Disclaimer: I own nothing, this is just for fun, and I'm making no money. Thank you JE for making such wonderful characters for me to play with.
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Mild language and I'M A BABE. This started out as a challenge for Stephanie's inner dialogue. It's evolved since then. Not sure how long it will be, and it will most likely be fluffy and psycho free. Thank you Heidi for editing.
Title: Welcome Home
The Plan
I was never a planner. It wasn't that I didn't want to plan, or even that I didn't try at times. It was that I was more of the jump in head first kind of girl. I'd been like that my entire life. Jump and pray for a soft landing. It always went to shit. Usually I ended up smelling like garbage, or I would have a gun held to my head. Hell most of the time it was a combination of all the outcomes. And a weapon of choice was always involved. That was just a given. But that was me and it was the only me I knew how to be.
So why did I make a plan when Joe asked me to marry him a year ago? I was still trying to figure that out. I guess at the time I thought if I made a plan instead of jumping in head first for once in my life, then it couldn't possibly go to shit. I had it all worked out, basically my plan was to grow up, live my life with Joe, and get married. No more games. No more on and off. He loved me after all, and I loved him. With that love I had to compromise. Joe wanted me safe. It was only right. He shouldn't have to worry about if his future wife was dead or alive at any given moment. Nor should he have to worry once I was his wife. So I said yes, hung up my cape, told Ranger we could only be friends without dessert, quite working at Vinnie's, and put my cookie jar on Joe's kitchen counter.
The fact that it was Joe's kitchen counter should have tipped me off. I entered into the engagement with my clothes, Rex, and me. Everything was Joe's. The house was Joe's. The furniture was Joe's. The appliances I learned to cook on were Joe's. The bed we slept in was Joe's. And it was my hang up. Joe called everything ours. I just didn't see it that way. It wasn't home to me. Nothing about it felt like home to me. Yes, Rex and Bob were there, which helped add to the hominess, but it wasn't mine.
I plunged on anyway, desperate for my plan to work. And it did work, to a point, for a year. I learned to cook, trained myself to clean, and made a home for Morelli and me. I spent my days planning our wedding with my mom, grandma, Val, and Mary Lou. I had thought to ask Sally to help, but it felt weird. Sally was a part of that life I was leaving behind.
I should have known though. The plan ended up being no different than when I jumped in head first, and it was my sister, of all people, that forced the realization. She hit me between the eyes at dinner tonight, with a deep 'who are you' comment. I didn't know. I suppose I was Cupcake. I knew I wasn't Stephanie anymore. I lived and breathed for Joe. He told me what he wanted and what he wouldn't accept. My job or old job I guess was not accepted. My closeness to Ranger and his men was completely out of the question. I never said anything though. I gave in. If that was what had to happen to be with Morelli, then so be it. Be damned what I wanted. What I wanted wasn't accepted. Not if I wanted to grow up and get married. And that was the plan. Right? That was what I'd been building up to for the past year.
But it was at that moment when I didn't know what to say to Val, that I realized she was right. Who had I turned into? Where was Stephanie Plum, bounty hunter from hell? I was Suzie homemaker now. I bought curtains. I had homemade cookies in my brown bear cookie jar instead of my gun.
I didn't know what to do though. I gave up everything when I said yes to Joe. I knew I could move back in with my parents, but that made my eye twitch just thinking about it. There really was only one place. One place I could go to find me again. But was I wanted? Would I even be accepted back? It was a risk I had to take. I was putting my pride and unease aside.
I packed up my clothes and Rex and left. I was starting over. I was scared shitless, and so afraid of failing. The old Stephanie wouldn't have any problems at all. Who I was now, this shell that I'd become, didn't know how to start over. I didn't know how to stand up for myself anymore. I floated through the past year of my life cleaning, cooking, and taking care of Bob and Morelli. I was my sister. I was my mom. I was Mary Lou. I missed me.
I made the ten minute drive in silence, praying the entire time that even though I gave up on myself that Ranger still believed in me. I reached the gate and realized I didn't have a key anymore. I gave it back the day I said yes to Joe. I shifted my car into reverse and started to back up when the gate opened on its own, allowing me entrance. I smiled slightly and drove into the underground garage, parking in Ranger's last personal space. So I was welcome, but I didn't know what to do after that. Should I grab everything now or just Rex? I couldn't leave Rex in the car, but then what if Ranger only allowed me in because he was curious why I came to him. Just because the gate opened for me didn't mean I was welcome to stay, to move in. I couldn't just assume he would let me stay with him until I could get back on my own two feet again.
My car door was pulled open causing me to jump slightly. Ranger looked in my car at all my belongings, before locking eyes with me. A single tear fell from my eye, and he pulled me from my seat into his arms. He held me, rubbing my back affectionately while I cried. I clung to him like he was my life support. In a way he was. He was always there for me. He always supported me, even when I told him I was marrying Joe. He didn't tell me I was making a mistake, even if I was. He was my rock, and the welcome back, Babe he whispered in my ear proved it.
