AN: Hey guys, this is sadly, not going to involve any of the actual Homestuck characters (although there will be references!) it will however, be incredibly hilarious and worth your while to read. It is a story of 'what would happen if', if we were someone delivered the betas. This was not solely created by me, it was also created by my best friend. We take turns. Therefore, I give her half the cred. (She doesn't have a account, sadly.)

Happy reading and hopefully, this sburb session captivates you as much as it captivated us!

********IMPORTANT: We are also giving out places for your oc to become somewhat of a 'troll' (we want to make it a little different, you'll be an alien race just not identical to Hussie's work) or for a session which randomly selected readers will become intertwined with ours. IF you would like to be a part of this fanfiction, please send us your info: what you're like, what you like, what you do , who you are. Anything and everything goes. My PM box is always open. This is a draw so anyone is game to win! Stay tuned to see who gets a spot in our session!~ ********
ALSO , feel free to review with 'commands' , ex. "CA: PONDER LOVE FOR NIC CAGE" and we will try our best to insert them into the story. (Unless its something really really really politically incorrect, we'll do it)

Hope you have fun- this fanfiction can be as interactive as you want it!


Your name is Madison Snow, but only old men call you that. You prefer the nickname Madi, lovingly given to you by your strange mother- because she couldn't stand your name to start with, either. You have an affinity for stars, and for stoner theories about life. If you were to explain yourself, you guess you would say you were special. Not because you did anything special, but because you existed. And how cool is that?

Today is the fifth shift you have in a row at your shitty low income, high stress job as a fry cook and cashier in the claws of mega fast-food corporation Mary Smith's. You don't want to go to work, but you are convinced you need money for all of your spending issues. You have a little bit of an addiction to just about everything, so having a steady source of income has deemed itself mandatory.

You have many superstitions that kind of over take your life, such as the rule that you always wear a religious medallion (even though you aren't religious) and the rule that you check the mail box every day, just in case you were to receive a letter (even though you don't send any). Currently, you are under the rule of not cleaning your room on a day that you have to go to work, and it has taken a toll on your poor room after five consecutive shifts (But it's not like you would clean your room anyway).

You have many friends, most of whom live too far away to hang out with face to face. You talk to the majority of your friends over the internet, seeing as you are a gamer and you enjoy keeping up with internet memes. It's a lot easier to keep up with friends while your browsing , right?

Currently, you are talking to one of them, a certain girl who just so happens to be your oldest and best friend. The rule, the routine check of the mailbox, is certainly calling your name, but you are too lazy to navigate through the stacks of clutter and sheer mess that your room has become to go outside. You decide that it is not you being lazy, but simply the illusion of knowing you must work that is making you lazy.

colossalArcanine began pestering coolstoryZo

CA: its like dude

CA: im not being lazy or anything

CA: Right?

CA: Im just sayING, that I don't want to have to go through the trouble to go outside, you DIG?

CZ: madi. the beta could come at anytime. you have to be ready, remember?

CA: dude

CA: wouldn't it be funny if the beta came today

CZ: It'd be more ironic than funny, really.

CA: no but like we don't have conversations like this

CA: we never talk about the beta

CZ: you need to get a day off mary smith's, its seriously getting to your head, madi.

You consider for a moment if it is somehow possible to crawl so far under your nest of blankets that you may sink deep into the world and never be summoned to work again. After five minutes of trying, the presence of your rules beckons you again, and you bid 'brb', you your internet friends and attempt to escape the hold of your room. For a couple moments, you get wrapped up in examining all the fanart scattered between the piles of manga and video games over the floor. Its fan art of your favorite homosexual couple of the moment, Axel and Roxas in all of their anime glory. Just looking at them makes you want to cry.

"Roxas... don't you remember me?"

After having an emotional moment, you make your way down the stairs, trying very hard not to focus on all of the shih tzu paraphernalia and shih tzus your mother has all over the house. On occasion, you try to count the number of dogs within your house. But you just know, every day she adds more. There's no sense in counting- you could never keep up. Your mother seems to know every one of the 101 + shih tzus by name, but you secretly wonder if she just pretends to know them all by heart to bother you. Being completely honest with yourself, the only one you know by name is Coco Channel (again, a name your mother had picked out that she soon regretted, much like your own) whom is the only brown shih tzu out of the sea of cow spotted dogs.

You quickly find Coco and scoop her up into your arms. She proceeds to lick every inch of your face as you open the door to the outside world. You just get open the door as Coco starts to try to lick into your facial orifices. You could never understand why she would want to do that. Maybe the smell of Mary Smiths had sunk in too deep for her to taste it anymore, therefore she deemed it logical to delve deeper. You figure Coco wouldn't have to worry about that much longer, your shift started in less than two hours. Although there was no doubt in your mind that she would try to stick her tongue in your nose as soon as you got home. No, there was no doubt at all.

You take a moment to look up to the sky. It's the beginning of winter, a season you oddly enjoy. There are a lot of things you oddly enjoy, such as Nic Cage, or hummus spread, or devoting an entire day to playing Harvest Moon. You sigh to yourself, and turn to the mailbox, opening it up...

You're caught up in imagining playing harvest moon and eating hummus with Nic Cage and the hot homosexual couple of the moment, when you hear a crack as something falls from the mailbox to the ground. Coco pauses running her drooly tongue up the side of your face to stare downwards, at the tiny beige envelope.

It looks as though there is nothing inside. For the first time in four years, you break your rule of removing all letters and going through them all individually first, to stare at this mishap. It's so oddly shaped that you can't imagine what it could be. Slowly, you reach out your free hand and retrieve the package. You check both sides, but there is no address. There is no name, date, or stamp. It is simply a completely blank, mystery package.

It is at this precise moment that your heart stops. You rip open the package without thinking, running your hands along what feels to be slim plastic. Your stomach lurches. And there it is.

A blank CD.

You hold it out to the sun, attempting to see scratches. Upon the reflection, you notice a holographic indent in the foil of the CD of a blocked house. You know this symbol. This can't be happening.

You close the door behind you and Coco and find yourself galloping over snoring shih tzus to get to your room. You hurl open your laptops screen violently. Coco makes herself comfortable at the edge of your bed, wagging her tail every time you make a sudden movement- which just so happens to be practically all you are doing at this point. You could scream of happiness and fear all at the same time. Instead, it comes out sounding like some kind of strange squeal.

colossalArcanine began pestering coolstoryZo

CA: ZO

CA: ZO OH MY GOD

CA: OH MY GOD

CA: OH

CA: MY

CZ: what?

CA: GOD

CZ: madi?

CA: ZO

CZ: wait...

CA: THE BETA

CZ: the beta?!

CA: THE BETA!

CZ: oh my fucking god.

You proceed to repeat an excited conversation about your excitement towards this mystery cd which essentially is a lot of talk about each other's gods before your friend begins to try to pull you back to reality.

CZ: what are we going to do?

CA: DOWNloaD IT THATs WHAT

CZ: no wait, how do we know if its server or if its the client version?

CA: ITS A beTA DONT carE

CZ: madi , we have a plan remember? nothing can go wrong with our plan or our session will be doomed.

CA: yeah dude i know. How do we figure out what this thing is?

CZ: no idea.

CA: me either man

CZ: don't do anything just yet. try talking to duffy to make sure it's not a thing yet.

CA: While I'm doing that go outside and check and see if you got it in the mail too just so we know.

CZ: ok.

coolstoryZo stopped pestering colossalArcanine

You take a moment to catch your breath before typing the username of your other (albeit totally not as cool) friend who you have known for a measly four years. You will admit, he is an acquired taste. Even now, sometimes you wonder how you can manage to be friends with him.

ColossalArcanine began pestering SilverStreak

CA: Yo dawg

CA: Wazzah hom-ie

SS: not much , just playing some super metriod on snes, you?

CA: Oh not much really ha Ha just having a grand ol chill with coco

SS: Which ones coco again?

CA: Dude the brown one come on get with the program mang

SS: Man Syd has a brown cat, its so cute.

CA: Is this a sexual joke again

CA: A sexual joke I am unaware of

CA: Until now

SS: hehehehehehe

CA: Okay so download any new games recently?

SS: I downloaded this new dating sim, its pretty cool

SS: It's got some cool options

SS: Glasses option for every chick

CA: Get anything new?

SS: You can get all the girls to wear school girl outfits and the guys too

CA: In the mail?

SS: It's kind of weird though because I want the girls to wear the dudes uniform

SS: but for some reason you can only get the dudes to wear the girls and girls only wear the girls...

CA: Dude cool

SS: Yeah it really is

SS: The english patch sucks though because the only way I can compliment a girls tits is to say

SS: I like whats going on , right there

SS: Why can't I just say I like your chest

SS: Thats better than that

CA: i kNow riGHT

SS: We gotta hang out soon

SS: What time you free?

CA: I work all the time dude. I have a shift in an hour...

SS: Fuck that sucks. Oh well.

CA: Yeah man :c , I'ma pce out and take Coco for a walk.

SS: Okay

colossalArcanine stopped pestering silverStreak

You exit off of the window, and sigh to yourself. Sometimes you just don't get him. And sometimes you do. You are sighing about both.

= BE THE OTHER GIRL.

You are now the other girl. To be precise, your name is Zoee Parker.

You suppose the most accurate way to explain you would be to say that your life is basically a series of panic attacks with some other mundane things like interests thrown in periodically. These interests include art, television shows with intelligent plot lines and homoerotic subtext, National Treasure, young-adult coming of age novels, and boys who aren't your boyfriend. Sometimes these things give you panic attacks too, but your anxiety is just a slightly uncomfortable part of your life that you've grown accustomed to and you don't mind so much anymore.

Right now the source of your panic is the beta that could end up being either the bringer of an impending apocalypse, or a demo of a shitty fan made game that was distributed for unknown reasons.

Your room's window conveniently overlooks the mailbox, but upon closer inspection you can not actually tell whether there is any mail in it.

You have two options. Either you walk into the hallway, down the stairs, and out the front door like a normal person, or attempt to go directly out the window to reach the mailbox. Unfortunately, you are not a normal sensible person when it comes to leaving the safety of your room and navigating the stockpiles of absolutely useless clutter that your family leaves lying around. Really, that sort of mess is too much for you to handle at the best of times. So naturally, you choose the window.

As if there was really any other option.

You size up your room, taking stock of what sort of escape-mechanisms you have at your disposal. There actually isn't very much. You find:

1) two (2) bureaus. They are heavy, painted white, and probably of no use to you.

2) two (2) matching night tables. They have mismatching lamps atop them. Also probably of no use.

3) four (4) curtains. Durable enough to be used as some sort of rope. Now you're getting somewhere.

4) assorted bedsheets and pillow cases. Could be used to extend the length of your escape rope.

5) assorted clothes and books. Yeah, you are not moving your stuff from it's meticulously organized system.

6) one (1) half-full bag of Lays Lightly Salted Chips. You will need to fuel up before your drastic and adventurous escapade, obviously.

7) one (1) pair of wind-up chattering teeth. To be honest, you don't even know why you own these. Holy shit, they have eyes and everything.

You capchalogue the curtains, the bedsheets, and-

What?

You disregard that nonsense and pick up the curtains and bedsheets, tying them together with some suspiciously slippery knots. You curse yourself for quitting girl-guides at such a young age. Whatever, it will do. You survey the room one more time to figure out if there is anything else that could possibly be of use, and find that you have kept your room stripped to absolutely the bare essentials only. Not as if you'd have it any other way, of course.

Actually, those chattering teeth are really starting to unnerve you. Why are they even here?

You need to get rid of those. Soon. Damn, those things stare through your soul.

Before setting off on your adventure, you eat the Lays Lightly Salted Chips and waste some time checking the Supernatural tag on tumblr for cute Destiel fan art. You were never exactly efficient.

colossalArcanine began pestering coolstoryZo

CA: dUDE do you have it?/?

CZ: uh.

CA: are you on tumblr...

CZ: uh.

CA: are you still afraid of your hallway...

CZ: goddamnit.

CA: sToP being a freak and go check , dude

CZ: did duffy have anything to say? does he have one? i have a feeling we all got one.

CA: idk man, duffy was just being duffy

CA: you don't nEEd to have a feeling if you just go CHECK

CZ: i'm perfecting my escape rope.

CA: zo...

CZ: did you see me...escaping?

CA: I WUZ LIEK WHUHUHUUWHUHUWUO

CZ: omfg

CA: seriously zO go check

CZ: ok ok!

coolstoryZo stopped pestering colossalArcanine

You begin your descent out the window, tying your sketchy rope to the headboard of your bed. You hope the knots won't slip.

= KNOTS: SLIP

Well fuck.

At least the drop was only about three feet. You're not even sure why you bothered with all this rope tomfoolery in the first place, honestly. You guess that you just really really hate your house.

You check the mailbox, and sure enough it contains an envelope that is totally blank. Inside that envelope is either two computer disks, or two really flat stale doughnuts. It is probably not doughnuts, thinking about it now. You don't even know where you got that thought.

It's the beta. Holy shit this is real. You've got to message Madi...

...from the computer. In your room. In the house.

Through the hallway.

Cool.

= BE DUFFY

You are now Duffy. You don't even have a first name, because fuck that noise, honestly. As far as anyone else is concerned you put the MAN in LADIES MAN. Every girl in the whole wide world wants a piece of this kit kat bar. Why wouldn't they? From your stunning good looks, including but not limited to eminent buck teeth, not quite long and definitely not short hair, and an over worn neon orange beanie, how could the ladies not be ripping of their clothes and running up to you?

Of course , when we're talking about hoards of ladies we're talking about your dating sims. But real life people like you too. You think.

You have a wonderful girlfriend that in all reality you have little to nothing in common with. You make it a sport to get along with every kind of nerd. It leaves you at a point where you aren't quite sure what you are yourself. She liked you because she thought you liked anime. You like Naruto, you guess.

Your interests really boil down to vintage video games. You can't count the amount of times you've got an accidental erection just thinking about them. The hardware, the supple buttons, the ridges and valleys and grooves of the soft, plastic controllers. Lets not start on the eight bits soundtracks. You can't go there. You just changed your pants.

You have a bit of a temper but that's okay because it just builds after so long. Deep down you are just a desperate friendly guy who laughs a little weird, and looking at all of your other friends , especially CA, they all laugh weird too. You're in good company.

Today you finally got your hands on a completely seeded torrent file of your favorite dating sim, Happy School Lesson Teacher! Apple Uniform Edition! You haven't left your room since. And yet, your close friend and ex-girlfriend mentioned something about the mail? Could it be a love letter? For the SexMaster1999? Probably. As always, the odds are ever in your favor.

But going to check the mail box would require you to leave your room, and to enter the wilderness of PAP, the land in which you lived. It was hostile, barren, and one could be sure that upon immediate entrance outdoors, you would be covered head to toe in snow. Shit like that doesn't melt for hours, bro.

To make matters worse, you did not have the luxury that townsfolk had - Your driveway was so long that mailmen couldn't make it to the end, so you have to move your mailbox from your doorstep to the end of your winding 'driveway'. You would have to outfit yourself accordingly to make it outside and to make it back in one piece. Although, a check of the weather today would be in order prior to putting on every article of clothing you own.

You gently pause your game, stroking your thumb lovingly along the soft yet supple start button. You promise you will return, re-enacting a scene that had brought you to tears. Tony Hawk Pro skater 2. You hold the controller a little closer, whispering.

"I'm going to go get off the couch now. I'm going to go get off the couch and go skate."

You make sure to grab your super non high tech cell phone. The older, the better. Besides, you need your phone on you at all times, you never know when your chums will start to pester you. It could be any moment- and when that moment comes it is imperative you are ready. You have to admit, the service out here is absolute crap at its best, but nonetheless you still have a cellphone. There's usually two bars of service in your room, three in the kitchen, and six in the basement- but you don't talk about the basement. No one talks about the basement.


REMEMBER, SEND IN YOUR INFO IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE INVOLVED IN THIS STORY! Hope you enjoyed the story so far.