pills, how could I?
I grab my things, that aren't really mine, and leave. Again, another place for another night, before I have to leave again, because how could I stay?
I start my van again and look out through the windshield. I flash back, Jemma, handing me the figurine of a hawaiian dancer.
My radio sends a burst of static through the van. A robbery, five blocks from me. So I go, because I can't save Tripp, or my mother, or the little boy who got stuck in the crossfire of a S.H.I.E.L.D fight two months ago, but I can save someone. Maybe, maybe I can do something good.
The robbery is in full swing when I arrive. I park my van a block away and run the rest. The ground begins to shake as I rush forward. I push against the air, ignoring the pain in my arms, and send four of the masked men into a wall. I walk up to another one and knock him out with one punch, then send the last man flying.
I can hear the police sirens drawing near. I step outside and push the air against the ground, sending me flying upward, away, toward safety.
Another hotel, with another owner who is welcoming. But I won't stay. Another job, another fight I win. More bruises and scars, pain in my broken arms. More scratches and scraps and blood on my clothes, on my hands.
I move again and again. I didn't eat yesterday or this morning, but I don't need to, someone is starving. I'll be okay.
Is this the best this city has? I want an equal, someone to fight, and I don't care if I lose.
I move again. I forgot what it was like to have a home, a family. But I deserve this, because how could I? I'm the monster parents hide their kids from, not the hero Coulson thought I could be. I'm the criminal S.H.I.E.L.D. tries to catch, not the one they try to save.
Another hotel, another day another call, but this time it's different. I'm not the agent who left eight months ago. I haven't taken care of myself, haven't eaten, haven't slept. Given myself just enough to keep going, and I've kept going until now.
Another robbery, except now I can't use my powers, except now I am weak, except now I am meeting my equal. The punches come.
I block the first one and send a man sprawling into a wall. I kick the next man and duck the fist swinging over my head. I grab his arm and flip him over. Everything in slow motion. We dance. They swing, then I do, back and forth until I win.
Out of breath I stand amongst their unconscious bodies, bodies left in my wake. Someone could say they were an accident, but I sought them out, because I'm still the monster, even after everything. I won, except I didn't.
There is one man left, in the shadows behind me. I don't realize until his gun goes off. Two bullets pierce my body, and I fall. I can see the sky. As it gets blurry, I can hear Coulson's voice in my mind, telling me everything is going to be alright, and it is because I won't be a monster anymore.
I black out. Blood is flowing freely from my wounds, I deserve this.
