Author's note: If you're wondering where you might have seen this before, I posted it a while back on Ao3 under the same name. This sort of started out as a oneshot thing but I like this concept so much I'm going to continue it. I am aware that this is really quite improbable, it's supposed to be quite silly and lighthearted but as IC as possible. It is called "Probably Unauthorized for a reason."
The inspiration came from one of AngelAxexinf's headcanons on tumblr.
It all started with a mission on some fekkin' Outer Rim backwater planet. A mission to deliver some supplies to a planet that had just joined the Republic took a turn for the weird when the locals kidnapped General Skywalker. Unfortunately, that wasn't the strangest part. At that point, Hardcase thought things couldn't get worse. Looking back on the mission, he realized never ever say anything like that.
None of the clones' training on Kamino could have prepared them for facing the sight of their General sitting on a throne being showered with flowers whilst several of their brothers were trussed up like Life Day nunas. Suffice to say, that was a sight to see. Several misunderstandings, ignited lightsabers, and muttered swears to never speak of this mission outside of official documents later, Hardcase and the rest of Torrent Company that wasn't tied up had a new appreciation of Commander Tano's skills with her lightsabers.
Most of the time, he was too busy taking down clanker after clanker to really notice the Jedi and their frustrating lack of armor when they were on the battlefield. The droids went down quicker and that was all he really cared about when it came to the Jedi's combat skills. However, the mission that they never swore to speak of (unless you wanted a blaster rifle shoved up your nose) really opened Hardcase's eyes to the grace and power of the Jedi. It wasn't every day you got to see someone do three backflips while brandishing laser swords. Kriffin' awesome.
So kriffin' awesome, it had to be immortalized. He didn't have much flimsi left after trading off a few armor designs, only a few small sheets left. Still, that wasn't going to stop Hardcase from illustrating the Commander and her backflips. Heck, maybe he'd draw General Skywalker, though maybe not him sitting on a throne while being showered with flowers. Maybe.
"Hey Hardcase, watcha got there?" Hardcase looked up from his latest sketch of General Skywalker. After finishing his picture of Commander Tano, he thought, "Where there's Commander Tano, General Skywalker isn't too far behind." Jesse and Kix had sat down beside him, trays of food ignored to hear what he had to say.
"Oh, well," he began, slightly self conscious of what he was doing. He had to explain eventually.
"Remember the mission?" he asked. Hardcase gestured with his hands in an attempt to describe the mission that must not be spoken of. He glanced to his right. The Captain sat at a table nearby and Hardcase was not in the mood to scrub astromechs until they shone bright enough to be seen from Coruscant. He hoped his gestures were distinct enough.
Jesse and Kix stared at him blankly. "You know," muttered Hardcase with frustration. He shot several pointed glances to their Captain sitting dangerously close within earshot. "The mission mission."
Jesse frowned and took a bite of his food. "Hardcase, are you okay?"
Hardcase rolled his eyes and beckoned for the two to lean in. They obliged, confused.
"I'm talking about the mission we must never speak of except outside of official circumstances." whispered Hardcase. Realization dawned on Jesse and Kix's faces. They began to eat, somewhat satisfied with their brother's answer.
"What about it Hardcase?" said Kix in between bites. Jesse nodded in agreement. Hardcase grinned and leaned in. He slid his tray over to reveal several small pieces of flimsi. Befuddled, Kix scooted closer to get a better look at what was enough trouble to whisper about in the loud mess hall.
"Is that..." Jesse began.
"...Commander Tano...?" Kix finished. He squinted at another piece of flimsi. "And General Skywalker?" Hardcase nodded, proud that his artistic talent was being acknowledged. Jesse picked up the piece with Commander Tano.
"Wow, that's pretty accurate," Jesse studied the piece. Commander Tano was depicted in one of her opening stances, lightsabers blazing. On the bottom of the picture was her name written in stylized Aurebesh.
"Do you have any extra cards?" Kix asked. "I'd like one, how much is it gonna cost me?" Hardcase was slightly taken aback. Other than the occasional gunship nose art design or tattoo art, no one had really asked for his art.
"Ah, well," he smiled. "I don't suppose you'd trade for taking first watch on the next mission?"
Kix stroked his chin thoughtfully. "Well, maybe not. How about some paints? I know a guy that could set you up." Hardcase considered his offer. The cards sure would look nice in color.
"You drive a hard bargain brother, but I'll take it." said Hardcase. He extended his hand and the two shook. "What about you Jesse?"
"If you do one of General Kenobi, I'll take first watch for the next two missions."
Hardcase smiled. Paints and not having to take first watch? Today was a good day.
"Deal."
What started as a small bargaining system and hobby quickly spread throughout the ranks of the 501st. Several other artistically inclined clones began illustrating cards of their own featuring different generals. General Skywalker was always a favorite and Commander Tano was always a mainstay within Torrent Company.
Debates on whether other generals could take on each other in a fight began popping up. At first the tradition of the cards and debates was a 501st thing. Then there was a mission with the 212th and then the cards spread like wildfire across the GAR. Battered images of Jedi Generals and commanders tucked away under pillows were a relatively common sight. If one listened in to late night conversations at the barracks, snippets of "That General would totally kick their shebs." and "Um, no you're wrong, General Skywalker would win fight me vod." could be heard in addition to the usual banter.
A General Skywalker was always a decent trade. Rarer cards of lesser known generals were always treasured. Rumor had it you can get on the Wolfpack's okay side if you had a Plo Koon card. That however was a point that was sometimes debated because few have been brave enough to try.
"I'm just saying, General Kenobi would totally win against General Kennen."
"Are you kidding Boil?" Waxer took a sip of his drink. 79's was packed that night with members of the 212th, 501st, and 717th celebrating their joint victory. Boil snorted.
"Come on Waxer, you've seen him in action. Don't tell me you've forgotten about Ryloth that quickly." Waxer rolled his eyes and Boil smirked at the fact he had a point. "Besides, you've never seen her in action."
Waxer frowned and looked at the card in his hand. A dark haired woman dressed in a short blue tunic and cream colored pants was lovingly painted on the piece of flimsi. Her lightsabers were ignited and crossed in front of her.
"They call her the angel of the 717th," noted Waxer. "Maybe her lightsabers are the wings?" Boil took a shot.
"Cute."
"I'm just saying, twice the lightsabers, twice the ass kicking."
"You just say she could win cause you think she's cute."
"I do not!"
"Do too."
"Hey, I got some new cards," Waxer interjected, eager to change the subject. He pulled out a small stack and began flipping through them.
"Just got General Secura, General Yoda, hey a General Shaak Ti!" exclaimed Waxer. Boil smiled into his drink while listening to his brother ramble about the merits of one lightsaber to two. A card sticking out the pile caught his eye. He plucked it out.
"I don't remember you having a General Skywalker," Boil mused. Waxer squinted at the card.
"Oh yeah, that one's new. One of the shinies traded me for a General Kenobi. I'm not sure it really looks like him."
"His saber's blue right?"
"Yeah but there's something off about the face..." The conversation dissolved into a mutual analysis of the Skywalker card until a gruff voice interrupted.
"His chin isn't that soft."
Waxer and Boil turned to face Captain Rex, who was nursing a bottle of ale. Rex motioned for the card and Boil handed it to him, stunned. The two didn't realize command got into this.
Rex studied the card intently. "His saber's a bit too blue but otherwise it's not a bad rendition." He returned the card to the dumbstruck clones and raised his drink in a toast to them.
"As you were gentlemen," he said and walked off, leaving a very surprised Boil and Waxer to process what just happened.
Little did they know, two battered cards with the images of his General and Commander were tucked neatly in his pocket.
Author's note: My tumblr is the same as my pen name if you're curious. Feel free to shout with me about headcanons.
