Greatest Pain

Greatest Pain

When your body is being hurt, no matter how bad, there is an escape. Your spirit can fly free even as they kill your body. You can get out and it won't hurt anymore.

But what if the pain is inside you? If it is tearing your soul apart instead of your flesh? What can you do then? There is nothing. No escape.

Some people say that what hurts most is being cut. Some say being burned. Some say that it is being stabbed. But I disagree.

Those who think being cut is the worst pain have never been alone. Never cried on the roof all night by yourself. And no one cares. Never walked down a street, face streaked with tears, more running down your cheeks, and no one turns toward you. No one cares. Never reached out a hand, the hand of a small child, and been ignored. It cuts at you. Worse than any flesh wound from a knife. This one is cutting your soul apart. Tearing it into pieces then stomping on them. No one cares. To those who have been alone like I am, being cut would be infinitely better than being alone.

Those who think being burned is the worst have never been hated. Hatred burns you, cold as ice but destructive like fire. And how quickly it grows fed by lies. Hatred takes a young spirit and destroys it, like a fragile flower in a wildfire. Consuming it until there is nothing left. With a burn it may scar but the pain will cease. But hatred leaves scars that never heal. To be truly hated leaves memories, bitter, angry memories. To be hated to this degree is unbearable, like the fire is all around you. When you are hated like I am, to be merely burned by a fire would be a kind of paradise.

Those who think that being stabbed is the worst have never been betrayed, betrayed by the one you trusted. The one who pulled you from a silent hell of loneliness and hatred then cast back down, deeper. For the hand that helped you rise, your one safe haven to turn to a place where there is no love for you is worse then a stab wound. The pain of betrayal eats away at your trust, compassion, and empathy. Everything that makes you human until you despise yourself. Then you realize that the one who betrayed you was right and that hastens the destruction and agony. The glass orb, delicate and pure, is shattered from the inside. Leaving a broken soul behind. When you are truly betrayed then to just be stabbed is like a dream of happiness.

I know this. If no one is there these feeling will destroy you. If no one listens to your tears. If the world hates you with out even trying to understand. If you are betrayed by the one who protected you. It happened to me. Broke my spirit apart. Now the child who cries under the moon alone has become dark and seeks to make others understand the suffering they endured under the stars. The flower turns to poison and destroys those who hate without seeing it truly. The glass orb is now sharp shards of glass that cut at any who come near. This is my story. I'm not like those who swear that physical pain is the worst. I know better.

So now I'm beyond help. Trapped in a cage of hatred and lies. The bars of the cage are covered with spikes and it cuts at me as I strain against the bars. I'm chained to the cage by the fear of betrayal and by unending hatred. It's killing me and I know it. The people walk by my prison, the one they forced me into, and don't care, And I scream to the stars above, black lined green eyes flashing, red hair dirty from neglect, blood pouring from my hands and staining the ground, "Some day you'll feel my hate! You'll understand how much I suffered! My blood is on your hands!" But no one listens.