Please Read! This is my first fan fiction. I first tried Fiction Press but i didn't feel as if people are rarely on it to read stories. Most are on Fan Fiction so here i am. Yes, i know boo hoo its twilight, I originally didn't intend for this story to end up being twilight based as my original copy had my OWN different character list and this is MY plot. I felt as if ALOT more people would take the time to read my story if it had the twilight characters ( which AREN'T mine, i repeat TWILIGHT IS NOT MINE NOR ARE THE CHARACTERS. Stephanie Meyer owns twilight) since everyone is into it nowadays, My passion is writing and i will do anything to have my voice heard, so please read! Thank you.
Some of the characters will be mine, Gloria is my character. I will post if you introduced to a character i created.
"The only antidote to mental suffering is physical pain."-Karl Marx
Life is never easy. No one really knew who or what made me the way i am. In the end all secrets are revealed on the wrong side of life.
"Bella? Are you ready?" a familiar voice said
I nodded.
He waited for me to stand. I couldn't, I wouldn't but I had to. With every muscle in my body I stood. I looked down at my feet. I walked past the man and walked down the corridors. I looked at the closest door and read the metallic number drilled into the wall above the entrance, I saw that I was in the fifties. I was close. I just looked down. I didn't need to look at where I was going, I knew.
"Fifty-one, fifty-two, fifty-three, fifty-four, fifty-five, fifty-six and "… I thought to myself
"Fifty fucking seven" I whispered as I looked up.
I looked at the door and just rolled my eyes. I knocked on the door
"Come in!" a a kind voice called out
I slowly turned the knob, I walked in. Taking in my surroundings. I sighed. I hated this damn room. It wasn't an ugly room I just hated what it's used for. Every time I'm in this room I feel so distant from the real world.
"Bella? Honey?" a woman asked?
I snapped my head up at the woman.
I looked up and I instantly locked eyes with a pair of beautiful blue eyes. Blue as the sky. I could get lost in them but as I looked deeper in them I saw the truth. The truth how this woman is worn out emotionally. Shes troubled and worried about me. I felt guilty but shes the one that offered to help me out.
" Honey?" she spoke softly
"Yes Gloria?" I said
Gloria was in her late forties. Though the stress shes been put under makes her look like shes in her fifties, She has copper brown hair, of course strands of gray in her hair. Its short, up to her shoulders really. She's 5'7. Shes beautiful to me, but I don't think she feels beautiful. I wish I didn't put this much stress on her.
"How are you?" Gloria spoke
I feel terrible..
''I'm fine" I muttered as I looked out the window.
"Bella? Honey, are you listening to me?" Gloria slowly asked.
I nodded, I wasn't listening to her. She knew , but she ignored it. She kept talking.
" How about we talk about finally getting you out of here?" she spoke
I instantly snapped my head up to her. I wanted to get out of this place. I needed to get out of this place. I can't take another day being in here. In this psychiatric hospital ..
"Bella! Snap out of it!" Gloria snapped
"I'm sorry" I mumbled
We sat in silence for god knows how long..
"its okay honey, everyone is just worried. You've stopped responding to the medication. Your weight is very unstable. Your so distant from reality, You need help, but I cant give it to you unless you want it. You aren't alone. You were never alone" Gloria softly spoke
Bullshit! How could she say that! I am alone in this situation. What is she referring to my friends? What fucking friends do I have! My family? HA! My parents haven't visited me once since that big argument. Thinking back to it bothers me..
They had come to visit me. I was just admitted from my suicide attempt. My father was screaming and yelling at me.
" How could you?!" my father angrily yelled at me
I was used to him screaming. He was a disgusting father who cared squat crap about me and my mother. All he cared about when he was going to get his next hit or when was the next time he was going to "get" me..
" I'm so sorry" I whispered
"Sorry! Sorry! Ha! You're a dumb ass! How could you embarrass me?! You're a disgusting person! Do you think I want everyone to know how crazy my daughter is! That she was so "miserable" with her life she had to go slit her wrists and take a whole bottle of vicodin! HA! Like anyone would accept the fact that you have "problems"! YOU'RE WEAK! You weren't strong enough to finish the job! You should have! But no, you failed out of escaping your own "misery""My father yelled at me
"Charlie" my mother spoke up
"NO! Renee! I don't need to walk around and hear everyone talking about my damn business because of HER!"
" I wish I could be different" I tearfully yelled
My father slapped me across the face. Hard.
" Your worthless." my father told me as he stomped out of the room
By this time I was crying hard. My mom came to sit next to me.
" Baby, its okay. Hes gone he doesn't know what hes talking about. Maybe next time you will think before you go out and do something stupid" My mom said as she was wiping away my tears.
" I hate him! He doesn't know anything ma! Why can't he just accept that I'm not right in the mind. I'm not okay! Are you seriously calling my suicide stupid?! Ma I want to die what can't you get!" I yelled
"Bella! Don't you dare say that! I know whats happened to you and I am sorry but you have to understand I have been through hell and back with your father but I would NEVER go and try to kill myself!" my mom said as her voice raised
" I can't believe you! You know what mom fuck you! GET OUT! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU ALL! " I yelled
" Okay be that way. I'll be back when you actually want help and will listen to me" my mom said before she got her things and left me
When the door was closed I started to scream and panic. I was left alone. I had never felt so alone before. I started tearing up my stitches that were in my arms and hitting myself in various places. By the time the nurses came in to sedate me. They found me at the foot of my hospital bed dripping in my blood and beaten really bad by own hands. All I remember was screaming no and begging them to let me die, then I went numb. I woke up later that night. My body was sore I tried to move but I couldn't I looked down and I saw brown leather straps pinning me to the bed. The leather was rubbing on my skin which was very irritating when I tried to free myself. By the time I stopped attempting to get out. I had burns on my arms and my wrists. I'm pretty sure my ankles to but I couldn't see.
I accepted the fact that I'm in here. This is reality and I'm here to stay till god knows when …
Thinking of that all made me shudder. Gloria didn't notice of course she just kept on talking about my health and my issues.
I looked to my right and looked out the window again. It was a sunny summer day. I saw people walking their dogs and hanging out with the people they loved and I'm in here fighting my "inner battles". I haven't had contact with anyone that wasn't admitted in here. I want to get the hell out of here but they don't believe im ready to admit that I have a problem. I just want to go back home and just ignore the world and be by myself. I just need to lie and get the hell out of here.
"Okay." I suddenly yelled
"What?" Gloria asked
" I admit it. I need help. Please just" I sighed. " Just help me get better Gloria. I'm tired of being here. I'm tired of being like this." I whispered
When I looked up I saw tears threatening to fall from Gloria's eyes
"Bella! I'm so proud of you! Of course I will work with you every day until you are better" Gloria tearfully said
I'm a horrible person. On the bright side she'll be stress free once she gets rid of me.
"Can I go back to my room?" I suddenly asked
"Of course! I'll call you down again when I have everything set for you to get better!" Gloria said
"Thanks" I mumbled
As I was walking down the corridors I looked around and I saw women and men of all ages walking around soul less. They didn't have a clue of what being normal was supposed to feel like. Fools.
I shook my head.
Who am I to be judging these people. I'm just as soul less and distant from "normal" as they are. I reached my room and I looked around. These four damn white walls.
I turned to the mirror on the wall and I saw myself. I looked like a ghost. My skin was a rosy pale skin color. My brown eyes had dark circles around them. My lips were full but were very damaged because I have the habit of biting on them. The both sides of my nose were still pierced. My hair was almost down to my elbows. It was a dull brown color. I looked like shit
I picked up my hospital gown and I looked at myself. I looked disgusting. I was fat. I didn't know how much I weighed. They wouldn't tell me. I probably weighed 150. I had scars on my stomach, my arms and my legs. I looked and felt disgusting. I started to shed tears. I just wiped them away and went to lie down. I couldn't wait to leave this place and finally get back to my normal self. As I drifted off to sleep all I could have in my mind is whats in store for me in the future.
