Disclaimer: I do not own any song lyrics or characters. I do own the changes or exclusions that I made.

A/N: The next chapters for my other stories will be up soon, but today is the second anniversary of my friend's suicide, and I was inspired to write this twoshot. The saddest part about suicide is that right after they attempt it, they regret it (Study was done on suicide survivors).

R. I. P. Alan

I'm Sorry…

I was walking down the street to my apartment when a ball came flying over the park fence. I picked up the ball, intending to throw it back to the little boy, but his mother ran up out of nowhere. "Stay the hell away from my child!"

"…but the ball…"

"Keep it! No one will want that thing- you touched it!" It stung, but she was right. Nobody would want something that the Kyuubi's container touched, or even came near. Too think anything else was just plain ridiculous. But that didn't mean that it didn't sting. Every time I tried to do something nice but was rejected, it felt like a stab in the heart.

Time has run out, for me,

Everything's distant

And I don't know what to believe

Am I a monster? I don't even know anymore. I do know that Kyuubi isn't the monster. Konoha is. Kyuu was avenging his mate and kits; they had been brutally slaughtered by Konoha shinobi. I have seen his memories of that day, and the regret he still feels. For the first twelve years of my life, I had no one. When I discovered that I had Kyuu, I had someone. Even if that someone was a demon, I had a friend. I was even more of an outcast for considering the nine-tails my friend. But I was no longer alone. Does considering the demon my friend make me a monster?

It's so hard,

Lost in the world's confusion

And I need to leave for a while

I needed to get away. The only place where I was certain I would be alone was the Hokage Monument. I was the only one who ever went up there. So I climbed, no chakra involved. Actual climbing, using just your body to pull yourself upward. My leg caught on a sharp stone sticking out of the mountain, but I refused to let him heal me. 'Kit. It is a nasty cut. Please. Why won't you let me heal it?'

'Maybe if I let this one heal naturally, Kyuu, they will stop hating us.'

'That is dangerous.'

'I'm desperate, Kyuu. I want acceptance. Even if only from my teammates.' Sakura recently began hating me more than usual, God only knows why. And Sasuke…well, he was my best friend. But I also liked him far more than a best friend should. And there is a better chance of hell freezing over than anyone, let alone an Uchiha, loving a monster.

'Fine.' He only agreed grudgingly, I knew. He was worried, but he understood.

Life is so meaningless

There is nothing worth a smile

So goodbye, I'll miss you

Oh, joy. My spot had been found by other villagers. My last haven, my last safe place, was gone. These were villagers who were raised to hate me. There were a lot of them; no surprise there. Most of the village, except the Rookie Nine, hated me. That was what I thought anyway. But my heart stopped when I saw Sakura in the mob as well, not trying to stop anything, but watching. "Do you want to know how we found your hiding place?" I stayed silent. "Your little friend," the villager sneered the word, "here followed you and told us where you go when you want to be alone."

And I'm sorry,

But this is my fate,

Everything is worthless,

No one who wants me to stay

I wasn't so dense as to not have noticed her following me. I just hadn't known why. I felt so stupid. I should have known better than to have thought I had any friends. I felt my eyes begin to water and Kyuubi whisper, 'Oh, Kit…' His voice, so sorrowful, brought me back to reality. I tried to leave, but the mob closed into a circle around me. I closed my eyes, knowing what would come next. I let them lead me to the tree, tying my arms together, leaving the tree trunk between my hands and my back. They repeated the process with my ankles. I didn't try to resist. I knew any attempts would fail.

And I'm sorry,

But I've waited too long,

So here's my goodbye,

No one will cry over me,

I'm not worth any tears

This little 'game' that the villagers would play with me only had one rule: No killing. Weapons and jutsus were allowed, along with just punching and kicking. But no killing. They didn't know that if they killed me, Kyuu would die as well. They thought he would be released. As her reward, Sakura got to go first. "Fucking bastard. Making my Sasuke-kun hate me…" Pft. That was just so typical of her, everything having to do with Sasuke. I really hoped that he was not in on this also. That would shatter me. She punched me in both of my eyes, but I refused to make a sound. That was my one act of rebellion. Her glare intensified, and she grabbed a kunai, putting three vertical lines on each cheek, through the horizontal ones already present on my face. She traced the cuts she had made with his fingertip, digging her nail into them. I refused to react, even when she kicked me where you should never kick a man. Wait. Silly me, I forgot. I'm not a man; I'm a monster.

It's been the years of abuse,

Neglected to treat the disorder

That's controlled my youth

For so long,

I'm in a fleshy tomb buried

Up above the ground

It wasn't as if this torture was new to me. They had been playing this game for years. It was hard to bear in the beginning, but they took delight in my screams, so I held them back. No one ever saw through my façade of smiles. Though Kyuubi heals wounds, he can do nothing about bruises. But no one cared enough to ask where they came from. Everyone who wasn't in on it just thought I was clumsy.

It's no use,

Why should I hold on

In the end, I always lost consciousness. I always gave up. There was no real reason to fight it. At least while I was unconscious it didn't hurt.

It's been five years

Don't need one more

So goodbye, life's abuse

I don't remember becoming unconscious. But I must have because when I came to, I was untied and alone on the Hokage Monument. I got up, but I didn't go back to my apartment like I usually would. I ran. 'Kit, they cut you up pretty bad. Please, let me heal it.'

'No, Kyuu. I want my face to scar. I want them to see what they did to me.'

'But, Kit…'

'No.' He was angry I knew. Not just at my refusal to let him heal me. But also at the villagers for hurting me in the first place. He was always angry after the 'game'.

And I'm sorry,

But this is my fate,

Everything is worthless,

No one who wants me to stay

When I finally stopped running, I had no idea where I was. Blood was falling into my eyes, and it stung. Luckily, there was a pond nearby. I looked at my reflection, horrified. Not only were my cheeks a checkerboard, but someone had carved the kanji for demon into my forehead. I felt slightly queasy. 'Kit, I will start to give them scar tissue, but I will not heal them. That a good compromise?'

'Sure.' I slipped off my blood-soaked clothing and got into the pond to clean myself off. The kanji for 'monster' and 'demon' were all over my body. Kyuubi had been right. They cut me up pretty bad.

And I'm sorry,

But I've waited too long,

So here's my goodbye,

No one will cry over me,

I'm not worth any tears

When he finished with the scar tissue, I scrubbed the blood off. I was completely caked in it. I stopped before I was even halfway through. I had had enough. 'Kyuu?'

'Yes, Kit?'

'Would you let me kill myself?'

'Why do you think you need my permission?' He seemed taken aback.

'It is your life too.'

He thought for a moment. 'Are you sure that this is what you want?'

'What I want is to be free.' I answered honestly.

After a moment's hesitation, he replied, 'Alright. But Kit?'

'Yeah?'

'Leave a note.' He used some of his chakra to make me a scroll, and I left a note. Only a few sentences, but I didn't have much to say.

And I'm sorry,

But this is my fate,

Everything is worthless,

No one who wants me to stay

'Kit, I will not see you in the afterlife.'

'What? Why?'

'Demons do not have one. We simply disappear.'

'Kyuubi?'

A pause. 'Yes, Kit?'

'I'll miss you.'

An unexpected burst of warmth flooded into my consciousness. 'I will miss you too, Kit.' I pulled out my kunai and make three cuts on each wrist, alternating between them. Not 'across the street' cuts, but 'down the street' cuts. Only truly suicidal people use those (A/N: 'Across the street' is from side to side. 'Down the street' is from wrist to elbow. You lose a lot more blood, a lot faster.).

And I'm sorry,

But I've waited too long,

So here's my goodbye,

No one will cry over me,

Watching my bleeding wrists, I realized something. Blood can be very pretty. It looked like liquid ruby, shining in the sun. Yes, it was very pretty. I lifted up my arms, watching it fall into strange pattern on the ground. I smiled; for once in my life, I was content. I had nothing to worry about. No one would mourn me. I had no obligations. I was utterly at peace. I didn't have to worry about getting beaten, jeered at anymore. No more worrying about my unrequited love. Just… calm.

So here's my goodbye,

No one will cry over me,

I'm not worth any tears

Goodbye, Konoha. Goodbye, loneliness. Goodbye, pain. Goodbye, hopeless dreams. I'm sorry. Even though none of you will miss me, I will miss some, a precious few, of you. I just can't take my endless pain anymore. Goodbye…