A/N: I couldn't stay away for long, could I? This is a little different from the usual but it was super fun to write. Hope you'll like it - let me know! Your words mean a lot to me. Thanks Terrie for editing this so quickly so this impatient writer could post it this evening!
Disclaimer: I don't own Downton Abbey.
Clues by fuzzydream
It's way past nine when John arrives home that evening. His stomach growls the minute he opens the front door, and he's rather surprised to find the living room dark and empty. He hums quietly, making his way to the kitchen and helping himself to a piece of chocolate cake Anna had baked the day before. He balances his bag on one shoulder and does his best not to leave any crumbles behind; he knows how much she hates it when he walks around while eating. Carefully, he walks up the stairs, smiling when he hears the voice of his lovely wife.
"Oh no, I'm not telling him yet," she says, and he stops walking for a moment. A frown appears on his forehead. "His birthday is next week, so I'm telling him then. It'll be a surprise."
He smiles at her excited tone and resumes walking, trying to make some more noise so she won't say anything else and he won't ruin whatever surprise she's planning.
"I'm not sure if I'll be able to keep it secret until then though," Anna continues on; he can see the light coming from their bedroom and deduces she's there. "It's just so exciting."
He can't keep the smile off his face when he reaches the door, and Anna looks surprised to see him, her blue eyes twinkling. The television is muted and she's in bed, talking to someone in her mobile - probably Mary or Gwen. He knows he can't look very good after playing football for over an hour, but she smiles anyway. She's wearing pink pajamas and looking absolutely lovely.
"Okay, I'll get going. John's just arrived," she explains. "See you tomorrow, Gwen," she says, pulling the phone away and leaning up to greet him with a kiss. She makes a face, probably at his smell, but doesn't complain. "How was the match?"
"Scored once, but we lost by one goal. Tom was having a good day today," he says annoyingly, and she chuckles. "So what's so exciting?"
She squirms slightly and turns the sound on the television. He does his best not to laugh. Anna is a terrible liar. "Oh, the girls are planning a get together next week. You know, like the old days."
"Sounds very fun," he says instead, letting the issue go. If she is planning a surprise for him, it should be a good one. Anna knows how much he hates surprises, so he isn't counting on a surprise birthday party that will make him squirm under the gaze of everyone they may know. He's more than happy to wait. "I'll just go take a shower and join you."
"You should," she says teasingly. "Are you hungry? There's still some of our dinner left, or I can fix you something."
"No, it's fine, I just had some cake," he winks at her, and Anna chuckles.
He enters their adjoining bathroom, taking his shirt off immediately and throwing it into the basket, only to miss it and hit the bin instead - a bit like one of his attempted goals from earlier. Shaking his head, he reaches for the bin, only to see a few tissues had fallen from it - and a stick. He barely looks at it until he reads the words on the small screen.
PREGNANT.
His heart stops for a moment. Anna is pregnant, and did not tell him? They aren't exactly trying for a baby; they have been married for almost three years now, and are more than used to the questions from relatives and friends. Anna always says she's focused on her career and that they'll wait a little longer. He has always thought she would tell him if she even thought she might be pregnant. Clearly that isn't the case, and she didn't even hide it from him either. His breathing is hard. Anna is pregnant. She took the test in their home, without telling him. And maybe - maybe she isn't happy about it. It explains the tissues. Maybe she's not happy and doesn't want to tell him.
But she's planning a surprise for him next week. The penny drops, and he lets out a relieved breath. This has to be his surprise. A baby, in a few months, probably. A baby with Anna. A weak smile graces his face. Of course Anna wouldn't be unhappy with it. She loves children. He chastises himself for thinking that about his lovely, darling wife. Anna wouldn't keep this from him like that.
By the time he's taking his shower he is a little less freaked out from the news; perhaps it won't be so bad. It would happen eventually, it just happened without them planning on it.
When he steps into the bedroom again and sees Anna - his amazing Anna, his precious wife - nearly falling asleep while waiting for him, his heart swells. He will wait until she tells him the news, and he will feign surprise just like she expects him to. In the meantime, he'll have to make sure she doesn't outdo herself. He can't have her feeling tired and working too hard. They have the baby to think of now.
"You look tired," he says carefully when he slips into bed beside her. Anna rests her head against his shoulder and breathes into his neck.
"The kids wore me out today. You know how museum outings go," she yawns, and he thinks she'll be the best mother there ever was. Anna loves children - and working as a teacher for young children has done nothing but make her want children of her own even more. They have spoken of the subject a few times in their relationship, and he's very glad he never had children from his first marriage. He can't wait to have children with her. He reaches for the remote and turns off the television. "Did you have a nice day?"
John nods. "We had an incident with the crane in the afternoon, but it passed the inspection with no trouble. I'll be glad when this construction is over."
Anna chuckles against him, probably not believing his words; his job as a contractor has been doing well and the company has never been this successful before. It's perfect really, now that he thinks of it. They have more stability and more space for a child in their lives now than when they were first married.
"You always say that but you love the company," Anna says, her voice low and distant.
John shakes his head and kisses Anna's hair softly. "Do you mind if I read a little?"
She hums her reply and he picks up his glasses and the book he's been reading for the past few days. Not fifteen minutes later, Anna's gentle snores are heard and he wonders if he should ask her next morning about the test. He hopes she doesn't think he won't enjoy the news.
In reality, he's ecstatic.
The next morning, he's decided to keep quiet about the fact that he's seen the test and knows the truth. He starts noticing a few things. Anna is positively glowing when they wake up, rested after a good night of sleep, and he can't fight her when she kisses him deeply and tells him they have some time until they must leave home. He never could fight her when she had these rare good moods in the morning, and he certainly doesn't start fighting it today.
Later, she proclaims how hungry she is and thanks him making her an omelette just the way she likes it. Her blue eyes are shining and her lips curl into a smile like when she has a secret and she's begging to tell him but can't. He's so happy about it all, he doesn't even complain when she tells him they should go grocery shopping after he picks her up from school in the afternoon.
"Give me a call if you don't feel well," he tells her when he parks the car outside the school that morning.
Anna frowns at him. "Why shouldn't I feel well?"
The words leave him but just for a moment. "Just... Last week, you caught that flu. I don't want you feeling poorly again."
That had been a sign, now that he thinks about it. Anna hadn't felt well for days and even missed one day of work because of the frequent nausea she had been feeling. Truthfully, she hadn't been the only one feeling that way; another teacher had fallen ill too and he thought nothing of it at the time. Now, on the other hand, it was completely different.
"Don't be silly, I feel fine," she tells him, giving him a kiss and opening the passenger door on the left. "Call me at lunch?"
"Always," he smiles, his gaze following hers as she walks towards the entrance of the school and greets two parents. She waves at him before entering the building and he waves back, trusting her to be safe and healthy today.
John finds himself texting her every now and then that day, much more than usual, even if she only answers him when she has a break. He's eager to finish work, and even some of his employees notice that he's in a good mood. He can't help it; his wife is having a baby. They'll be parents. Of course he's happy. Not even all the stressful problems that come during the day can annoy him.
He meets Robert for lunch, as they need to talk business, and he can't help it but look at the windows of the shops they pass by. Toys and baby furniture and baby clothes have never interested him more, and he wonders if they'll have a boy or a girl, if they'll have Anna's hair or be tall like him. It's a never ending daydream, and Robert notices it.
"What's wrong with you today?" he asks during lunch. They are sitting by the window, and a woman walking with a stroll passes by.
John takes a sip of water before replying. "Did you know that since we've been sitting here three pregnant women passed by?"
Robert throws him a confused grin. "Are you trying to tell me something?"
John rolls his eyes, wondering if he should talk to Robert about this.
"Did you ever find out Cora was pregnant before she told you?" he decides to ask instead, and his friend looks taken aback.
"Absolutely not. How would I have found out?" he lets out a laugh. "I was always completely clueless. Especially with Edward. Can you believe that he'll be four next weekend? Insane."
"The little chap was a surprise alright," John laughs, remembering how shocked Robert was when he knew Cora was pregnant for the fourth time.
"Wait. Do you think Anna is pregnant?" Robert asks.
John nods. "I found a positive test yesterday. But she hasn't told me a thing yet. I think she wants it to be a surprise, for my birthday."
Robert laughs and slaps his shoulder, hard. "Way to go, my friend. Congratulations."
John allows himself to smile. "Thanks. I'm just worried that Anna may not be so happy. She hasn't said a thing yet. I don't want her to hide any symptoms just because she wants this to be a surprise."
"Anna loves children. She's ecstatic, I'm sure. Don't worry about it," Robert says dismissively. "She'll be telling you sooner rather than later. Just don't tell her you know. They get so sensitive when they're pregnant, believe me."
"It's going to be hard. I don't want her feeling sick or overworking, but I can't exactly tell her," he runs a hand through his hair. "I suppose she's always careful and I know she won't do anything that could harm the baby."
Robert nods, taking a large sip of beer. "Accidents do happen. Keep an eye on her. We nearly lost Edward when Cora fell one day. It was madness."
"Fell?" John frowns. Robert looks serious.
"Slipped on the wet floor after taking a bath. A silly accident, but serious enough that we had to take her to the hospital," Robert explains. "Just keep an eye on her, make sure everything is safe around her. Parenthood starts with worrying, you know."
John nods, feeling his concern grow by the second.
Still, when he's walking back to his car after saying goodbye to his friend, he can't resist slipping into one of the shops and buying something for the new addition to their small but growing family.
The grocery store was madness. Half the aisles were being cleaned and wet floor was everywhere. Anna seemed annoyed when he cornered her and told her he would get everything she needed. He's quite sure he has dislocated his knee when he slipped that one time.
Now, they are getting ready for dinner at Robert's, a little small celebration before Edward's birthday party on Sunday. John is flipping through the channels, already dressed up, when Anna looks at herself in the mirror, clearly displeased. She's wearing a blue dress, one he always enjoys seeing on her. He decides not to ask what's the matter unless she says something.
"I think I've put on some weight," she says dejectedly, not looking at him. He's alarmed instantly, upon the subject, a very delicate one for women, and because it's another sign he might have missed. "I was going to wear the new jeans but I thought they felt a little tight. And now I look ridiculous in this dress."
She's exaggerating, of course. He doesn't think it looks any different than before. Perhaps it is a little snug on her waist but she looks perfect.
"You look perfect," he says sincerely with a smile, looking at the TV again, hoping to see the best moments of the match from yesterday.
"I look fat," Anna says immediately, her voice small. "Don't I?"
That's the question he fears the most. He looks at Anna again, thinking she looks flawless as usual, and will still look flawless even in a few months. But of course he can't tell her this.
"Of course not. And even if you did, which you don't, I would love you anyway," he says, as it's the most he can do at the moment.
She doesn't seem very happy.
"I think I'll just put on some black pants and a smart top," she says finally, walking towards the closet. "I really don't feel well wearing this."
Neymar scored a perfect goal yesterday, but John misses it because he looks at Anna, who is now taking off the dress. He tries not to be too distracted by her lingerie right now.
"You don't feel well?" he asks worriedly. "We don't have to go if you don't want to."
Anna rests her hands on her waist, clad only in her underwear, and frowns at him. "I feel fine, I just need to wear something that will make me more comfortable," she chooses a flowery top and puts it on. "You're acting really weird today."
"What? Why?"
Anna laughs, putting on black pants. "I don't know. You just seem so... Worried about something," she adjusts her hair and looks at him. "Is it something to do with work? Was it too stressful today?"
John shakes his head. "No, no. Everything was okay."
She walks towards him, sitting on his right leg, and he's grateful, because his left knee isn't yet recovered from the slippery floor. Robert is right; the world is a dangerous place.
"If you're so stressed we can work something out later," she runs her hands over his chest and settles them on his shoulders. Her voice is completely innocent. "I can give you a massage, or something else to relieve you from such frustrations."
He growls. "You are a very naughty girl, Mrs Bates."
"And you are a very naughty boy when you do such things to me," she says, grazing her lips against him. The mood changes quickly, and he's fast enough to kiss her lips then, deepening the kiss instantly. He runs his hand against Anna's thigh and behind and she hums appreciatively, but the moment is gone soon. "Mr Bates. Behave."
"Do we really have to go?" he whines when she moves away from him.
"Yes, you know Robert likes to have a proper party instead of just giving the boy a kid's party," she rolls her eyes whilst putting on the pearl earrings he gave to her on their first anniversary. "Really, when we have children their birthday is going to be about them, and they'll get a party with Frozen or Buzz Lightyear and whatever suits them."
"His birthday party is on Sunday and I think the theme is cars," John says softly. "They just like excuses for having parties."
Anna chuckles. "You're right. You aren't like Robert anyway. You hate parties," she kisses his temple and he stands up, lacing their fingers together. "I can see you dressing up like Olaf, though."
"Like whom?"
The party is in full swing when they arrive, little Edward happy to see his godparents and eager to get a present. Anna is quick to kiss his cheeks and soon the little boy is pulling her with him to show her the new presents he's got. It's a small affair, with only a few close friends and Robert and Cora's daughters and their significant others. John is pulled into a conversation with Robert and Charles Carson, who are debating the latest elections. Soon enough, Anna is back into the room, hand in hand with little Edward, who only lets her go when he sees his mother. Elsie Hughes talks loud enough for him to hear, and he can't help but overhear the conversation.
"Soon it'll be your turn, Anna," she says.
Anna blushes and smiles. "I suppose so. But not now. Soon."
A different response this time around. He likes it. The women laugh, and the subject changes when Sybil arrives with Tom.
It's only fifteen minutes later that he has a chance to speak to Anna again, and she smiles when he approaches her. She's nursing a cocktail, he has just realised it, and it makes him rather surprised. Before he knows it, he's talking to her.
"Should you be drinking that?" he asks softly, trying not to draw any attention to them.
Anna frowns, glancing at her drink. "What? John, you're driving today."
"Yes, but it's not good for you," he warns her, taking the drink from her hand. "This is just... Plain sugar and alcohol."
"Usually what makes a good cocktail," she tells him, trying to take the drink from his hands but failing. "John, what is it? There's no problem with a drink. I'm a big girl, you won't have to carry me home later," he still doesn't give her the cocktail. What's wrong with Anna? Of course she knows she can't drink alcohol.
"You know why I'm doing this, Anna," he gives her a pointed look.
A flash of understatement crosses her features. "Oh. I get it," she looks... disappointed. "I know that dress looked a bit tight but I didn't think it was that obvious."
Dress? What is she talking about?
"I thought it was just one of those days," she says. "I know I've been a little sensitive but it's just that time of the month. I didn't think you would want me to lose weight."
Lose weight? No. That isn't right.
"No, no, you look perfect, outstanding, I wouldn't change a thing. I just mean that it's not good when you're in that... situation," he tries not to be obvious. Anna still doesn't seem to understand. "It's not good for you."
"Not good for me?" Anna asks, crossing her arms. That's not usually a good sign.
"Alcohol isn't good for women when they are... You know, maybe a little bit doesn't make a difference," he hands her the drink back. Maybe he made a mistake. Maybe Anna isn't pregnant. But he saw the test. It was positive. What if it was a false positive? He isn't sure if that exists. Or is it false negative? He doesn't know. "It's just not good for the baby."
It seems that everyone decided to stop talking at that moment, and Anna looks both confused and mortified at what he's said. John looks around; everyone seems to be looking at them. Anna is blushing, and he's sure he doesn't look any different.
"Excuse us for a moment," John manages to say, holding Anna's arm and escorting her away, into the hallway. He closes the door behind them and it seems they have some privacy here.
"What are you talking about, John? What baby? I'm not-" she starts to say, but lets out a gasp. "Oh, no. You saw the test."
"Yes, I saw it, but I didn't want to spoil the surprise," he explains to her. Anna shakes her head, looking at him with pleading eyes. "Wait. You're not?"
"No, it's not me, it's... I'm not pregnant," she says, rubbing a hand on her temple. "I didn't take that test, I assure you. You would be the first person I'd tell, believe me. But we're not... I mean we're not even trying."
"I know. I saw the test and two plus two became thirteen," John says, almost unable to believe it. He leans against the wall, feeling suddenly exhausted and perhaps even disappointed. "I'm sorry about what I said back there."
"That's okay," Anna's hand is rubbing his arm softly, comforting him like only she can. They are silent for a moment, but then he hears a giggle, and looks down to see Anna with a smile on her face. "Now I understand why you were behaving like a mad man at the shop. You hurt your knee bad, didn't you?"
He can't help but laugh at this. "I did," he winces slightly, and Anna laughs harder.
"And when you told me you would love me no matter what," she chuckles, coming to stand between his feet. "You're impossible."
"I know. What a mess," he laughs, pressing his hands against her waist. "It's a good thing that I'm not going to be a father, then."
He says it without thinking, and Anna bites her lip, looking rather uncertain at him. "Is it though?" she sighs. "Were you disappointed? When you saw the test."
He shakes his head. "Only because you didn't tell me. But I was happy," he tells her, and then remembers what else he's done. "I bought a teddy bear."
"You didn't," Anna says in disbelief, patting his chest softly. "You did? Oh my god."
He nods, and she laughs again. "I was very sensible. Chose a yellow one. No labels, works for a boy or a girl or whatever."
Anna shakes her head in disbelief. "Well, you do know what this means, right?"
"What?" he's still smiling.
"Maybe we should, you know, have one," she suggests, smoothing down his shirt. "Or try to, anyway. Could be quite fun."
"Certainly would be," he corrects her, arching his eyebrows. "Let's make things clear. You do mean a baby, right?"
Anna giggles. "Yes. A baby. I mean, if you want to."
"I do," John tells her, reaching for her hands and kissing each one of them. "I didn't realise that until I saw that test."
"This has made me excited too," she admits. "Despite the fact that we'll have some explaining to do."
"Let them wait," he says, pulling her close and kissing her lips. She melts against him, hands grasping at his shirt, and he just knows that despite everything this has worked out the best for them both. She hums from the back of her throat, stepping even closer to him, and he vaguely hears the sound of the door opening beside him.
"Wait, they're a bit busy, we'll come back later," Robert's voice is heard, and he feels Anna's lovely smile against his lips.
They can wait.
The pregnancy test ended up being Mary's, after all, when she came to Anna for advice. In a haste to hide it from Matthew, who would be picking Mary up, Anna decided to hide it in their bathroom, and didn't think John would notice. He wouldn't, if it wasn't for his bad aim that day.
The surprise ended up being very surprising either: two tickets to spend Christmas in New York, where they stayed for two weeks until New Year's Eve. In a way, it was the honeymoon they never properly had.
Now, he's sitting in bed, with Anna by his side. She looks rather pale, as she has been every morning for a few weeks. It's a sunny morning, despite the still cold weather. He's holding her hand and she's shaking, just slightly. They can do this. If it's not to be... They'll just try again.
"Time's up," she pats his knee gently and stands up. "I'll go see."
He nods, and she's inside the bathroom before he can even stand up. When he crosses the bed, he sees her staring at the little stick. He's about to ask her when she looks up. She doesn't have to say anything; a nod and a smile are more than enough and they meet each other halfway, embracing and kissing and he sweeps her off her feet, unable to contain his joy.
In the back of his mind, he remembers that that teddy bear will have a little Mr or Miss Bates as their proper owner soon.
